Let me get this straight: when there's a congressional hearing to determine what kind of cross-stitch sweaters everyone should wear, Gwyneth Paltrow shows up with Rumpelstiltskin. But when she's slated to host this weekend's SNL with musical guest Cee Lo, she can't even show up to film her promo and has to have Fred Armisen and Andy Samberg in his eight-year-old girl glasses do it for her? Please. Gwyneth, you have one day to get yourself to NYC and out of that backwards English place that you pretend to be from, where the currency is measured by how heavy it is and the sandwiches don't have crust...which, might I add, is how you tell when you've almost finished the sandwich! ONE DAY, PALTROW. ONE DAY. And quit making your kids wear protective headphones at Coldplay concerts. That is all.