I know everyone's thinking about the Stewart and Colbert rallies that are taking place on October 30th in Washington, D.C. But as a result, we're forgetting how the trick or treaters will come to our doors and will get nothing because we'll all still be in D.C. smoking doobies with our new friends who work with the monkeys in science labs. So for them (the kids), Halloween's going to suck even more than their new sewing machine-wielding moms usually make it.
This is obviously a large-scale predicament. How are we going to enjoy ourselves as grown-ups, but also be there to help kids participate in the last remaining holiday they're allowed to believe in without the risk of being held back in school? Surprisingly, this is easy to solve: all we have to do is turn on Comedy Central, who has decided to stream the events online and broadcast them live! So now, we can watch them at home and not have to worry about leaving D.C. in time to get home to tell some trick or treaters they're too old to be doing it! Problem solved! Give me a Sudoku puzzle, dammit.
A source told EW.com that even though the time when the televised coverage will begin is still undecided, the rallies will still take place from noon to 3 P.M. But the TV portion will probably start around 11 A.M., because it's Comedy Central and they'll want to devote a good hour to finding Christine O'Donnell.