Tonight was the first episode of the two episode special that took us inside Kim Kardashian's fantastic wedding to Kris Humphries. But since the wedding will take place tomorrow night, this episode was all about how much hard work it takes to plan a Kardashian wedding. Kim had to pick out her wedding dress, the car she'd arrive to the ceremony in, the scent of the candles, and the kind of food that would be served, all while making sure her mother Kris pulled through her face lift all right. It wasn't terribly hard for Kim to put everything together because she knew how she wanted things to look for the last 20 years of her, but the hardest part was getting Kris to agree to everything she wanted for her big day because his taste and Kim's taste completely clashed. But let's take this whole thing slowly.
“Do you think you’re invited to the wedding?” – Kris
Kim called a meeting with the entire family so they could all pick a day for the wedding that would work for everyone, because they all have their different endorsement deals to work around and Kim wanted to make sure everyone was able to attend her glamorous event. But the discussion took a turn for the worst when Kris demanded that Khloe get him some champagne. Khloe called him out for using an obnoxious tone and pointed out he was perfectly capable of getting his own glass (he is an athlete, after all), but Kris remained seated and kept patting Kim’s butt and told Khloe not to talk to him because he hated her and that if she wasn’t careful, she wouldn’t be invited to the wedding at all. Khloe then went on this rant about how he better get all his manly aggression out now because if there’s one thing she knew about the family, it was that any man who marries into it loses his manhood on his wedding day and he spends the rest of his life living in accordance to his wife’s wishes. Her remarks made Kris even more antagonistic, but eventually he wizened up and went to get his own glass of champagne. He also locked the door to the kitchen so Khloe couldn’t come in after him, and he told Kim he was having some serious problems with her sister. Kim did what she always does, which is clean something and grow more eyelashes. Later on that night Khloe and Kourtney lay in bed and talked about how weird it was that instead of Kris being nice, he was taking jabs at them. To be fair, the Kardashian sisters have their own sarcastic form of interaction with everyone and so Kris was just following their leads, but it rubbed them the wrong way that Kris wasn’t even part of the family yet and he was already targeting them.
“I will not tolerate dogs sleeping in my bed. It’s just not sanitary.” – Kim
Kim and Kris weren’t living together before they got engaged because Kris was in New Jersey playing basketball, and so a lot of tension they experienced in this episode while planning the wedding was due to the fact they each figured out the other’s annoying habits. For instance Kris has two dogs he loves, but they made Kim tremendously angry because they’re dirty and they poop a lot on the grass, and they also irritate her because Kris used his bare hands to clean their eye boogers. But what really irritated her about the dogs was that Kris insisted they sleep in the bed with them, which Kim hated because her sheets were silk and their hair is oily and they have dander and other gross things. She was also annoyed with the way Kris brushed his teeth, because he did it so aggressively that he got toothpaste splatter all over the mirror. Kim was very vocal to Kris about all the things he did to drive her crazy, but Kris really wasn’t interested in picking out every little thing Kim did that frustrated him. Instead, he just voiced his grievances to other people and said how it made him angry that Kim was such a control freak and would not let anyone else have their way.
“I’ve got to admit – I am terrified.” – Kris
Kris (the mom) was very instrumental in planning Khloe’s wedding, and so Kim assumed her mom would want to do the same for her big day. But Kris spent most of the episode recuperating from a facelift she claimed she’d always wanted. And while all of the children sat there in the waiting room before Kris was wheeled in to have her work done, Kim was the only one who bothered to tend to her mother’s needs while she was healing after the procedure. Kim even spent the night with her mom after she got out of surgery, watching over her and making sure the blood was draining out of her forehead correctly. After Kris healed and was looking pretty great again, she told Kim she was disappointed that her other children didn’t care about how she had major (questionable!) surgery and they only paid attention to her when they wanted to know something about the Kardashian business. So Kim went over to Khloe’s house and semi-scolded her for not being there when her mom needed her, and Khloe came up with the idea that they all get together and cook her dinner for their mom and make her a little booklet full of pictures that would show her she was loved. And while it was a very nice idea and Kris was very grateful to know her kids truly did care about her, Kris doesn’t seem to understand or realize that her kids always let her down when it comes to the important things, and that they’re constantly apologizing to her for acting poorly. The problem is she doesn’t realize the only positive energy she gets from them is when they’re trying to right their wrongs.
“The fact that Kris is late is disrespectful to me, disrespectful to my mom…” – Kim
Kim met her mom at some store to pick out the china she would have at her wedding, and it came out that the 1,000th thing that bothered Kim about Kris was his tardiness. She was mostly just embarrassed because people were waiting to show the group all the china they had, but she let her emotions take over and she called up Kris and left him the meanest voicemail ever, saying “who do you think you are that you can be late to appointments?” and “being late is so tacky of you!” From the way Kim reacted about Kris’ lateness, you would have thought he was 3 hours late but in reality it was only something like 10 minutes, and so when he finally arrived the shopping began and none of the sales people seemed terribly inconvenienced. Kris (Kim’s mom) was a little ticked off at Kris (Kim’s fiancé) for being late because she canceled a consultation with her plastic surgeon to help them pick out the china, and so for the rest of the day she made jokes about how they could probably pick out crappy china because if he was late again, there wasn’t even going to be a wedding. Kris (the fiancé) didn’t find it funny and instead of going along with the jokes, he criticized Kris’ (the mom) taste in china and said the forks she liked looked too weird to eat off of.
“I am worried about Kris Humphries. I do not know his intentions.” – Khloe
Khloe and Kourtney threw an engagement party for Kim and Kris at Khloe’s house and while everyone was having a good time, Khloe was off to the side telling someone how she questioned Kris’ intentions with Kim and wondered whether or not he was marrying her to get a leg up in the entertainment industry. Unfortunately for her, Kris walked in and overheard what she was saying about him and confronted her about having the audacity to question his love for Kim when she only married Lamar after knowing him for three weeks. Khloe took it one step further and pointed out to him that Kim was a brand and that he’s gained significant notoriety for being with her, and she was just wondering how truly dedicated to his fiancée he was. Kris was very offended and he stormed out of the room. Then Khloe remembered how her mom was so insistent on she and Lamar signing a pre-nup that she walked into her mom’s office and reminded her it was important that she push Kim and Kris to sign a pre-nup as well, so the family and their stores and all their business deals would be protected in the event that Kris and Kim divorced. Kris (the mom) dialed up the family attorney and was troubled to hear that even though Kim and Kris received the pre-nup weeks ago, neither one of them had signed it.
“It would really break my heart if Kris didn’t like this location.” – Kim
Kim knew what she wanted her wedding to look like since she was 10 years old, and so it wasn’t very hard for her to get in touch with the caterers, the florist, the pastry chefs, the music people, and get all those other details in place. Where she ran into trouble was with Kris, who said he wanted to be involved with the planning and that every detail of the ceremony and party had to be approved by him. But this was harder than it sounded because Kris really didn’t want the wedding to be too “girly” and “sparkly,” and so he made the task of solidifying all the details unpleasant because his taste was completely different from Kim’s. He essentially delayed the selections of the cake, the place settings, and the flowers -- and while it was kind of nice to see him be actively involved, he sometimes came across as obstinate and domineering and it almost would have been a nicer gesture if he just let Kim plan everything. Kim was most nervous about showing him the location she wanted to use, which was at someone’s sprawling mansion. She reportedly had her heart set on getting married there for years, and the minute Kris insisted on being a part of the organizing she became nervous that Kris wouldn’t realize this aspect of the wedding was the most important to her and would fight her on it. But luckily, Kris was able to appreciate how beautiful the scenery was, and he agreed without hesitation that it was hands down the best place for them to get married.
“That’s not okay. I’m definitely confronting her.” – Kim
After Kim and Kris paid for the venue where they would get married and were driving home, Kris told Kim that at the engagement party Khloe told him she questioned his reasons for being with Kim and suspected he didn’t have good intentions in marrying her. This sent Kim into a rage, and so she obviously went right over to Khloe’s house and asked her why she would assume the worst about Kris. Khloe explained she was just concerned because Kim was so successful and wonderful and had so much money that she was worried Kris was marrying her to try and build up a name for himself. Kim was shocked at Khloe’s thought process, and said if she was going to be so negative that she didn’t have to go to the wedding at all. But quite honestly, Khloe brought up a good point – and it’s not unheard of for someone to marry someone famous so they can improve their own standings in society. And considering the way Kris acted like such a jerk to Khloe throughout the whole episode, Khloe wasn’t tremendously out of line in questioning Kris. Kim, however, thought she was and really didn't seem to mind that one of her sisters wouldn't be at the wedding.
The second episode of Kim's Fairytale Wedding airs tonight at 9PM EST on E!, and check back tomorrow to read another recap!