'Mad Men' Recap: Hands And Knees

Sep 27, 2010 | 6:24am EDT

S4:E10 Last night on Mad Men, we watched as Don slowly started to realize the government was on to the fact he stole his friend’s identity after he died in the war and started parading around in his clothes like a goofy marionette and sleeping with all these women so as to carry on the real Don Draper’s legacy. HA! Don. I’m kidding. At least one of those suits was a gift from Joan, so it’s really yours.

But the episode started with Joan telling Roger that she might be pregnant after they had sex the night they were mugged on the street. Roger said he’d have it “taken care of” because Joan’s husband must be able to come back from the war and enjoy a beer without having to watch Joan breastfeed another man’s child.

Lane was expecting his son to come visit him from England so when his receptionist let him know he had a visitor, he grabbed his three balloons and an old-ass Mickey Mouse stuffed animal and trotted into the waiting room…only to see his father. He said he was here to bring him back to London because his wife didn’t want to see him among the rat-infested and manhandling men of New York. So, in order to not be with his father by himself, he invited Don to accompany them to a party at some Playboy bunny bar (a scene you know resulted in the costume designers breaking up with their writer boyfriends because the research for the scene was just overwhelming!).

Betty was visited by two agents from the Department of Defense, who asked her about her more important husband, Don. Apparently, he requested “security clearance regarding business with the United States government,” and I can’t tell you what that means because something like 10 years ago, I still have a few Tomagotchis lying around. Anyway, they were there to “confirm his application” and check his background, which meant they asked her about his “integrity” or his ties to the commies. After they left, Betty called Don to tell him about how she lied and said his name was really his to the government, and Don kind of FLIPPED OUT. He ran outside his office to ask his secretary, Megan, if he’d been contacted by the Defense Department, and she said of course, like “of course you’re still wearing skinny ties – it’s the sixties!” She told him he even filled out the form they sent him, but he said he didn't remember filling one out, because "signing things without reading them is what [he does]." Megan showed him a copy of the form, and he started to panic.

At the doctor, Roger got yelled at for “ruining” Joan by getting her pregnant and acting with such irresponsibility. He sent them to a doctor in Morristown, who was going to charge them $400 for the procedure. But it was after they got mugged! Of course they were going to celebrate they each had both their legs in the back of an alley!

When Pete got into to work, Don approached him and asked him why the company applied for security clearance by the Department of Defense. (Pete previously knew Don was not really “Don” because in an attempt to get a secure place at the firm, he did some digging on Don and found out he assumed a dead man’s identity.) Pete said it had to do with an account they were hoping to get at North American Aviation, and they requested each of the executives involved fill out forms and get cleared by the government. Don told Pete he filled his form out not really knowing what it was, and instead of sticking with the “I’m really Don Draper” act, he answered three questions with their real answers and not the “hey newspaper man, I’m Don Draper, the ad man” ones. Don told Pete he remembered he had a friend there, and asked if it was possible to have him “intercept” the form. “Intercept?” INTERCEPT! This is an ad office, not a Bond N-64 game that takes place in Russia!

Joan went to get her abortion and ended up counseling a mother who had brought her 17 year-old daughter there to have an abortion, too. The mother said she had her when she was 15, and she didn’t regret it, but things just suck when your ovaries turn into little bitches who defy you. The mother also assumed Joan was there taking her daughter to have an abortion and asked how old she was – Joan lied (or did she?) and said her daughter was 15.

Faye thought Don had a fever so she brought him home. While he was putting his keys in the door, he saw two men looking for the Burns and he freaked out and had a panic attack. That tumblr account, Sad Don Draper, might be very busy today.

Lane invited his father and his girlfriend (a black waitress at the Playboy bar) out to dinner with him. They all met at his apartment, and just as they were about to leave, Lane’s father said he was traveling the next morning and wouldn’t be able to attend. Lane sent his girlfriend to meet him at the restaurant, but not before he kissed her in front of his father so as to stick it to him a little bit. Once she left, Lane asked his father which bothered him more: the fact he found someone that wasn’t his wife, or the fact the someone he found who wasn’t his wife was black. THEN, HIS FATHER SMACKED HIM WITH A CANE IN THE FACE AND STEPPED ON HIS FINGERS! It was "uh oh, a dead smurf!" bad.

Back at his apartment, Don told Faye everything: about his dead friend, about how he took his identity, and everything. She said “my goodness” and became the little spoon.

The next morning, Pete came over to Don’s house and told him his friend at the Department of Defense told him Don had been flagged, and that the investigation on his past would stop if they surrendered the account. At the partner’s meeting, Pete came up with an elaborate excuse as to why North American Aviation wasn’t going to use their advertising expertise, and they weren’t going to get the $4 million that was originally attached to the deal. Pete had to take the fall for the loss, and Roger ripped into him and called him an asshole. Then he laughed. But give him a break: he got Joan pregnant and she still won’t be with him! In the end, though, everything worked out fine. Don got tickets to take Sally to see the Beatles and realized his secretary was pretty when she was putting on her lipstick. You know: the ushe.

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