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'Real Housewives of OC' Recap: Surgeries Galore and Helicopter Rush Hour

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Mar 20, 2012 | 8:13pm EDT

Alexis Nose Job Real HousewivesS7E7: The latest episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County attempted to have a theme, but it probably should have just relegated itself to the hot mess it usually is. An attempt to make the episode all about surgeries (Alexis’ nose job and Briana’s thyroid surgery), the episode opens with Tamra visiting her plastic surgeon to reduce her implants because she’s too secure for them now. That’s all we hear of it and she’s flaunting them in halter tops the rest of the episode - but perhaps it’s somewhat of a last hurrah.

Luckily, there was almost no Slade to put up with this week, but here was however plenty of ridiculousness to make up for his near-absence.

Nose Jobs Suck

We find Alexis on the operating table for her 100 percent necessary sinus surgery with a side of cosmetic surgery. In the talking head interviews, Alexis says she doesn’t want to look like she had a nose job, but she’s doing the cosmetic procedure too look better on TV. Someone else please explain to her the problem with that sentence.

And as much as we kid, it’s hard to deny that the surgery looked pretty grisly. We watch her doctor pull a giant slug, also known as a mucus plug, out of her sinuses and we hear the sound when he breaks her nose in order to perform the cosmetic part of the surgery. She spends the rest of the episode whining with ice on her face, and as comical as that image is, we’ll admit it: that looks pretty painful.

Gretchen: Born To Perform, But Not When It’s Hard

The main housewife (when did that happen?), Gretchen, had very little to deal with this week, so we got to watch her get scared about performing with the Pussycat Dolls. She goes on and on about being born to be on stage and all about performing, but she’s full of excuses for why her voice isn’t ready and why she can’t learn the dances in time. Gretchen, here’s a hint: these are general requirements of most stage jobs.

Vicki Means Well, But She Needs to Take a Chill Pill

When Vicki leaves the hospital after Briana’s surgery, the doctor has yet to confirm it, but he’s confident Briana has cancer. Vicki rightly steps up to take care of her baby, but even someone who just underwent surgery knows when it’s time to say “peace out.” Poor Briana just wants to sleep, not matter how many water bottles Vick was planning to stack at her bedside. It comes from a good place, but it's typical Vicki. Sometimes she just needs to step back for a moment.

People Whose Husbands Own Helicopters Shouldn’t Open Restaurants With Their Besties

Heather may have her hands full with her small children, but she’s feeling a little restless and bored. Clearly that means she should open a restaurant with five of her best friends, and since they’re “best friends forever” they don’t need any silly written contracts. While Vicki is a little harsh about it, these women clearly don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. No contracts, six owners, zero restaurant or market knowledge, but one of them has a helicopter for general commuting: how could it go wrong?

The Grass is Always Greener

After spending all day in L.A. with Heather’s wildly wealthy friends, Tamra goes from rolling her eyes at their commentary about their kids thinking everyone has a person helicopter to nothing but praise. Suddenly, Tamra is jonesing to be friends with these ladies instead of her own friends because she’s tired of the petty drama. It’s a nice thought, however she should know that the drama may be more tailored in Heather’s circle, but it’s still the same old BS.

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