Gina Linetti is a woman of many talents: she heads an all-woman dance troupe named "Floorgasm," she handcrafts Joseph Gordon-Levitt nesting dolls, and she's a psychological marvel. But her most surprising skill, which was revealed on the most recent episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine, is that she's an incredibly competent adult, who can balance a checkbook and is in the market for some real estate opportunities. Most notably, Jake's apartment, which he inherited from his grandmother when she died, and which he can no longer afford now that the building is going Co-Op. To boot, all of the other apartments within his price range are horrific. Naturally, Jake handles her offer to purchase the apartment with grace — and by grace, we mean he kicks her out of his apartment and whines to Santiago.
Meanwhile, Captain Holt and Sergeant Jeffords are doing the yearly team evaluations, and even though Jeffords started out the day full of hope and excitement, the more evaluations he witnesses, the more depressed he becomes. Diaz and Boyle also team up to enact revenge against Det. Lohank (Matt Walsh), the cop who works the weekend shift and insists on shaving at the desk he shares with Diaz.
In the spirit of this week's episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, we've done our own evaluations in order to determine which characters made the grade as the MVPs of "The Apartment," and which ones cracked under the pressure.
Peralta and Gina
"The Apartment" gave us two important facts about Gina: she grew up with Jake, and even though she's strange and unpredictable, she's extremely adept at handling her finances. The writers have given us a few clues about Gina's competence over the season — most notably, her ability to determine the best candidate for the IT job and her position as Holt's right-hand woman — which helps make the contrast between her obsession with Lycra bodysuits and her thriftiness a bit less jarring. Luckily, Chelsea Peretti and Andy Samberg (who actually did grow up together, in real life!) are a wonderful team, and they kept the jokes flying all night long.
- Holt: "I know you would all rather be at home, binge-watching media content." / Jake: "Whoa! I just started the second season of Media Content. No spoilers."
- The most important change Peralta has made in the last year? "I wear a tie sometimes."
- Gina: "Nana made me the intelligent, sensuous woman I am today." / Jeffords: "Weird way to describe a grandmother's influence on you."
- Peralta: "I'm psyched to be hanging like this. Old school stylez. Stylez with a 'z'." / Gina: "Oh, I could tell."
- Gina, on how they're looking: "Sexy, but not like we're trying too hard. Like, sure, we're trying, but it's almost effortless."
- Jake has purchased six massage chairs (because they don't make a massage couch), three turntables (although Gina says his DJ skills sound like "Joy Behar falling down stairs"), and Olympus Has Fallen on On Demand 12 times. Gina: "Was it a difficult film for you to follow?"
- Jake: "Says the woman who's been engaged eight times." / Gina: "But never married once! Game, set, match: Linetti."
- Gina, on the loan shark: "He is a sea witch in disguise. Do not sing into his shell!"
- Jake: "I'm gonna be a homeless cop. It's like a made-for-TV movie. Which I will not be able to watch, because I will be homeless."
- After Jake and Gina look at an apartment filled with cats that's described as pet friendly, Jake asks "Do they allow cats?" Landlord: "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic."
- Gina's life long dream is to be on Wife Swap, she calls gum "the dentist," and she thinks Ray J is a national treasure. So what? She's eclectic.
- Jake, on the break room couch he's considering sleeping on: "It feels like scoliosis and smells like 10,000 butts."
- Gina: "What do you want, Jake? I'm watching Oprah's Legends Ball, which is what I do every time a close friend hurts me."
Terry has the unfortunate task of assisting Holt with the squad evaluations, and although he starts out confident, the longer they drag on, the more faith he loses in his team. A lot of the comedy in these scenes comes from Terry Crews' reaction shots, and it's wonderful to watch all of the hope he had for positive evaluations actually drain from his face over the course of the episode. Crews is brilliant at physical comedy, and even when he's in the background, he's still often the funniest person in the room.
- To Jake, after he accidentally calls Holt "dad": "Hey! Show your father some respect!"
- On the squad: "I feel like a proud mama hen whose baby chicks have learned to fly!"
- Santiago: "You didn't want me to say flaws that are actually positive. Like when the Sergeant says it's bad that he works out so much." / Terry: "Whoa! Why the drive-by?"
- On why he closed the blinds in Holt's office: "I'm gonna yell at you, and I don't want Santiago to read my lips."
- Terry: "Scully and Hitchcock only arrested 14 people, but that's eight more than last year!" / Holt: "They only arrested six people last year?!"
- I could watch a full episode of just Holt and Terry repeating the phrase "proud mama hen" over and over again.
Scully and Hitchcock
Despite them being personal evaluations, Scully and Hitchcock do theirs together, because Scully doesn't handle pressure well, and Scully sweating and whimpering while Hitchcock brags about all of the arrests they had was the best visual gag of the night.
- Hitchcock: "Not to brag, but Scully and I have a combined 14 arrests! It would have been 20, but it's only 14." / Holt: "That's not enough arrests." / Hitchcock: "Well, who asked you? This is a self-evaluation!"