S2:E6 Last week I wrote that THIS week would be when we were going to see the (fight? Brawl? Shoot out? “BITCH YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!” type fiasco?) between Sammi and JWoww over the note Sammi found that informed her about Ronnie’s poor behavior. Unfortunately, it didn’t play out exactly the way MTV made it seem like it would. Let’s revisit the night.
The episode started with Snooki telling Sammi she "shmushed" with Vinny. She was quite happy the next morning and described the event as trying to shove a watermelon into a pinhole. I’m pretty sure every kindergarten teacher in the universe that’s cool enough to watch this show will start the year in their classroom by explaining that it IS, in fact, possible (and more fun) to fit the square peg into the round hole.
Sammi spent most of the episode saying how shady everything was, and how she didn’t know who to believe…even though she had SIX people telling her Ronnie cheated on her, and only one other person (THE CHEATER) consistently saying he didn't. How does she still not understand anything? The Situation tried hard to help Sammi get it when he sat down with her and said Ronnie was “100% wrong,” and he couldn't comprehend how she didn’t see it. After realizing Ronnie did hook up with other cheeseballs, Sammi went into her bed and cried. You’d think that’s where the six other people who maintain Ronnie’s innocence lived from how she's ALWAYS in there.
Snooki told JWoww and Angelina she wanted to tell Sammi they wrote the letter. They sent Angelina to bring Sammi outside, but Sammi refused to go outside because her mother must have told her that the person who wants to say something always has to get out of bed and walk to the person they want to say something to, not the other way around…so Angelina messengered a fight between Snooki, JWoww and Sammi about them being in two separate locations. So they went inside and JWoww yelled at Sammi for not being willing to listen to Snooki say Ronnie was sticking it to other women. Sammi continued to focus on who wrote the note and ENTIRELY missed the point that Ronnie had cheated on her numerous times. Ronnie stepped in to do nothing and said if Snooki and JWoww were Sammi’s real friends, they would have told Sammi that he had cheated on her THAT NIGHT instead of waiting a week…which makes even less sense than a degree from clown school.
Now for the filler stories of this episode: the next day, Vinny went to the eye doctor because his eye was bothering him. The eye doctor told him it was just a bad case of dry eye. After that she asked him why, if he was Italian, he was so white, which means she was in the porno your dad used to watch before he met your mom. The girls went to the grocery store called ITALIAN AMERICAN because they promised they’d cook Sunday dinner for the guys, and The Situation picked up a woman who was the reason behind Miami’s implementation of the transsexual rule, “If you have to think about it, it is.” THIS IS WHY WE WATCH THIS SHOW. THIS RIGHT HERE. YOU DON’T GET THAT ON ’24.’ The premise of mistaking a woman for a man concerned The Situation greatly.
Pauly D. also made out with Angelina, and Vinny hooked up with The Situation’s sister.
Back to the important stuff. JWoww called her boyfriend to tell him how drunk Pauly was, and Angelina told Ronnie and Sammi that JWoww was “talking shit” to whoever she was on the phone with. Vinny interjected and said JWoww did no such thing, and when he went to tell JWoww that the other girls thought she was “talking shit” to her boyfriend, JWoww came out swinging (I should be shot for using variations of “told” so many times). Then everything got all “oh man I forgot the broomsticks come alive in Fantasia!” and Sammi punched JWoww.
Not sure how much more of this Sammi and Ronnie stuff I can take, but leave it to MTV to replace it with something even more boring, but somehow manages to be a worthy understudy.