Rocker Joan Jett is set to make history at the Revolver Golden Gods Awards this year (14) when she becomes the first female to receive the prestigious Golden God title. The I Love Rock 'n' Roll hitmaker will follow in the footsteps of previous honourees Motorhead, KISS star Gene Simmons and Alice Cooper, who have all taken home the top prize at the Los Angeles event in recent years.
Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose will be another big winner - he will be presented with the Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement accolade. Metallica took home the award at last year's (13) ceremony.
Meanwhile, Black Sabbath, Avenged Sevenfold and Korn are among the multiple nominees for the prizegiving, which honours the best in heavy metal.
Ozzy Osbourne's group and their comeback release 13 will face off against Avenged Sevenfold's Hail to the King and Korn's The Paradigm Shift for Album of the Year, while Jonathan Davis (Korn) and M. Shadows (Avenged Sevenfold) have been shortlisted for Best Vocalist, as have Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) and Ivan Moody (Five Finger Death Punch).
The Best Guitarist category will be a fight between Tony Iommi (Black Sabbath) Munky & Head (Korn), Synyster Gates & Zacky Vengeance (Avenged Sevenfold), John Petrucci (Dream Theater), Jerry Cantrell (Alice in Chains) and Zoltan Bathory & Jason Hook (Five Finger Death Punch), while Geezer Butler (Black Sabbath), Fieldy (Korn) and Johnny Christ (Avenged Sevenfold) are among the nominees for Best Bassist.
Best Live Band nods go to Lamb of God, Rob Zombie, Slayer and Motley Crue, among others, and Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Nine Inch Nails and Queens of the Stone Age will compete for Comeback of the Year.
The awards, not to be confused with Metal Hammer's Golden Gods in the U.K., will take place at Club Nokia in L.A. on 23 April (14).
The police official who helped Guns N' Roses star Dj Ashba realise his dream of proposing to Colombian actressNathalia Henao high above Las Vegas last year (13) has retired rather than accept a demotion for violating department policy. Captain David O'Leary helped the guitarist pull off an elaborate wedding proposal by arranging a flight on an official helicopter.
The 25 year old, who oversaw the Las Vegas Financial Crimes Bureau, retired last month (Dec13) after learning he was to be demoted to the rank of lieutenant.
His sidekick, Ray Horsley, who piloted the helicopter, is to be transferred out of the Air Support Detail later this month (Jan14), and he will no longer be allowed to fly for the department, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
The disciplinary action follows a four-month investigation, which was sparked by Ashba in September (13) when he posted a photo of himself and Henao wearing helicopter headgear on Instagram.com, accompanied by a note in which he thanked the Las Vegas police department for "the most amazing" private helicopter tour over the city.
New mother FERGIE decided to name her son after rocker Axl Rose after feeling her unborn baby kick for the first time as she dreamed about attending a concert by the Guns N' Roses star. The Black Eyed Peas hitmaker reveals she was woken up by her son's powerful thrust and she knew in that moment that she wanted to give her first child with husband Josh Duhamel the unique moniker.
During a pre-taped interview with U.S. talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, which airs on Wednesday afternoon (20Nov13), she explains, "I had this dream, and I was in the audience at the festival. It was outdoors and it was all grimy and nobody knew who I was. On stage singing was Jim Morrison and then came Bob Marley and then Axl Rose. I was in heaven in this dream, and I'm dancing and just getting into the music.
"It was really beautiful and I woke Josh up and I said, 'Honey, honey, honey, he kicked me! He finally kicked me!"
The couple settled on Axl Jack, the latter a tribute to Fergie's late uncle, when the tot was born in August (13) and she admits, "(The name) just had this ring to it. It was very strong."
It's fitting that Avril Lavigne's latest single is called "Here’s to Never Growing Up," because her black wedding dress looks exactly like what an emo 14-year-old girl would want for her dream wedding. But really, what else would we expect from our favorite punk princess?
Lavigne married fellow Canadian and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger on July 1 (Canada Day!) in the South of France. They shared their wedding pics with Hello Canada (which is a real magazine that actually exists), officially making them the most Canadian couple of all time.
Along with her black Monique Lhuillier dress, Lavigne carried a bouquet of black roses and sported her usual healthy dose of eyeliner. She's probably wearing Converse under her dress as well. It looks like Avril isn't giving up her goth punk style anytime soon.
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We've long waited for a more personal look into the life of the Doctor and his adventures. And oh, did things ever get personal tonight during writer Neil Gaiman's return to Doctor Who, "Nightmare in Silver." The penultimate chapter in series (oops, sorry Americans: season) 7 found our fair Doctor battling one of his oldest enemies: the Cybermen. Seemingly extinct for thousands of years at this point in time and space, the oft-hokey baddie went ahead and upgraded itself for 2013 — causing a turn for the terrifying at Hedgewick's World of Wonders, the now-defunct theme park planet home that once was the most terrific place in time and space. The biggest and the best there ever was: so what happened?
The Recap Itself
Well: the Cybermen have been reborn and they're hardly the bad guy we remember (that's a good thing). The Doctor arrived at Hedgewick's with Clara, Artie, and Angie (her two wards from the first episode, "The Bells of Saint John") in tow, only to discover that the planet theme park is now closed by Imperial Order from the Emperor of the human race that we later learn to be actor Warwick Davis, a.k.a. Porridge.
Davis' work as the Emperor stands alone, to me, as one of the best guest stars the show has seen this season, and his parallels with the Doctor and his scenes with Clara were some of the best moments of emotional expositing we've encountered. From his mourning of the Tiburion Galaxy ("I feel like a monster sometimes. Because instead of mourning a million trillion dead people, I just feel for the bloke who had th push the button.") to the secrets he kept to protect his people, the parallels between the Emperor and the Doctor were great. The Emperor — just like the Doctor — abandoned his home planet to protect the human race. Lonely monsters indeed.
We also met the weirdly Willy Wonka-esque Webly, who has his own ship of Wonders burrowed into the ground, complete with wax work (like the phrase "human wax works" was seen on alley signs in "The Crimson Horror"?) statues of some of the most infamous creatures the universe has ever seen. And if that wasn't enough to give you a serious case of the heeby-geebies, surely the next bit would.
How about a game, friends? Better yet: how about a game of chess with a Cyberman! Eek. Seems a simple enough task, but sure did turn high stakes rather quickly. Chess seems to be a bit of repetitive storytelling, as it was this very game that he used to manipulate the man that worked for The Silence in "The Wedding of River Song." (Live chess to be exact. Man's name was Gantok.) But yet, the game of chess goes from simple to deadly after a group of Cybermites (one of a seeming unending and constantly evolving set of upgrades the clunky baddies made to become truly terrifying) have attached themselves to the Doctor to be upgraded into the system, and therefore fully integrated to what are — according to a plaque on the wall — "The Great Enemy." But if the enemy is so Great, why didn't they use that crazy-fast-run-walk-speedy-thingy all the time? Certainly to unwit the Doctor, you must outrun him. And nothing is scarier than the thought of someone who could ever outrun the Doctor.
Turns out the Cybermen were alive the whole time, merely in wait — but waiting for what? Waiting for children, or a savior of a kind? But if it was just anyone they wanted — why not use Webly or the Emperor or one of the members of the Imperial Guard? Because these Cybermen, I think, were waiting for either the Doctor or his companions. (Because who else can defeat the Doctor but the Doctor himself, eh?)
Now it seems, the Doctor is fighting against time at both ends — stuck yet again in the middle of two warring sides.
Clara is put in charge of the guard and they head off to the "comical castle," which is just a lovely way for Gaiman to inject a bit of humor into the episode's seemingly perma-zingy dialogue. Gaiman was at his best when characters were communicating with one another. Except of course, when he was at his greatest — which was when he was writing for the Doctor and this Cyber-Planner alterna-Doctor.
Here, for me, is where the episode really sung and Gaiman's strengths were most effective: Matt Smith playing two sides of himself. I know I'm prone to a bit of hyperbole here and there (and everywhere), but seriously: Matt's Doctor/Cyber-Planner/Mr. Clever (which, "clever" !!!!) moments were a tightrope act of balance and performance that he pulled off with a level of deft and precision that I thoroughly enjoyed. Honestly, it's such a delight to see the Doctor's wits used against him and Smith pulls it off with a startling intelligence. Playing those different aspects of the Doctor's personality against one another is where Smith's talents as an actor shine the brightest, I think. My Doctor might always been Ten, but Eleven really has won me over this season. His performances are always far more dynamic that many fans give them credit for because it's hard to see just how nuanced they are until all the pieces have been set. When people go back for a second look at this season, they'll like it a lot more than they do now.
But let's get back to the story. Hedgewick's World of Wonder was simply a trap designed to capture children to use to make more Cybermen. Children's brains are far more malleable and therefore, easily upgraded. Children are the future, as they say. (Teach them well and let them lead the waaaaay!) Infinite potential, which in turn means they're so much more than just a bunch of spare parts for repairs. Apparently, the next model of Cybermen "will be undefeatable."
Undefeatable, likely due to the Doctor's mind. And in his mind we learn so much and yet so little — only what the Doctor wants Mr. Clever here to see.
Like the moments of regeneration. Which: Hello! We need to talk about this. The giant explosion between Ten and Eleven is a bit of a game-changer, is it not? Because it gives us an alternate we never thought of: what if something happened between Ten and Eleven. And what was that "thing"? What does it mean? Was there once a missing Doctor there? Is he sealed within the Time War? Is Eleven actually not the Eleventh Doctor, but the Twelfth? The moment didn't give us much, visually. But here's what we saw in that "explosion":
It looked like the wisps of regeneration, but with a green light in the right-hand corner. Is that a planet? The one from Ahkaten? Or, is that when Oswin Oswald erased him from history, in turn creating a paradox (where there are two Doctors living two different realities of time (with him and without him)? I wonder if [POTENTIALLY SPOILERY STUFF AHEAD] this weird blip in time is what ties John Hurt's upcoming guest role in the 50th into the storyline. [POTENTIALLY SPOILERY STUFF DONE] All the other Doctor renegerations flowed fluidly from one to the next up until that point: why was it so disruptive when Ten rengerated into Eleven? (Or is this all just because Ten was feelin' bratty and not ready to let go at the end there?)
The Doctor used his threat of insta-regeneration to successfully keep Mr. Clever from fully integrating the Doctor's brain into the main Cyber hub. "After me, who knows what'll pop out," the Doctor threatened. There's .223% of the Doctor's brain up for grabs, and whoever controls this controls the whole Doctor. What is that .223%? Is that the mental Clara block? Is there a battle between the two Doctors to control Clara, or is that .223% the "sliver of ice" that Emma Grayling mentioned during "Hide"? Regardless, it's apparently nothing a wee game of chess can't solve.
So we all know that the Doctor's been eliminating himself from history (thanks to the help of good ole Oswin Oswald), but did he not consider the fact that doing so could cause one seriously epic paradox? All the good he'd done just, what, vanished without consequence? Please. The repercussions are bound to be insane. Because as Mr. Clever told us: "You know you could be reconstructed by the hole you've left." Like... out of spare parts? ("We didn't have the parts." - a line from one of those clocks from "The Girl in the Fireplace." AGAIN, I know! I'm obsessed.) Perhaps this is why the Doctor's companions are all being chased after: through their eyes and minds the Doctor can be reconstructed and used as a weapon.
Still, the Doctor has a golden ticket, and utilized that gold to interfere with the Cyber-interface, giving him slightly greater (albeit temporary) control over the flip and flop between Mr. Clever and himself. And in those moments, the Doctor is able to leverage a side of him we rarely ever see him use: his emotions. Emotions are seen as the enemy, and losing the game of chess was an act of emotion that landed the Doctor in a position of control again (also thanks to Porridge's expertly-timed entrance into the fold with the cybertech-killing hand-thingy). Oh also also Time Lords invented chess. What a bunch of clever folks!
They're not the only clever ones, though: turns out Angie figured out pretty early on that Porridge was in fact the long-missing Emperor of the human race. Upon defeating Mr. Clever and all of the Cybermen, we were transported to a ship that looked a heck of a lot like the place where Rose Tyler and Nine saw the world explode. And here, again, we see the world explode.
The Emperor finishes out the episode with a monologue about how people will keep a close eye on him now that he's been found. A post he calls the loneliest in the universe: being the emperor. A job, Clara insisted, didn't have to mean he was lonely. Naturally, the Emperor has fallen a bit for Clara (haven't we all in a way?) and offers her a proper marriage proposal: Clara, Queen of the Universe! One small hitch: Clara does not want to rule a thousand galaxies. Lucky for the Emperor though, because if he's still looking, it's a title Angie seems quite keen to tackle: "When someone asks you to be Queen of the Universe, you say yes. You watch. One day: I'll be Queen of the Universe." Ooh snap, could Angie be Liz Ten from the early days of Amy and Eleven ("The Beast Below")? I think I'd like that, really.
Loose Ends:- Angie got a new phone as a "gift from the TARDIS." Interesting!- "See you next Wednesday." Oh, wait, does Clara only go on adventures with the Doctor on Wednesdays? He says, "Well, A Wednesday," signifying that he never knows when he'll see her next, either. - Upon making a slightly objectifying comment about Clara: "What are you?" the Doctor asks himself. And for once, I don't think he's talking about Clara.
Next week's episode is going to be a DOOZY:
Oh my — Clara born to save the Doctor, eh? Well I have long being saying her life was part of something bigger. And hoo boy, do I have some theories for you!
The Nerdy Stuff
Holy cats, you guys. OK — now let's talk about the good stuff: fun theory crazy shenanigan time. There's a lot of subversive stuff going on that has continued throughout this season: leaving the TARDIS far away from the center of the action, and there's just so much emphasis on whether or not the Doctor has a plan. For the past few episodes especially, it seems particularly pointed, the way they're constantly mentioning how The Doctor doesn't have a plan (when he usually always does. But as we know, rule one: The Doctor lies.), which in turn causes the humans in the stories to step up and solve the problems du jour. Sure, these companions have all been human thus far, but each one has been mentioned or referenced this season. Every single one: it's as if they're all connected.
Which in turn feels, to me, like an attempt on Steven Moffat's part to link the past, classic Doctor Who to its current, new-Who iteration. Allow me to explain what I mean.
We already know that experimentation has come up a few times. Again, I feel brought back to "The Girl in the Fireplace," a.k.a. Madame Du Pompadour a.k.a. Reinette. A name which is awfully close to The Rani (Reinette meaning "Little Queen" and The Rani meaning "Queen" as well). We never fully got an explanation as to whom The Rani is/was: could that be Clara? We've seen different aspects of the Rani's time throughout Matt Smith's version of the Doctor in "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship" (the Rani's TARDIS was destroyed by a T-Rex), and even in Clara's two trips to the industrial revolution ("The Snowmen" and "The Crimson Horror"). Plus, the Rani's name was known in old Who as Ushas. And Ushas is a religious diety often spoken of in the plural ("the dawns"), sent to ward off evil. Could Clara be the sum of all parts (the companions), born to save the Doctor thanks to Rose? Ushas was often represented as a reddish cow: Clara's always wearing red and when the TARDIS showed her image in "Hide," she called it a cow. Could also explain why the TARDIS may not like Clara so much.
Also seems interesting to note the tie-in/coincidence that River Song's name was Mel/Melody Pond, and the Doctor's companion during the time he fought the Rani was Mel/Melanie Bush (Well, her family name was never revealed on-screen, but production notes refer to her as Melanie Bush). When you look at the two words "pond" and "bush," well: they're both the result of what happens when nature nutures itself (water being a key ingredient to life) And Melody Bush's involvement with the Doctor functioned quite a lot like how Melody Pond's has thus far (intersecting timelines that weren't linear). Could they be the same? And could Clara/The Rani be the same? Could John Hurt's character be the Valeyard? There also feels to be connections to the Meddling Monk from early classic Who. And we all know that monks are NOT cool!
Is all of this stuff with Matt Smith just the Doctor's way of rewriting time? And if Bad Wolf/Rose is involved, how does that connect? We know the Doctor's guru from Gallifrey back in his old, old days — in an episode titled "The Time Monster" from classic Who — pointed to a flower on a hill. Gallifrey was a red planet. What are the chances that it could've been a rose on that hill, you think? We've seen roses and red-hued things in every episode since Clara arrived.
What if Clara was the sum of all former companions built to be a super-companion by Rose/Bad Wolf in order to help the Doctor (I mean, she did see all that is and was) in his quest to do whatever it is that must ultimately be done in the 50th anniversary episode while simultaneously helping our Lonely Monster to remember who he is, what he does, and all that comes with that? After all, Nine gave up his life for Rose, and Rose always worried that she would lose the Doctor again (hence the intense love and attachment to Ten): sound familiar to Eleven's relationship with Clara, eh?
Perhaps Rose took on the energy of the Bad Wolf to mold him a perfect companion (Clara) and help him out when she couldn't be there: the perfect (too perfect?) foil. There's got to be something in here that relates to UNIT, though, as we have seen Clara wearing the UNIT pendant as a necklace before and we know they're coming back for the fiftieth. Maybe Clara will have to die senselessly and far from home as Mr. Clever here mentioned: but not yet.
And was anyone else reminded of Alfie Owens and his dad Craig when they saw that one chubby imperial guard who claimed to have heard about the Cybermen since he was in his cradle? Craig Owens (remember him and Sophie?)'s son Stormageddon a.k.a. Alfie (weird/interesting when you think of all the kids names: Alfie, Artie, Angie) may very well be a coincidence, but I'm not 100% sure. The whole "power of three" thing, coupled with the fact that those three kids feel like they could possibly be part of River Song's team of archeologist helpers from "Silence in the Library" makes me think there's a bigger possibility here. The children borne of the Doctor's deeds and doings, taken care of by his wife, River Song, and watched over by their governess and nanny, Clara. Keys to a bigger puzzle. Of course it could just be a coincidence, but still worth nothing, I think.
This all feels like a set-up not to reveal the Doctor's actual name, but perhaps another title or destiny that he had that he wanted to change. Certainly a big enough way to change the scope of the series that both honors the past and looks ahead, doesn't it? Perhaps that's the reason for the dissonance fans feel between episodes. The Doctor had to fight all these battles in order to remember how to beat whatever this reconstruction of him is (I'm convinced this has something to do with John Hurt's character in the 50th), which is why he must run — but also, eventually, remember.
And this is where I think John Hurt's character comes into play: an amalgamation of all the Doctor's past renegerations through the eyes/souls/minds of his old companions, which is in turn utilized to reconstruct the Doctor into some sort of special being. But who could it be: The Valeyard? The Meddling Monk? The Master? The Celestial Toymaker? Perhap it was all put in motion when the Doctor put all of his past memories and lives into the dying star/Grandfather in the "Rings of Ahkaten"? Perhaps all of that was a trap to give it infinite life thanks to Clara's Most Important Leaf in Human History.
When it comes to the part of what's at play here: the idea of the Celestial Toymaker is, personally, most appealing to me. The connection to Blackpool (a town Clara mentions) may hint at this — she was lost in Blackpool before her mother found her as a girl — as it was the place where the Toymaker was banished to by the sixth Doctor: sealed within a forcefield made up of his own thoughts, trapped for seemingly ever. He had used mirrors to create clockwork duplicates to defeat the Doctor, but failed. Which: clocks. (Bespoke engineering? Apparently I'm seriously obsessed with "The Girl in the Fireplace," you guys.) It could also tie in to the Dream Lord because messing with a person's dream sounds like a sort of game and the Celestial Toymaker loved games.
Massive undertaking, no doubt, but would anyone really expect anything less of this series? I never understood why people were so against Moffat's run, and perhaps that's because I tend to believe that there's more at play with Moffat's idea for Doctor Who than can be seen until the full breadth of the story is realized. This half of the season feels serialized in a timey-wimey sort of way. It would also explain a lot of the holes fans feel have been popping up throughout Moffat's run.
I'm forever-convinced that Moffat's had this storyline in his head for years and years, and has been dropping hints of it in tiny ways since his first few appearances as a writer on this show. Perhaps this is his own way of tying up loose continuity ends while also including the mythical ole Cartmel Masterplan. Or maybe I just have way too much time on my hands, and/or give Moffat a bigger benefit of a doubt than I should. But I'm betting it's not the latter.
This episode may polarize fans because the successes and failures of it are squarely pegged in the place where "episodic" and "overarching thematic storyline" meet. Which means it's a struggle between old and new Who in a lot of ways: do you want big, flashy stories or episode-by-episode fun? It feels to me like this is an attempt to give us both, but until everything is revealed to the audience, it won't feel that way. And that's why when Gaiman's strengths were good, they were really good, but the parts that weren't (the fast-walking Cybermen only use that fast-walking bit sometimes even when it is highly effective) felt a bit lazy.
Next week's episode of Doctor Who is the finale. We're positively bubbling (OK, maybe more like gurgling) with thoughts and anticipation: the fields of Trenzalore! The fall of the eleventh! Doctor WHO? The return of River Song (Alex Kingston)! Will she be pre- or post- The Library? "The Name of the Doctor" may prove itself to be the most interesting and potentially infuriating episode in Who history, as it will likely be a lead-in to the 50th Anniversary spectacular taking place in November.
Check out the prequel for next week's finale, "She Said, He Said," written by showrunner Steven Moffat, below:
Let us know what you thought of "Nightmare in Silver" in the comments!
Follow @AliciaLutes on Twitter
More:'Doctor Who' Recap: The Crimson Horror'Doctor Who' Recap: Journey to the Center of the TARDIS 'Doctor Who' Recap: Hide
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Jason’s body disappeared? Who cares! We’ll deal with that down the road! This episode features maybe the most independent visits to the coffee shop this show has ever seen, which means that it is full of random drama and also hard evidence that Emily actually does still work at the hottest spot in town.
The Liars are hanging out, drinking coffee at 3:00am on a Sunday night/Monday morning; everyone puts together the easiest puzzle in the world – it looks like CeCe is Red Hood! Hanna names our mystery gal “Red Coat,” which just isn’t as snappy as my fantastic moniker. Spencer isn’t paying attention to anything, and I’m getting the feeling that she’s using MapQuest on her phone to look up the nearest construction zone – where in the world is Toby? While PLL never takes its time with a storyline, the show has really handled itself well in keeping Toby off the screen and giving Spencer the space to go legitimately crazy.
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Hanna, meanwhile, is a really great snoop and is able to read Spencer’s phone — Spencer has a text from Wren, making sure she’s okay after the Mona scuffle. Hanna is wearing a wonderful plaid jacket, and Ashley Benson is currently jetting all over Europe to promote Spring Breakers (check her Instagram from the glamour). I am so jealous of Ashley Benson, because she is Hanna Marin as well as all of these other life perks. Spring Breakers is going to be my favorite movie of all time.
Regardless, Creepy Detective Wilden barges into the coffee shop and rudely interrupts this dour hangout. However, Hanna has the greatest alibi: “Drinking coffee is not a crime.” Creepy Detective wants everyone to stop talking about the Ali pregnancy rumor, and Hanna clearly sticks her neck out as the one that is spreading dirt. Whatever, it is time for these ladies and get some sleep before classes in the morning! Good thing the wonderful students at Rosewood never have to go to actual class. Goodnight, Creepy Detective.
Aria heads into Ezra’s apartment… and Papa Fitz is back! The boyfriend is home! An awkward moment starts the reunion because Aria is leaving a voicemail for Wes while she steps into the apartment. Oops. Ezra and Aria have a weird conversation about the repercussions of having babies after high school and not calling your underage girlfriend back, but it looks like Rosewood’s Odd Couple is going to stick it out. Love! It is real! Ezria is back in action, but it’s only a matter of time before this relationship meets the craziest drama on television. Aria is wearing amazing metallic red leggings, but it seems like she enjoys wearing them a little too much because she does not take them off the entire episode. I also learned that Aria is a vegan. Another note: Aria starts the scene looking really beautiful and ends the scene looking like a chubby baby. What is going on with this girl?
PornStarMom and Hanna are wearing match-ish outfits while strolling through Downtown Rosewood for their morning coffee: PornStarMom is wearing a bright pink top under her black blazer, while Hanna is wearing a chic black top under her popping blue blazer. What a duo, these two. Creepy Detective pushes CeCe into his car, and gives Hanna an evil glare – there’s too much happening in this sketchy town! PornStarMom and Ali slept with the same man! That’s the rumor! This isn’t going to end well, let me tell you.
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Melissa is back from whatever excuse the writers’ room cooked up and tries to give Spencer a pep talk, but Melissa’s hair looks absolutely awful. This must be the reason Spencer can’t get out of bed. Maybe Spencer would be able to wake up if she didn’t drink coffee at 3:00am. Spencer eventually makes it to school, but she spends her entire day sitting in an empty classroom. AGAIN – THERE ARE NO CLASSES AT ROSEWOOD, ALERT THE GOVERNMENT. Spencer wins Angsty Teen of the Year, and Aria’s Mother wins Best Teacher Giving Advice to a Student in an Empty Classroom. You can really tell Spencer is going through a hard time because she still can’t do her hair. My friend thinks Spencer looks really great with her unwashed hair. My friend is mentally insane, and definitely a little drunk.
Emily is shocked that Hanna would give money to a church (“YOU gave money to a CHURCH?”), and doesn’t care at all that Uncle Father might be stealing from the church/his new employer. Okay, that’s not really true, but Emily brushes off Hanna’s suspicious like it’s the most ridiculous thought in the world.
After school, Paige hangs out in her car, listening to super loud lesbian pop and searching for the address of the Rosewood Costume Shop with her car’s built-in Bing computer. Bing is the worst search engine in the history of the human race, but ABC Family is still trying to convince us that Bing can solve any problems. Last time I accidentally searched on Bing (search: “Rihanna Terry Richardson”), I think I received results that linked me to Dora the Explorer coloring books. Always use Google for your Rihanna image searches, people. Always turn to Google. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RIHANNA!!! Would Rihanna ever make a PLL cameo? No? Can’t you let a boy dream?
Anyway, Hanna and Emily roll up to Paige’s car, and Paige tries to pretend that she is not a conniving lesbian; thankfully, her loud lesbian pop and secret Bing searching show that she is very guilty of being conniving and being a lesbian. Hanna gives Paige the most sass possible, and once again Hanna attacks someone that deserves to lose. Hanna is fighting for the goodness of all of humanity. Hanna is our savior. Amen to Hanna. Bible.
Emily and Hanna join in the trip to the costume shop, where Shayna/Shauna/Shawna is running things like a good lesbian does – blaring crazy awful loud lesbian pop music. Everyone engages in the awkward lesbian triangle at play, until Emily and Hanna snap out of it and snap into action; Emily “goes to the bathroom,” while Hanna distracts Shayna/Shauna/Shawna by asking stupid questions regarding the fabrics of Halloween costumes (“I love fashion!”). This is one of those costume shops where the “medieval garment” cost $7 to make and is then sold for $77 dollars plus tax. Emily successfully emails herself the confidential information about people who have purchased the Evil Queen of Hearts Train Choker costume, and everyone escapes with only slight lesbian side-eye.
Aria is doing all of her homework at the coffee shop when Mrs. Fitzgerald comes in with her ugly rich clothes and hideous wig. See you next Tuesday, Mrs. Fitz! No one cares what you have to stay! Stop sabotaging Aria! Post-Halloween excursion, Hanna is worried about Shayna/Shauna/Shawn’s sexuality: “Do you even know that Shawna is gay? She didn’t even look at me!” Emily is clearly worried that Paige is cheating on her, and Emily honestly needs to get over it. Paige is the worst. If Paige ever cheated on Emily, God would murder her immediately. God would strike Paige down with a million lightening bolts.
PornStarMom and Creepy Detective are out to dinner — it looks like Creep Detective is trying to figure out exactly what Hanna knows about the whole Ali/CeCe scandal. I’m still having a hard time knowing that Creepy Detective slept with both PornStarMom and Ali. That’s absolutely outrageous. PornStarMom proves that she’s the baddest adult bitch (she gave birth to the baddest teen bitch): “I think you bought a glass of wine for the wrong person.” Date over. I feel like this might be the episode where I start calling PornStarMom by her actual character name (Ashley Marin) because she really does bring the serious heat by episode’s end. We’ll see…
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Back at the coffee shop, Spencer is completely alone; the coffee shop is really cashing in on lonely Liars. Wren shows up out of the blue, decides that he wants to be on the show again, and confesses that he also came to Spencer’s side the other night because he still has feelings for her. How adorable! Remember when you were macking with Hanna in the middle of a mental ward, Wren? Does Spencer know about that? Spencer and Wren head out for an actual date, even though Spencer still hasn’t washed her hair since the night she collapsed outside of Toby’s apartment. We will learn all about her showering habits by the end of the episode – exhilarating.
Spencer and Wren finish their date with a super romantic conversation about how Spencer stole a paperweight from her Nana’s house, and the two decide to kiss. Beautiful. Spencer has become rather horny post-Toby, no? From strip poker with Hot Nerdy Football Player to making out with Hot British Doctor in the middle of the street, Spencer is really having a difficult time. Important: Spencer spots Red Hood watching her post-kiss, but when Spence tries to follow, Red Hood is missing. Spooky.
Aria complains about her baby drama, and admits the Wesley kiss to Hanna and Emily. Mama Fitz and Ezra are getting into a massive fight when Aria shows up for dinner, and Ezra explains that he’s not backing down from his life: “I’m not going to apologize for loving you,” Ezra pleads to Aria in front of his mother, and the moment is almost too beautiful to handle. Thankfully, all of the earnest emotion is broken up by Mrs. Fitzgerald’s truly horrendous hair. That hair pierce is heinous. This is all boring me now.
Emily’s plaid vest makes her look like a giant lesbian while fighting with her lesbian girlfriend. Paige can’t understand why Emily is so stuck on keeping Paige out of the hunt for A, and Emily has to explain that this entire thing is bigger than Mona. Why is everyone in Rosewood so stupid? Clearly there is more going on here than just the girl that is now president of the brainiacs! Emily also lets on that “at first we thought it was CeCe” under the Red Hood, which means that a lot has happened in Emily’s brain since the girls were ready to 100 percent pin things on CeCe roughly 14 hours earlier. Also, Paige and Shayna/Shauna/Shawna (I spelled it three different ways in my notes, so we’re sticking to my consistency) dated over the summer! Did Emily take a trip to Haiti over the summer, or was Emily just blacked out the entire time from her brief flirtation with alcoholism? I don’t remember this trip to Haiti. Maybe I’ve been drunk this entire time.
Hanna misses her mother’s voicemail due to her incredibly loud music, as PornStarMom/Ashley really wants to talk to Hanna about the Creepy Detective Wilden accusations. Clearly PornStarMom thinks something is up after her creepy dinner with Creepy Detective; what she doesn’t know (yet) is that Wilden is following in his squad car as the two pull away from the restaurant. Clearly this is bad… when Wilden pulls PornStarMom over! He asks if she is sober! Wilden pulls PornStarMom out of the car, and he begins questioning her again on what Hanna actually knows: “Either you shut Hanna up or I will!” This sounds very much like a threat A once made to Spencer using day-glo paint inside a carnival (“Shut up or I’ll shut you up”), so clearly my r-A-dar (OMG, I’M HILARIOUS) is going off. When Wilden won’t get out of the way, PornStarMom runs him over with her car. Perfect. GO, ASHLEY. Everything bad happens in the middle of the Rosewood woods.
This is an entire paragraph from my notes: “Melissa, get a weave.”
Ezra’s favorite movie is Chinatown, which should surprise no one. Also unsurprising is when Aria’s perfect movie night is interrupted. Maggie calls Ezra in a tizzy – Mrs. Fitz owns Maggie’s condo, and Mrs. Fitz is getting ready to sell the property after the battle with Aria/Ezra. I’m already bored with this storyline. Wes needs to come back and shake things up for our perfect little couple and their wonky baby storyline. Or Aria’s brother needs to return from boot camp, reinstall the horrible rear view mirror on his desk, and start carrying a gun. Did Aria’s brother have a gun? I think I’m starting to make up old plots. I had a very high fever during last week’s episode, and as a result had very freakish PLL fever dreams. No one wants to hear these dreams, believe me.
At the Hastings residence, Spencer decides to finally take a shower… except for the fact that she can turn her shower into a giant makeshift steam room. Umm, Spencer? This is what Hannah did on Girls two weeks ago, which resulted in very bad things for Hannah and a very polarizing opinion from the general audience. Also, wash your damn hair. Spencer does not listen to the advice she could learn from television and gets trapped inside the steam as A manipulates the heat to 293 degrees Fahrenheit. A sexy Patrick Wilson does not rescue Spencer, but she is saved instead by a loyal and sweet Aria. I feel like Hannah wins in the long run, because she got to have sex with Patrick Wilson and is living in HBO’s Brooklyn, but at least Spencer is alive. There’s always a silver lining.
Emily walks in on CeCe running away, because suddenly Emily knows where CeCe lives; CeCe has never had a home on this show, only a boutique. CeCe and Emily sort of circle around all of the clues CeCe brought to the table regarding Ali and Wilden and Ali’s maybe pregnancy, but CeCe has to bolt because Wilden is mentally unstable. I love typing the name CeCe, and I have a feeling we’re not going to see her for a long time. That makes me very sad. CeCe had no idea who to trust in Rosewood, and since Emily shared the little pregnancy secret with everyone she’s ever friend requested on Facebook, it’s probably a good time to skip town. We do get one juicy tidbit while CeCe skips out the door: MELISSA HASTINGS TOOK THE PICTURE ON THE SAILBOAT. Melissa has always been evil and I’ve always hated her, so this really should not come as a big shock. Melissa has a lot of secrets.
PornStarMom is afraid that she killed Wilden with her car, so she goes to investigate the scene of the “crime” with Hanna. Wilden’s body is missing, which is PLL’s favorite move at the end of an episode. Also, Wilden’s cop camera recorded the entire sequence of events; I’m guessing that video will be important in the next arc? At the same time, Spencer tells Aria that she knows who’s helping Mona and is ready to loop the girls in. It seems that A’s attempt to murder Spencer through steam burns fixed Spencer’s brain, and she’s ready to tell her fellow Liars the truth about Toby. I can’t wait for this crazy to hit the public.
Night cap: Black Gloves is making a scary flower arrangement, which features some really beautiful roses marred by a scary “With Deepest Sympathy” banner. Black Gloves, why are you preparing this funeral arrangement? My favorite wink of the episode is the song the plays over this sequence, from Black Gloves’ record player, “Steam Heat,” from The Pajama Game. Get it? DO YOU GET IT? HAHAHA, TEAM A IS SO WITTY! This episode was even more boring than last week’s bonkers installment. I need someone to actually die instead of just disappear. I pick Paige.
[Image Credit: Eric McCandles/ABC Family(2)]
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Even if you're of the mindset that the awards no longer matter, it's hard not see the Grammys as a free televised concert coutesy of the biggest names in music. (Thanks, guys!) And while it's all the spirit of togetherness and musicianship, it's hard not to pit performers against each other. Who blew us away and who sank like rock in the Ocean?
Most Confusing Horror/Literary Reference: Taylor Swift
Her performance of "We Are Never Getting Back Together" opened with a Jigsaw lookalike reciting lines from "The Raven," before adding Alice in Wonderland characters to Taylor's sparkly ringleader, all so she could tie Glasses Guy to a psychadelic torture device for even thinking that they could like, ever, ever, ever get back together. It's still got a little too much of that T-Swizzle hubris though. Color us confused and amused.
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Most Baby-Making Performance: Miguel and Wiz Khalifa
Were you distracted by the sheer amount of stripes onstage during this performance? If your answer is "yes" then your TV's volume clearly wasn't turned up high enough. Miguel's vocals were everything we dreamed they would be live, and man, were they sexy. Yes, Wiz Khalifa was there too. But Miguel, you guys. The Grammys cruelly made him cap off his performance by announcing the Solo Country Performance nominees, and it was jarring, but that performance was still perfection.
Most Lena-Dunham-Pleasing Performance: fun.
Alright, this was cute, albeit a little lackluster. Their performance of "Carry On," what with its little floating light orbs and lack of Lena Dunham cutaways (she's dating the guitarist) was simply nice. After learning every last word to "Some Nights" and "We Are Young," two endlessly rousing pop songs, it's just hard to get really into it when they slow it down. Plus, when the mid-performance rainstorm came down on them, I was too distracted by wondering what happened to the instruments to really give the tune a chance. Lena Dunham sure liked it though.
Most Awkwardly Heartbreaking Performance: Frank Ocean
Ocean's performance was saved for last (we refuse to count the LL Cool J performance that was basically what happens when the Karaoke DJ closes down the bar for the night), and by all rights it should have been the best of the night. Ocean is widely regarded as one of the most important new voices in the music industry for both his talent and the courage it took for him to be openly gay in a community that's largely without that brand of honesty. So when he took the stage with "Forrest Gump," a song that openly celebrates his lifestyle, we wanted it to be perfect. But Ocean's vocals were off, causing him to go flat for most of the song. It was heartbreaking, and the radio silence from everyone, including the Staples Center audience, was a clear sign that a flub from Ocean was something none of us was able to really wrap our heads around.
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Best Justin Timberlake Comeback: Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z
The self-promotion was getting a little nutty, but by the time Ellen and Beyonce were girling out over JT onstage together, all annoyances were forgiven. JT is back! And he's in sepia tone! (Which is a move he may have stolen from Bruno Mars' last Grammy performance, but he pulls it off way better so we're going to go ahead and let that go.) And with a standing ovation from the Grammys crowd! JT didn't get nearly as dancey as he's generally wont to do, but watching him perform "Suit and Tie" with Jay-Z was an epic moment in musical history. And for the "Suit and Tie" haters, Justin tacked on "Pusher Love Girl" — a wonderful song until that point where you realize he's singing about Jessica Biel and not you.
Most Familiar, But Not in Annoying Way, Performance: Mumford and Sons
This looked a heck of a lot like the band's 2011 Grammy performance alongside Bob Dylan — between the straight line formation and the flashing lights behind them, it was all a little too familiar. But then, Marcus Mumford started breaking it down and melting hearts and suddenly, the staging mattered not. We will wait for you all damn day, boys. (And if we're not there, you can be sure super fan Taylor Swift will be.) Video coming soon
NEXT: Worst Psych! Performance Ever...
Worst Psych! Performance Ever: Bruno Mars' Bob Marley Tribute
Once the performance added Sting, Rihanna, and Ziggy and Damien Marley to get the crowd going for "Could You Be Loved," this sweet little tribute to Mr. Marley picked up and became something of a momentary beach party. But when it (and by "it," I mean a tribute to Bob Marley and not a moment of Bruno Mars' self-promo time) started, the first song sounded a hell of a lot like "Locked Out of Heaven," which is a Bruno Mars song and not a Marley tune. Oh, that's because it was? What other tribute started with someone's own music as opposed to the person being honored? Oh, none of them? So, Bruno Mars is the only ego-maniac dropping his own song into a tribute. Okay. Glad we got that straight.
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Most Unintentionally Disturbing Performance: Rihanna
In what should have been a great, intimate performance of "Stay," Rihanna made us all very uncomfortable. We knew she was at the show with Chris Brown, and we know how autobiographical she can be in her art. It was hard not to feel like she was singing this song to the man none of us can believe she's gone back to. Sorry, Gavin Purcell. Your assist was fine, but we're a little distracted here.
Performance Most Likely to Serve as a Really Affective Lullaby: It's a Tie! Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bentley/Ed Sheeran and Elton John
Miranda's a great singer, and she looked great in her sparkly dress, but there was something so sleepy about this performance. No level of Bruce Springsteen impression from Mr. Bentley could change that. And while aesthetics aren't really the crux of a good performance, the strange tree, Lambert's endlessly sparkly dress, and Bentley's devil-may-care chic went together about as well as Chris Brown and anything we like. The best part was watching Blake Shelton's proud gaze at his pretty wife, but that could just be because it was over.
Sir Elton, you are a legend. Ed (can I call you "Eddie"?), you're an adorable British singer-songwriter. This should have been more engaging. But this rendition of Sheeran's "The A-Team" just had me wondering, "Why isn't Beyonce performing tonight?" Hell, even Elton looked bored.
Performance That Was Most Likely to Be Way Better if Adam Levine Wasn't Involved: Alicia Keys
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Alicia Keys, wearing a sexy dress and banging the hell out of some drums before singing "This girl is on fire" like an Amazonian battle call, would have been a highlight of the evening if it wasn't followed by the Maroon 5 frontman trying to keep up with her. The last thing Ms. Keys needs is a sidekick.
Most Straight Up Incredible Performance: It's a Tie! The Black Keys with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band/Jack White
The Black Keys are already incredible live, and that's without any elaborate set pieces or flashy costumes. But when they added the New Orleans flair of the Preservation Hall Jazz Band to "Lonely Boy" (even if they Kelly-and-Michelle-ed the horn section's volume), it made the ubiqitous song brand new and thus, even more incredible.
Jack White, you magnificent bastard. As someone who's not normally a follower of our pastey friend, I have to admit, his performance of "Love Interruption" was a thing of beauty. Plus, he did it with the help of a band of lady musicians who look like they were plucked from a Victorian Uptopia. You've got me, Jack White.
NEXT: Best Redemption from a Past Idol Performance....
Best Redemption from a Past Performance on American Idol: Kelly Clarkson
Saying Kelly Clarkson ever wasn't perfect during a performance doesn't happen often, but when she sang "Natural Woman" on Idol, she was, well, less than perfect. But when Clarkson sang "Tennesse Waltz" for Patti Page and then "Natural Woman" as a tribute to Carole King. It was beautiful, and incredibly moving, and coming from someone as genuine as Kelly, it's a performance that's hard not to love.
Best Unadorned, Yet Perfect Performance: The Lumineers
All they did was stand together and sing "Ho Hey" with a few twinkly lights in the background. And it was perfect.
Worst Dance Moves: Carrie Underwood
For a girl who can sing the hell out of any song, especially "Blown Away," her performance blew us away for all the wrong reasons. Her vocals were great as always but the strange use of her Barbie prom dress as a movie screen for butterflies and clip art roses ruined it all. And if the light show wasn't distracting enough, the fact that there was clearly some life-size Barbie rack hidden under that dress preventing her from moving anywhere was disconcerting. If she would have just gone up there in a pretty dress and did her thing, she'd probably be remembered as one of the better performers of the night.
Best Ignored Tribute Because the Performers Aren't Mainstream Enough: Chick Corea, Stanley Clarke, and Kenny Garrett
This year, the jazz world lost Dave Brubeck, and the loss was crushing. Watching these guys deliver a sweet, simple rendition of Brubeck's "Take Five" was the perfect way to say "Thank you" to the legend, but apparently, this performance doesn't get an introduction from a pretty musical celeb. (It was so awesome, no one has yet put a video on the Internet.)
Most Surprisingly Awesome (And Not At All Annoying) Tribute From Five or More Performers: The Levon Helm Tribute
Elton John, Zac Brown, Mumford and Sons, Elton John, T Bone Burnett, Mavis Staples, and Brittany Howard from the Alabama Shakes on one stage? It sounds like a combination too overloaded to work, but when all these voices came together to deliver "The Weight," the song made famous by The Band, it was perfect harmony. Of course, Howard had to go and show everyone up (even Staples was impressed) with her too-perfect-words closing verse. Can we see an Alabama Shakes cover of the song soon, please?
Best Terrible American Idol Audition: Juanes
Dude, have you ever heard "Your Song" before? It doesn't sound like this. If this was American Idol, Nicki Minaj would be giving you a nickname, telling her she loves you boo, and sending you home to pursue other dreams.
Best Performance That Was Shorter Than a Teaser Trailer for the Actual Movie Trailer: Hunter Hayes
Dude, they give you a piano with your lyrics written all over it, and all you get to do is sing a few bars and then throw it Carrie Underwood and her technicolor dream dress?
Performance Most Likely to Make the Performer a Laughing Stock For the Foreseeable Future: LL Cool J
After Mumford and Sons were awarded their Album of the Year trophy, we were all ready to say goodnight, but LL Cool J insisted on continuing the show, like the guy who can't accept the bar is closing at 4 AM. He was still singing at the top of his lungs (or in this case, rapping) as the commercials started rolling and folks started filing out of the Staples Center. Sorry LL, but you're going to get a lot of s**t for this one.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
Forget actors for once. Sunday night marked the night of awards season when we got to focus on the best musical artists of the year. That's right — it was the 55th annual Grammy Awards! And it was one hell of a show. From Adele to Mumford & Sons to Frank Ocean, the best of the best in the industry walked away with awards.
Check out the full list of winners below!
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Winners Announced Live:
1. Best Pop Solo Performance: "Set Fire To The Rain [Live]," Track from: Live At The Royal Albert Hall, Adele
2. Best Country Solo Performance: "Blown Away," Track from: Blown Away, Carrie Underwood
3. Song Of The Year: "We Are Young," Track from: Some Nights, Jack Antonoff, Jeff Bhasker, Andrew Dost, and Nate Ruess, songwriters (Fun. Featuring Janelle Monáe)
4. Best Urban Contemporary Album: Channel Orange, Frank Ocean
5. Best Rock Performance: "Lonely Boy," Track from: El Camino, The Black Keys
6. Best Pop Vocal Album: Stronger, Kelly Clarkson
7. Best Rap/Sung Collabortion: "No Church In The Wild," Track from: Watch The Throne, Jay-Z and Kanye West Featuring Frank Ocean and The-Dream
8. Best Country Album: Uncaged, Zac Brown Band
9. Best New Artist: fun.
10. Record Of The Year: "Somebody That I Used To Know," Track from: Making Mirrors, Gotye Featuring Kimbra
11. Album Of The Year: Babel, Mumford & Sons
1. Best Pop Duo/Group Performance: Gotye Featuring Kimbra, Track from: Making Mirrors
2. Best Pop Instrumental Album: Impressions, Chris Botti
3. Best Dance Recording: "Bangarang," Track from: Bangarang, Skrillrex Featuring Sirah
4. Best Dance/Electric Album: Bangarang, Skrillex
5. Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album: Kisses On The Bottom, Paul McCartney
6. Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance: "Love Bites (So Do I)," Track from: The Strange Case Of..., Halestorm
7. Best Rock Song: "Lonely Boy," Track from: El Camino, Dan Auerbach, Brian Burton, and Patrick Carney, songwriters (The Black Keys)
8. Best Rock Album: El Camino, The Black Keys
9. Best Alternative Music Album: Making Mirrors, Gotye
10. Best R&B Performance: "Climax," Track from: Looking 4 Myself, Usher
11. Best Traditional R&B Performance: "Love On Top," Track from: 4, Beyonce
12. Best R&B Song: "Adorn," Miguel Pimentel
13. Best R&B Album: Black Radio, Robert Glasper Experiment
14. Best Rap Performance: "N****s In Paris," Track from: Watch The Throne, Jay-Z and Kanye West
15. Best Rap Song: "N****s In Paris," Track from: Watch The Throne, Shawn Carter, Mike Dean, Chauncey Hollis, and Kanye West, songwriters (W.A. Donaldson, songwriter) (Jay-Z & Kanye West)
16. Best Rap Album: Take Care, Drake
17. Best Country Duo/Group Performance: "Pontoon," Little Big Town
18. Best Country Song: "Blown Away," Blown Away, Josh Kear and Chris Tompkins, songwriters (Carrie Underwood)
19. Best New Age Album: Echoes Of Love, Omar Akram
20. Best Improvised Jazz Solo: "Hot House," Track from: Hot House, Gary Burton and Chick Corea
21. Best Jazz Vocal Album: Radio Music Society, Esperanza Spalding
22. Best Jazz Instrumental Album: Unity Band, Pat Metheny Unity Band
23. Best Large Jazz Ensemble Album: Dear Diz (Everyday I Think Of You), Arturo Sandoval
24. Best Latin Jazz Album: ¡Ritmo!, The Clare Fischer Latin Jazz Big Band
25. Best Gospel/Contemporary Christian Music Performance: "10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord," Track from: 10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman
26. Best Gospel Song: "Go Get It," Erica Campbell, Tina Campbell, and Warryn Campbell, songwriters (Mary Mary)
27. Best Contemporary Christian Music Song: "10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)," Track from: 10,000 Reasons, Jonas Myrin and Matt Redman, songwriters (Matt Redman)
28. Best Gospel Album: Gravity, Lecrae
29. Best Contemporary Christian Music Album: Eye On It, TobyMac
30. Best Latin Pop Album: MTV Unplugged Deluxe Edition, Juanes
31. Best Latin Album, Urban Or Alternative Album: Imaginaries, Quetzal
32. Best Regional Mexican Music Album (Including Tejano): Pecados Y Milagros, Lila Downs
33. Best Tropical Latin Album: Retro, Marlow Rosado Y La Riquena
34. Best Americana Album: Slipstream, Bonnie Raitt
35. Best Bluegrass Album: Nobody Knows You, Steep Canyon Rangers
36. Best Blues Album: Locked Down, Dr. John
37. Best Folk Album: The Goat Rodeo Sessions, Yo-Yo Ma, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer, and Chris Thile
38. Best Regional Roots Music Album: The Band Courtbouillon, Wayne Toups, Steve Riley, and Wilson Savoy
39. Best Reggae Album: Rebirth, Jimmy Cliff
40. Best World Music Album: The Living Room Sessions Part 1, Ravi Shankar
41. Best Children's Album: Can You Canoe?, The Okee Dokee Brothers
42. Best Spoken World Album: Society's Child: My Autobiography, Janis Ian
43. Best Comedy Album: Blow Your Pants Off, Jimmy Fallon
44. Best Musical Theater Album: Once: A New Musical, Steve Kazee and Cristin Milioti, principal soloists; Steven Epstein and Martin Lowe, producers (Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, composers/lyricists) (Original Broadway Cast With Steve Kazee, Cristin Milioti, and Others)
45. Best Compilation Soundtrack For Visual Media: Midnight In Paris, Various Artists
46. Best Score Soundtrack For Visual Media: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, composers
47. Best Song Written For Visual Media: Safe & Sound (From The Hunger Games), T Bone Burnett, Taylor Swift, John Paul White, and Joy Williams, songwriters (Taylor Swift Featuring The Civil Wars)
48. Best Instrumental Composition: "Mozart Goes Dancing," Track from: Hot House, Chick Corea
49. Best Instrumental Arrangement: "How About You," Track from: Centennial - Newly Discovered Works Of Gil Evans, Gil Evans, arranger (Gil Evans Project)
50. Best Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s): "City Of Roses," Track from: Radio Music Society, Thara Memory and Esperanza Spalding, arrangers (Esperanza Spalding)
51. Best Recording Package: Biophilia, Michael Amzalag and Mathias Augustyniak, art directors (Björk)
52. Best Boxed Or Special Limited Edition Package: Woody At 100: The Woody Guthrie Centennial Collection, Fritz Klaetke, art director (Woody Guthrie)
53. Best Album Notes: Singular Genius: The Complete ABC Singles, Billy Vera, album notes writer (Ray Charles)
54. Best Historical Album: The Smile Sessions (Deluxe Box Set), Alan Boyd, Mark Linett, Brian Wilson, and Dennis Wolfe, compilation producers; Mark Linett, mastering engineer (The Beach Boys)
55. Best Engineered Album, Non-Classical: The Goat Rodeo Sessions, Richard King, engineer; Richard King, mastering engineer (Yo-Yo Ma, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer & Chris Thile)
56. Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical: Dan Auerbach, El Camino (The Black Keys), Locked Down (Dr. John), Savage (Hacienda), Shakedown (Hacienda)
57. Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical: "Promises (Skrillex & Nero Remix)," Skrillex, remixer (Nero), Joseph Ray, Skrillex, and Daniel Stephens, remixers
58. Best Surround Soung Album: Modern Cool, Jim Anderson, surround mix engineer; Darcy Proper, surround mastering engineer; Michael Friedman, surround producer (Patricia Barber)
59. Best Engineered Album, Classical: Life & Breath - Choral Works By René Clausen, Tom Caulfield and John Newton, engineers; Mark Donahue, mastering engineer (Charles Bruffy and Kansas City Chorale)
60. Producer Of The Year: Blanton Alspaugh, Chamber Symphonies (Gregory Wolynec & Gateway Chamber Orchestra), Davis: Río De Sangre (Joseph Rescigno, Vale Rideout, Ava Pine, John Duykers, Kerry Walsh, Guido LeBron, The Florentine Opera Company & Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra), Gjeilo: Northern Lights (Charles Bruffy & Phoenix Chorale), In Paradisum (Brian A. Schmidt & South Dakota Chorale), Life & Breath - Choral Works By René Clausen (Charles Bruffy & Kansas City Chorale), Music For A Time Of War (Carlos Kalmar & The Oregon Symphony, Musto: The Inspector (Glen Cortese & Wolf Trap Opera Company)
61. Best Orchestral Performance: "Adams: Harmonielehre & Short Ride In A Fast Machine," Michael Tilson Thomas, conductor (San Francisco Symphony)
62. Best Opera Recording: "Wagner: Der Ring Des Nibelungen," James Levine and Fabio Luisi, conductors; Hans-Peter König, Jay Hunter Morris, Bryn Terfel and Deborah Voigt; Jay David Saks, producer (The Metropolitan Opera Orchestra; The Metropolitan Opera Chorus)
63. Best Choral Performance: "Life & Breath - Choral Works By René Clausen," Charles Bruffy, conductor (Matthew Gladden, Lindsey Lang, Rebecca Lloyd, Sarah Tannehill, and Pamela Williamson; Kansas City Chorale)
64. Best Chamber Music/Small Ensemble Performance: "Meanwhile," Eighth Blackbird
65. Best Classical Instrumental Solo: "Kurtág & Ligeti: Music For Viola," Kim Kashkashian
66. Best Classical Vocal Solo: "Poèmes," Renée Fleming (Alan Gilbert and Seiji Ozawa; Orchestre National De France & Orchestre Philharmonique De Radio France)
67. Best Classical Compendium: "Penderecki: Fonogrammi; Horn Concerto; Partita; The Awakening Of Jacob; Anaklasis," Antoni Wit, conductor; Aleksandra Nagórko and Andrzej Sasin, producers
68. Best Contemporary Classical Composition: "Hartke, Stephen: Meanwhile - Incidental Music To Imaginary Puppet Plays," Track from: Meanwhile, Stephen Hartke, composer (Eighth Blackbird)
69. Best Short Form Music Video: "We Found Love," Rihanna Featuring Calvin Harris
70. Best Long Form Music Video: "Big Easy Express," Mumford & Sons
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images]
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Maybe I'm just overtired. Maybe having to cancel a date of my own has made me a wee bit jaded when it comes to potential romantical pursuits. Maybe it's just because after having watched that episode, I realized I will have to recap The Bachelor not once, but twice next week that has me a little mentally exhausted already. Whatever the case, this week's episode of The Bachelor was one big facepalm. Get it together, Sean Lowe.
Nevertheless, here we are: voyeuristically tuning into the courtship quest of our Ken Doll, personified, and his coterie of contessas. And once again, Tierra the Tierrable has taken over as the show's central hurricane of crazy. As a viewer and a recapper, I like to think that maybe there's a redeemable quality or two within the villains of reality television, but Tierra is turning out to be just as unsympathetic as The Bachelor's former hate-target, Courtney Robertson. Tonight it became clear that homegirl is certifiably narcissistic and nutters, and there's no turning back now. You give girls a bad name, yo.
But first! Let's get to the dates. Selma gets the first date! She's completely misguided, because homegirl thinks she's going to be treated like a princess in a castle but WAIT! She's not going to be the princess in the castle. She's going to be the princess of Joshua Tree — a beautiful desert park in California. But Selma wasn't happy: "And then he took the Iraqi to the desert. I don't do well in heat. At all." Poor Selma, she was all ready to put on a fancy dress, wear a crow, scream "off with their heads!" and eat cake while people starved, but instead she has to endure the worst date, ever. I'm sorry, do you like sweating and exercising on a first date where the word "exercise" isn't a euphemism for sex? Of course not! Because you're a normal human. I'm all for going on hikes and being outdoorsy (although every future boyfriend should know that I am not a happy camper. No camping, not ever. You're welcome, all my future boyfriends who are totally reading this recap, obviously), but do not make me flail about on a rock while being held from a deathfall by a rope. No one is trying to have chapped inner thighs going into date numero uno.
The date was not a total loss, because we learned just how clueless Sean actually is: "Selma loves everything about this date." Oh, yea? Does she, Sean? Now I see why he thinks Tierra is here for the "right reasons" (which is my new least-favorite reality television phrase, ever). Sean is the world's most clueless human. There are f**king wolves howling at the moon, Selma's anxiously barking, "Oh my god, where are you taking me?" And yet somehow, Sean thinks that Selma is ba-da-ba-ba-ba, she's lovin' it. She's not.
But the duo move to a more romantic spot (fire!), and open up about their personal lives. Sean about his last serious relationship, and Selma about her family's conservative personal values. The two seem desperate to kiss, but Selma (who is from Baghdad) has a perfect image to uphold and a mother to appease. So instead of kissing (which he totally respects), Sean decides to thrust a rose in her face, caressing the sides of her...forehead? And maybe eyeballs? Yes, Sean creepily swats Selma's face with a rose to show his affections. You guys, romance is still real, and alive and well! Selma gets the rose, and the two passionately hold hands for the rest of the evening. Under a blanket (which means she's totally probably giving him a quick handie. Just kidding!)
Next up is the group date! And, of course, the beginning of The Tierra Show. It's time for Sean to "step up" because she "don't need no chaperone," y'all. She's a big girl! She doesn't want a group date! She wants the golden goose, daddy! And she wants it NOW! Sorry Tierrable, you're going on the group date. Suck on my roller skate, Tierrable, because you're going to the roller derby! Poor Amanda was devastated that they weren't actually getting into giant hamster balls and rolling down hills, which was her first and most logical thought.
As would be expected, this date is a total colossal disaster. Why? Because, um, hello? Have you ever tried roller skating? Roller skating is hard! Rollerblading is one thing, but skates are an entirely different beast — and way harder to control. Couple that with having to learn to derby (one of the most aggressive and terrifying sports, ever)? Yeah. No wonder poor Amanda ate it. Everyone learning how to roller skate looks like a drunk octopus on wheels. It's not cute.
Tierrable is losing her s**t, but because she's a totally rational adult female, she's not going to let the other girls stop her because she's a survivor! Even if that plague is of the I-can't-believe-she-survived-it "bad energy" kind. Naturally, survive she does not, because she's gone 15 minutes without Sean putting all of his attention on her, so she threatens to leave, declaring "I can't be tortured like this!" Tierrable is in the reality television version of Guantanamo, you guys. GOSH SHE IS SUCH AN INSPIRATION, HOW DOES SHE DO IT?
...Probably by being a general garbage monster. Tierrable was apparently quite good at roller derby and the girls took the moment to actually pay her a compliment (probably attempting to make things less tense between everyone) by saying "oh, you should get into it!" But Tierrable knows that this is all a trick. She knows that these women are just saying this to her because they're trying to torture her with their "compliments" and "words." So she bluntly pouts, "no," nearly cutting the girls off before they finish the damn statement. Apparently she's mad because Tierrable doesn't want a sympathy rose, she only wants to spend every waking (and sleeping) second sucking all of the life with Sean.
But first, Tierrable needs to wade the waters of injustice. Because, like ugh Robyn totally acted like she wasn't there [at the roller derby date], and Tierrable is SO mad. She is convinced that Robyn didn't say her name when asking about Amanda's injury because Robyn was trying to get a rise out of her. Because the entire universe revolves around Tierrable. (Can someone put me on the universe's mailing list because I've been missing out on memos like this for years now and it's just so hard to keep track!) "Really, are you in high school?" the hilariously oblivious and hypocritical Tierrable says. She's not bitter though, she's better! She also might be psychopathic with her levels of narcissism, but I'm no doctor so please make sure to ask Dr. Drew or something for a highly qualified and professional diagnosis. But see, Tierrable may be questionably certifiable, but she's not going to let anyone stop her from getting what she wants. And what she wants is Sean. All Sean, all the time. Only by Sean, I think she means "to win." Unfortunately, the other women's inability to understand how ~magical~ her relationship with Sean is, is BREAKING HER DOWN INSIDE and it's NOT FAIR. She can't be tortured like this you guys!!!! Why can't Tierrable just be free to be a total stand-offish jerk to the rest of the women and not have anyone question her about it?
So, in order to get what she wants, she hides all Gollum-style in a dark corner before nabbing Her Precious away from his hot tub time with Amanda. Sean, in all of his doofus-like glory, feels like Tierrable is just misunderstood and needs extra attention because she's such an ~emotional free spirit~ who feels a lot. So he goes up to grab the date rose and the girls are P-I-S-S-E-D O-F-F, y'all. Sean thinks that Tierrable has a lot of self-doubt but he somehow really likes her. He's crazy about her, apparently! Sean needs Tierrable to stay because he'll forever wonder what could have been.
Contrary to Tierrable, Amanda openly admits to milking the sympathy card for a rose. "This didn't happen for nothin'," she states. She overblows her pain with Sean, hoping to probably get a rose rather than the kiss on the cheek she got. Oh Amanda, a kiss on the cheek? Might as well be the kiss of death. Someone is totally going home.
For the final one-on-one date, Leslie H gets the Pretty Woman treatment. "Hot car, hot earrings, hot guy!" she squeals. The two get their Rodeo Drive on Pretty Woman. Driving around LA, heading to Badgley Mischka and Neil Lane for a quick bit of integrated marketing so that ABC can get some ad sales dollars. Apparently it's "every girl's dream to shop on Rodeo Drive," because every girl that Sean Lowe knows is a horrible stereotype and only have three likes: chocolate, shopping, and boyz. So glad that they're proving money can't buy you love and that women are more than just materialistic money pits. "And I am a tan Julia Roberts!"
Neil Lane lets her borrow (OBVIOUSLY BORROW this chick isn't actually Julia Roberts) a necklace with 120 carats of diamonds on it in an art deco pattern. "Sean's made me feel more like a woman than anybody else." Ever ever ever ever ever etc ever ever. Because being a woman = expensive things!
Only Sean isn't feeling it. The two go on a date that felt more like an interview. But maybe that's just because their date is taking place in the same location as the final scene of 500 Days of Summer. They talk about past relationships and how Leslie is always the lady her exes date before they get married to their next girlfriend. So of course this is the perfect time for Sean to do the same! He's not feelin' Leslie H, so she's sent packing. Before she goes, though, Leslie tells Sean to be wary of some of the girls that "already have roses" before she scoots off in the car. Gee, wonder who she's talking about! Don't worry, Leslie, you'll find love if you want it, don't worry. A lonely Ben Taylor serenades an empty room while simultaneously sounding exactly like his father (you know, James Taylor? Yeah, that guy). Sean wanders around the empty space, ocassionally stopping to lean pensively or sulk while a voiceover explains his woe.
So now it's time for the pre-cocktail dramafest. AshLee remains confident and cool in her relationship with Sean. Robyn does a terrible chocolate joke and is overwhelmed by their make out sesh right before being pulled aside by Tierrable. Alongside Jackie, Tierrable explains that she's never done anything intentionally to hurt these two gals — which I don't think people thought she did? They just think you're an awful human, Tierrable. Because you're sort of presenting yourself that way! — she just wants them to stop reading into what she's doing or how she's acting. Which, to be fair, is really, really, really sound advice for these nutter butters. And the, shockingly, Tierrable apologizes! Only it's "definitely fake, definitely forced." "But if I have to be this way," Tierrable explains, "I will." Oh! Right! And no one is smart enough to tell that's exactly what you're doing, Tierrable. Not at all! You're just so much smarter than them and no one can ever tell when you're thumbing your nose as them! Tierrable is the worst.
Lucky for her, though, Sean is a total moron, and promised Tierrable that the other girls' opinions on her won't affect him. He doesn't think her necessity for validation is a weird or bad thing. But that's because Sean is like every other dude who doesn't read the signals and then is shocked when they realize that the crazy women they fall for, are crazy. To be fair, women do this, too (we're all so crazy and blinded by crazy when we want to put our genitals together! Ugh). But jeez, the dudes on this show have an especially egregious track record with this stuff.
But let's talk about someone we actually like! Hello, Catherine! Where have you been this whole season? I mean, I know she's been around, but there was something sort of sweet and special about her interactions with Sean tonight. She brought him a kiss on a card which is totally cheesy, but the chemistry between these two is immediately heightened. They're so comfortable together and don't waste time, so they sneak away to have a kiss. She calls it "perfect." There's something about Catherine that actually feels…normal? We approve, Sean. We like this one. Put her on our faves list ans save her from elimination, please. Which, speaking of: it's time!
So, Who's Going Home?
AmandaLeslie H. (already sent home)
Next week it's a two-day Bachelor clusterf**k event that apparently can't be missed! Two episodes in two nights?! Double the romance, triple the pain! Will your brain be able to handle it?! Do you think Tierra is as bad as she seems? Tune in next week to find out, and sound off about the show in the comments!
[Photo Credit: ABC]
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
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"Because in a blink...everything can change."
Welp, to use a few words of the Debra Morgan variety: holy f**king shit, that was an episode. Holy mother of balls, so much just f**king happened. Holy f**kballs, everything is different. OK, OK, I feel better now. Do you? Good. Well, tonight's episode of Dexter saw many spinning plates begin to crumble and fall. It was an elegant dance that Dexter was doing—balancing Deb, work, Hannah, The Bay Harbor Butcher, and (previously) The Dark Passenger all at once—but nothing so intricate can last forever. And this episode is full of ends. As a precursor to a finale, it seems like a hard one to top—mostly because it felt like a finale, and was one of the best episodes of the season. Next week should be interesting.
If you were a woman in Dexter Morgan's life, tonight was interesting for you. Three women want Dexter, for three different reasons: Debra Morgan, Hannah McKay, and Maria LaGuerta. You have to do whatever it takes to make sure the outcome you so desire is achieved. Whether motivated by what is right, what is wrong, the truth, or even love, tonight's cleverly-titled episode "Do You See What I See?" showed that the only thing you can really trust, is yourself.
"It's because my love of Dexter that I'm willing to do whatever it takes."
GALLERY: Best and Worst TV Gamechangers The biggest winner of all tonight, is Debra Morgan. Everything's pretty much coming up roses by the end for Deb—but it wasn't so easy getting to this point. Deb's longstanding feelings (both familial and otherwise) for Dexter have lead her down a path of self-destruction all season. She was lying, cheating, and stealing for Dexter. And if there's one person with a code stronger than Dexter's, it's Deb's. She's lived her whole life by the moral code of law enforcement up until discovering Dexter's secret. And his killing ways have reallyput her between a rock and a hard place. The stress of not being a sort of moral compass was really driving her nuts: to the point that she was taking anti-anxiety pills to quell her fears. But, as we saw last week, Deb's not doing things for Dexter anymore—and going after Hannah McKay for murder is one of the ways she's exercising this newfound freedom. Deb tracks down Arlene Tram: the only witness/accomplice to the murder of a counselor Hannah committed years ago when they were roommates at a halfway house. Deb gives Arlene some time to think about the prospect of immunity for ratting Hannah out. The only problem is...Deb nearly dies. On the way to Arlene's house to find out whether or not she's willing to bargain with Deb, our lady Morgan suffers a near-fatal accident. TWIST! That's right, in the same way that Sal Price was supposed to die (at the mischievous and deadly hand of of Hannah McKay), Deb wrecked her car and nearly died en route to possibly, finally nailing Hannah to a crime she committed. Only...was it really Hannah? Deb had recently done what she'd promised herself she wouldn't do: interfere with an investigation in order to save her brother's true identity from being found. Prior to planting evidence against Doakes at LaGuerta's, we see Deb take one of her pills. Could this be a visual cue that Deb's pill-popping like a fiend?
GALLERY: Best and Worst TV Episodes of 2012 And what about Arlene? Last we saw her, she was sitting in a car with none other than...Hannah McKay, telling Dexter's favorite blondie everything that Deb told her, and how hard it would be for Arlene—the only person who seems to know and is OK with Hannah's murdering of the counselor (he apparently "put his hands" on the girls, whatever that means exactly, we're unsure)—to not take the immunity Deb was offering: Arlene's been in and out of jail and rehab. Could all of this set the ball in motion? What about Hannah's visit to Deb's apartment and the blonde hair Dexter found at Deb's place? What does it all mean? Was Deb thisserious when she meant she'd do whatever it takes to save Dexter from Hannah? "You should've killed me." Hannah McKay: arguably tonight's biggest loser. In the event of Deb Versus Hannah, it was always going to be Deb. Always. It's the most...logical choice, after all. And we all know how our boy feels about logic up in that lizard brain of his. So was it a series of unfortunate events that ended the relationship of Debra and Dexter? Or was it something more... nefarious? Well, maybe. "That's the thing about people who poison people, Dexter, they're really f**king sneaky," explained Deb at the hospital. And it's true: can you ever really trust a poisoner? The answer lies in whether or not you believe Hannah really loved Dexter, or if she loved him in such an extreme way that she, too, would do whatever it takes to keep him for herself. We know that Hannah was at Debra's house. Hannah explains a desire to find common ground, saying that Dexter's newfound happiness is all thanks to her and that if Deb and her could just get over their differences, then everything would be so great! Deb, who takes a drink from her WATER BOTTLE (you know, a bottle of water just like the one that is later found to be made up of 40% alazopram) and heads out for a run. Or did she (we don't seeDeb go out for a run, but we also don't see Hannah going into Deb's house, either)? The decisive moment comes when Dexter is forced to choose: between Hannah and Debra. Dexter has to decide for himself: which woman does he believe and trust more? Future be damned, right? Was Hannah two-timing Arlene, or is she two-timing Dexter? "I'm 100% sure about you, but you need to be 100% sure about me, too," Hannah pleads with Dexter. "We could have it all." In the end, while Hannah is still out there, Dexter will never know that Deb is safe. So the choice is made for him: Debra it is. He gives Deb the evidence she needs to put Hannah in jail for murdering Sal Price, and goes with her to arrest Hannah. But all Hannah can do is look at him, heartbroken, and yelp "you should've killed me" in a way that really makes you wonder who's done the bad thing here: Hannah...or Deb? One thing's for certain: Deb and Hannah are more alike than they might think.
"What are the odds?" PHOTOS: 13 Biggest Cop-Outs on TV
Well, quite good, it seems. When it comes to who stands to win the most, it's definitely Captain Maria LaGuerta. As we totally called in earlier this season, LaGuerta knows—and I mean really, really knows—that Dexter is the Bay Harbor Butcher. She's a good cop, this one, eh? People really shouldn't have counted her out, not after all she did to get where she is now. It all starts with Hector Estrada. He's up for parole: Hannah calls it a Christmas present for Dexter, but it seems like it was more an attempted Christmas present to LaGuerta, from LaGuerta. In order to prove her theory, she sets up Estrada as bait for Dexter but doesn't tell anyone. Continuing in her above-board investigation with former Captain Matthews, she allows Matthews to interrogate Dexter. This, of course, gives Dexter every opportunity to change the situation, furthering the evidence that connects Doakes to the Bay Harbor Butcher cases. In a moment of subtle acting from Matthews, we get the line of LaGuerta's echoed right to Dexter: "What are the odds?" The two talk about all the ways in which Dexter is connected to these cases: the men that killed his mother, Brian Moser, the method of body disposal. Matthews is clearly wanting this catch for his own—he always wants to one-up LaGuerta. As they probably imagined they would, LaGuerta and Matthews find the elusive boat belonging to Doakes that Dexter planted in evidence. They find the plastic sheet coverings and a fingerprint that connects Doakes to all of it. They might as well have put a bow on all of it, too. LaGuerta thinks Dexter planted it, but Matthews says the investigation is over: "your talent is in playing the game. Hell, you beat me." Which brings us back to Estrada. Dexter has Estrada right where he wants him, and minus a kerfuffle with Estrada's gun, gets him on his table, ready to close a chapter of his life by murdering the last of the men that killed his mother. Only...Estrada lets it slip that LaGuerta got him out on parole. And, oh yeah, LaGuerta's had detectives following Estrada around, so they know Estrada's here. They manage to get out right before LaGuerta gets there, but not without a hassle: plastic sheets and a working chainsaw are left on the scene. Oh yeah, and Estrada escapes into the water, leaving yet another loose end that little Dicky Moser will have to clean up. "The future has never been kind to people like me." ...And somehow we doubt that it will be, Dexter. Other story lines of note: 1.) Quittin' Time for Angel: Could it be true? Is it possible? Has Angel been so disgusted, saddened, stressed-out, and morally shot by the ways of Miami Metro this season that he's cultivated an exit strategy? All signs point to yes when he gives LaGuerta notice of his retirement. That's right, probably the most normal human at Miami Metro has decided the place is too much to handle, and he's putting in his papers as of January 1st. "You don't carry it with you," Angel quipped when explaining his desire for the simpler life his new restaurant provides. Not like his police work. "... and up until, Mike's death maybe, it never got to me." People have been overlooking and under-appreciating Angel for seasons now, so it's no surprise he's come to terms with it. He certainly deserved to be Lieutenant over Debra, and the way he's been unknowingly pushed around in the middle of the Dexter — Debra feud is downright dirty. Get out of there while you still have some dignity left, Angel. Miami Metro is going down in flames, and it's going to take everyone with it. Maybe that poor dummy Masuka should find new employment soon, too. 2.) Adios, Nadia: Well thatreally sucks. Joey Quinn's lovelife is officially the worst. Looks like Nadia did what any stereotypically-written stripper would do: she took that money and ran, y'all. Got herself her passport and hoofed it to Vegas with all the other dream-havers. Went to Vegas and left you high and dry, Quinny-boy. At least she had the decency to...ha ha ha, OK, just kidding, we all know it wasn't decent. She left a note with another stripper at The Fox Hole. Of course. Hilarious bonus points for the naked, ambivalent stripper telling Joey that "you really mean a lot and she'll never forget you." 3.) Is This the Last of Matthews?: Let's just say it now; there's no f**king way Matthews is done on this Dexter-is-the-BHB tip. Matthews was a dick, sure, but he wasn't a dummy: I think he knows as well as LaGuerta that Dexter is the Bay Harbor Butcher. Something tells me that for his last trick, he's going to try and out-scoop LaGuerta on the Bay Harbor Butcher stuff. We all know he hates her—his weirdly racist turn this season seems to prove that even more so than normal—and he really wants to stick it to her for ruining his career. I think we're really going to need to keep an eye on this one. But don't blink, or you'll miss it (get it? Of course you do, you're very intelligent). What did you think of this season's precursor to season finale-dom? Did Hannah really try to kill Deb? Did Deb plan the whole thing? Was Hannah only using Dexter's feelings for her (and his relationship with his sister) to stay out of jail? Happy/excited/nervous about the way things panned out? Sound off in the comments! [Photo Credit: Showtime] Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes More: 'Dexter' Recap: The Dark Passenger Revealed 'Dexter' Recap: Out of Control 'Dexter' Recap: What's Love Got to Do With It?
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