Conan O’Brien is making sure everyone is well prepared for his debut on TBS next week because according to the Hollywood Reporter, NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT HIS NEW SHOW. Granted, I spend a lot of time on the internet and watching television. I get paid to do it (thanks college!) so my perception of the “real” world might be a little off. But still, how do only 35% of respondents know that his new show is on TBS? Have they not seen the blimp? The endless promos? The Twitter? The Facebook? The tour? How do they not know?
I guess they’re too busy watching Leno and Two and a Half Men. Which is fine by me. We don’t need them. Let them have their half-brained jokes, recycled formulas, tired concepts and their coke-headed hooker-beating comedians. We will be fine in our own little segment on basic cable, where we are free to push the boundaries of comedy. We will not be content to sit idly by as the world passes. We will push, pull, create, experiment, fail, win, laugh, and enjoy the world we create and live in. You call it ADD, I call it moving and thinking faster than you. We do not settle. We demand a challenge, we dare you to make us laugh. And we reward those who take risks with fierce loyalty and commitment. We stick up for those who stick up for us. For those who reminisce about the days of old, I feel sorry for you. I really do. Because you are on your way out. You might feel it and try to ignore us, but I have a few words: We are loud. We are very organized. We are fast. And we aren’t going anywhere.
Conan, your show may very well fail. At the moment, we’re outnumbered. But don’t worry, we grow stronger every day. We have your back no matter where you go or what you do. Thanks for everything. We’re looking forward to changing the game with you next week.
Also, we’ve missed the Masturbating Bear.