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John Goodman's Weight-Loss Journey: Late Last Night

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Jun 17, 2010 | 4:28am EDT

  John Goodman's Weight-Loss Journey: Late Last Night

Yo. Have you taken a look at John Goodman lately? He’s wasting away! He’s almost not even John Goodman anymore! I guess it’s good, because lots of sciency people say walking around with a lot of weight attached to you isn’t healthy, but it’s John Goodman! He’s not going to look good at thirty pounds! If that’s his goal weight, David Letterman should've told him we already have a Lady Justice!

Lisa Kudrow told Jimmy Fallon how her web series, “Web Therapy.” She also talked about doing the commencement speech at Vassar, and explained she couldn’t understand how the parents of the graduates would’ve wanted their children to listen to a sitcom actress who played an idiot. But Kudrow’s not and idiot! She’s on the board of trustees at Vassar! She even got a B.S. in Biology from there. She’s smarter than all of us. Those Vassar kids better be grateful, because most of us got to sit through the speeches of our University Presidents...instead of the "Friends." 

And if you guessed Jon Stewart continued to talk about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, you deserve a gold star dipped in chocolate sauce. He reiterated President Obama’s speech on how he was going to clean up the pelicans and innocent baby sea otters. Unfortunately, it mostly depended on asking somebody else to come up with some ideas. And I don’t know about you, but I didn’t vote for him to give him the chance to get better at delegating.

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And then, J-Stew pointed out how the last eight presidents have promised to catapult America into an energy-independent place. And yet, here we are. So why didn’t we figure this out ten years ago? A little young intern in a black beret got in the way.

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Stephen Colbert reminded us the war in Afghanistan is the longest war in American history. And since America has the attention span and determination of a fat squirrel, he took some time to remind us how important it is we continue fighting…whoever we’re fighting over there.

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And did you hear The New York Times banned the word “tweet” from their articles? So what are we supposed to say instead of it? There’s no equivalent! It’s not like it has any synonyms!

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