S7E5: Somehow, after seven years, the Real Housewives of Orange County still haven’t run out of ways to start rumors, rivalries, and resentments. A huge part of that can probably be attributed to the fact that Slade never manages to stay out of the picture and he’s a massive generator of negativity. That negativity almost reaches a boiling point this week in the aftermath of his unimaginative and offensive stand-up routine at Tamra’s big ‘80s bunko party, but of course, the show cuts to a promo for next week’s episode before we can really get to the goods. That’s certainly one way to make the drama last for seven seasons: delayed gratification.
Vicki is the only Housewife with actual issues
Vicki can certainly be one of the most grading housewives at times, but despite her more superficial issues, the woman is dealing with some serious issues. She’s going through a divorce; her husband is still living in her house; she’s putting her business through the ringer to determine whether or not she needs to pay spousal support (even though her husband was the breadwinner when they first wed); her daughter is very ill and potentially has cancer; and to top it all off, she finds out that Slade used her in a comedy routine and called her Miss Piggy. Most of these women tend to get emotional over nothing, but a comment like this is just the cherry on top of Vicki’s very real issues. Heather is a tattletale and a killjoy
Where did this woman come from? First, she has lunch with Tamra and volunteers information about Slade’s stand-up routine, even though it’s something that should have come from Gretchen. She callously brings it up and then half-heartedly offers a solution. Either she’s so out of touch that she doesn’t realize how insensitive and out of line she is, or she’s really a pot-stirrer. And considering that she comes to the 80s party dressed like one of the Robert Palmer video girls - a glamorous, practically timeless, sexy get-up - while the other ladies are all dressed like neon fetishists, I’m willing to place bets on the completely out of this world side. Alexis thinks saying it’s for medical reasons justifies her cosmetic surgery
This woman is a bit delusional. She’s always a little blasé about going under the knife, but when she goes in to her consultation in hopes of fixing her deviated septum, she figures she’ll get that pesky bump taken out of her nose too. But she doesn’t “want it to look like I had a nose job.” Well, my dear that’s what happens when you remove imperfections, like say, a bump. Besides, we’ve seen enough TV to know that when Rachel Greene got her nose job on Friends it too was a “simple fix for a deviated septum.” Just own up to it. Even Kris Jenner is upfront about getting cosmetic surgery. Slade is a bona fide jerk, but Tamra is a close second
His remarks about Vicki are weighing heavily on her when she’s already hurting from her personal issue, but Tamra uses her anger differently. She doesn’t even turn on Gretchen, when it was her man who said those horrible things. Instead, she turns around and starts talking about the size of Alexis’ nipples and cackling during the big ‘80s party while Alexis is sitting just a few feet away. Just when you want to feel sorry for a woman being compared to the Michelin Man onstage, she gets down in the muck with some undeserving (this week) Housewife. Ain’t no party like a Housewives party, ‘cause a Housewives party is RIDICULOUS
It seems like the ladies are able to move past Tamra’s momentary viciousness, but Vicki’s friend won’t let it go. He instigates a rift between Tamra, Gretchen and Vicki by insisting that they all fight over Slade’s comments. The result is that a drunk (probably) Tamra desperately tries to keep the party light and moving, Vicki is coaxed into being upset, and Gretchen tries desperately to separate herself from her idiot boyfriend (there’s a more permanent, breakup-y way to do that). And because these women are apparently gluttons for punishment, Tamra stupidly invites Slade in as one of the surprise 80s guests.