Bloodsuckers, we're back in Bon Temps for the next episode of True Blood! I know you craved a tall glass of Tru Blood after last week's whacko-filled premiere episode, but I'm sure that last night's episode "The Sun" definitely clenched your thirst!
Now that you're no longer parched, let's maneuvour our way through all those sanguinary details.
Sookie's New Man Candy
We totally forgot Sookie still is an effing waitress at Merlott's... and, well, apparently she forgot, too! As she tries to resume her normal life on her way to work, she winds up rescuing an endangered fellow halfling fairy named Ben, who is a totally hottie btw. But right when we get feverish about some new man candy to sweeten up Sookie's life — the hunk even asks her out! — Sookie denies him. But at least our beloved blondie directs Ben towards the mystical Fairy club's tent to find refuge.
Jason Gets Blasted
Jason's car's blasted by rays, which look identical to Sookie's fairy powers so you'd think Jason would catch on soon enough. But nope! He finally is informed that the mysterious drive, whom he dumbly blurted to about every speck of his life, is his fairy grandpa. (Please tell me the theme song for Fairly Odd Parents started playing in your head, too.) Jason brings Grandpa over to Sookie's to track down Warlow, who we learn is not only the most vicious, but also the eldest vamp in the world. Lovely, right? Fairy Pop-Pop then charges off into Warlow's portal to see if he's successfully broken into our realm. And yup, he sure has already. Now that's something to yell "Eek!" about!
Over spaghetti dinner, Poppa reveals to Sookie that he's not only King Fairy, but also that the Stackhouses are the original fairy bloodline. He then shows Sookie a family secret that can stop Warlow for good: a sparking ball of energy light that can go supernova and wipe out any vamper. But since Sookie's only a halfling, she can only use the magic light-ball one time and once she does, she looses all her fairy powers forever! Choose wisely, Sook!
Pam, There's Bigger Fish to Fry
After Tara got shot down with a silver-bullet that emits UV light by the Governor's po-po, Eric yanks it out of Tara. We're learning the humans are legit fighting back and they are more than ready to take down the vamp population. Pam keeps whining about Fangtasia getting the ax, but Nora's all like, Listen up hunny, there's bigger issues — like an impending war against vampers and dealing with killing vamp-God Lilith — so like chill the f*ck out Pamela, okay?! Geez, woman.
The Newbs in Town
Back at Merlott's, Sam is approached by L.A. hipster Nicole, co-founder of the US-Vampire Unity Society, who tries to sway Sam to "come out" as a shifter and inspire other supernaturals to follow along. But this shifter is so not ready to start the movement.
Emma is under Lafayette's protection, which involves a serious dress-up party (why didn't I score an invite?). But the party doesn't last for long — Martha and Alcide steal Emma from Sam and Lafayette's care. Luna's probably shaking in her grave at the thought of Grandma Martha merely touching her child. Poor Emma just wanted to play dress-up! Meanwhile, Nicole and her hipster pals catch the whole Emma-seizing-scandal on tape. Yikes! Not a good look for the shifter/werewolf community to say the least.
Sometimes a Lie's Better Than the Truth
Patrick's wife rolls into Merlott's pointing a finger at Terry, as she assumes Patrick's gone off with another lad. Terry's facial expression yells "PHEW!" Before Terry tells the wifey the crazy truth of how a crazed, vengence-seeking Iraqi woman Zaafira, killed Patrick, Arlene butts in. "Yep! he's cheating alright," she lies. I guess it's better to think your husband's a cheater than a dead man?
Just Call Him Daddy Bellefleur
Andy Bellefleur, who's struggling to care for his ever-growing bundle of kiddies, seeks for Mirella to help out. Isn't that what mommies are for, anyways? But the fairy baby-mama is nowhere to be found. Andy's all on his own it appears — cue the waterworks!
Uh Oh, Eric!
Eric, disguised as a googly-eyed nerd (whose dweb voice is downright hilar!), attempts to glamour the threatening Governor Burrell. Just when things start to look up for Eric, we learn this Governor's damn clever (and has some swanky, anti-glamour contacts glued to his eyeballs) and he calls in for backup to seize Eric. My heart skipped a beat when I thought the Governor's force was about to take him to "camp" (Side note: does this mean there's internment camp for vamps? That's some scary s**t!).
Although Burrell seems pretty in-the-vampire-know, he's not quick-witted enough for Eric, who flies off right before he's yanked away by the guards. And then, he even comes back and forces the Governor's daughter, Willa, to invite him into her bedroom — and is it just me, or does it look like Eric's found himself a new love human love interest in the process?
Nasty Blood Vomit
While Bill's sucked into a trance, Jess brings him a suckable prostitute Veronica to feed on… but things get weird from there as Veronica freakily convulses and projectiles her blood into Bill's mouth. WTF?! Regardless of the grotesqueness, with blood-teary eyes, Jess prays to Bill with the rational that he's a God to bless her fave characters and her former squeeze Hoyt. Awww!
That's So Bill!
With his new Lilith powers, Bill develops an intense sense of guilt — feeling the suffering of vamps, including one being dragged by a truck. Ouchies! He then pops up in some other dimension, "No Place." He learns he's no longer just Bill Compton from this this eerie chick, who claims that "God made her his vampire and Adam and Eve his humans," reveals that a Tyrant is rising and that Bill must complete her work. S**t's about to get realer than real and it looks like it's up to Bill to save his vampire kind. That's got to be stressful!
The episode halts with Governor Burrell asserting that vampires no longer have any rights and, oh yeah, that image of a vamper being yanked by a wagon Bill previously envisioned, it's happening now. Bill can see the future — whoa! The gory future then flashes before us, which shows all our dear vamp characters burning to death in a "camp." Ah!
On the bright side, maybe Bill will get his own spin-off show a la Raven Symoné titled "That's So Bill."
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