S01E09 Well, that was a pleasant shock. Hawaii Five-O gave us a decent little episode this week. Sure, it wasn’t fantastic or revolutionary, but it didn’t completely suck and that’s something, right? There was a lot of good action and the expository dialogue was kept to a minimum. Granted the premise was entirely too far fetched, but then again, this is Hawaii Five-O so it makes sense that they would help settle global governmental conflicts.
While this episode did not give us Grace Park in a bikini, it did give us something that I had never considered before: a guest star in lingerie! And I have to say, it was quite a monumental oversight on my part. I’m not sure how I didn't consider such a possibility, and I apologize for this. All possibilities will now be considered until proven impossible and guest star in lingerie is just as good as Grace Park in a bikini.
So yeah, we got our guest star in lingerie and then, whodathunkit, she strangles our poor schlub with some wire hidden in her bra. This is just another piece of evidence that all bras are covertly designed as weapons, but I still need further funding and experiments to draw conclusive proof. Turns out this guy was on security detail for some Asian warlord or something and he feared that the warlord dictator or what have you would be assassinated. Unfortunately he got D-cupped to death before he could tell anyone (how convenient!).
Which means Five-O gets called in and what do you know, the dictator's personal private security is being headed by none other than McGarrett’s old protege, Iceman, and now it's time for Maverick and Goose to step up (actually I have no idea how the nicknames correlate to H5O, but they were all buddy-buddy and nicknames so I thought it was relevant). Danno gets jealous, of course, because he feels out of the loop and responds in an overly masculine way to prove that he isn’t jealous and nicknames are stupid anyway.
Then we get some amazing investigative forensics by Kono. Judging by the pointy high heel on this shoe print in blood, the killer must’ve been a woman! Brilliant! Luckily McGarrett and Danno are looking are surveillance footage that tells us exactly that. But the lady killer is a pro so they never see her whole face. I’m pretty sure they threw that in there just so Chin can whip out his fancy dancy computer imagine manipulator program thingy where he can combine profiles of people’s faces and generate what their face looks like. Whatever, bet he can’t do that on MS Paint.
Blah, blah, blah more exposition on why they have to find the killer and save the dictator, in all honesty it's not really that important. We get it, they have to save the guy and justify all this, I know, but still it's sooooo boring and complicated and unnecessary. The show gets so much better when they let McGarrett and Danno hate on each other, even if it's the most boring thing possible in the word (ragging on New Jersey). That little two minute interlude was far more entertaining and fun then like the 20 minutes of exposition dialogue we got in the episode. But, of course, not better than the 30 seconds of guest star lingerie.
The rest of the episode, at least story wise, was really boring. Basically here’s what happens: the lingerie girl was set out to kill the dictator but the dictator had a change of heart! He wanted to turn himself in to make his son respect him. McGarrett’s old friend wanted to get paid so he took out the hit. There was also this sob story about some Asian guy’s family that the dictator screwed over but the dictator, again, had a change of heart so it's all good. That’s literally everything that happened in the rest of the episode. But there were some cool stunts so lets talk about those.
First up the Asian sob story guy. He runs away from McGarrett because he doesn’t like cops (which is always the BEST thing to do when you see a cop) but luckily Kono was there to deliver the best tackle in the history of CBS prime time. I’m serious, that was like some linebacker blindsiding the rookie QB. She took him DOWN. And then she got up like it was NBD. H5O is pure ridiculous sometimes, but man, I love it when Grace Park just straight up tackles a dude.
Multiple shots of Cheverolet SUVs (including the all new Traverse! Where’s my pay check?) and we find lingerie girl in an outdoor mall. There’s a shootout, she attempts to hold a hostage, abandons that, and then BAM she gets hit by a bus. I really wish I was kidding, actually, I don’t because it was awesome. She’s a trained killer but forgets to look both ways and didn’t see a bright green trolley barging toward her. But still, can’t nit pick too much. Lingerie girl getting hit by a bus is pretty entertaining.
Also, is this just me or does McGarrett’s gun holster on the front of his vest seem really unsafe? Like I would constantly be afraid that my gun would fall out if I had it in there. Is there some sort of clicker holding thingy (sorry for the technical jargon) or does it just sit there? I know it makes the gun easier to access but still looks like it would slip out if you ran too fast.
Then we get a car chase shoot out that involved, let’s see, a bomb-rigged car in the front, a driver with a gun in the main car, and a van-filled car of gun toting assassins in the rear. Should be a cake walk. And how does McGarrett start it off? By punching the driver out the door. Yep, his punches are so powerful it can knock the car door off the hinges. Oh H5O, you so silly.
They get away (thanks to the all new Chevy Traverse! Cha-ching!) and we see the inside of McGarrett’s (surprisingly) well decorated house. This leads to a shoot out and yeah, after seeing a guy punched out of a car door, a lingerie girl run over by a trolley, and Grace Park tackling a guy, a traditional shoot out just seems boring. Even if McGarrett has to shoot his old protege.
The general surrenders and we all get our happy ending. Except Danno who ended up having to buy the drinks that McGarrett offered to buy. Oh McGarrett, you so silly. And thus concludes one of the better episodes of Hawaii Five-O.