S4:E13 Last night was the season finale of Mad Men. No kidding. That was a season. I don’t feel like it was? The only reason last night was the finale was because it was about Don figuring out who he wants to be, and he wants to be with Megan (his secretary who seemed to have reminded the chair that Mrs. Blankenship died in that it is just supposed to be a chair and not a death trap). Also, Joan’s fertility was brought into question (again), but we’ll get to that later because it comes later.
The episode started with Don and Pete meeting with the American Cancer Society, talking about a way to get people to stop smoking without presenting them with medical facts and pictures of decaying bodies because that stuff doesn’t work any better than a wedding photographer. Don came up with the idea of creating a campaign around getting “new customers” (teenagers) to start smoking, using a commercial where mothers and fathers would be smoking with their daughters and sons. But instead of getting the teenagers to think they should be like their parents and start smoking, they’ll be thinking about themselves in the context of wishing they could still be children. The meeting ended and they walked away with getting another meeting, which they consider to be a win, along with the kid who gets the "most improved" basketball award.
Back at Betty’s house, moving out was heavily underway. Sally’s friend Glenn stopped by and asked if he could go up to Sally’s room and say goodbye to her. Carla agreed, and he hurried upstairs to get one last glimpse of his friend before she went to Disneyland with her father and he’s left launching bottle caps off his penis by himself. When he was walking through the kitchen to leave, Betty came back and yelled at him because he barged in on her when she was going to the bathroom one time and she hasn’t forgiven him. Betty was so upset that she fired Carla, after she spent 11 years working for her. Then Betty insulted her for working for the Draper family and for not being with her own children. It was bad, especially for Don, who wasn’t going to have any help when he went to California with his kids on business. And since Faye was no longer employed at SCDP, he opted to ask Megan to come along on the trip to help.
Once at the hotel, Don came back from a meeting and was serenaded in a French song that Megan had taught Sally and Bobby. He was surprised with how well she was handling her responsibilities with them, and she revealed it was because she has four nieces and six nephews, and that she’s smart enough not to advertise her homely skills at work. Carla didn't know French, so the hell with her!
The next day, Don took Sally and Bobby to his old friend Anna’s house. Stephanie, Anna’s niece, gave him Anna’s engagement ring (that her husband gave her, and "her husband" being the man whose identity Don stole after he died in Korea). Sally and Bobby noticed the flowers that were painted on the wall and Sally asked who “Dick” was. Don, surprisingly, was honest and said it was a name he sometimes went by, but that she should really be worried about how she was going to get the lemons down from the lemon tree that was in the backyard. Since Sally had recently cut ties with troublemaker Glenn, she had no one to tell her that a nickname is always more interesting than a lemon.
Back at the house in Ossining, Henry yelled at Betty for firing Carla and refusing to give her a letter of recommendation. She said she just really wanted a fresh start, and that she felt she was entitled to one, but she already looks good in plaid pants so she doesn’t need one. Henry said nobody ever gets any fresh starts and that life goes on. Betty got quite angry because it seemed like he was never on her side, and he said that nobody is ever on her side….which is true. And it’s because she’s probably planning to keep plaid pants going well into 2015. (She’d outfit her deathbed in plaid, just like Lily Tomlin.)
At the hotel that night, Megan went out with her college friend, who told her she could never be a model because her teeth were weird (which might be why the secretary chair hasn’t killed her yet!). Then Don kissed her on the balcony and they slept together for the second time. Afterwards, Don told Megan that he’d “done a lot of things,” but Megan said she didn’t care and that she “knew who [he was] now.” Don went back to his room when the sun started to come up.
Back in New York, Peggy and Ken met with people from Topaz, a stocking company, about how they could boost their sales by investing in an ad. Peggy shot out two ideas for a commercial that they liked, after saying she would change everything but her Topaz stockings before she went out that night. Peggy, you might have ideas, but your efforts to be clean are dirty and that's why the guys at Topaz liked you.
At a diner in California, Sally and Bobby were having a very heated discussion about something when Sally knocked over her strawberry milkshake. Don immediately yelled, but Megan soothed Sally by saying it was just a milkshake and it was no big deal…and that since it was her last dress, she should help Megan wipe up the mess with the napkins. Don was shocked (SHOCKED!) at how he calmed down and obeyed her orders, too. Saddondraper.tumblr.com is as good as dead.
After Megan woke up, Don proposed to her with Anna’s ring. Megan accepted and she called her mother in France to tell her she was engaged. It was cute, all until you remembered the ring belonged to a woman who recently died of cancer, who was married to the man who died in Korea, whose identity Don stole to get out of the war. It was sweet, up until you remember all that. Which, incidentally, none of which Megan knows anything about!
Once they returned from California, Don told everyone he was engaged to Megan, but when the phone rang, it was clear she was still meant to answer it. Everyone pretended to be happy for Don, because it was clear this was the 60s version of getting a tattoo of a clover at St. Marks Place on St. Patrick’s Day.
Peggy waltzed into Don’s office ready to be the apple of SCDP’s eye for the day but was disappointed to hear her news wasn’t the biggest news in the office, and that Don’s personal life and seniority once again trumped her hard work ethic. Additionally, Peggy realized Megan’s engagement to Don meant people couldn’t really treat her like she was a secretary anymore, and that she essentially got a promotion even though Peggy was the harder working of the two. She stormed into Joan's office and complained about it.
Once he was alone, Don called Faye and asked her to meet for coffee so they could talk. But she’s a doctor, so she was smart enough to know what Don was going to say to her would be bad, and she didn’t want to have to stick around to sit through coffee after she heard the news. But if he had suggested they go play laser tag together, she probably would have obliged because there are plenty of pillars to hide behind and plenty of kids to hit after she’d been told the bad news (right Justin Bieber?). Faye was devastated, but made sure to tell Don that he should tell Megan to be careful, because he only likes the beginning of things…which is true. But hello! New nail clippers? The best.
During their phone call, Joan’s husband asked her if she was “showing” yet. This meant Joan decided against having the abortion, and that she was going to have Roger’s baby and try to pass it off as her husband’s! That kid was lucky enough to have his college essay already written for him before his eyes even developed.
At the end of the episode, Don and Betty “ran into” (I say “ran into” because Betty was totally waiting there for him to show up and putting lipstick on) each other at the house in Ossining. They marveled at all the time they spent there, and Betty hinted at the fact her marriage wasn’t perfect. Then Don told Betty he was engaged and she said she was very happy for him. They shared a drink and Betty handed over her keys, and presumably went back to her new house in Rye, where she was nannyless and as far as she was concerned, officially husbandless.