Maybe you missed the Emmys last night, or perhaps you fell asleep or accidentally short circuited your television or your dog started doing this really funny thing with his ears and you were distracted from the three hour telecast, but fear not. We've got a rundown of the most important things you need to know that went down in Los Angeles last night. (And of course we've also got the full list of winners at your service as well.)
1. Jane Lynch Dances with Ron Swanson, Slushies Sue Sylvester
Thanks to Jimmy Fallon's Gleetastic rendition of "Born to Run" last year, we've come to expect something a little musical with our Emmys openings, and last night delivered. Plus, we saw some familiar faces like the Mythbusters, Ron Swanson, Sheldon and the Big Bang Theory Gang, and a bi-curious Peggy from Mad Men. Sure, it was a little cheesy and over the top, but as Lynch says "It's the Emmys!" Besides, Lynch is so likeable she can make anything work -- even that whole identity crisis moment with her Glee alterego at the end.
2. Melissa McCarthy Might Be the Cutest Person Ever
When she won the Emmy for best actress in a comedy, her fellow nominees crowned her like a pageant queen and she sheepishly shuffled up to the mic to deliver a bit of waterworks and the most lovable acceptance speech (though Kate Winslet's is a very close second) in recent memory. Even for those of us who aren't Mike and Molly fans, you really couldn't help but be happy for Ms. McCarthy.
3. You Can't Keep Jersey Shore Out of Anything
Well, it's not like they were winning an award, but still. How the heck did the Jersey Shore end up in an Emmys segment? Oh who cares. It was funny -- of course that's all in thanks to the hilarious host of the show, but we won't dwell on that.
4. Guy Pearce Really Liked Getting Intimate with Kate Winslet
So much so, that he let the whole world know when he accepted his award for Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries. I'm pretty sure that had anyone else said those sorts of things about Kate Winslet in front of their significant other, the world would be appalled, but how can you not find it charming with that adorable Australian accent of his?
5. Modern Family Won Everything
Seriously, Emmys voters. You know there were other shows on television this year, right? Granted, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen really do deserve those little golden trophies for bringing the dysfuctionally delightful Dunphys into our homes each week.
6. You Probably Could Have Confused The Last Hour of Last Year's Ceremony With This Year's
Because all the same shows won. Mad Men won, for the fourth year in a row. The Daily Show won for the umpteenth time (which I believe is code for the 9th time). And Modern Family continued its winning streak, meaning that the series does not have a single season without an Emmy win. Okay, there are only two seasons
7. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Kyle Chandler Can Beat Jon Hamm
Was anyone else completely charmed by Chandler's unprepared speech? If you weren't, here it is again. I don't think any of us thought we'd see the Friday Night Lights actor standing up there last night, and it just puts a little more faith in us that these awards really can go to deserving actors.
8. Nothing Goes Better With Comedy Music Than White Blazers and Michael Bolton
The Lonely Island stopped by to treat us to a little medley of this year's biggest Lonely Island songs with a little help from Ed Helms, Maya Rudolph, John Stamos, Akon and of course Michael Bolton dressed as Jack Sparrow. By the end, we learned a very important lesson: nothing's more American than telling the world about your latest sexual conquest. Wait, that's what the point of all this was, right?
9. Charlie Sheen Isn't As Bad As We Thought
Sort of. He seemed to genuinely wish the cast of Two and a Half Men well last night. Does this mean he's got a new publicist?