It’s ba-ack! After six ridiculously long weeks, Glee has returned to our TV screens and to put it lightly — it was quite the whirlwind of a winter premiere. Grab your favorite party dress and find a fella because I’m here to catch you up on everything you may have missed and more in “Sadie Hawkins.”
So Here’s What You Missed on Glee:
McKinley Mix-Up's: The episode opens yet again in the halls of McKinley as Sam and Blaine — aka the crime-fighting duo known as Blam — are discussing their recent Sectionals scandal. Sam is completely convinced that the Warblers somehow cheated, and come to think of it, that is a very likely possibility. How else did they get so flipping good? All of the sudden, in a truly trouty-mouth move, Sam asks Blaine for some lip balm. “Conspiracy theories make my lips get all chapped.” Blaine looks exactly like Bambi in the meadow for a quick second, and then hands it over with a really dreamy look in his eyes. (Side-Note: Okay that was weird. But I know exactly how you feel Sam. If I don’t have my Burt’s Bees around me 24/7 I have full-fledged panic attacks.)
Blaine and Sam enter a classroom and the McKinley High Student Council meeting begins, but before Sugar could go over the budget Tina immediately interrupts her. Rude! Miss Cohen-Chang goes off on a rant about how the hot people always Noah’s Ark together for prom. (Side-Note: That’s my way of saying they couple up. Ya know? Two by two!) Her solution? “I propose the first annual McKinley High Sadie Hawkins dance!” Apparently this was a very popular idea at the newest after school group: the "Too Young to be Bitter Club". It’s members consist of Tina, Sugar, Becky, Dottie Sagitori, neck brace Cheerio, and of course Lauren Zizes. (Side-Note: Zizes was never my fave, she was always so damn negative, so I don’t really care that she’s back.) After an overwhelming vote, it’s official: McKinley High is having a turn-around dance!
Over in the Teacher’s lounge a very handsome Finn — who has clearly gotten over his distain of coffee — is once again getting some friendly advice from Coach Beiste. (Side-Note: As much as I love Dot Marie Jones, and that’s a lot, I do wish that Finn would turn to Emma for an inspirational pep talk. I desperately miss seeing that big-eyed sweetheart on my TV screen.) Beiste encourages Finn to embrace the Sadie Hawkins dance into his lesson plan for the week to empower his fierce females in the New Directions. So over in some astronomy classroom Finn announces that this week the ladies will sing to the guy that they’d like to ask to the dance.
Ladies’ Choice: First up is Tina and as the music plays Sam asks Artie who he thinks she’s about to ask. Artie immediate replies, “The only obvious choice in the room. A charming debonair figure from her past; A forbidden love she let slip through her fingers.” This would have been the perfect opportunity for a Tartie reunion but of course not that would’ve been too easy and too awesome. So who does Tina sing “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” to? Mr. Blaine Warbler, that’s who. (Side-Note: Wait, I’m sorry, what? I’m all for crushing on gay fellas — Matt Bomer, Andrew Rannells, Zachary Quinto etc. — but I would never dare to ask them out! Clearly the writers are reverting back to their season one memories because this is Mercedes and Kurt all over again. Sigh.) As the song ends Blaine looks adorably confused and everyone else in the locker room just looks uncomfortable. (Side-Note: Me too!) Tina officially pops the question and Blaine stammers out the sweetest rejection sentence ever: “Oh uh wow Tina, I don’t know what to say. Um, no. Thank you but no thank you.” And Tina looks absolutely heartbroken.
Brittany approaches Marley in the hallways and after a brief yet hilarious introduction, she gets straight to the girl talk: “I notice that every time you look at Jake you get a really sad look on your face, and if it’s quiet enough I can actually hear that your whimpering like a suckling puppy.” Brittany tells Miss Rose that she is going to help the sophomore find her “power” and ask Jake to the dance. And with the magical twirl of her cheerios skirt, the music starts and the ladies of the New Directions begin my favorite song of the night, “Tell Him.” Dressed in amazing peacock blue dresses, Marley and Brittany lead the girls in a perfectly synchronized dance and it’s a high-energy, gleefully fun performance. (Side-Note: Anytime Brittany gets the chance to sing, I get all warm and fuzzy inside. And this definitely feels like something that the Unholy Trinity would sing, so obviously I’m obsessed with it.) The song ends and Marley asks Jake, Brittany asks Sam and everyone is happy. (Side-Note: Well except the Brittana fandom. Love you guys!)
Kitty once again has her claws out, uses her cheerio powers for evil, and corners Jake in an empty hallway. “Okay I’m going to get right to it, dump the bulimic loser and go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me.” Kitty says that she’s dropped her former virgin ways and is ready to super slut it up with Jake to fulfill his manly needs. (Side-Note: Alright Jarley fans, Becca Tobin is my homegirl, so before you attack her twitter with angry tweets please keep in mind that she is absolutely nothing like Kitty. She’s sweet and kind and has a voice like freakin angel so remember to play nice Glee-bees!)
Baby Puck (Jake) looks to old-school Puck (Noah) for some brotherly advice at the Lima Bean about which lady he should choose. In a surprising and sincere twist, Puck tells his “little brother from a different colored mother” to resist that “Jesus-loving little devil” and take sweet Marley to the dance. Puck later approaches Kitty in the hallway and says one of my favorite lines in the history of Glee: “Stay away from my little bro! He’s not interested in your skanky meow mx.” Kitty is clearly intrigued by Puck’s alpha male personality so she makes him a deal. “You want to keep me away from your brother? Give me a big old yarn ball of muscles to distract me.” And just like that Kitty is now taking Puck to the Sadie Hawkins dance. (Side-Note: And I just found my new favorite couple to ship! What should we call them? Kuck? Pitty? Hmm… I’ll let y’all decide in the comments below.)
Tina walks up to Blaine in the hallway and apologizes for stirring up old memories from when he was bullied in the past. Blaine sweetly accepts her apology but says that he still doesn’t want to go to the dance. It turns out our former bow-tie lover also has a crush on an unrequited love: Sam! Tina explains it best, “You miss Kurt you need someplace to put your love, right?” The two friends also mutually swoon over Sam’s Trouty-Mouth lips and silly impressions calling it “pure crushable crack.” (Side-Note: Agreed. I love that Blaine has a crush on Sam mostly because I know that it’s a completely non-threatening flirtation. Now Adam on the other hand… Grrr.) Tina declares that they are going to go to Sadie Hawkins together and they are going to dance their problems away.
NEXT: New Problems in New York
New Love Lust In NYC: It’s Kurt’s first week in NYADA and he’s flabbergasted that college is just like high school. (Side-note: Um false, my college experience was absolutely nothing like high school, it was way better. But obviously the Glee writers want Kurt to stay an underdog, so we’ll just go along with his little theory.) Kurt’s feeling lost and it doesn’t help that his best friend/roomie keeps blowing him off to hang out with Brody whose gigs all involve him being shirtless. (Side-Note: No one, and I mean no one, likes that girl who ditches all of her friends just because she’s dating a new guy. Really Rachel?) So Kurt figures that the best way to make some friends at a new school is to join an extracurricular activity. As Kurt circles the bulletin board, he comes across a flyer for the “Adam’s Apple” and some random British guy walks by and explains that it’s NYADA’s show choir group.
Fast-forward to the morning and Rachel comes tip-toeing out of her room and Kurt looks scandalized. “Did Brody spend the night?” he gasps. Rachel, is obnoxiously excited and says that she seized the moment and she’s “tired of second guessing something that seems so right.” (Side-Note: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.) The roomies finally have a much-needed heart-to-heart and Kurt explains that he’s interested in joining the Adam’s Apples. Rachel practically chokes on her tea and immediately says no. “Listen to me, there is a very ridged performing art hierarchy at NYADA and show choir is like the lowest of the low.” In a slightly snobby demeanor, Rachel explains that they’re not at McKinley anymore and if he joins the club then he might as well become “a dancing teapot at Disneyland.”
Kurt is once again pondering at the board of lame clubs and the same British guys shows up again and encourages him to join the club. (Side-Note: Oh crap, here we go. This is our first glimpse at the infamous “Adam.” Here are my first impressions: Ew. He’s wearing a vest, a scarf, and a beanie and absolutely none of them are falling under that hot guy hipster category. Plus, how old is he? 35? He gets a few points for that hot accent and sexy arms, but overall nope.) To get him interested in the group, Adam and the Adam’s Apples showcase their skills for Kurt in a slowed down version of “Baby Got Back.” (Side-Note: And it’s the most awkward thing I’ve seen in a really really long time. The Adam’s Apples — conceited name BTW — are like those random groups we see at regionals and sectionals every year. They’re unique, and somewhat talented, but mostly you just think to yourself ‘Aww bless their hearts for trying.’) The song finally ends and we see that Kurt has been giggling like a school girl the entire time.
Later, Rachel and Kurt are strolling along the streets of New York and Rachel is blabbing on about how she can’t wait for Kurt to find the new love of his life so that they can go on double dates together. (Side-Note: La La La! I don’t want to hear this! La Laaaa!) Kurt explains that he’s starting to have feelings for an unnamed fella and we see a series of flashbacks where Adam is showering Kurt with multiple compliments and intense stares. (Side-Note: Ugh now Adam is just like Brody; he keeps popping up everywhere like a damn whack-a-mole. Where’s my mallet?) Rachel encourages Kurt to ask Adam out by saying, “There’s nothing like being in love in New York… What can I say? Things move fast here, it’s not like high school!” (Side-Note: Okay I found my mallet, but all of the sudden I desperately want to whack Rachel. First I’ll ask her where she got that amazing coat, but then I’m going to seriously knock some sense into her!)
Shake-Up's at Sadies: The dance — beautifully decorated in a winter wonderland theme — kicks off with an amazing performance of TLC’s “No Scrubs” from the New Directions fellas. Marley and Jake are dancing. (Side-Note: At least that’s what I think they’re doing. I love her but Marley looks like a spaztic squirrel.) And the couple’s off-beat moves quickly turn into a heart-to-heart conversation. Marley tells her man that she wants to be the only girl in his life, and that she wants to take things slow, but before Jake has a chance to answer her, Marley quickly takes off. (Side-Note: I’m assuming she saw something shiny. Squirrels are always quick to chase after shiny objects.) After Beiste offers some encouragement, Sugar asks out Artie, Zizes ask out Joe, and a supposedly telepathic Kurt asks Adam to go for a drink or coffee sometime (Side-Note: I just can’t. I don’t want to talk about it. I just can’t.)
Now it’s time for the New Directions ladies to shake it again, and they take the gymnasium stage to sing a revamped yet oh-so sexy version of “Locked out of Heaven.” Kitty and Puck are flirting and oddly enough having a sweet time. Kitty tells him that she believes that he could be a great screenwriter and based off of the sheepish look on Puck's face, this is clearly the first time that someone has complimented his work. They then spend the rest of the night hooking up in the backseat of Kitty car. (Side-Note: How romantic!) Sam pulls Blaine into the locker room and the two of them begin to explain to Finn how they think that the Warblers used performance-enhancing drugs at sectionals. Their suspicious are confirmed when Trenton — aka “round-faced Warbler” — emerges from the shadows and reveals that Hunter forced the group to take steroids. Looks like there’s hope for the New Directions after all!
The Final Five: Rachel is alone in the loft with a nice little dinner for two on the table, but it’s clear that she’s beyond pissed. Brody arrives and Rachel immediately flies off the handle, yells at him for being 45 minutes late, and goes off on some wild tangent about how she’s worth more than 10 million dollars. (Side-Note: Woah girl! Slow you crazy roll. I’m not happy with you at all right now, but you’re kind of acting like a psychotic brat. The guy is holding 2-dozen white roses and just traveled to the middle of Nowhere, NY to see you. Take a pill or get back on yours because clearly something is wrong with your hormones.) Brody calms Rachel down by calling her priceless and saying that he would wait in the freezing cold all night for a train if it meant that he got to see her. (Side-Note: Okay I hate to admit it, but that was really sweet. Mostly because it reminded me of something that Finn would say. There’s a clear answer to this problem: we should all just ship Leady instead! [Leady=Leanne and Brody])
Jake tells Marley that she’s the only one for him and we now have an official Jarley couple to swoon over. Everyone is enjoying a snow-filled slow dance while Ryder sings, “I Only Have Eyes For You” and makes some flirtatious eye contact with neck brace cheerio. Over in the "Too Young To Be Bitter Club", Tina and the girls are excitedly rehashing their amazing night at Sadie Hawkins. Their newfound confidence and giggle-inducing loves have brought the sparkle back to their lives, and the club is now forever disbanded. Back in Rachel’s apartment, she and Brody are slow dancing and he tells her that he’ll never ever be late again. “I’ll get an apartment out here,” he says and Rachel counters with, “Why don’t you just move in?” (Side-Note: I’m not saying this from a shipper standpoint, I’m saying this from a gal pal standpoint: You’ve got to be freaking kidding me Rachel Barbara Berry!? Living with a gay best friend is one thing, but shacking up with a guy you just started seeing is crazy. So much for being an independent woman. Without a doubt you’re going to regret it.)
Most Heartwarming Moment: Marley and Jake becoming an official couple.
Most Heartbreaking Moment: Watching Rachel lose herself and become completely wrapped up in some guy.
“For the record I think you’re totally sort of hot, like if I was in a bunker with you I would totally hit that.” — Sam to Tina
“The music usually starts when I say something like ‘It’s Brittany bitch” or I do one of my magical turns.” — Brittany to Marley
“I understand the Puckerman musk is impossible for chicks to resist, we’re like chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven. Sure you know we’re not good for oyu but one whiff of our fresh baked goodness and the next thing you know you lying in bed, covered in crumbs, crying.” — Puck to Kitty
“Look I usually avoid dating Jewish guys on account of you people killing my Jesus, and I was willing to make an exception because of your biceps but I’m going to have to end this little experiment if you don’t stop dancing like an idiot.” — Kitty to Puck
Vote it out!
&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://polldaddy.com/poll/6853061/"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;What was the best song of the night?&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;
What did you think of “Sadie Hawkins”? Are you in shock over Rachel’s proposal to Brody? How are you feeling about Kitty and Puck? Sing your thoughts in the comments below!
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[Photo Credit: FOX]