S5:E5 After indulging in last week’s off-mark live episode, 30 Rock returns with Jack’s quest for a no-hitter, Tracy’s continual insanity, the dark(er) side of Jenna Maroney, and most importantly, a much needed debunking of Liz Lemon’s awkward sexual hang-ups.
The episode begins as Jack is midway through his no-hitter – he’s not made a single mistake since the day before when he coined the term “inoventually,” and if he makes it a full 24 hours he’ll have accomplished “Reaganing.” He welcomes Lemon into his office because fixing her problems successfully would be his crowning glory – she’s the Albert Pujols of having problems and afterall, “When you’re pitching the perfect game you don’t walk Albert Pujols.” Liz spills her big problem – she needs a ride to Newark airport so she can meet Carol. Jack says no problem, he’s got to drop by MSNBC to have a talk with Rachel Maddow about their matching haircuts. And they’re back in the game.
Jack and Liz hop in Jack’s limo, but it’s not long before they’re stuck in traffic and Liz is forced to confess her reasons her rush to see Carol. She’s planning on breaking it off – wait, doesn’t she know that Carol looks like Matt Damon. Clearly, she’s gone crazy. Jack is equally surprised, but immediately knows the issue: sex. It’s the only thing that Liz has never been comfortable talking about – yet she’ll talk about her vomit and toe-knuckle hairs. She gives in and confesses that she’s having “performance issues” with Carol, but the blame doesn’t fall on Lemon’s pilot boyfriend. I don’t know how to put this lightly, so I’ll just quote Lemon herself: “It’s like Fort Knox down there.”
In order to keep his Reaganing streak going by besting the ultimate challenge, he’s determined to get to the bottom of Liz’s issue. While I want to say this is way too much information, I have to admit I’ve always wondered what was with her irrational disgust for any mention of sex or intimacy. Dig away, Donaghy. Jack accuses Liz of being a prude, and that’s just the push she needs to dive into her past. She yells at him to stop, “Stop asking about the Roller Skates!”
Liz finally concedes and tells Jack why she hates sex so much. (This of course happens right after Jack does a creepy Reagan impression that I’m pretty sure could be a brand new source of sexual issues.) “Will you tell the Gipper your sexual story…Mommy?” We’re treated to a creepy 9 year old version of Liz (Tina Fey with Pete Rose haircut), skating through her childhood home as we learn about the fateful day that she learned to hate sex. The story’s not really that important, but it ends with little Liz in roller skates, with her underwear around her ankles (for completely nonsexual reasons), draped in a Tom Jones poster that had fallen on top of her. The story goes that her mother took all her posters away (you know, Han Solo, Kermit – the usual) after finding her squirming under the Tom Jones picture and thus “Sex makes the people go away.” Um. Okay, we’ll roll with it. (Get it? Because of the roller skates? Okay, moving on…)
Meanwhile Tracy has turned down a hosting gig at the MTV International Video Music Awards to film a commercial for the Boys and Girls Club with yet another director that he’s managed to piss off. The commercial shoot is blocking off the street (which is why Lemon and Jack are stuck in traffic) because it’s only supposed to need a few takes, but of course Tracy hasn’t learned his lines. The commercial goes through the entire one-shot sequence of kids performing tricks and athletic feats only for Tracy to screw it up at the end of each take – at one point he even ends up shirtless by the end of the shot. (Something tells me this plotline might be inspired by Tracy Morgan’s actual filming process.) Jack gets out of the limo to see what the problem is and since he’s on his Gipper kick, he decides he can fix Tracy so the commercial can wrap and he can get Liz to the airport. Inspired by Reagan’s love of jelly beans (and a conveniently placed jar full of them on set) Jack feeds Tracy jelly beans and does a Mr. Ed style dub of Tracy’s lines. And thus, he’s maintained his no-hitter…but there’s still the issue of Lemon.
While Jack’s solving everyone’s problems, Jenna is corrupting Kenneth. After she made Kenneth return an ice cream cake that she purchased with her “Free Ice Cream For Life Card” and the cashier gives him cash instead of credit, Jenna hatches a plan to continue to ice cream con long term. Kenneth’s family is hit hard by the economy (they’ve even had to sell of their childr- I mean pigs), so he’s happy to earn a little extra cash (and apparently too dumb to realize how dishonest they’re being). Eventually the ice cream store revokes Jenna’s card and the jig is up. Hungry for more cash, Kenneth insists they find another way. Of course they figure out a way to do one last big con (just like every crime movie, ever) and they enlist Kelsey Grammer who also possesses a Free Ice Cream For Life card. While it was nice to Frasier gracing the television waves once more, the whole ordeal was just annoying. Just how awful is Jenna? Jenna, Kelsey, and Kenneth do the last big job conning both Pete and the ice cream store and earning double the profit (800 bucks – where’s that Frasier money, Grammer?) but end up getting the clerk at the store fired. Kenneth feels awful and squashes any notions of further cons, Jenna understands. (She just hopes he dies in a car accident so she can have his “good heart.” Geez, Jenna, you’ve gone from egotistical and funny to creepy. Whoa.) Even so, she and Kelsey have got to beat him out of the con gang – sorry, The Best Friends Gang. Kenneth picked that name, didn’t he?
Finally, Jack and Lemon reach the airport and Jack’s convinced that he threw the perfect game because he still hasn’t managed to fix Lemon. When she gets to Newark she’s determined to set Carol free from her sexual issues, but Jack won’t let her. He tells her she’s “great” (yeah, it really happened! Aw, those two!) and that she and Carol deserve to be happy together. (No really, he said those things!) Finally it hits him: Tom Jones! The performance issue happened in Vegas, where Tom Jones plays shows every night, and their room was overlooking a Tom Jones marquis. Tom Jones is the trigger! She’s fixed, she goes running into the airport chanting “USA” as Jack looks on like a proud papa. Oh how I love their incredibly dysfunctional friendship and while I’m a little irked by her sexual back story, I’m glad we finally figured it out. Now she can go back to praising Meat Cat and cheesy blasters instead squirming at the word “climax.”