This week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother finally gave us some much-needed progress in this borderline pointless new season. With “The Autumn of Break-Ups” currently underway, it’s time for another HIMYM couple to parts ways — but not before triggering a serious sitcom flashback of course! While one relationship crumbles, another is secretly saved, but rather than reading my beyond vague introduction, let’s get straight to it, shall we?
The day after a fondue-filled dinner party, Marshall and Lily decide to express some concerns they noticed between Ted and his recently rekindled flame Victoria. Apparently, Victoria was dropping some pretty huge passive-aggressive hints that show she is hoping for a more committed relationship. For example: “Hey, Ted, can you pass me a cracker? It’s the least you can do considering I left a guy at the alter for you…” Sheesh, that’s pretty harsh, Little Miss Cupcake.
Ted is under the impression that their relationship “reset” when Victoria chose him over Klaus five months ago. However, according to Lily and an Aunt Jemima-esque Marshall, their relationship was merely put on pause six years ago and now resumes from where they left off. Ted decides to confront Victoria and ask if his friends are correct in their reset vs. pause/resume theory. Victoria is quick to answer, exclaiming, “Of course they were right! When a girl jumps in your car in her wedding dress, you can’t act surprised to find out that she wants to get married.” No Ted! Don’t you dare do it! Aww crap. He’s going to do it…
Later that night, Victoria enters Ted apartment to find it filled with dozens of red roses and candles — and although it’s very romantic, I can’t help but groan and yell at my TV, “She’s not the mother, you idiot!” But of course Ted doesn’t listen to my words of warning, and he proceeds to ask, “Victoria, will you marry me?” (Side-Note: I give this proposal a 4/10. There was no heart-filled speech about how much he loves her or how he can’t imagine living without her. Instead this proposal seemed like rewarding a temper tantrum-prone child with a toy just to get her to shut up.) Victoria excitedly says yes, but then adds in an ultimatum: “You can’t be friends with Robin.”
Friends fans everywhere then give a blatant hiss, because this is exactly like when Emily told Ross that he couldn’t be friends with Rachel. Regardless of whether or not Ted and Victoria are each other’s lobsters, (I vote not) this is a beyond selfish move. Victoria’s insecurities are showing when she explains that Robin was the reason that they broke up six years ago, and then proceeds to call her “the deep dark pit where our relationship goes to die.” Jealousy? Party of one? When talking it out with Marshall and Lily, Ted says that he can’t imagine his life without Robin, but “she’ll never be in love with me, she’ll never by my wife, she’ll never be the person I grow old with — but Victoria could be.” It seems that Ted — with Lily’s support and Marshall’s disbelief — is going to tell Robin that they can’t be friends anymore.
Ted sends Robin an urgent text asking her to meet him at MacLaren’s, but in an oh-so classic HIMYM fake-out, it’s actually Victoria that he meets at the bar. Ted calmly explains to his potential fiancée, “I’m not in love with Robin, but she’s like family to me, and I can’t end that. So can you accept that?” Victoria smiles and for a brief moment of insanity, I was holding my breath hoping that she’d actually say yes. Instead, Victoria takes Ted’s hands and tearfully whispers, “I really hope you get her someday,” before walking out the door for good.
I’m sorry, but this is the main reason that I am starting to lose interest in the series. The show is called How I Met Your Mother, not How I Wished That Your Aunt Robin Would Finally Love Me After 8 Seasons. However, Ted made Lily and Marshall promise to never tell Robin that he broke up with Victoria because of her (for the second time). But narrator Ted Mosby, aka the amazing Bob Saget, reveals that Robin eventually does find out. “But we’ll get to that,” he vaguely promises.
Oh, and in a completely pointless side-story, Barney finds a dog and decides to make him his new wingman. Apparently, his breakup with Quinn is proving to be much more difficult to deal with than he’s willing to admit, so he does what any legendary bro would do: he names the stray Brover, dresses him up in suits and helps him find the city’s cutest bitches to bone. Eventually, Brover's owner tracks down Barney and surprise, surprise: she’s a hottie! With some help from Robin (the real best wingman ever) Barney sleeps with the owner, and all is right in the world.
Are you sad to see Victoria go? Do you think Ted saved the correct relationship? Irritated that we’re essentially back at the pilot? Shout out your speculations in the comments below!
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[Photo Credit: CBS]