Boyle's wedding day is fast approaching on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and he asks Peralta to be his best man — the forlover to his brudgom, if you're Danish — a role that Peralta accepts with enthusiasm. But his duties aren't all whiskey and cigars, and Peralta needs to find a way to help Boyle confess to Vivian that he doesn't want to move to suburban Ottowa with her. Meanwhile, Holt is attempting to coach Diaz into apologizing to a younger officer that she humiliated after he messed up her crime scene, and Terry, Santiago, and Gina are on a crash-diet that involves eating solitary almonds and see-through slices of cantaloupes for lunch. Needless to say, the hypoglycemic rage that results isn't pretty.
So, which characters from "Fancy Brugdom" are going to live forever, and which ones gave up easy? How long was Scully in that coma? And what does Diaz read at her book club?
Terry Crews is a delight. He sells even the silliest moments of the diet storyline with enthusiasm (that cantaloupe song is still stuck in my head), and manages to make his more serious moments equally as entertaining.
- "My wife heard about it at Mommy and Me Graphic Design. Or maybe it was Toddler Karate. She takes our little ladies to so many classes, I can't keep them all straight!"
- On the diet: "Pro tip: lick the baggie. There's food molecules in there!"
- Contemplating the see-through thin wedge of cantaloupe that is his lunch: "Santiago! Come hold this so it looks bigger in your tiny hands!"
- Terry and Santiago have a "Cantaloupe Time" song. Terry sings bass, Santiago takes the high parts, and it comes with a wonderful head-wiggling dance. Also, for a song that has two lines, it's surprisingly catchy.
- "We were on the same team, until you deserted me for Team Eating Food! Was that a good burn? I'm so hungry, I can't tell."
- Terry proves how strong he's feeling by casually lifting up a car.
- The "fart attack" that Terry has is probably the stupidest gag that Brooklyn Nine-Nine has featured yet, but Crews' humiliated face, and his desperate order to "get back inside!" sold every second of it.
Despite his usual immaturity, Peralta throws himself completely into his duties as Best Man, and devotes himself to supporting Boyle in all of his decisions. It's clear that Peralta's friends mean a lot to him, and so it was good to see him dedicate his time and effort into helping Boyle get up the courage to talk to his fiancee about their impending move.
- Boyle asks Peralta to be his Best Man by hiding a bow tie in his beer, and Peralta is so honored that he learns Danish, buys nurse shoes to last through his day of wedding planning, and forces Boyle to talk to Vivian with a well-timed baton to the knee.
- Santiago: "Are you gonna set up shop in a strip club?" / Peralta: "What kind of shop would I set up? Hand sanitizer! I would sell hand sanitizer."
- "According to Boyle, the Danes throw the most beautiful weddings. And the most violent funerals."
- Boyle: "Hello, my beautiful, big BM!" / Peralta: "Best Man. Best Man is fine."
- After Boyle tells Peralta that he's planning to retire and move to Ottowa with Vivian: "We're supposed to die on the force together! Me in a big explosion and you committing suicide at my funeral out of respect."
- After Vivian mentions that peasants in Ancient Egypt drank beer for breakfast: "Well, that explains why all of their buildings are crooked."
- Peralta always comes up with the smoothest excuses. This week's? "I have a mole on my back that needs looking at, and Charles has eyes."
- Boyle: "Am I planning the worst wedding ever?" / Peralta: "Second worst. Red wedding, Game of Thrones."
Holt and Diaz
It seems like Holt and Diaz wouldn't be a hilarious pairing, simply because they're so much alike, but Andre Braugher and Stephanie Beatriz find a way to make their sarcastic, deadpan deliveries compliment each other.
- Holt, after Terry tells everyone about the twins' various activities: "Childhood truly is a time of wonder."
- When Diaz finds out that the officer filed a formal complaint against her, she asks "Did he fill it out in crayon?" and Holt responds "No, but he did fill it out in green pen, which is crazy to me."
- Holt staring murderously at Diaz's written apology after he lights it on fire was brilliant. If they said he lit it on fire by channeling pure fury with his eyes, I'd completely buy it.
- Holt and Diaz repeating "I'm sorry" to each other in various inflections of deadpan could have been dumb, but both Braugher and Beatriz nailed every second of it.
- Diaz's sincere apology: "I'm sorry for your goat face, your rodent brain, and your terrible, goose body!" Also, she's sorry for talking about Officer Deitmore to her book club. "Those people don't even know you. That wasn't cool."
- Holt doesn't know who Emperor Palpatine is.
- Diaz: "I'm sorry." / Holt: "Please, Diaz. Don't make a scene."