In that spirit, we present 15 things we imagine Michael might have wanted for his very exclusive final engagement.
1. For everyone in attendance to be sprayed with a light mist of White Diamonds on their way in, so they all smell like Michael’s bff Elizabeth Taylor.
2. For Janet to flash the same radiant smile that she did in the “Love Will Never Do Without You” video. MJ’s little sister has been looking real down. If necessary, shirtless video cohort Antonio Sabato Jr. can be brought in to facilitate, as he's not doing much these days.
3. For MJ's musical rival Prince to show up unexpectedly, sob uncontrollably, confess that he always believed MJ to be the more talented icon, and gush that he found "Man in the Mirror" truly inspiring.
4. For LaToya to read the passage from the Guinness Book of World Records that lists Thriller as the biggest selling album of all time. Michael revealed that setting this record and getting in the book was one of the happiest times in his life.
5. For Debbie Rowe, Arnold Klein, Conrad Murray, the LAPD and all bankers, lawyers, pharmacists and other Jackson saga outliers to shake hands, sing a few verses of “We are the World” and move on with their lives.
6. For Bubbles the Chimp, exiled from Neverland Ranch in 2003, to be flown in especially for the event. Seat him next to Tito.
7. For his three children to be able to attend, sans feathered masks, without getting their pictures taken by paparazzi. And for them to be seated as far, far away from their evil mastermind of a grandfather, Joe Jackson.
8. To be buried with dirt flown in from countries around the world, symbolizing the many far reaches of Earth that his music touched.
9. For attendees to avoid any zombie-related "Thriller" jokes, no matter how tempting. Doing the dance: also not okay.
10. To be buried in his trademark fedora, sparkly cardigan, white socks and sequined glove. MJ has to look fresh when he moonwalks through the pearly gates.
11. To be buried with one of his 13 Grammys, preferably the award Thriller won in 1984 for Album of the Year. At its peak, the album sold one million copies worldwide per week.
12. For all of his brothers to shun their suitcoats and instead wear red leather Thriller jacket replicas in homage. And for the burial not to be taped for Jermaine, Jackie, Marion, Randy and Tito's forthcoming reality series.
13. All other attendees should wear this t-shirt:
14. For Macaulay Culkin to read the rap he lip-synched in Michael's "Black or White" video. "I'm not gonna spend my life being a color." is a sentiment MJ truly lived his multi-toned life by.
15. For his headstone to read "Artist of the Millennium." Jackson mistakenly thought he was accepting this award from Britney Spears at MTV's Video Music Awards in 2002, when in fact she was just wishing him a happy birthday. An awkward acceptance speech ensued, and the crowd gave Michael a standing ovation nonetheless.
If Jackson was able to rouse the crowd to their feet by accepting an award he hadn't even won, he's probably deserves the title he thought he had nabbed. After the legacy MJ created in his lifetime and the extended performance of his death, it's hard to imagine anyone else coming along in the next 1,000 years to top him.