Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /media/www/hollywood/Web/releases/20150325105258/vendor/doctrine/common/lib/Doctrine/Common/Annotations/FileCacheReader.php on line 202
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /media/www/hollywood/Web/releases/20150325105258/vendor/doctrine/common/lib/Doctrine/Common/Annotations/FileCacheReader.php on line 202
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /media/www/hollywood/Web/releases/20150325105258/vendor/doctrine/common/lib/Doctrine/Common/Annotations/FileCacheReader.php on line 202
Roy Horn's white tiger dead at 17
Mar 25, 2014
A white tiger that mauled showman Roy Horn onstage in Las Vegas in 2003 has died. Montecore attacked the German entertainer midway through a Siegfried & Roy show at The Mirage Resort & Casino, leaving him in a critical condition.
The incident ended the duo's run in Sin City, but Horn always maintained the tiger was not to blame for his injuries.
Announcing the big cat's death on Tuesday (25Mar14), Horn told The Hollywood Reporter, "The world has lost one of its most majestic creatures and I have lost a brother."
Montecore was 17 when he passed away after a short illness.
Sonic Youth star Thurston Moore has opened up about the affair that ended his marriage to bandmate Kim Gordon, insisting he's "in a really sweet relationship" with book editor Eva Prinz. Sonic Youth have been on an indefinite hiatus since 2011, when news of Gordon and Moore's split hit the headlines.
During an interview with Elle magazine last year (13), Gordon revealed an affair ended the marriage, stating, "Thurston was carrying on this whole double life with her. He was really like a lost soul."
Now, her ex has told The Fly that he has been living with Prinz in London.
He says, "I'm in a really romantic place with Eva; we've kinda been a couple for close to six years. A lot of those years nobody was very aware of it except us. The cat's been out of the bag a while now."
He adds, "I've had some life issues. In your 40s and 50s things can change in ways that upset the order of things that have been established over 25 years-plus of marriage. It's really distressing. You have to work through it, it's very personal and I don't really talk about it so much. It's just something I work through in my own world.
"I'm involved in a really sweet relationship and it really does make me happy, it truly does."
Prinz launched the Ecstatic Peace Library with Moore in 2009 and she appears in his latest video.
Universal via Everett Collection
Every movie I saw in 2013, ranked from worst to best:
112. IDENTITY THIEFThe first comedy movie to not make me laugh once.
111. SAVING MR. BANKSInsulting, manipulative, dishonest, and unkind, with occasional song breaks.
110. SCARY MOVIE 5These movies have gotten much worse since we were 13.
109. GETAWAYINT. RACECAR. NIGHT. Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez crash into stuff.
108. GROWN UPS 2So much vomiting, so many homophobic jokes, so little plot.
107. I GIVE IT A YEARAn ugly, loveless rom-com that isn't clever enough to be satire.
106. DEAD MAN DOWNAll I remember is a whole lot of dark alleyways.
105. A GLIMPSE INSIDE THE MIND OF CHARLES SWAN IIIThe best part is the closing credits (I'm not being flip, they're actually kind of fun).
104. MOVIE 43Bad offensive joke after bad offensive joke after bad offensive joke...
103. WINNIE MANDELADesperately important story turned into a desperately dull movie.
102. TWICE BORNNo summary available due to lack of anything interesting happening in this movie.
101. R.I.P.D.Somebody forgot to give Ryan Reynolds any jokes.
New Line Cinema via Everett Collection
100. THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONEThis movie could have been funny if Wonderstone wasn't such a d**k.
99. ONLY GOD FORGIVESInteresting in the moments when it's not shoving its unpleasantness down your throat.
98. MAN OF STEELSetup: cerebral reinvention of Superman. Payoff: mass property damage.
97. CARRIEBeat-by-beat remake without any of the original's spirit.
96. THE TO DO LISTUncomfortably raunchy and mean. Thank God for Bill Hader.
95. KICK-ASS 2More Mean Girls shtick would have benefited this weak sequel.
94. PHANTOMI'm not sure this was actually a finished movie.
93. WRONGObnoxiously nonsensical, but not without its share of laughs.
92. THE SMURFS 2Mostly cloying, but Neil Patrick Harris is incurably watchable.
91. HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS Dumb.
89. NOW YOU SEE MEPossibly the worst ending in a 2013 movie, but a few bits of fun along the way.
88. WE'RE THE MILLERS[Pop culture reference]
87. RED 2John Malkovich's facial contortions save this from total failure.
86. STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS It hsa a few pros, but is mostly one giant... well, you know.
85. RIDDICKSurprisingly intriguing, when it isn't being deplorably sexist.
84. FREE BIRDSEh, turkeys are kinda funny.
83. PRISONERS Thankfully, scenes of Hugh Jackman yelling are intercut with the far superior scenes of Jake Gyllenhaal yelling.
82. WHITE REINDEER Any minute now, this movie is going to reveal its inner glory! Any minute now!
81. EVIL DEAD A better horror flick than the original! But still mostly forgettable.
80. GBFMostly charming, undone by its "safe" and "classy" ending.
79. THE RELUCTANT FUNDAMENTALISTIt's kind of hard to get past how boring the title is.
78. DESPICABLE ME 2 Lots of minions. People like minions, right?
77. JOHN DIES AT THE END Not nearly as weird as it thinks it is or wants to be.
76. 2 GUNSHey, wait a minute, this movie is kinda funny! ... Not that funny, but kinda.
75. SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES MEI like to call this movie Click Offerman.
74. WHITE HOUSE DOWNWould be more fun if we were ready to laugh about terrorism.
73. AT ANY PRICEBoooriii— HOLY S**T WHERE THE F**K DID THAT COME FROM?!
72. BAD MILONot quite up to par with your expectations for the "Ken Marino has a demon in his butt" synopsis.
71. MONSTERS UNIVERSITYLackluster prequel, nice to look at, big band music.
70. THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES In its audacity, this silly amalgam of YA tropes can actually be a lot of fun.
69. THE CONJURING Fascinating subplots about the exorcism industry would be better served at the head of the film.
68. PEEPLESThere's a joke about wristwatches that I still think about.
67. SIDE EFFECTSSoderbergh's farewell caper doesn't have as much fun as its loony plot would demand.
66. ELYSIUMBroad and clumsy, but how wrong can you go with Bald Matt Damon?
65. OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFULIt works with Dark Side of the Moon.
64. THE COUNSELORThe book was better. Wait, this wasn't a book? Well it should have been.
63. IN A WORLD...A fun, biting look at an unappreciated industry! ... until it dissolves into mild genericism.
62. THE LONE RANGER Oh come on, you didn't love the William Tell climax?
61. THE WOLVERINENot always engaging, but at least it's about something.
Summit Entertainment via Everett Collection
60. WARM BODIESNot really about anything, but at least it's engaging.
59. THE BROKEN CIRCLE BREAKDOWNUndeniably powerful, but feels like it could use a few more revisions.
58. ENDER'S GAMESpace Camp: The Movie! (Slightly less expensive than actual space camp.)
57. PACIFIC RIMMonsters vs. robots aside, there's a riveting world constructed in the backdrop of this sci-fi epic.
56. ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUESThe battle royale does not disappoint.
55. YOU'RE NEXTThe fun, swift hook isn't nearly as interesting as the great character work that it replaces.
54. THE WAY WAY BACKI, too, long to get life advice from a waterpark-dwelling Sam Rockwell.
53. SOME VELVET MORNINGEven if you see the twist coming, the chemistry here is impeccable.
52. THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIREShut up, Peeta, I'm trying to watch all the good parts of this movie.
51. 20 FEET FROM STARDOMA story that deserves a little more spirit and energy than it is given in this documentary.
50. DON JONNo. 50 on "Best Movies" list, No. 1 on "Best Trailers."
49. THE ROCKETA feel-good kids' adventure substantiated by the gravities of war. Wins in both areas.
48. CRYSTAL FAIRY & THE MAGICAL CACTUS AND 2012Beautifully shot, interestingly written, impressively acted.
47. MUD Yes, we all loved The Goonies, and we all loved David Wooderson, so...
46. CUTIE AND THE BOXER A vivid struggle that is equal parts artistically, martially, and internally based. Engrossing all the way.
45. CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Tom Hanks' best performance in ages in a dramatic thriller that feels real (for obvious reasons).
44. THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG As a Legend of Zelda fan, this movie's world awakened something in me.
43. FRUITVALE STATIONThis character story is at odds with its out-universe goal, but Michael B. Jordan is unforgettable.
42. BEFORE MIDNIGHTI'm still not sure how I feel about that ending, but it was good to catch up wit Jesse and Celine.
41. DARK TOUCHEverything that Carrie could have been. A shocking fantasy about human pains.
Walt Disney Co via Everett Collection
40. THOR: THE DARK WORLDMore Chris O'Dowd.
39. BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLORIntellectually stimulating, but doesn't hit all its emotional marks.
38. THE WORLD'S ENDI've been saying "Gooey Wooey Egg Man" for months.
37. THE GREAT GATSBYLights! Music! Pizzazz! Moxy! The bee's knees! The cat's pajamas!
36. ENOUGH SAIDBest TV drama's male lead + best TV comedy's female lead = quite a charming romantic dramedy.
35. SIGHTSEERSWell, this is rather amusi— HOLY S**T WHERE THE F**K DID THAT COME FROM?!
34. THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINESNot sure if the "three stories" approach makes for the most powerful character work, but it's an enchanting ride.
33. THE WE AND THE I A bus full of inner-city high school kids turns into a magical kingdom thanks to Gondry's dreamy edge.
32. NEWLYWEEDSA love triangle with marijuana as the third party. Weighty, but never overly so, and funny throughout.
31. GRAVITY. . .
30. PRINCE AVALANCHE Heh heh, look at Paul Rudd's mustache.
29. THE WOLF OF WALL STREET Yes, we all loved the 'ludes scene. Very, very much.
28. ALL IS LOSTRobert Redford, you still got that same oomph. You too, ocean.
27. SAVING LINCOLN The weirdest, goofiest, funniest biopic about Abraham Lincoln ever.
26. THE KINGS OF SUMMER Kids run away, live in the woods, grow up, make jokes. Always a charming endeavor.
25. AMERICAN HUSTLE Little more than a cartoon, but an emotionally explosive and riotous one at that.
24. THE HEAT Melissa McCarthy insisting on stepping out of a moving car earns a full five minutes of laughter alone.
23. DRINKING BUDDIESNever dips too low on the emotional spectrum, but stays real and fresh in the face of the rom-com genre.
22. UPSTREAM COLORA difficult, confusing, harrowing thinker.
21. STOKER Somehow both effectively haunting and deliciously fun.
Room 237: the movie/Facebook
20. ROOM 237 Less a doting tribute to The Shining or Kubrick than it is to movie-lovers and their bottomless well of theories.
19. BLUE JASMINE Each party fires on all cylinders in Woody Allen's Streetcar gem, Sally Hawkins especially.
18. S#X ACTSThe sadness of this story of our youth's desperate obsession with and reliance on sex is its authenticity.
17. IRON MAN 3 The first true action comedy in Marvel's line of films shows how much fun superhero movies can really be.
16. ESCAPE FROM TOMORROW Take notes, John Dies at the End. THIS is one weird f**king movie.
15. NEBRASKA Father vs. son, past vs. present, dreams vs. reality. Everything here is touching, funny, and inviting.
14. PAIN & GAIN Michael Bay talks a long, hard look in the mirror with this biting send-up of everything his other movies represent.
13. THIS IS THE ENDFar more interesting and insightful than it will get credit for being, This Is the End uses a literal apocalypse and no dearth of d**k jokes to deconstruct tenets of friendship and social politics.
12. THE ACT OF KILLING While this documentary would benefit from restructuring, the power of its message (especially its final few monents, not to mention the "anonymous"-heavy credits) is painfully resonant.
11. FROZENOffering the magic and whimsy you'll remember from time-honored Disney classics, but so much more in the way of its message, Frozen might very well be the most magnificent and meaningful animated feature yet to spring from Walt's legacy.
10. COMPUTER CHESSIt doesn't have much to say about the human condition (beyond maybe highlighting our propensity for arrogance and self-directed delusion). It doesn't tell a story that'll stick with you for very long. But Computer Chess reigns supreme as, far and away, the funniest movie of 2013.
9. SPRING BREAKERS A dark, wicked, wholly upsetting reflection of the toxic direction in which we might be headed. And James Franco gives a tour-de-force of a performance with his demonic scoutmaster Alien.
8. IT'S A DISASTER An intelligent, meticulously directed farce about group politics and conflicting personal philosophies, executed to near perfection thanks to the rhythmic participation of a more than capable cast.
7. 12 YEARS A SLAVEAn unprecedented masterpiece that sings the traumas not only of Solomon Northrup, a free man captured and sold into slavery, but in his fellow sufferers as well. For my money, the true anchor of the story is in Lupita Nyong'o's Patsey, whose suffering is unlike anything we've seen managed on the big screen in years.
6. HER With so much to say about such tremendous topics, Her manages to still dive so deep into the heart of its story: the pangs of love in the wake of the inevitable fallibilities of romantic relationships. Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson alike give dynamic performances, and Spike Jonze mystifies us with his strange, cold, all-too-familiar world.
A24 via Everett Collection
5. THE SPECTACULAR NOWThis is one of those movies you try to convince yourself to inch out of your top 10, or five, for fear of being seen as juvenile. ButThe Spectacular Now hits such genuine notes with Miles Teller's Sutter, climaxing at a moment where you'll recognize an angst so true to life and so criminally absent from most movies about the journey toward self-love.
4. FRANCES HA Months and months after my first encounter with it, this deceptively simple film sticks in my head, reminding me that its every artful beat is riddled with emotional weight and ironic humor alike. Greta Gerwig and director Noah Baumbach give us the a New York movie to rival Annie Hall, zooming in and out of the perspective of the young women and men who occupy, and drown within, today's version of the biggest, most stupefying city in the world.
3. INSIDE LLEWYN DAVISSadness, coldness, loneliness, failure... such wonderful things when handled by filmmakers like the Coen Brothers. Padding this antithesis of triumph with some of the most beautiful, somber music you'll hear all year, Inside Llewyn Davis makes us fall in love all over again with the very idea of the artistic struggle.
Touchstone Pictures via Everett Collection
2. THE WIND RISESHayao Miyazaki's final movie doesn't pass judgment on its hero, a man so devoted to his work (building weapons) that he neglects his wife, sister, and friends. It doesn't endorse these choices either. Instead, it hones in on the passions of its hero/antihero, challenging us to sympathize with a fellow whose only desire is to do his job while we lament his sacrifices. More even than Gravity does the frequently airborne animated picture induce dizzy spells as we connect with the conglomerate of colorful, intriguing characters in this grim but dainty biography.
Cinedigm via Everett Collection
1. SHORT TERM 12 There are so few flaws to highlight in The Wind Rises, Inside Llewyn Davis, Frances Ha, and the other entries on this top 10 list. What separates Short Term 12 is not a complete lack of error, but in an umatched spirit for the telling of its story. The movie wants us to feel the pains of counselor Grace (Brie Larson) and the disavantaged children for whom she cares, highlighting abused Jayden (Kaitlyn Dever) and orphan Marcus (Keith Stanfield). It also wants us to feel the hope that it brings to these characters in their plight to overcome the hands they have been dealt. Every emotion in this movie carries through with such force. For those of us who know any of these trials personally, they ring tremendously true. For others, they work to invite you into this sad but hopeful world. We've been gifted with a ton of exemplary cinematic works this year, but nothing sticks with me more than this tearful, heartrending masterpiece.
Follow @Michael Arbeiter | Follow @Hollywood_com
During the fall, the temperature drops and the ghosts come out to play...at least at the theaters. But for me, the Halloween season has always been a confusing time. You see, I love movies that give me a fright. I’m always looking for a horror movie to give me a thrill and a chill as soon as there's an autumn nip in the air.
The only problem? I hate gory movies. I cannot deal with seeing someone’s innards become outwards, which vastly limits my choices in scary movies. With all the Saws and Hostels out there, (and let’s not even talk about The Human Centipede), it’s become harder for me to find a scary movie I can actually watch without getting thoroughly sick to my stomach.
I figure I cannot be alone in this plight; there must be others like me! So below is an in-no-ways-comprehensive list of scary movies that manage to skip out on the buckets of blood.
Paranormal Activity 1-4The first Paranormal Activity film scared me so badly I had to sleep with my TV on for several nights in a row. It was just a chilling, slow-burn horror movie unlike much of anything I’d ever seen before. Then they started making sequels. The sequels are also good for a chill, but after seeing the first one you pretty much know the bag of tricks these movies are bringing to the table.
The RingThis movie starring Naomi Watts isn’t too gory, but it will definitely make you wary of your VHS tapes. If you’re so inclined, the Japanese original Ringu is also a non-gory creep fest, but much slower moving than the American remake.
Insidious When a family moves into a new house, they have an unpleasant surprise waiting. This movie has it all in terms of scares: creepy kids, haunted houses, and a few twists and turns in the story you don’t expect.
The ConjuringThis movie is based off the real-life work of the Warrens, a couple that went around the country looking into paranormal activity. Things escalate pretty quickly, but the real star of the show is probably the creepy doll Annabelle.
Grave EncountersIf you’ve ever watched one of those Ghost Adventures shows and hoped something would get one of the annoying people screaming at ghosts, this is the film for you. A low-budget horror movie, it effectively sends up the ghost hunting reality tropes while also including a House of Leaves-style twist.
The AwakeningIt’s post-World War I England and Rebecca Hall’s character is a professional ghost hunter who disproves instances of the paranormal. That is, until she gets to a haunted boarding school and starts to reconsider her skepticism.
The ExorcistThis movie about demon possession is a classic for a reason, mostly because it is terrifying. Good luck sleeping after you watch this film for the first time.
What are your favorite non-gory horror movies? Share your suggestions in the comments!
More:'Insidious' Chapter 2 Makes The Unknown Terrifying'Insidious 3' Might Happen But Can It Work Without James Wan?Paramount To Make 'Paranormal Activity 5'
From Our Partners:40 Most Revealing See- Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)15 Stars Share Secrets of their Sex Lives (Celebuzz)
For those who haven't spent countless hours losing themselves to the videos, image galleries, and forever-looping animated GIFs of "Lil Bub," here is why she's known as one of the most adorable kittens on the Internet. Bub was born with several genetic mutations causing dwarfism, polydactylism and a disformed lower jaw. That may sound horrific, but the DNA twists of fate have turned Bub into a cat whose every move demands a thunder of "AWWWWWWWW."
Now, after conquering the Internet, Bub's short form stardom is getting the feature length treatment, in the form of the documentary (and 2013 Tribeca Film Festival premiere) Lil Bub & Friendz. In the first trailer for the movie, we learn of Bub's real origins: she came from outer space!
The movie aims to take a broader look at the phenomenon of online cat videos — arguably a foundation of the mega-successful video sharing site YouTube, and perhaps, all of the Internet — putting Bub at the center and weaving in the stories of other famous cats, including Grumpy Cat, Nyan Cat, and Keyboard Cat. Interviews in the doc suggest the popularity of cat videos philosophically challenge society. "If we look at human life through a cat's eyes, there's so much of what we do that seems futile," says a voice over images of a thirtysomething dancing with his cat. Bub's owner is frank in how his world was radically changed by the genetically-mutated pet: "Everything in my life was pretty awful, but then it got pretty cool."
RELATED: The Grumpy Cat Photo Shoot and Other Internet Cat Demands
As "Meme culture" — the bite size, graphically-enhanced, shots of entertainment and commentary that flood the Internet every minute — becomes more and more prevalent, so will its impact on other forms of entertainment. Looking inward is the first step: Lil Bub & Friendz is one of many net-friendly documentaries, following on the footsteps of Indie Game: The Movie (chronicling a trio of video game developers who built their audiences through the web) and HBO's Me @ the Zoo, a fascinating into the look life of Chris Crocker, star of the "Leave Britney Alone!" viral video.
The true stories behind the stars of the Internet is only the beginning, with adaptations of viral content looking more and more lucrative for Hollywood studios. Few realized that Brett Ratner throwing "I'm the Juggernaut, b**ch!" into his 2006 X-Men: The Last Stand would be such a slippery slope. Now, Hollywood producers are looking to memes and viral content for big screen inspiration. In January, the writer of the sci-fi flick Apollo 18 was hired to adapt James Erwin's story Rome, Sweet Rome, a military time travel epic he penned on the message boards of Reddit. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is also in the meme business — earlier this year, the actor attached himself to a project based on a viral illustration of a teddy bear fighting a nightmare monster. Seriously.
RELATED: Our Meme-tastic (Faux) Interview with Purrfect the Cat
Whether we LOL, OMG, or just ☺ at Lil Bub & Friendz, the meme movie trend only looks to persist. So which Internet-born meme needs the cinematic treatment? And when is Maru going to star alongside Vin Diesel in The Fast & the Fur-ious?
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
[Photo Credit: Danilo Parra]
You Might Also Like:15 Oscar-Winning Nude ScenesYoung Jack Black Is Totally Unrecognizable
Guess the cat's out of the bag. After attempts to keep the contents of her interview with Lance Armstrong under wraps failed, Oprah Winfrey appeared on "CBS This Morning" on Tuesday to discuss her two-and-a-half hour long talk with the disgraced cyclist. "We had agreed that the terms of the interview, and specifically what was included in the interview, would be left for people to make their own judgments about, and that I would not be discussing and he would not be discussing or confirming," Winfrey tells CBS News. "We agreed to that. But then by the time I had left Austin and landed in Chicago, you had already confirmed it!" The "it" Winfrey is referring to is that Armstrong confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs.
While Winfrey says that Armstrong was "forthcoming" in his answers, his admission was not what she expected. "It was surprising to me. I would say that for myself, my team, all of us in the room, we were mesmerized and riveted by some of his answers," Winfrey says. "I had prepared [for the interview] like it was a college exam, and walked into the room with 112 questions. And in a two-and-a-half hour interview I asked most of those questions — or at least as many of those questions as I could — but I feel that he answered the questions in a way that he was ready."
Alluding to Armstrong's doping confession, Winfrey says, "I didn't get all the questions asked, but I think the most important questions and the answers that people around the world had been waiting to hear were answered, and I can only say I was satisfied by the answers."
In response to questions about the timing of Armstrong's confession, Winfrey said, "I think he was just ready. I think the velocity of everything that's come at him in the past several months and particularly the past several weeks, he was just ready." Watch Winfrey's interview with CBS News below.
According to a New York Times article from Jan. 4, Armstrong was considering a confession "because he wants to persuade antidoping officials to restore his eligibility so he can resume his athletic career." CBS notes that while the World Anti-Doping Code states that Armstrong's ban cannot be reduced to less than eight years, Armstrong may hope that a confession will allow him to compete in triathlon or running events.
Prior to making his decision to op(rah)en up about his transgression, Armstrong and his team were concerned about the legal ramifications of a confession. The New York Times states, "But what worries Armstrong and his lawyers most, two of the people with knowledge of the situation said, is that he could face charges of perjury if he confesses because in sworn testimony in the SCA case he said he had never doped." (The Dallas-based insurance company SCA Promotions is seeking to recoup the millions of dollars it covered when Armstrong won multiple Tours de France races. Armstrong previously sued SCA after it withheld a $5 million dollar bonus due Armstrong for winning the 2004 Tour based on doping allegations made in the book L.A. Confidential: Les Secrets de Lance Armstrong.
The Times notes, "Before coming forward, Armstrong would need assurances from the Justice Department that he would not be prosecuted for those crimes, those two people said."
As Armstrong's attorney Tim Herman declined comment to Hollywood.com, it's not clear that Armstrong received such immunity. But Jenny Carroll, Associate Professor of Law at Seton Hall University School of Law and a former public defender, notes that while rare, it is possible that the Justice Department granted Armstrong such a request. "The government can, as part of its executive power, make decisions about who to charge and what the circumstances are of a particular charge. And certainly granting someone immunity in exchange for them testifying or confessing, as the New York Times says, it definitely happens," says Carroll.
"What's interesting about this case, is when it happens it usually happens the other way around," she adds. "So instead of the big name being the person that gets the immunity a little name gets immunity so that they can prosecute the big name. But, as the New York Times article alludes, there are several reasons why in this case it makes more sense to have the big name get the immunity rather than one of the little names: because Armtrong's the draw for a lot of fundraising, he's the big name attached to a series of causes. So there may actually be some very good policy reasons that they perceive, that the US government perceives, and kind of go a little counter to what their policy frequently is."
In regards to sentencing in perjury cases, Carroll notes, "The government will make a sentencing recommendation. My guess is if [Armstrong]'s perceived as cooperating with them and voluntarily participating, the recommendation will probably be relatively low, and even if it's not the sentencing judge will take into account, or should take into account, the fact that he is voluntarily cooperating even at his own peril. The modern federal criminal sentencing structure is pushing towards more discretion for judges to make decisions on kind of a case by case basis rather than to have kind of these very strict sentencing guidelines that are always followed."
A potential perjury charge will also hinge, of course, on what exactly Armstrong revealed to Oprah. While she says she was "satisfied" by his answers, there is not guarantee that Armstrong will come clean with the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It is expected, however, that an apology will accompany Armstrong's confession. CBS reports that before sitting down with Winfrey, Armstrong appeared at the Livestrong Foundation and tearfully apologized to the cancer charity he helped create.
Follow Abbey Stone on Twitter @abbeystone
[Photo Credit: Wenn]
Oprah to Talk to Lance Armstrong. What Are Her 10 Most Awkward Interviews Ever?
It's a Bad Day to be Lance Armstrong
Lance Armstrong's Scandal and Why We Can't Believe Anything Anymore
From Our Partners:
Craziest Celebrity Swimsuits (Celebuzz)
25 Risqué Miley Cyrus Stage Outfits (Celebuzz)
Our favorite fright fest, American Horror Story, has more twists and turns than a game of cat's cradle in a wind storm. But it's still made of slightly predictable tropes, some cribbed from traditional genre fare and some all of it's own. Here's an accounting of what happened in last night's episode based on the scariest thing of all: math. The spoiler-phobic should beware.
Dead Bodies: 9.5 (Bloody Face Victims, Josie, Thredson's "mother", Shelly, Mr. Goodman the Nazi Hunter who wasn't dead yet, Josie's mother, dead Adam Levine)
Times a Person Was Spanked/Slapped/Hit: 0
Times We Had to Listen to "Dominique" by the Singing Nun: 0
Cigarettes Smoked by Dr. Thredson: 0
Loaves of Bread Kneaded: 0
Sister Jude's Freakouts: 1 ("Dr Arden is totally the issue here")
Creepy Sex Things Dr. Arden Does: 0
Shots of that Creepy Crawly Bug Microchip Thing: 0
Consecutive Weeks with an Escape Attempt: 5
Successful Escape Attempts: 0
Non-Dr. Arden-related Sex Acts: 2 (jerking off, nipple sucking)
Flashbacks/Backstories: 7 (Jenny killing Josie, Dr. Thredson's orphanage, Dr. Thredson's mother, Dr. Thredson killing the lady, Dr. Arden meets the monsignor, Mary Eunice swimming, the first time Thedson saw Lana)
Butts: 1 (Sister Mary Eunice)
Adam Levine Sightings: 1 (and he's dead)
Consecutive Weeks Without the Modern Story: 0 (Welcome back. We're supposed to care again?)
Ridiculous Pet Names: 2 (Mommy, Baby)
New Monsters We Get a Glimpse Of: 1 (Josie)
Unsanitary Medical Procedures: 1
Awesome Uses of "You Don't Own Me": 1
Awful Ripoffs of The Bad Seed: 1
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: FX]
'American Horror Story' By the Numbers: Bloody Face Is Revealed
'American Horror Story' By the Numbers: Nazi Death Squad
'American Horror Story' By the Numbers: A Cut Above the Rest
From Our Partners:
Prince William Shares Personal Snapshots of Royal Air Force Life (PHOTOS)
Rihanna Curses Out Band in Mid-Song, Fends Off Streakers and Rioting Reporters: See 6 Out-Of-Control Moments During Her 777 World Tour (Celebuzz)
Anne Hathaway may not be known as one of the most publicly political celebrities in Hollywood, but, when it comes to Saturday Night Live, the actress and politics go together about as well as Catwoman and black latex. Take Hathaway's first appearance on SNL — the actress oversaw an October 2008 episode that brought us the now-classic parody of Sarah Palin and Joe Biden's vice presidential debate. ("I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.") And now, just over four years later, Hathaway has come full circle, hosting the sketch comedy show for the third time just days after President Obama was re-elected for a second term, inviting a stellar, if a bit bittersweet, Romney sign-off. But Saturday's show managed to shine the more it strayed away from politics. And the more it featured its host. Because Hathaway continued to prove to SNL audiences that Catwoman bares some sharp comedic claws.
And, sure enough, the beginning of SNL started with a farewell — what was likely the final sketch to feature Jason Sudeikis as the conceding presidential candidate, Mitt Romney. The sketch — which featured a disappointed, milk-swigging Romney who still showed Mormon-approved optimism — was well-written, if a bit oddly staged. (The silence-filled gaps between Taran Killam's amusing Tagg/Matt/Josh Romney pop-ups felt longer than the wait to hear Obama's Tuesday night victory speech.) Still, the scene was a nice departure from the ripped-from-the-TV-screen political sketches of yore, and bonus points for the series' take down of election night's real loser, when Josh Romney tells his father to come to the living room: "Donald Trump is doing a very amusing thing where he's racist."
Sudeikis again seemed to acknowledge his final months with SNL — the actor is leaving the show in January — during Hathaway's monologue, during which he talked about his "wild ride" on the show and what he's learned "after you've been here for eight seasons." But the Les Misérables star's voice eventually took center stage during the fifth musical monologue of the season. (For the record, there have only been seven new episodes — WWJRS? That is, What Will Jeremy Renner Sing?) Of course, this one made more sense than the rest — Hathaway's voice alone would be enough to invite awe, but the Les Mis-inspired tune (about the thrills of Sunday for the SNL cast) was more than chuckle-worthy, reminiscent of Steve Martin's memorable "Not Gonna Phone It In" monologue in 1991. (And Hathaway's Stefon impression? It. Had. Everything.) With the new cast, are the SNL glory days of the '90s back?
The series is certainly allowing its newbies to flex their comedy muscles more than previous featured players. New cast members Cecily Strong and Aidy Bryant headlined the first post-monologue sketch of the night as, respectively, a teen and her best friend-turned-third wheel. It was an amusing sketch that showcased Bryant's droll talents — and certainly hit home for any girl who ever attended high school — even if the spot seemed more appropriate for the back third of the show. (But, speaking of the '90s, did the sketch — and Hathaway's valley girl impression of the new bad girl in school — remind anyone of SNL's "Delta Delta Delta" days?)
But the next sketch, the pre-taped "Legend of Mokiki," was far from SNL convention. Featuring episode MVP Killam as a human experiment who becomes famous for doing a dance called "the sloppy swish" — and Hathaway as the poor soul who falls in love with him — the sketch was as random as it was obvious that it came out of a late-night, exhausted writing session. But even when shorts like these make little sense, it's impossible not to enjoy the glimpse we get into the deranged inter-workings of the writers' minds.
More audience-friendly was the following sketch, which proved Hathaway has another celebrity impression under her belt: Homeland's Emmy-winning Claire Danes. The actress' take on Carrie Matheson, complete with the character's patented ugly cry, was flawless — even simple phrases like "And do what?" were indistinguishable from her Showtime counterpart. But Hathaway wasn't the only one to score in the sketch — Bill Hader's Saul was as impeccable as the actor's Alan Alda, and Killam, once again, stole the scene with his Agent Brody, whose "mouth is so small, it's hard to hear the words."
Far less tasty was the lazy McDonald's sketch, featuring Strong and Bobby Moynihan as two delinquent employees dead-set on insulting all of their colleagues, and Hathaway's uptight boss. But Moynihan more than made up for the groan-worthy sketch with his Drunk Uncle, yet again the highlight of Weekend Update. ("If Nationwide is on my side, how come Obama is president? Jews-papers!") Unfortunately, the rest of Weekend Update wasn't nearly as funny — in fact, the writing proved to be just as progressive as Moynihan's uncle, who lamented in his day "You couldn't vote unless you had a cane, monocle, top hat, fancy!" Seth Meyers using the record number of women elected to office as an opportunity to make a joke about pantsuits? Really, Seth? Really?! And a joke about all women hating sports to boot? I say it again: Really?! Thank god for Moynihan and Hader, and Fred Armisen, who made up for the lackluster segment — which included a predictable Obama impression from Jay Pharaoh — with their gay couple from Maine, who are celebrating their newly established ability to wed by registering with L.L.Bean.
But SNL was quickly back in business with the brilliant Kate McKinnon as a cheerfully exhausted Ellen DeGeneres. The sketch was more or less an opportunity for the episode to showcase Hathaway's hysterical Katie Holmes impression, but McKinnon also inspired laughs as the controversy-adverse daytime host. ("It was a big week in politics, so I'm going to talk about eating some popcorn yesterday.") And Hathaway proved her physical comedy prowess with a unique sketch about the conception of Grant Wood's American Gothic painting, which, in SNL's world, really portrayed two goofy models who loved corn puppets.
SNL closed out the show with a "Happy Fun Ball"-esque sketch for "Flaritin," a medication for those who suffer "a made-up allergy" to gluten, cigarette smoke, yogurt, rice, meat deodorant, squirrel dander, Los Angeles, small penises, rap, and Italians for attention. But, strangely enough, any portion of the show that didn't include Hathaway — including musical guest Rihanna's bizarre performance of "Diamonds," which looked to be set in front of a karaoke music video — suffered without the host. She even managed to invite a laugh in her goodbye, telling the audience, "Thank you so much to Katie Holmes and Claire Danes." Would it be too much to call our Catwoman the cat's pajamas? (Yes. Yes it would.)
What did you think of Saturday's show? Did Hathaway's taste of Les Mis in the monologue enough to keep you wanting more?
[Image Credit: NBC]
Saturday Night Live: Host Anne Hathaway Won't Make You (Les) Misérable(s)
SNL Recap: Louis C.K. Tried to Make It Fun, Despite the Storm
Saturday Night Live: Anne Hathaway, Jeremy Renner Named As Upcoming Hosts
From Our Partners:
Ariel Winter’s Mom Claims She Found Daughter in Bed With 18-Year-Old Boyfriend, Police Report Reveals (EXCLUSIVE)
Reese Witherspoon’s Son Tennessee James Makes Public Debut (PHOTOS) (Celebuzz)
"Cat's pajamas" isn't a term that should be thrown around frivolously, but Jennifer Lawrence has earned due claim to the title. On Tuesday, the blossoming young actress embraced the heroism of her The Hunger Games character Katniss Everdeen when she spotted and attended to an ill woman in the neighborhood of Santa Monica, Calif. According to Daily Mail, Lawrence and an unidentified male bystander (both pictured below) rushed to the aid of a woman when she suddenly collapsed.
Lawrence, 21, and the bystander called for paramedics after unsuccessful attempts to revive the woman:
This act of decency comes in addition to being simply one of the most likable stars in Hollywood — Lawrence has freaked out David Letterman, has beaten up The Hunger Games costar Josh Hutcherson, and has played "chicken ball" with Jimmy Fallon. And now this. The young star is hell bent on proving to the world just how incredible she is.
[Photo Credit: X17]
'Hunger Games: Catching Fire': Jena Malone Is Johanna Mason's Newest Suitor
How to Save a Life: Ryan Gosling
'The Hunger Games: Catching Fire' Goes 'Dark Knight Rises', Shoots in IMAX
With all of the hacking, raping, rioting and stealing that dominated last week's episode, it was nice to take a breather and further the plot with fantastic dialogue instead of violence. Much of the action this week was in direct reaction to the multiple traumatic events we saw last week: Inspector Dany had to figure out which of the Qartheen overlords stole her dragons, Theon was reeling over over Bran and Rickon's escape, and Sansa and Cersei were still processing the bloody riots that had confirmed their loss of the people. Still, a second betrayal in Qarth and the reappearance of the Kingslayer allowed Game of Thrones to reach its weekly bloody benchmark, and powerful moments with Ygritte and Jon, Tywin and Arya, and Jaime and Cat made up for any lack in ice and fire.
Theon woke alone in bed, which is something he should probably get used to, because he's terrible. But losing Bran and Rickon was far more embarrassing than losing his wildling lover, so Theon took to beating his subordinates to somehow make things better. (Aside: I added a point to the "Theon" column on my "Theon vs. Joffrey Stupid/Evil Comparison Chart" when he bitched that when he was the Stark's captive, he never ran away. Because the situations are totally the same.) Still, Theon was in relatively high spirits -- once he found the boys and Yara's never-promised men arrived, he would hold Winterfell better than the Starkiest of the Starks.
Later, Theon and his men were able to track Bran and Rickon to a friendly farm in the countryside, but there his hounds lost their scent. His spirits were considerably lowered again, so he took out his rage on old Maester Luwin, who made the mistake of suggesting a night's rest. Theon didn't want to be the guy who couldn't catch a cripple, a child, and a half-wit, he explained. "It is better to be cruel than weak," he said in a panic. "I'm looking at spending the rest of my life being treated like a fool and a eunuch by my own people." Fortunately for Theon, his man found the walnut shells Bran and co. were munching on during their voyage. You'd think Osha would know better.
Beyond The Wall:
Kit Harrington's numerous fans probably loved every second of his screentime this episode, because seeing the typically dour bastard both embarrassed and sexually frustrated was a much-needed treat that amped up a previously stalling plotline. Anyway -- caught! Jon and Ygritte woke to find his hand groping her very-well covered breast, but multiple layers of fabric would not quell Ygritte's taunting. "Did you pull a knife on me in the night?" she asked. "Can't be the first time you pressed your bulge against a woman's ass." Jon, as usual, was not amused. (Aside: Ladies who are interested -- do NOT refer to male genitalia as "bones and stones" in front of Jon Snow. Won't go over well. Promise.)
But it actually was the first time Jon had laid with a woman, and Ygritte's shocked and borderline repulsed reaction to his virginity was enough to finally draw some anger from the poor guy. She half-jokingly listed Snow's potential sexual partners back on The Wall -- Girl crows? Other men? Sheep? These suggestions had Jon fuming, and probably very horny. "No homo!" he cried.* (*Actual quote: "It was my choice to say the words. Of course I like girls.")
Jon and Ygritte's little scuffle also provided some exposition about the Wildlings. Basically, they're Westeros' version of our Native Americans -- In 1492, some Targaryen or other landed on Westeros, called its people "Indians", and confined them to the world's worst reservation on a giant ice cube. Jon said that as a Stark, he shared the blood of the First Men, so he and Ygritte were one and the same. "Then why are you fighting us?" she asked. Good question, given the frozen zombies that are wandering around.
The pair continued down their walk of frozen shame, and Ygritte spoke of the wonders of Wildling life. If Jon joined her, she said, he could have plenty of sex, and she could "teach him how to do it." Like a high school senior being taunted by the popular kids, Jon replied that he already knew how to do it. I don't think internet porn exists in Westeros, so I highly doubt that this is accurate. Ygritte is right there with me: "You know nothing, Jon Snow," she said. (Aside: In the books, this is Ygritte's well-known catchphrase. She didn't first use it as a sexual come-on, but still -- I think Rose Leslie delivered the line very well.)
As they went on, Jon's chances of finding his friends became bleaker, and Ygritte's sexual advances became even more overt. At one point she flat-out said she was warm and wet, then offered to take him right there on the ground. He looked tempted but refused, which was probably a good thing: Ygritte attacked and ran, leading Jon straight to her Wildling friends.
Unfortunately for the peasants of the Harrenhal House of Horrors, Lord Tywin thought that Jaqen's poisoned dart was meant for him. Twenty innocents had already been killed in the search for the assassin, but Twyin didn't care if they hanged 100 -- Wolfsbane was a rare, serious poison, and he couldn't have that s**t circulating on campus.
A Song of Ice and Fire loyalists *might* be a little miffed that the show is devoting so much airtime to Tywin/Arya scenes that never took place in George R. R. Martin's books, but this pairing is so compelling that if so, they should probably just shut up already. Arya was becoming a bit too brave with Tywin: First she almost took the sure-to-be-fatal risk of snatching his knife, then she came about yay close to giving away her noble birth. In all of their scenes it feels like Arya is testing Tywin's waters to see just how much she can get away with, but this time her Stark-brand pride (and pre-feminist beliefs) nearly got in the way. She feigned stupidity when Tywin asked her if she knew what "legacy" meant, but when he told the story of the Targaryen conquest of Harrenhal, Arya couldn't help but add that it wasn't just Aegon, but Aegon and his sisters, who had flown in on their mighty dragons.
This, of course, was curious to Tywin: How could a peasant have any, let alone detailed, knowledge of history? Most girls, regardless of birth, dreamed of knights and maidens and Justin Bieber and things, he said. "Most girls are idiots," Arya replied. Tywin enjoyed this one, and complimented her by comparing her to Cersei. If Arya was affected by these repulsive words, she certainly didn't show it, but there is some truth to his statement: If Cersei didn't have to endure the pomp and circumstance that came with being Queen, she would most likely wear a knight's armor and behead her damn handmaidens herself.
Anyway, Tywin -- who is just as crafty as Arya, but with many added years of experience -- reminded her to say "M'Lord" instead of "My Lord" from here on out. "If you're going to pose as a commoner, do it properly." Again -- caught! Arya didn't give in, and tried to back it up with a lie about her mother teaching her how to speak "proper" -- but her upbringing had her quickly correcting herself with "properly," so her trick didn't really work. Tywin seemed to be amused by this game: He's not 100 percent sure that Arya is of noble birth just yet, but testing her to find out has been quite a trip. I'm super excited to see where this goes, because their scenes thus far have been brilliant.
Sansa tried to thank The Hound for saving her last week, but all she got was a lecture on the joy of cold-blooded murder. When she asked him why he was always so hateful, he responded: "You'll be glad of the hateful things I do someday, when you're queen and I'm all that stands between you and your beloved king." Hmm. Does this mean he'd be willing to do hateful things to Joffrey to protect Sansa? Somehow, I find this doubtful.
The next morning, Sansa woke from one bloody nightmare only to find herself right in the midst of an actual bloody nightmare: Her first period. She instantly knew what this meant -- she was now required to have sex (and children) with Joffrey. Join with me here: Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Shae helped her flip the mattress and nearly attacked a passing handmaid, so maybe I was wrong in doubting her motivations last week. Either way, The Hound found the evidence, leading to the most awkward "first period" sequence since Larry David tried to help a girl scout with tampon instructions on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Cersei's advice to Sansa was as follows: Joffrey would always be a little s**t, just like his fake-father Robert. Jaime was valiantly by her side for every delivery, but Sansa wouldn't be so lucky -- and she would just have to deal with it. "The more people you love, the weaker you are," she said. "You'll do things for them you shouldn't do. You'll act a fool to keep them happy and safe. Love no one but your children. On that front, a mother has no choice." Happy Mother's Day from Cersei Lannister!
At the very tail end of the episode, Tyrion made his one and only appearance: He and Cersei discussed Stannis' impending attack, which Cersei continued to take way too lightly. "We'll rain fire on them from above," she said, referring to the wildfire she thought she had been gathering. Interestingly, Cersei confessed to Tyrion her disappointment in Joffrey. "He doesn't listen to me," she said. "I always hoped he'd be like Jaime." Instead, she had birthed a little monster -- and she was beginning to think that Joffrey was the price she had to pay for her sins with her brother. Yes, the Targaryens had wed sister to brother for years, but half of them were mad: "Everytime a Tarygaryen is born, the gods flip a coin," the saying goes. Tyrion pointed out that Tommen and Myrcella were good people, so Cersei had beaten the Targaryen odds. This was a very rare tender-ish moment between these two, and I highly doubt we'll see more like it in the future.
Over in Qarth, Daenerys was still fightin' mad about her dragons. In another scene where Dany sounded far too weak and bratty for my liking, she refused Xaro's offer to aid her in her search. According to Xaro, a man was only what others said he was. If the citizens of Qarth knew that Xaro didn't help Dany after he took her under his roof, his reputation would suffer. This is terrible advice, particularly for high school girls. Teens: Don't listen to Xaro. Also -- why are you watching this show?
Later, Ser Jorah Mormont returned, ship-less, to help his beloved. She was not particularly grateful, as she was still in the midst of an "I can't trust anyone" tantrum. So, how could Jorah re-earn her trust? Oh, that's right -- by finding her f***ing dragons. His quest began with the mysterious masked woman, who somehow knew that Jorah had betrayed Dany to Varys months before. She made him swear to never betray Dany again before offering up her answer, which I guess makes her some sort of spooky guardian angel to Dany. "The thief you seek is with her now," she said.
This didn't exactly narrow things down, as Dany was currently in a room with her blood-riders, and every single member of the Thirteen. The nasty-as-ever Spice King was particularly happy to see her dragons gone, as they would "bring the world nothing but death and misery." True, but still -- we want her to win. Suddenly, the warlock with the tiny head who pulled that double-trouble trick back at the party -- Pyat Pree -- confessed to taking the dragons to the House of the Undying. He had made an arrangement with the "King of Qarth", and this King had then procured them for him. This was a confusing tidbit for Dany and the rest of the Thirteen, because there was no king in Qarth.
…Until now. Xaro had indeed betrayed Dany -- by making some sort of deal with Pyat that would make him the king. Somehow, stealing Dany's dragons and luring her back to them so she could "mother" them was part of their plan for Qartheen liberation. Suddenly, eleven identical versions of Pyat surrounded the remaining councilmen and slit their throats. "A mother should be with her children," Pyat said, very creepily. Dany, Jorah, and her blood-rider ran away in completely understandable horror, but they are still royally screwed here. A warlock and the richest man in Qarth are hiding their dragons in a magical place called The House of the Undying, so my guess is that things are going to get really freaky in Qarth next week.
In not-so-important news, Robb asked Talisa to accompany him on his upcoming journey to a castle known as The Crag, to raid for medical supplies and make out. All you really need to know from this scene is that Robb's advances will probably not sit will with Catelyn and the Freys, and also that Robb has much better game than his half-brother Jon. Eye contact, Jon. Eye contact.
Anyway, remember weeks ago, when Cersei tore Robb's letter of demands in half? Well, the deliverer of said letter -- Ser Alton Lannister -- finally returned with that news. Robb thanked him for his honor, and when he learned that Alton's former cage was occupied, he let him bunk with his distant cousin Jaime for the night.
Now, when I was a teen like Alton, I loved cousin sleepovers. I always got to sleep in Erin's room, where we would stay up all night and listen to '90s boy bands. I worshipped her because she was older and more stylish than me, so these nights were always very special. I know that Alton and Jaime's sleepover party took place in a cage, but I can fully imagine how exciting this must have been for him. Alton was a little-known Lannister from a distant cousin's cousin, destined for a whole lot of nothing. And here he was, imprisoned with the Jaime Lannister. The Kingslayer. The smooth-talker. The -- regular man with doubts and insecurities just like the rest of us? It can't be!
And alas, it wasn't. Alton kept inching closer and closer to Jaime, as the craftier Lannister manipulated him into some sort of bonding session. When Alton finally got close enough for comfort, Jaime killed him, and the Karstark guard on duty. He didn't get very far, and when Robb's men dragged him back to camp, Lord Karstark asked for his head to pay for the murder of his son. Cat, who knew that Jaime was still their only ticket to Sansa and (so she thought) Arya, begged for Jaime's safety until her girls were returned.
Jaime, for his part, just found the whole thing very amusing. Sick of being imprisoned, he all but asked Catelyn to kill him -- by hitting way below the belt, at Cat's Achilles' Heel. "I've never been with any woman but Cersei," he taunted. "So in my own way I have more honor than poor old dead Ned. What's the name of that bastard he fathered?" Just hearing the name "Jon Snow" always puts Cat in a murderous rage, so she drew her sword and … To Be Continued.
Theon had returned, giddy, to Winterfell -- where a crowd of peasants was gathered. "I told you what would happen if you served me loyally," he proclaimed. "And what would happen if you did not." Maester Luwin was then dragged to the scene, so that he could witness two small, burned bodies hoisted up on display. Gasp! Horror! The bodies were unrecognizable so it's unclear whether they were Bran and Rickon's, but either way we have confirmed that Theon is capable of child-murder. Those bodies belonged to someone.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
Sean Bean Arrested For Alleged Harassment
'Game of Thrones' Recap: The Old Gods and the New