Let’s not allow Jimmy Kimmel to soil the good name of Friends fan-fiction. Although the late night host’s heavily funded but halfhearted attempt at the time-honored art form warranted few laughs, it did remind us that there are plenty of worthwhile pieces of writing floating around the Internet devoted to the West Village sextet. Some are admirable in quality, others in sheer passion. And some deserve a hat tip simply because of how damn weird they are.
Following Kimmel’s reunion of Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Lisa Kudrow, we hit the dark corners of the web to round up the strangest pieces of Friends fan-fiction we could find. Some rearrange the narrative of the beloved show in creative ways, some test the very fabrics of the laws of reality… and some simply vie to be as disturbing as conceivably possible. Take your pick.
"Mondler: The Story of a Survivor" by cvlax14Or: The one where Richard attacks Monica with a baseball bat and Chandler comes to her rescue.
"'Mon we really should not be doing this.''I know Chandler, it's fun sneaking around though.''That is a lot of fun, but what about you and Richard''Richard and I are having problems.''What do you mean Mon''I really shouldn't he will get mad.''Richard will get mad?''Yes Chandler I have to go I'm sorry.'Then Monica got up and walked out of my apartment. What is Richard doing to her, I thought. I wonder if Rach knows. So I got up and walked to Rachel's apartment. She was able to get an apartment two doors down from ours." [sic] Read the full story here!
"The One with Joey's Daughter" by friendslover99Self-explanatory.
"'You have a daughter?' asked Monica. 'Yeah' Joey replied. 'and she just moved to the apartment last week'. 'Wait, isn't Kate that actress you dated?' Chandler asked. 'Yeah. I can't believe she's dying' said Joey. 'Well, what's your daughter's name?' asked Phoebe." [sic] Read the full story here!
"Prom Makes a Difference" by KateToastOr: The one where a teenage Rachel goes to prom with Ross instead of Chip, thus changing the course of their joint romantic journey entirely.
"They neared the Green mansion, as people in the neighborhood called it, since it was so large. Ross felt the all-too familiar flip-flop in his stomach as he and Rachel brushed sides. It had been happening all night, specifically when they had been dancing. He was still slightly in shock that she had agreed to dance with him at all. 'Well, this is it,' Rachel said as they reached her door. She looked up at him. 'This was really nice, Ross. Thank you for bringing me.'" [sic] Read the full story here!
"Ben Becomes a Man" by rachelgreengellerOr: The one where Ross’ son Ben prepares for his Bar Mitzvah, and employs the help of his father, Chandler, and Joey to find a girlfriend.
"Ben sat in the rabbi's office as he read the remainder of his lesson. He was soon going to be turning thirteen. According to jewish law, he would become a man, so he would be having his bar mitzvah soon. Ross sat with Carol by his side, his face glowing with pride as his son spoke the ancient Hebrew." [sic] Read the full story here!
"The One Where Chandler Finally Experiments" by JanaSelf explanatory.
"Chandler didn't know how he was going to face his friend in the morning. If he was this uncomfortable, just after having a conversation, he could only imagine how awkward things would be between them if he actually took him up on his offer. It was out of the question. Sex with friends was always a bad idea, anyway. Besides, he wasn't gay. He never imagined Joey was gay, either." Read the full story here!
“Neverland” by Melanie GellerOr: The one where Phoebe’s childhood and mysterious past are imagined through an extended Peter Pan metaphor.
"My stilettos clatter against the sewers I dash out into the street lights, covering my face with my hood. Both Benny and I know I'll be back, I can't live without his pills. He can't live without my money. We both, therefore, cannot live without the men." Read the full story here!
"TOW the Smurfs" by tini243Or: The one where everybody talks about Smurfs.
"'Joey, no one had sex with Smurfette,' Monica said matter-of-factly. Grinning lewdly Joey replied, 'See, that's how bad she needs a Joey smurf.'" [sic] Read the full story here!
"I'm Your Sister" by HikaroOr: The one where Ross and Monica have incestuous feelings for one another.
"'Monica...for the past few days I've just been all over the place, unsure of the things I might do. And I know it's wrong, but I think...I think I want you.' She was starting to get even more speechless and infuriated by the second. He wants her? Does he not see the huge problem in that?" [sic] Read the full story (at your own risk) here!
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Mad Men star Vincent Kartheiser is set to make his New York stage debut in director Garry Marshall's production of Billy & Ray. The actor will portray Hollywood screenwriter Billy Wilder opposite Larry Pine as author Raymond Chandler in the Off-Broadway comedy, about the odd pair's mid-1940s collaboration on the movie adaptation of Chandler's novel Double Indemnity, which led to the birth of the film noir genre.
Sophie von Haselberg and Drew Gehling have also been cast in the play, which begins previews at the Vineyard Theatre on 1 October (14), ahead of an official launch on 20 October (14).
Kartheiser, who started out in the theatre in his native Minneapolis, previously returned home last year (13) to play Mr. Darcy in a production of Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice.
Breaking Bad star Bryan Cranston returned home to a hero's welcome following his big win at the Primetime Emmy Awards on Monday (25Aug14) after his Los Angeles neighbours decorated the front of his house with posters and balloons. The actor claimed the coveted Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series trophy for his portrayal of chemistry teacher-turned-drug lord Walter White, while his co-stars Aaron Paul and Anna Gunn, creator Vince Gilligan and director Moira Walley-Beckett also struck gold at the Hollywood ceremony.
And, as Cranston celebrated the recognition by dancing the night away at an Emmys afterparty, his neighbours showed their pride by decking out his front gate and fencing with helium balloons and notes of congratulations written by local kids.
The star was photographed smiling at the touching decor outside his home on Tuesday (26Aug14).
Given the success of NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles, it was a no-brainer for CBS to extend the franchise to New Orleans in a new series debuting this fall. Check out where all three NCIS shows are filming right now.
NCIS, which recently celebrated its 250th episode, returns for a 12th season on Sept. 23.
Today, the show is filming scenes for for the upcoming season at Valencia Studios in Valencia, CA which has served as their home base since 2003.
NCIS: Los Angeles
NCIS: L.A. is currently filming at 104 Fremont Pl, Los Angeles, a swanky residence in a gated community that was also featured in The Artist.
The show is moving to a new Monday night timeslot when it returns to CBS this fall.
NCIS: New Orleans
Filming is already underway on NCIS: NOLA, starring Scott Bakula, CCH Pounder and Zoe McLellan, and this week they are filming at one of New Orleans' most famous historic site: the U.S.S. Kidd. The ship was the first to be named after Rear Admiral Isaac C. Kidd who died in the attack on Pearl Harbor and now it will make history again with a prominent role in this NCIS: New Orleans episode.
See what else is filming on location today in my Daily Filming Locations at OnLocationVacations.com!
Christina Aguilera has spoken of her pride after welcoming a baby girl named Summer Rain on Saturday (16Aug14). The Beautiful singer gave birth to her second child at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles over the weekend (16-17Aug14), and she has now reached out to fans to express her delight after becoming a mother again.
In a post on Twitter.com, Aguilera reveals the baby's name, writing, "So proud to welcome our beautiful daughter Summer Rain Rutler into the world..."
Summer Rain is Aguilera's first child with fiance Matt Rutler. She also has a six-year-old son, Max, from her first marriage to Jordan Bratman.
"I pride myself on being a very good dad. A masculine energy needs to be there, because it makes (her) feel safe... All I can do is give Ava the tools to be herself, and she's a good kid. I'm blessed." Rocker Richie Sambora on his special relationship with daughter Ava.
Portlandia star Carrie Brownstein has been recruited to complete the late Nora Ephron's unfinished screenplay, Lost In Austen. The Oscar-nominated screenwriter passed away in 2012, and was in the process of adapting the 2008 British TV series into a feature film.
Now producers have tapped Emmy-nominee and Peabody Award winner Brownstein to complete the script, making it her first feature film writing assignment.
Director Sam Mendes, who is serving as a producer on the project, praises Brownstein's talents in a statement which reads, "Carrie is smart and funny and original, and the project is very lucky to have her."
The new version of Lost in Austen will feature the main character of Amanda living and working in present day Brooklyn, New York, until she suddenly gets transported into Austen's fictional world of Pride and Prejudice.
Downton Abbey star Lily James is to battle the undead in the upcoming film adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. She will play Elizabeth Bennet opposite Sam Riley as Mr. Darcy in the Jane Austen spoof.
"Tony is one of those guys who inspires everyone... He is one of the best rock and roll guitarists out there. As a fellow player I can really appreciate all the nuances of his technique... This is the man who invented heavy metal in Birmingham and created Sabbath, a brand nobody can touch... Tony is a great guy and we've met on a number of occasions. There's just no stopping him. He comes down with lymphoma and what does he do? Reform Sabbath and do a world tour. He really is the pride of Birmingham and he deserves a f**king medal." SLASH endorses pal Tony Iommi for the 2015 Pride of Birmingham honour.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have paid the owners of a beach cafe in Europe thousands of dollars to close down for three months so they can shoot a film.
Pitt and Jolie are filming new project By The Sea at Mgarr ix-Xini on the island of Gozo, and they need unfettered access to a tiny pebble beach to shoot their scenes.
However, a beachside kiosk holds pride of place in the bay, so the millionaire stars have rented the entire cafe for the summer, reportedly paying owners Noel and Sandra Vella thousands of dollars in compensation for their lost profits.
Sandra says, "I'm not going to make as much had I remained open throughout these months, but at least I'm getting some form of compensation."