A24 via Everett Collection
Jose Saramago’s acclaimed novel The Double is a twisting, stream-of-consciousness narrative about a man who accidentally stumbles across his doppelganger. Full of long-winded passages designed to keep the reader confused as to what is real and what is imagined, it’s the kind of story that requires multiple readings in order for anyone to follow the abrupt and opaque turns the plot takes. It’s fitting, then, that Enemy, Denis Villenuve's loose adaptation, is equally as confusing and enthralling. It might not be entirely faithful to the text, as there are some significant changes (including the addition of a disorienting recurring spider motif), but it’s extremely faithful to the trippy and suspenseful tone of Saramago’s work.
Only Villeneuve’s second English-language film, the director has been making his mark in Hollywood with dark psychological dramas, and Enemy might be the film that makes studios finally sit up and take notice. Jake Gyllenhaal stars as Adam Bell, a mopey, rumpled mess of a history professor, who spends his days lecturing to a hall filled with uninterested students, and his evenings in a quiet, repetitive stupor with his girlfriend, Mary (Melanie Laurent). On the recommendation of a colleague he decides to break out of his routine by renting a movie, where he discovers that one of the actors looks exactly like him. From there, he devotes his free time to tracking down Anthony Clair, a decision that results in Adam getting trapped in a web of secrets, lies and mistaken identities.
However, the film holds on tightly to whatever the truth is, and keeps its buried somewhere underneath all of that creepy spider symbolism. At a few points, it seems as if something is about to unravel the whole affair – we're on edge through visits to Adam’s mother (Isabella Rossellini) and conversations between the academic and Anthony’s wife Helen (Sarah Gadon). The film's central design seems to be one of confusion and disorientation, but in a rewarding way.
That seems to be the goal of Enemy as a whole, and if it is, then it succeeds. The mystery of the film unfolds slowly, and both Gyllenhaal and Villeneuve draw out every scene in order to ratchet up the tension. Even then, though, the film gives off more of a constant feeling of unease than anything resembling a traditional thriller, which is heightened by the sickly yellow color palate that Villeneuve uses. Everything in the movie feel awkward and off, and forces the audience to attempt to break out of the twisted plot in the same way as Adam does.
There are times when the drawn-out, off-kilter nature of the film becomes frustrating, especially when the characters run away just as it seems like Enemy is about to show its hand. But even with the lack of answers, it still manages to present a riveting, suspenseful story. Much of this is due to Gyllenhaal’s two-faced performance, in which he relies heavily on elements like posture and clothing in order to differentiate between Adam, Anthony, Anthony-as-Adam and Adam-as-Anthony. He slips effortlessly between being a sad-sack and an arrogant jerk – a feat which the characters themselves, interestingly enough, are never quite able to achieve. It’s a tour-de-force performance, albeit a quiet one, and as the two men become more and more entwined, Gyllehaal adds layers and depth to both of them.The film doesn’t ask much of its supporting ladies, however, with Gadon, Laurent, and Rossellini playing one not characters who are tortured, confused and aloof, respectively. They exist mostly as plot devices that Gyllenhaal can play off of, there to remind the audience whether we’re watching Adam or Anthony.
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At only 90 minutes long, Enemy feels longer, which is meant in both a good and a bad way. Even when Adam and Anthony spend an uncomfortably lengthy scene circling each other, waiting for the other to make a move, the film is tightly paced, and packs a lot into a short amount of time. If it were any longer or any shorter, Enemy might be more of a let-down, but an hour and a half is just enough time to keep you squirming in your seat before releasing you back into the world with more questions than you came in with.
At the 2013 Screen Actors Guild Awards, Rita Moreno added The Lifetime Achievement Award to her heavily populated display. That same night, Sofia Vergara also won an award as part of the Modern Family ensemble. In the 50 years since Moreno’s iconic role in West Side Story, things haven’t changed much for Latinos in Hollywood. Women have swapped bare feet and cascading skirts for high heels and mini skirts. Men have gone from playing fieldhands and gang members to... also playing dishwashers. White actors still act in brownface portraying Latinos as loud and ignorant. When are things going to change?
Latinos are 17 percent of the U.S. population and the largest minority group. Spanish is the second most spoken language in the world. And yet, Latinos are not widely represented in American media. The Spanish speaking populace has somehow become synonymous with ignorance on TV. When Latinos are represented they are often portrayed as violent, quick-tempered, and hypersexual. Case in point: Vergara’s character in Modern Family is prone to outbursts and is often half-naked, and the lion’s share of her jokes is about her trouble with English.
Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek Are Different People!
Latinos come from countries in The Caribbean, Central America, and South America. These different countries are united by the Spanish language. This would be like considering people from Hong Kong, India, Australia, and the Bahamas one race because they all speak English and drink tea. The diversity of Latinos seems to perplex Hollywood. Penelope Cruz was listed as Salma Hayek on the Academy Awards Instagram page. Cruz is a 5'6" European woman and Hayek is a 5'3" Mexican. They may speak the same language but Cruz’s career is more similar to Monica Bellucci. Both actors had thriving film careers in Europe and were seamlessly incorporated into American casting. Hayek had to claw her way from playing prostitutes and stereotypical bit parts in Hollywood to getting a big break.
Latin spending power is diluted between the Spanish-speaking and English-speaking markets. There are Spanish language networks that cater to recent immigrants and abuelas everywhere. They broadcast novellas, Spanish soap operas, and original programming. It can be challenging to try and unite Spanish-speaking and English-speaking audiences. Mainstream crossovers can be challenging because Latino celebrities are not widely known in America. Chasing Papi was an English-language Latino comedy featuring a young Vergara, and a who’s who of Latino celebrities. However, it was unable to resonate with American audiences.
In West Side Story, white and Latino actors were literally painted brown to distinguish them as the Puerto Ricans. Despite being Puerto Rican, Moreno had to wear dark make-up to play her own race. Many non-Latin actors have played Latino roles, with varying degrees of success: Hank Azaria, Johnny Depp, and Anjelica Houston have all played Latinos. There have even been white actors in historical representations of Latino history. Ethan Hawke played a Uraguayan in Alive and Ben Affleck’s character in Argo was based on half-Mexican CIA agent Tony Mendez.
As recently as Lena Dunham’s episode of SNL, non-Latino actress Cecily Strong plays a Venezuelan whose humor and conflict derive from the fact that she can’t speak English. With no Latino performers on SNL, characters like this seem insensitive. Plus, there's that accent — Strong's costar Kate McKinnon has played Latin characters and can at least do a convincing accent.
Key to Success: Play Another Race?
Moreno played Tuptim in The King and I. Almost 60 years later, successful Latino actors find more success playing outside their race. Dominican/Puerto Rican actress Zoe Saldana has found more commercial success playing characters identified as black and non-Latino. Alexis Bledel, Frankie Muniz, and Aubrey Plaza are all assumed to be Caucasian and often cast with Caucasian parents and relatives. Even Martin and Charlie Sheen found it necessary to change their name from Estevez.
Banished to Basic Cable
It seems like the most diversity exists on basic cable. It’s hard to believe that Wizards of Waverly Place is more representative of a modern family than the eponymous sitcom. It features a bi-racial Latino/American family. Everyone can speak English and the children still have a sense of culture. ABC Family shows like The Fosters and Switched at Birth include multiple series regulars that are Latino. The shining beacon on television is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It has two Latin actresses Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero offering atypical and actually inspirational portrayals of Latinos. This is progress considering Beatriz played Vergara’s ignorant Colombian cousin in an episode of Modern Family. Check out how Beatriz describes her strong and accent-less role as success for Latinos.
Derek is one of the best shows on Netflix, but no one seems to be watching it. If anyone is, they certainly aren't talking about it as much as other Netflix programs like House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black. The first season of Ricky Gervais' comedy-drama is a beautiful work of art, and it should appeal to long-time Gervais fans as well as newcomers who aren't necessarily familiar or interested in his previous work. Derek is about a group of well-meaning people who devote their lives to service as they manage a nursing home. So why, then, is it so overlooked?
For one, it's a show about kindness. In the age of anti-heroes and bleak, harrowing crime dramas, Derek is a refreshing alternative for which most viewers probably aren't prepared. Unlike House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black, two extremely successful Netflix programs, Derek is void of cynicism. It's a defiantly optimistic show that rewards good people who are kind and generous. In one episode, for example, a troubled teenager learns the value of compassion when she is forced to do community service at the nursing home. There are no pessimistic twists in Derek. If you do good to others, good things happen to you, and if you don't, you're not going to be rewarded.
Perhaps this utopian vision of the world is outdated for some viewers. After The Sopranos, Mad Men, and Breaking Bad, it seems that the most successful television shows are about immoral behavior that is socially and culturally rewarded. Even the half-hour comedy programs like Girls, Veep, and Nurse Jackie depict the darker shades of our humanity. Could it be that viewers are unable to turn back now? Has society's collective disappointment in life via failed leadership and global despair found its way into the content that is consumed on a daily basis? If this is the case, Derek reminds us that it doesn't have to be this way. As viewers, we can choose to reward kindness and goodness by celebrating shows like Derek and rejecting the latest anti-hero dramas for what they are: bleak, depressing rip-offs of better shows that came before (Low Winter Sun, anyone?).
We may not be able to escape the problems that plague the 21st century, but we certainly don't have to allow these problems to bleed into our entertainment. The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and House of Cards are all terrific shows, but how many more dramas about cruel people do we need? Isn't it time that we start rooting for characters who are good again?
For viewers looking to make that change, Derek is a wonderful place to start.
Charlie Sheen's publicist has shot down reports suggesting the actor has been holding up production on his hit sitcom Anger Management after failing to show up for work. The star was said to have skipped several days of work in recent weeks, forcing studio bosses at Lionsgate to shoot around Sheen's character and even use stand-ins in certain scenes, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
A spokesperson for Lionsgate has declined to comment on the claims, but Sheen's representative, Jeff Ballard, has denied the allegations.
Ballard tells the publication, "We did not shoot last week because another member of the cast was sick.
"Charlie is always ready, willing and able to shoot Anger Management and looks forward to returning on Monday."
Executives at Lionsgate and U.S. TV network FX agreed to pick up a total of 100 episodes of the comedy in a landmark deal in 2012 after the first 10 instalments proved popular with viewers.
Reports of Sheen's tardiness emerge months after Selma Blair exited the series following rumours of a bitter feud with the lead star.
The actor, who has previously battled substance abuse issues, was famously fired from Two and a Half Men in 2011 after clashing with sitcom creator Chuck Lorre. He was subsequently replaced with Ashton Kutcher.
You don't arrive at the Grand Budapest Hotel without your share of Wes Anderson baggage. Odds are, if you've booked a visit to this film, you've enjoyed your past trips to the Wes Indies (I promise I'll stop this extended metaphor soon), delighting especially in Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and his most recent charmer Moonrise Kingdom. On the other hand, you could be the adventurous sort — a curious diplomat who never really got Anderson's uric-toned deadpan drudgings but can't resist browsing through the brochures of his latest European getaway. First off, neither community should worry about a bias in this review — I'm a Life Aquatic devotee, equally alienating to both sides. Second, neither community should be deterred by Andersonian expectations, be they sky high or subterranean, in planned Budapest excursions. No matter who you are, this movie will charm your dandy pants off and then some.
While GBH hangs tight to the filmmaker's recognizable style, the movie is a departure for Anderson in a number of ways. The first being plot: there is one. A doozy, too. We're accustomed to spending our Wes flicks peering into the stagnant souls of pensive man-children — or children-men (Moonrise) or fox-kits (guess) — whose journeys are confined primarily to the internal. But not long into Grand Budapest, we're on a bona fide adventure with one of the director's most attractive heroes to date: the didactic Gustave H. (Ralph Fiennes mastering sympathetic comedy better than anyone could have imagined he might), who invests his heart and soul into the titular hotel, an oasis of nobility in a decaying 1930s Europe. Gustave is plucked from his sadomasochistic nirvana overseeing every cog and sprocket in the mountaintop institution and thrust into a madcap caper — reminiscent of, and not accidentally, the Hollywood comedies of the era — involving murder, framing, art theft, jailbreak, love, sex, envy, secret societies, high speed chases... believe me, I haven't given half of it away. Along the way, we rope in a courageous baker (Saoirse Ronan), a dutiful attorney (Jeff Goldblum), a hotheaded socialite (Adrien Brody) and his psychopathic henchman (Willem Dafoe), and no shortage of Anderson regulars. The director proves just as adept at the large scale as he is at the small, delivering would-be cartoon high jinks with the same tangible life that you'd find in a Billy Wilder romp or one of the better Hope/Crosby Road to movies.
Anchoring the monkey business down to a recognizable planet Earth (without sacrificing an ounce of comedy) is the throughline of Gustave's budding friendship with his lobby boy, Zero (newcomer Tony Revolori, whose performance is an unprecedented and thrilling mixture of Wes Anderson stoicism and tempered humility), the only living being who appreciates the significance of the Grand Budapest as much as Gustave does. In joining these two oddballs on their quest beyond the parameters of FDA-approved doses of zany, we appreciate it, too: the significance of holding fast to something you believe in, understand, trust, and love in a world that makes less and less sense everyday. Anderson's World War II might not be as ostensibly hard-hitting as that to which modern cinema is accustomed, but there's a chilling, somber horror story lurking beneath the surface of Grand Budapest. Behind every side-splitting laugh, cookie cutter backdrop, and otherworldly antic, there is a pulsating dread that makes it all mean something. As vivid as the worlds of Rushmore, Tenenbaums, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and Moonrise might well have been, none have had this much weight and soul.
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So it's astonishing that we're able to zip to and fro' every crevice of this haunting, misty Central Europe at top speeds, grins never waning as our hero Gustave delivers supernaturally articulate diatribes capped with physically startling profanity. So much of it is that delightfully odd, agonizingly devoted character, his unlikely camaraderie with the unflappably earnest young Zero, and his adherence to the magic that inhabits the Grand Budapest Hotel. There are few places like it on Earth, as we learn. There aren't many movies like it here either.
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Newly-engaged actor Ashton Kutcher is happy to be leaving his single days behind him after confessing having multiple one night stands is "just a little gross". The Two and a Half Men star, who reportedly proposed to girlfriend Mila Kunis last week (ends28Feb14), admits he had his fair share of bachelor fun during his youth, and at 36, he is glad he is no longer sleeping around.
He tells Men's Fitness magazine, "Being a single guy can be a lot of fun... when you're financially independent (and) can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
"(But) for every girl you have a good time with for one night, if you want to stay single, that's the same girl that you have to not call back. After a while, being the one-night-stand guy is also just a little gross."
Kutcher was previously married to actress Demi Moore, but the couple split in 2011 and its divorce was finalised in November (13).
Mila Kunis has landed a guest spot on her new fiance's TV comedy Two And A Half Men. The Black Swan beauty reportedly became engaged to Kutcher last week (ends28Feb14) and now the former That '70s Show co-stars will team up on TV once again.
Kunis will play a free-spirited traveller who shows up on the doorstep of Kutcher's character Walden Schmidt, and becomes his new crush - just as he is preparing to propose to someone else.
The episode is expected to air in the U.S. in April (14).
It won't be the first time Kunis and Kutcher have played lovers on TV - they played a couple on That '70s Show from 1998 until 2006, before they became a real-life item in 2012.
Former TV Wonder Woman Lynda Carter felt a little uncomfortable kissing Ashton Kutcher during a guest appearance on his hit sitcom Two And A Half Men, because the actor reminded her of her son. The actress, 62, played "a version of herself" on the 11th season of the comedy series, and her character was required to lock lips with the 36-year-old hunk as part of the storyline.
But Carter admits sharing a smooch with Kutcher felt strange as he bears a striking similarity to her son, James.
She tells Closer magazine, "Ashton is the size and almost the same age as my son... He's also very boyish-looking.
"I told him, 'I just want to giggle every time I have to kiss you!'"
The episode aired in the U.S. in November (13) and Carter reveals her daughter Jessica was not a fan: "They saw (the kiss). My daughter said I ruined Ashton Kutcher for her forever!"
CBS Television Network
If you're one of the viewers that routinely switches off CBS as soon as Mike and Molly ends, well, shame on you: you're missing out on Mom. The freshman sitcom starring Anna Faris as a recovering alcoholic single mom who moves in with her also recovering mother, played by Allison Janney, holds enough of the audience on CBS' Monday night lineup that it will probably earn a second season, but that's not good enough. The show deserves more.
Faris has had an up-and-down career in the movies, but her emotional vulnerability and comedic timing has found a home on the sitcom. Her Christy, a waitress and AA regular, is hopeful and easy to root for as portrayed by the doe-eyed actress. Having a character that the audience can root for isn't always a given on a Chuck Lorre show, nor is having fully formed female characters... as anyone that's watched Melissa McCarthy descend into caricature on Mike and Molly can attest.
Janney, who's proven her chops in everything from The West Wing to Juno, provides even more incentive to watch. She infuses her Bonnie with a seen-it-all outlook that works perfectly for a character that's not as enamored of the sober lifestyle as her daughter is. More than that, Janney plays Bonnie as a real person, even when the writing is broad. She doesn’t work too hard for the laughs, but instead lets them come naturally, which helps temper the over-the-top elements that are a Lorre hallmark.
The show has also featured an enviable group of guest stars, starting with Kevin Pollak as Christy's long-absent father. The veteran comedian was the perfect choice to play off of the two leading ladies as a mensch who's trying to make things right. Justin Long, Mimi Kennedy, and Octavia Spencer have also put in appearances.
The show isn't perfect; the writers have yet to find a good rhythm for Christy's daughter, played by Saddie Calvano, and her boyfriend (Spencer Daniels). Additionally, Matt Jones and French Stewart, who play Christy's ex and boss respectively, seem like they might be more at home on Lorre's Two and a Half Men. While not everything might have jelled quite yet, the performances by the leads rises above any of the first year quibbles.
It's hard to play addiction recovery for both laughs and empathy, but Faris and Janney are doing a brilliant job of exactly that. Their efforts deserve to be rewarded with viewers that seek the show out as opposed to ones that just forget to change the channel after Mike and Molly.
Show Mom some love and you won't be disappointed.
Summit Entertainment via Everett Entertainment
For all the good tidings, joy to all men, and general warm fuzziness that the Christmas season ushers in every year, it sure delivers a load of clunkers to the cinema. There's a reason why we'd rather watch a full 24 hours of A Christmas Story every year than venture into the holiday-themed DVD aisle, a tinsel-wrapped wasteland. The sad truth is that new Christmas movies are largely terrible, and before you can type out a caps-locked "BAH HUMBUG," think about the last Christmas movie you saw that could become a classic. One that could truly endure through the years, and one that you could see yourself revisiting every time December rolls around. For our money, the last good Christmas film was Arthur Christmas, and before that... well, good luck finding anything really special that has came out since 2003's Elf.
But don't lose all hope just yet. It may be early to tell, but there's a north star shining on the horizon. One that is ready to bring a Christmas miracle to theaters this year. The trio that delivered the woefully under-seen dramedy 50/50 might save Christmas. Director Jonathan Levine is teaming up with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen once again for a Christmas comedy. The film will follow three childhood friends who reunite in New York City for an annual Christmas Eve outing. Rogen and Gordon-Levitt will play two of the friends, while the third role has yet to be cast. With the pedigree of all involved, this yet untitled Christmas film has the strong chance of actually becoming something really worthwhile, and all we have to do is look back at 50/50 to see why.
50/50 was about real people and real relationshipsMany Christmas films often take shortcuts rather than really focusing on relationships that feel authentic. Many involve a family getting together for the holiday, only to constantly bicker at each other until they finally decide to find the "Spirit of the Christmas" in the last 20 minutes of the movie, and enjoy what's left of the holiday, while the audience wonders why these people, who clearly hate each other, bothered to see each other in the first place. On the flipside, the relationships in 50/50, and especially the central relationship between Adam (Gordon-Levitt) and Kyle (Rogen), feel authentic, so when they do fight it actually matters. The film says that they're childhood friends, and it goes out of its way to make us believe it.
It wasn't too saccharine or melodramaticObviously the holidays season is the most joyous time of year. But too many films lay on the schmaltz too thick, winding up way too sweet and saccharine. Good Christmas films usually have at least a thin thread of cynicism running through, and 50/50 deals with its subject matter with an even tone. Even though it's a film about cancer, it doesn't spend all of its time hanging its head and moping through the story, but it also doesn't make light of the diagnosis. It showcases the ups and downs of dealing with something that serious, and Levine can do the same thing with his film. Imagine having a scene as heartrending as Adam's midnight phone-call to Katharine (Anna Kendrick), or one as funny as Adam shaving his head in a Christmas film.
It did romance better than Love Actually Love Actually, for all its manic effort, spent too much time ping-ponging between too many different perspectives and relationships to make any one of it's many couples feel real or authentic. The film just says each couple has found love on Christmas, without giving the audience time to believe it. 50/50, on the other hand, allows its central romance to breathe. So when the film eases us into the relationship between Adam and Katherine, we buy their budding affection way more than many of the half baked relationships in most Christmas films.
Charlie's brother Alan moves in with him, along ith his ten-year-old son Jake. He soon discovers that having a child around attracts women and decides that having his brother and nephew around might not be as bad as he had thought.
Episode 2. Big Flappy Bastards
(AIR DATE 09/29/2003)
Charlie has to discipline Jake when he lures a flock of seagulls into his room.
Episode 3. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
(AIR DATE 10/06/2003)
The brothers decide to stand-up to their mother after becoming intoxicated.
Episode 4. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going To Take a Nap
(AIR DATE 10/13/2003)
In order to have Alan help him get the cleaning lady back, Charlie must get Jake ready for dinner with his mother.
Episode 5. The Last Thing You Want Is To Wind Up With A Hump
(AIR DATE 10/20/2003)
Charlie meets some women when he has to attend one of Jake's soccer games.
Episode 6. Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
(AIR DATE 10/28/2003)
When Evelyn gets dumped, Charlie and Alan ask Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake how to screen women's phone calls.
Episode 7. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
(AIR DATE 11/03/2003)
For an assignmnet at school, Jake draws a picture of the tattooed buttocks of one of Charlie's girlfriends.
Episode 8. Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
(AIR DATE 11/10/2003)
CHarlie is put in charge of the fourth grade musical.
Episode 9. Phase One, Complete
(AIR DATE 11/17/2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands; Alan teaches Rose to play Scrabble.
Episode 10. Merry Thanksgiving
(AIR DATE 11/24/2003)
Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner to porve that he can be a family man.
Episode 11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
(AIR DATE 12/15/2003)
After running into his ex-wife with a new boyfriend, Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover.
Episode 12. Camel Filters and Pheremones
(AIR DATE 01/05/2004)
Alan tries to convince Judith that it is good for Jake to spend time at Charlie's house; the housekeeper's 16-year-old granddaughter comes to work with her, distracting Charlie.
Episode 13. Sarah Like Puny Alan
(AIR DATE 01/12/2004)
Charlie sets Alan up on a date and has to drag him to a steam room to get rid of Alan's cold.
Episode 14. I Can't Afford Hyenas
(AIR DATE 02/02/2004)
Charlie's credit card is cut up and he finds out that he is in serious financial trouble.
Episode 15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
(AIR DATE 02/09/2004)
Charlie and Alan meet a crazy woman smashing up her psychiatrist's car and end up taking her home when she has nowhere else to go.
Episode 16. That Was Saliva, Alan
(AIR DATE 02/16/2004)
Alan lets Frankie stay at the house with her daughter after she tells him that her in-laws are fighting her for custody of Joanie.
Episode 17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
(AIR DATE 02/23/2004)
Charlie gets upset when he finds out that Alan did not leave custody of Jake to him in his will.
Episode 18. An Old Flame With a New Wick
(AIR DATE 03/01/2004)
Charlie gets an email from an ex-girlfriend and finds out that she has become a man.
Episode 19. I Remember the Coatroom
(AIR DATE 03/22/2004)
Judith's sister Liz starts hitting on Alan at Jake's eleventh birthday party.
Episode 20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside In the Dark
(AIR DATE 04/19/2004)
Episode 21. No Sniffing, No Wowing
(AIR DATE 05/03/2004)
Episode 22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
(AIR DATE 05/10/2004)
Charlie tries to cure Alan's recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake goes to see a therapist.
Episode 23. Just Like Buffalo
(AIR DATE 05/17/2004)
Charlie tries to talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends with he and Alan.
Episode 24. Can You Feel My Finger?
(AIR DATE 05/24/2004)
After a pregnancy scare with an ex, Charlie considers getting a vasectomy.
Episode 1. Back Off Mary Poppins
(AIR DATE 09/20/2004)
Alan tries to convince Charlie into letting him join his men's support group.
Episode 2. Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
(AIR DATE 09/27/2004)
Alan gets upset when Judith starts dating Jake's pediatrician; Charlie points out that Alan wouldn't have to pay alimony if Judith remarried.
Episode 3. A Bag Full of Jawea
(AIR DATE 10/04/2004)
Charlie saves Jake from getting suspended by romancing his teacher. But, Charlie doesn't count on her falling in love with him.
Episode 4. Go Get Mommy's Bra
(AIR DATE 10/11/2004)
Alan worries that Jake likes his ex-wife's new boyfriend more than Alan. So, to impress his kid, Alan and Charlie try to teach Jake to drive. Charlie's mother needs to borrow his Mercedes so she can impress a Saudi prince to whom she is trying to sell a house and they discover she had sex in the car, prompting Charlie to trade it in.
Episode 5. Bad News From The Clinic
(AIR DATE 10/18/2004)
Charlie goes out on a date with a woman who treats him like he usually treats his dates and it drives him crazy. Alan and Jake argue over Alan's insistence that Jake start his weekend homework on Fridays.
Episode 6. The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance
(AIR DATE 10/25/2004)
Alan recalls being accused of stealing a toy when he was a kid, always claiming he didn't steal it and it was planted on him. He began to doubt himself over the years fearing his "dark side" and scarring him for life as his current set of neuroses were partially bred out of the self control he had imposed upon himself. Charlie finally confesses that he stole the toy and planted it on Alan to deflect his own guilt, creating friction between them as Alan questions his entire life.
Episode 7. A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
(AIR DATE 11/08/2004)
Charlie and Alan asks Berta's sister to cater a party their mother conned them into having.
Episode 8. Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
(AIR DATE 11/15/2004)
Charlie is forced to take care of Jake while Alan is having the time of his life with a woman he met at the grocery store. After a few days, he decides to ask her to marry him which prompts Charlie and their mom to talk Alan out of it.
Episode 9. Yes, Monsignor
(AIR DATE 11/22/2004)
Charlie runs into an old girlfriend and asks her to dinner. Things go well until he discovers that she now has a baby.
Episode 10. The Salmon Under My Sweater
(AIR DATE 11/29/2004)
Charlie is contracted to write the theme song for an adaptation of one of Jake's favorite comic books.
Episode 11. Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
(AIR DATE 12/13/2004)
After a strange encounter with a woman at a bar, Charlie Googles himself and finds a hate website devoted to exposing his womanizing ways.
Episode 12. A Lungful of Alan
(AIR DATE 01/03/2005)
Alan and Charlie compete for a beautiful woman who was once a homely girl in his high school.
Episode 13. Zejctz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
(AIR DATE 01/17/2005)
When Judith's pipes burst after a mild earthquake, Alan offers to let her stay with he and Charlie.
Episode 14. Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
(AIR DATE 01/31/2005)
Evelyn winds up in the hospital after Alan and Charlie force her out for criticizing how Jake is being raised.
Episode 15. Smell the Umbrella Stand
(AIR DATE 02/07/2005)
Charlie distracts Alan from an upcoming procedure with a trip to Las Vegas, but the two find it hard to get out of town.
Episode 16. Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
(AIR DATE 02/14/2005)
Charlie and Alan have a hard time juggling their lives and taking care of Jake during the week when Judith takes a vacation.
Episode 17. Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
(AIR DATE 02/21/2005)
Charlie injures his back during sex and is treated by an attractive female doctor after ignoring Alan's medical advice.
Episode 18. It was Mame, Mom
(AIR DATE 03/07/2005)
Charlie asks Alan to pose as his gay life partner when he is invited to a party being thrown by a gay ad executive.
Episode 19. A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise
(AIR DATE 03/21/2005)
Alan wants to ask out one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends, Sherri, but he can't stop thinking about Charlie and Sherri together.
Episode 20. I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
(AIR DATE 04/18/2005)
Rose must intervene and help Charlie and Alan sort out their feelings when they start taking personal frustrations out on one another.
Episode 21. A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
(AIR DATE 05/02/2005)
Evelyn, Alan, Charlie and Jake attend the funeral of Evelyn's second husband, Harry.
Episode 22. That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
(AIR DATE 05/09/2005)
Alan is guilted into going on a hellish double-date after taking a loan from Evelyn.
Episode 23. Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
(AIR DATE 05/16/2005)
Alan reluctantly leaves Jake at Evelyn's for a sleepover.
Episode 24. Does This Smell Funny to You?
(AIR DATE 05/23/2005)
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's young trophy wife.
Episode 1. Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts
(AIR DATE 09/19/2005)
When Alan injures himself after falling off the roof, Charlie agrees to take care of Jake for the weekend.
Episode 2. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
(AIR DATE 09/26/2005)
Alan enlists Charlies's aid in answering phones at his chiropractic office, a move that turns out to be a bad idea when Charlie turns the office into a brothel.
Episode 3. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
(AIR DATE 10/03/2005)
Charlie stages an elaborate intervention to keep Alan and Judith from reuniting when he finds out they've been dating.
Episode 4. Your Dismissive Attitude Towards Boobs
(AIR DATE 10/10/2005)
Alan allows Berta to stay at Charlie's house on a temporary basis, a move which puts the brothers at odds.
Episode 5. We Called it Mr. Pinky
(AIR DATE 10/17/2005)
A woman declares her love for Charlie only to have him respond inappropriately and Jake seeks Charlie's advice about a girl at school that likes him.
Episode 6. Hi Mr. Horned One
(AIR DATE 10/24/2005)
Charlie is ecstatic about his new wild, sexually uninhibited Goth girlfriend, but Alan is convinced that she's put an evil curse on him.When Charlie is invited to a coven party and sees the effect she is having on him the next morning, he decides to break it off but she proves to be difficult to get rid of without the malevolent intervention of his mother.
Episode 7. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
(AIR DATE 11/07/2005)
Charlie is confronted by the father of his stalker, Rose, who demands to know Charlie's intentions towards his daughter.
Episode 8. That Voodoo That I Do Do
(AIR DATE 11/14/2005)
After Charlie is rejected by an attractive ballet teacher, he cons Jake into taking dance lessons to advance his cause.
Episode 9. Madame and Her Special Friend
(AIR DATE 11/21/2005)
A wealthy, elderly woman vies for Alan's affections.
Episode 10. Something Salty and Twisted
(AIR DATE 11/28/2005)
Alan organizes a dinner to celebrate a positive newspaper article about him.
Episode 11. Santa's Village of the Damned
(AIR DATE 12/19/2005)
Alan's new girlfriend turns out to be a Martha Stewart-like control freak bent on taking over the house during Christmas.
Episode 12. That Special Tug
(AIR DATE 01/09/2006)
Charlie starts seeing a therapist in order to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.
Episode 13. Humiliation is a Visual Medium
(AIR DATE 01/23/2006)
No one believes that Charlie has been in a serious relationship for a month without having sex.
Episode 14. Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
(AIR DATE 02/06/2006)
Charlie plans a romantic evening with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship and Alan starts dating a woman half his age.
Episode 15. My Tongue is Meat
(AIR DATE 02/27/2006)
Charlie sneaks beer, cigars and hamburgers when he finds that he can't hack the healthy lifestyle that Mia has imposed on him.
Episode 16. Ergo, the Booty Call
(AIR DATE 03/06/2006)
Alan tries to avoid bringing his 22 year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.
Episode 17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
(AIR DATE 03/13/2006)
Charlie boycotts an advertising banquet where he is up for an award due to the fact that he keeps losing to his nemesis, Archie.
Episode 18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler
(AIR DATE 03/20/2006)
Alan is in financial dispair because of taking on his girlfriend's bills and Charlie makes up a lie to Judith for him when he can't make his alimony payment on time.
Episode 19. Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
(AIR DATE 04/10/2006)
Charlie discovers he has a new roommate, that Kandi has been living with Alan which creates lots of tension in the house. To make matters worst Charlie has been having a dry spell with women.
Episode 20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
(AIR DATE 04/24/2006)
Kandi, Alan's hot young girlfriend leaves him and goes to stay with his ex-wife Judith, Alan tries to win her back but Judith has turned her against him.
Episode 21. And the Plot Moistens
(AIR DATE 05/01/2006)
Lacking the stimulation of an intelligent conversation, Alan finds more in common with Jake's teacher than Kandi. His efforts to not lead her on prove complicated though as Charlie entertains himself by compounding the situation for Alan.
Episode 22. Just Once With Aunt Sophie
(AIR DATE 05/08/2006)
Jake gets invited to his first boy-girl party and needs Charlie's wisdom on hooking up with the chicks. Allen feels shorted, not just that this should be a father-son bonding moment but also that Charlie never gave him the same advice. He is glad that Jake got such expert advice though, especially when it pays off for Jake.
Episode 23. Arguments for a Quickie
(AIR DATE 05/15/2006)
When Charlie finds out that Mia is in town with her dance troupe and has invited him to her performance, he opts not to go and tries to convince Alan (and himself) that he's over her. After surprising Alan (and himself) by showing up, Charlie gets another surprise when Mia explains that she wants something personal from him -- his sperm. Shockingly, commitment-phobic Charlie finds he's not up to the task of a donor and feels the only way he can do it is to marry her.
Episode 24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
(AIR DATE 05/22/2006)
Happily ever after, or not. Charlie and Mia's big day is finally here but when the families meet things immediately start to go down-hill. Rose takes the news of the engagement hard, and makes some interesting plans of her own. Additionally, there are questions as to where Alan and Jake will live after Charlie and Mia get married. Ultimately, Charlie and his bride-to-be end up deciding on a small ceremony in Vegas, where a wedding ultimately ensues.
Episode 1. Working For Caligula
(AIR DATE 09/18/2006)
After Alan moves out of the house, Charlie embraces his carefree bachelor lifestyle once again. Alan has a huge fight with his wife Kandi. She plunders all of Alan's money. He is heart-broken to know that Kandi doesn't love him any more. He shows up at Charlie's doorstep with a severe bout of depression. He locks himself up in a room in fetal position. In a desperate effort to pull Alan out of his self-loathing depression, Charlie asks their mom to come down. She comes and makes Alan understand that he has hit rock-bottom and things can't get any worse.
Episode 2. Who's Vod Kanockers?
(AIR DATE 09/25/2006)
Charlie finally tells Alan why he did not marry Mia and the truth about their relationship. Steven Tyler, Charlie and Alan's noisy neighbor, causes trouble.
Episode 3. The Sea is a Harsh Mistress
(AIR DATE 10/02/2006)
Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father, and takes his words to heart: "Take care of your mother."
Episode 4. A Pot Smoking Monkey
(AIR DATE 10/09/2006)
Alan sets out to get custody of the dog he and Kandi shared as his last grasp for his dignity. Charlie tries to help Jake navigate through a crush.
Episode 5. A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
(AIR DATE 10/16/2006)
Jake is upset by Judith's announcement that she is getting remarried. Charlie and Alan try to make friends with Herb to help Jake adjust and to ensure Alan won't have to pay alimony anymore. They give him a bachelor party but accidentally capture incriminating footage on Herb's cell phone.
Episode 6. Apologies for the Frivolity
(AIR DATE 10/23/2006)
Charlie's new girlfriend Lydia is a little too much like Evelyn for comfort.
Episode 7. Repeated Blows To His Unformed Head
(AIR DATE 11/06/2006)
Berta's pregnant daughter shows up at Charlie's to help her mother clean. Berta and Charlie go after the man who got her pregnant.
Episode 8. Release the Dogs
(AIR DATE 11/13/2006)
Alan is having trouble sleeping so he goes for a jog on the beach and the police end up bringing him home. He decides to see a psychiatrist about his sleeping problem and discovers that he has resentment issues toward Charlie. Meanwhile, Jake gets mad at Charlie when Charlie goes out with Jake's friend's mother after he promised Jake he wouldn't.
Episode 9. Corey's Been Dead For An Hour
(AIR DATE 11/20/2006)
Charlie and Allan go out on a double date and fight over who's going to pay the check and Jake gets to stay home alone for the first time.
Episode 10. Kissing Abraham Lincoln
(AIR DATE 11/27/2006)
Charlie's girlfriend Lydia fights with Berta and the two tell Charlie he has to choose. Charlie tries to trick them and ends up losing them both. He has to go to Sex Addicts Anonymous to get Berta back. Meanwhile, Allan tries to convince Kandi he needs to sell the condo.
Episode 11. Walnuts and Demerol
(AIR DATE 12/11/2006)
Charlie has plans for a hot date for Christmas Eve, but runs into trouble when instead of getting rid of Alan and Jake, more people keep arriving at his house. When Evelyn discovers who Charlie's date is, she tries to break them up and ends up calling the woman's mother to come help prevent things from going too far. It turns out the woman could be Charlie's sister. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks eggnog and gets drunk and Judith's new fiance is flirting with Kandi.
Episode 12. Castrating Sheep in Montana
(AIR DATE 01/08/2007)
Berta is excited when she discovers that Alan has been secretly dating her daughter, Naomi. She starts giving Alan special treatment and arranges for the two families to have dinner together. Alan is saved when Naomi's boyfriend and father of her child shows up at the dinner having made it safely back across the border.
Episode 13. Don't Worry, Speed Racer
(AIR DATE 01/22/2007)
Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he can overhear Judith and Herb having sex and he is worried that you have to be really smart to have sex. The talk triggers a repressed memory for Charlie, and Rose helps him work through it.
Episode 14. That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
(AIR DATE 02/05/2007)
Charlie and Berta are having issues with Alan, so Charlie sets Alan up with his new next door neighbor, Danielle. But when things start going well between the two of them, Charlie gets jealous and tries to break them up.
Episode 15. My Damn Stalker
(AIR DATE 02/12/2007)
Alan tries an online dating service and falls for the woman he meets until they spend the night together. Meanwhile, Rose tells Charlie of her decision to leave and move to London. Initially Charlie won't believe her, but then when he realizes she's really gone he must deal with his feelings.
Episode 16. Young People Have Phlegm Too
(AIR DATE 02/19/2007)
Charlie goes with his new young girlfriend to a hot new club and brings Alan along to meet her friend. Charlie and Alan are upset to find out that the young people at the club consider them old.
Episode 17. I Merely Slept With A Commie
(AIR DATE 02/26/2007)
Evelyn is upset after going to the funeral of one of her friends. No one was mourning at the funeral. Alan and Charlie tell Evelyn if she doesn't change her behavior no one will be mourning at her funeral either. Evelyn invites other people to her birthday to make Charlie and Alan realize that they were wrong.
Episode 18. It Never Rains in Hooterville
(AIR DATE 03/19/2007)
When Alan sees Jake's covering his walls with posters of women, Alan feels like he needs to get a little more bonding in with Jake while he's still a kid. Meanwhile, Kandi tries to get her career as an actress started.
Episode 19. Smooth as a Ken Doll
(AIR DATE 04/09/2007)
Alan writes his final alimony check to Judith as she nears her wedding date. Meanwhile, there is trouble at Judith's house as Judith and Herb's sister Myra fight. Charlie invites Myra to stay at his place instead.
Episode 20. Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee A Lot
(AIR DATE 04/16/2007)
Alan gets Jake his tux for the wedding and Jake keeps spilling things on it. Meanwhile, Charlie continues his relationship with Herb's sister despite the objections of Alan and Judith. Alan and Herb's ex-fiance ruin the wedding ceremony and Charlie learns that Myra has a fiance.
Episode 21. Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
(AIR DATE 04/23/2007)
Alan befriends Greg, a gay single dad, causing Alan and Charlie to re-examine their own sexual identities. Jake assumes that since Greg is gay, Alan must be too and tells his mother. After everyone keeps congratulating him, Alan begins to think maybe he is gay. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter, Sophie.
Episode 22. Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
(AIR DATE 04/30/2007)
Instead of helping Jake with his book report like he promised he would, Charlie takes Jake to the track where Jake wins. Alan gives up his good number at the DMV to a pretty woman sitting next to him and gets stuck waiting all day.
Episode 23. Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
(AIR DATE 05/07/2007)
Charlie loses a girl to a young, handsome handyman who is working at his house. Even though he wasn't initially interested in the girl, he is upset when the handyman steals her and so he fires the handyman.
Episode 24. Prostitutes and Gelato
(AIR DATE 05/14/2007)
When Evelyn's new boyfriend, Teddy, invites Charlie and Alan to a boxing match in Vegas, Charlie is reluctant get to know Teddy. In Vegas, Teddy asks Charlie and Alan they will give their blessing for him to propose to their mother. Initially, Charlie and Alan think he's crazy for wanting to marry her, but they warm up to the idea. When they learn she turned him down, they go and try to convince her to marry him after all.
Episode 1. Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
(AIR DATE 09/24/2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of Junior High, but end up making him worry more.
Episode 2. Media Room Slash Dungeon
(AIR DATE 10/01/2007)
Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother, and Alan's date gets suicidal after having sex with him.
Episode 3. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
(AIR DATE 10/08/2007)
Suffering from bimbo fatigue, Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
Episode 4. City of Great Racks
(AIR DATE 10/15/2007)
Charlie gets closer to consummating his relationship with Linda, but begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
Episode 5. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
(AIR DATE 10/22/2007)
Charlie has to find creative ways to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son, while Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
Episode 6. Help Daddy Find His Toenail
(AIR DATE 10/29/2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him in public and doesn't invite him to a dinner in honor of her, but Charlie finds out and guilts her into inviting him. But the evening turns into a disaster when Charlie takes a pill from his mother to help him relax that instead causes him to make a fool of himself and his girlfriend, who then breaks up with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to a concert despite Alan forbidding him to go.
Episode 7. The Leather Gear is in The Guest Room
(AIR DATE 11/05/2007)
When Alan brings home a decorative bowl to put their keys in, Charlie goes over the edge causing Charlie and Alan to butt heads over Alan's place in the house. Alan and Jake then move in with Evelyn.
Episode 8. Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
(AIR DATE 11/12/2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star which makes Alan miserable.
Episode 9. Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids (aka Tight's Good)
(AIR DATE 11/19/2007)
After his father-in-law tells him to stay away, Charlie tries to resist his attraction to his soon-to-be step sister, but fails and ends up having to buy a new car to keep her from telling her father.
Episode 10. Kinda Like Necrophilia
(AIR DATE 11/26/2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high school girlfriend.
Episode 11. Meander to Your Dander
(AIR DATE 03/17/2008)
Charlie coaches Alan in the fine art of breaking up with a woman.
Episode 12. A Little Clammy and None too Fresh
(AIR DATE 03/24/2008)
Rose is back from England and takes very strange care of a very sick Charlie.
Episode 13. The Soil is Moist
(AIR DATE 03/31/2008)
Alan dates one of his ex-wife's friends who reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
Episode 14. Winky-Dink Time
(AIR DATE 04/14/2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets Alan up with a prostitute.
Episode 15. Rough Night in Hump Junction
(AIR DATE 04/21/2008)
Alan worries that Charlie's womanizing is out of control.
Episode 16. Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
(AIR DATE 04/28/2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding while Charlie pursues his future step-sister, Courtney. Courtney is upset when her father announces that he doesn't want a prenuptial and then learns that he isn't going to loan her any money. Charlie agrees to loan her the money.
Episode 17. Fish in a Drawer
(AIR DATE 05/05/2008)
In the middle of Evelyn's wedding reception, a CSI team investigates the mysterious death of Teddy at Charlie's house. They soon discover that Teddy and Courtney are scam artists and lovers, and she comiitted his murder.
Episode 18. If My Hole Could Talk
(AIR DATE 05/12/2008)
Charlie meets an older woman who writes self-help books and is attracted to her. Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
Episode 19. Waiting for the Right Snapper
(AIR DATE 05/19/2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets Angie's grown daughter-to-be and realizes they've met before.
Episode 1. Taterhead Is Our Love Child
(AIR DATE 09/22/2008)
Charlie encounters an ex whose son looks an awful lot like him.
Episode 2. Pie Hole, Herb
(AIR DATE 09/29/2008)
Alan lends Charlie money and crosses a line in his attempts to get it back, resulting in Alan getting kicked out of Charlie's house and bunking at Judith and Herb's.
Episode 3. Damn You, Eggs Benedict
(AIR DATE 10/06/2008)
Charlie tries cooking, Alan tries dating two women at the same time and Jake tries beer. Chalie proves to be the sole success at his new endeavor.
Episode 4. The Flavin' and the Mavin'
(AIR DATE 10/13/2008)
Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist despite Alan's best efforts to prevent it. When Charlie breaks up with her, Alan must raise her salary and give her health benefits to get her to stay on as his receptionist.
Episode 5. A Jock Strap in Hell
(AIR DATE 10/20/2008)
The guys bump into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie. Charlie tries to help her out by giving her a room and a job, but things spiral out of control.
Episode 6. It's Always Nazi Week
(AIR DATE 11/03/2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking, encouraged by the fact that maybe it wasn't his fault his marriage ended. Meanwhile, Herb gloms onto Charlie in order to meet women but isn't quite in the same class.
Episode 7. Best H.O. Money Can Buy
(AIR DATE 11/10/2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl. But Herb backs out and goes back to Judith. Meanwhile, Charlie and Alan threaten Jake with military school and find it's a surprising motivational tool.
Episode 8. Pinocchio's Mouth
(AIR DATE 11/17/2008)
Charlie's new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake.
Episode 9. The Mooch At The Boo
(AIR DATE 11/24/2008)
Jake disappears with the daughter of Charlie's neighbor, a former NFL player, and Charlie is left to cover his back. Meanwhile, Alan scores a hot date with the help of Charlie's Mercedes.
Episode 10. He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
(AIR DATE 12/08/2008)
Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, leaving Alan to wonder if he ever needs to work again.
Episode 11. The Devil's Lube
(AIR DATE 12/15/2008)
One of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, leaving Charlie to reevaluate his own reckless lifestyle.
Episode 12. Thank God for Scoliosis
(AIR DATE 01/12/2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
Episode 13. I Think You Offended Don
(AIR DATE 01/19/2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced that he is the father. Meanwhile, Jake is in a contentious mood and Charlie thinks he knows why.
Episode 14. David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
(AIR DATE 02/02/2009)
Convinced that Alan's family doesn't fully appreciate him, Melissa invites Alan to live with her and her mom.
Episode 15. I'd Like to Start With the Cat
(AIR DATE 02/09/2009)
Charlie finds himself in couples counseling.
Episode 16. She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
(AIR DATE 03/02/2009)
While Chelsea is out of town, a former girlfriend shows up drunk at Charlie's, but when Chelsea gets back early, Charlie must get the half-naked woman out of his room before Chelsea sees her.
Episode 17. The 'Ocu' or The 'Pado'?
(AIR DATE 03/09/2009)
Charlie tells Chelsea that he loves her, but instead of returning the sentiment, she just thanks him causing Charlie to worry about the balance of power in the relationship.
Episode 18. My Son's Enormous Head
(AIR DATE 03/16/2009)
When Chelsea gets sick and Charlie has to take care of her, he must also fight the overwhelming urge to flee.
Episode 19. The Two Finger Rule
(AIR DATE 03/30/2009)
Charlie joins Alan, Herb and his next door neighbor in a night of alcohol-fueled sexual reminiscences after Chelsea finds nude pictures of another woman on his phone.
Episode 20. Hello, I am Alan Cousteau
(AIR DATE 04/13/2009)
Evelyn finally meets Chelsea and Charlie, and tries to prevent them from becoming friends.
Episode 21. Above Exalted Cyclops
(AIR DATE 04/27/2009)
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with her new friend, Rose. Alan actually hooks up with Rose, but Charlie is worried about her real intentions.
Episode 22. Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
(AIR DATE 05/04/2009)
Charlie reluctantly agrees to let Chelsea move in as he mourns the loss of his bachelor pad. Meanwhile, Alan finds that there's not much space left for him in the house.
Episode 23. Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
(AIR DATE 05/11/2009)
Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.
Episode 24. Baseball with Better Steroids
(AIR DATE 05/18/2009)
Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital.
Episode 1. Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
(AIR DATE 09/20/2010)
Charlie's booze habit is making him rethink his drinking rituals. Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom. When Jake discovers this, he leaves home to live with Judith and Herb.
Episode 2. A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
(AIR DATE 09/27/2010)
Lyndsey has confessed her love for Alan, and has asked him to move in with her. Thrilled to have his Malibu bachelor pad to himself once again, Charlie takes drastic steps to ensure his hesitant brother moves out.
Episode 3. A Pudding-Filled Cactus
(AIR DATE 10/04/2010)
While Alan reluctantly adjusts to his new home life with Lyndsey, he re-ignites an old affair with Melissa, using Charlie's house as a rendezvous spot.
Episode 4. Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
(AIR DATE 10/11/2010)
After Alan burns their house down, Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's Malibu home.
Episode 5. The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
(AIR DATE 10/18/2010)
Alan goes out on the town pretending to be Charlie, while Charlie sneaks off for some cosmetic surgery.
Episode 6. Twanging Your Magic Clanger
(AIR DATE 10/25/2010)
Charlie has trouble adjusting to dating a slightly older woman. Meanwhile, Alan strives to find more "alone" time.
Episode 7. The Crazy Bitch Gazette
(AIR DATE 11/01/2010)
Charlie's new girlfriend Michelle is ready to accept his past and embark on a relationship with him. That is - until his long time stalker Rose enters the scene. Michelle realizes she's far too much to handle.
Episode 8. Springtime on a Stick
(AIR DATE 11/08/2010)
Alone on her birthday, and feeling that life has passed her by, Alan and Charlie set up Evelyn with a pharmacist.
Episode 9. A Good Time in Central Africa
(AIR DATE 11/15/2010)
When Berta leaves town for a few days to attend a family reunion, she leaves Esmeralda in charge of housekeeping. As she handles the house with professionalism , adding special touches and treats that would rival a five star hotel, Charlie doesn't want to let her go. Meanwhile, Alan gets back with Lindsey, only to have to deal with her jealous ex-husband.
Episode 10. Dead From the Waist Down
(AIR DATE 12/06/2010)
Alan's finances are incredibly low, so when Charlie lavishes his girlfriend with expensive gifts, he tries to make some extra money on the side, all in the hope to buy Lyndsey a birthday present.
Episode 11. Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
(AIR DATE 12/13/2010)
When Charlie and Courtney break up, Charlie falls into a depression and goes to see his psychiatrist,
Episode 12. Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
(AIR DATE 01/03/2011)
When Charlie and Lyndsey start becoming friendly, Alan's paranoia gets the best of him.
Episode 13. Lookin' For Japanese Subs
(AIR DATE 01/17/2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose; Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
Episode 14. Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
(AIR DATE 02/07/2011)
While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.
Episode 15. That Darn Priest
(AIR DATE 02/14/2011)
Rose uncovers Alan's Ponzi scheme and Alan, in turn, meets "Manny," Rose's mannequin "husband." Meanwhile, Charlie is eager to get some alone time with Rose.
Episode 1. Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
(AIR DATE 09/19/2011)
While on his honeymoon with Rose, Charlie Harper's life ended when he slipped off the the platform and landed in front of an oncoming train in a Paris Metro station. His funeral is held in L.A.., where angry ex-girlfriends gather, not to celebrate his life, but to make sure he's truly dead. With Charlie no longer around, and money running out, the Malibu home must be sold. Warren Schmidt, a billionaire who made his fortune by selling his company to Microsoft, shows up on the patio after a failed suicide attempt prompted by a painful break up. Brokenhearted and alone. Alan takes a liking to him. After a few drinks and a night of sex with two girls who took pity on him, Warren decides to buy the house.
Episode 2. People Who Love Peepholes
(AIR DATE 09/26/2011)
Alan has bitten the bullet and moved into his mother's home as Walden moves into the Malibu house. When he realizes he can't do anything without his wife Bridgette, Walden invites Alan to hang out with him as he breaks into his former home to try and get her back. However, she's indeed done with their marriage. Grateful for Alan's support, Walden offers any favors in return. Embarrassed to be living with his mother, Alan asks to stay with him indefinitely, and Walden accepts.
Episode 3. Big Girls Don't Throw Food
(AIR DATE 10/03/2011)
The new living arrangements are in flux now that Bertha is living in Alan's old bedroom; however, there is showdown when he tries to move back in. Walden decides to take Bridgette on a date, but when he takes her to a fast food restaurant, Bridgette still believes Walden hasn't grown up - especially when he gets into a food fight with a little girl. As for Jake, his troubles in school continue, but when he finds out that Walden left school to make his millions (and now Billions), he decides to do the same.
Episode 4. Nine Magic Fingers
(AIR DATE 10/10/2011)
With Lyndsey back in Alan's life and Bertha having fun with a guy who has nine fingers, it seems like Walden is the only one who isn't having sex. That is, until Courtney comes back to the Malibu house and finds her way into Walden's bed.
Episode 5. Giant Cat Holding Churro
(AIR DATE 10/17/2011)
When Alan finds out that Lyndsey's past involves starring in a soft porn flick, he feels ashamed he's lived a prudish, boring life. Still wallowing over his breakup with Bridgette, Warren gets high on Bertha's pot brownies prompting him to party with an entire female volleyball team he's met on the beach. Alan, in need of some spice in his life, decides to join in the fun.
Episode 6. The Squat and The Hover
(AIR DATE 10/24/2011)
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget and feels his life is not worth living. But when he and Alan got out for drinks, Walden meets a woman who reminds him of her. Alan tries to hit on her friend, but is unsuccessful.
Episode 7. Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
(AIR DATE 10/31/2011)
When Alan finds out that Charlie kept a secret journal, he realizes he never really knew the emotional side to his brother. Walden takes on Evelyn as his interior designer. Jake has a crush on his tutor who has a crush on Walden.
Episode 8. Thank You For The Intercourse
(AIR DATE 11/07/2011)
When Walden's interior decorating involves giving away Charlie's piano to charity, Alan has an emotional breakdown that causes him to take on Charlie's characteristics. Walden takes a necessary step to get Alan the help he needs when he begins to believe he's actually his deceased brother.
Episode 9. Frodo's Headshots
(AIR DATE 11/14/2011)
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a lineup of challenges that could set him over the edge. But is everything happening to him real?
Episode 10. A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
(AIR DATE 11/21/2011)
Walter meets a beautiful woman at the supermarket. Through the encouragement of Jake, he asks her out, but still has qualms about officially going out in the dating scene. Alan is struggling to come up with money and decides to pawn some valuables.
Episode 11. What a Lovely Landing Strip
(AIR DATE 12/05/2011)
When Walden receives his divorce papers, he decides the time is right to start dating Zoey; however, Bridget has second thoughts, and tries to rekindle her romance with Walden just as he's trying to impress his new girlfriend.
Episode 12. One False Move, Zimbabwe!
(AIR DATE 12/12/2011)
When Walden's mother comes to visit, Alan suddenly finds himself smitten by her. Also, a secret about Walden's past comes out.
Episode 13. Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
(AIR DATE 01/02/2012)
Angry that Walden is seeing another woman, Bridget joins forces with his mother - both on his company's board of directors - and tries to vote him off as Chairman. Alan is brought on as a board member to to help out-vote them, and is propositioned by Robin in order to get him on their side.
Episode 14. A Possum on Chemo
(AIR DATE 01/16/2012)
Alan and Lyndsey decide to give their relationship another chance. Zooey convinces Walden to shave and get a hair cut.
Episode 15. The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack
(AIR DATE 02/06/2012)
Walden tries to loosen up Zoey by sharing a couple of Berta's special brownies. However, in the midst of heightening sex life, Walden is introduced to Zoey's daughter and ex-husband.
Episode 16. Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
(AIR DATE 02/13/2012)
When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.
Episode 17. Not In My Mouth
(AIR DATE 02/20/2012)
A near death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship; Alan thinks Lyndsey may have a drinking problem.
Episode 18. The War Against Gingivitis
(AIR DATE 02/27/2012)
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
Episode 19. Palmdale, Ech
(AIR DATE 03/19/2012)
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers; Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Episode 20. Grandma's Pie
(AIR DATE 04/09/2012)
Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to come to terms with their moms' new relationship.
Episode 21. Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
(AIR DATE 04/16/2012)
Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey.
Episode 22. Why We Gave Up Women
(AIR DATE 04/30/2012)
After Alan suffers a minor heart attack, Charlie's ghost pays a visit to his hospital bedside.
Episode 23. The Straw In My Donut Hole
(AIR DATE 05/07/2012)
Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved.
Episode 24. Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
(AIR DATE 05/14/2012)
Jake graduates and now must decide what to do with his life.
Alan is shocked when Charlie's 25-year-old daughter shows up at Walden's beach house to connect with what's left of her family, and who happens to like everything her dad liked - including women.
Episode 2. I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
(AIR DATE 10/03/2013)
When Walden feels cramped in his own house, Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her boyfriend, Marty. Meanwhile, Alan becomes Lyndsey's "other man".
Episode 3. This Unblessed Biscuit
(AIR DATE 10/10/2013)
Alan and Walden suggests that Berta should retire after she has an accident at work.
Episode 4. Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
(AIR DATE 10/17/2013)
Walden starts partying with Jenny and her hot friends. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair is jeopardized.
Episode 5. Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
(AIR DATE 10/24/2013)
Alan befriends Lyndsey's boyfriend in an effort to find out what he has that Alan doesn't. Meanwhile, Walden helps Jenny be more proactive in pursuing her acting career.
Episode 6. Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
(AIR DATE 11/07/2013)
When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.
Episode 7. Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
(AIR DATE 11/14/2013)
Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.
Episode 8. Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
(AIR DATE 11/21/2013)
Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose's help.
Episode 9. Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
(AIR DATE 12/05/2013)
Walden's date with an accident-prone model goes longer than expected. Meanwhile, Alan dates a woman who shares some surprising personal information with him.
Episode 10. On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!
(AIR DATE 12/12/2013)
Walden helps Jenny get a second date with a one-night stand and Alan's transgender girlfriend's ex-wife hits on him. Meanwhile, in the spirit of the holidays, Alan receives a Japanese delicacy from Jake for Christmas, and Walden's Malibu house is alive with questionable Christmas carol lyrics.
Episode 11. Tazed In The Lady Nuts
(AIR DATE 01/02/2014)
Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk losing her.
Episode 12. Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
(AIR DATE 01/09/2014)
Alan lets Lyndsey's boyfriend Larry set him up on a date. Meanwhile, Walden offers to help Nicole with her software project so she'll have time to date him.
Episode 13. Bite Me, Supreme Court
(AIR DATE 01/30/2014)
After Marty proposes to Evelyn, Walden and Alan throw him a bachelor party with several of his old friends.
Episode 14. Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
(AIR DATE 02/06/2014)
Alan learns that Lyndsey broke up with Larry and didn't tell him. Meanwhile, Walden sets out to prove that he's a man's man.
Episode 15. Cab Fare And A Bottle Of Penicillin
(AIR DATE 02/27/2014)
Alan gives Lyndsey the option of choosing between him and Larry. Meanwhile, Jenny fears she and Brooke are growing apart.
Episode 16. How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
(AIR DATE 03/06/2014)
Walden suspects his new girlfriend is cheating on him. Meanwhile, Alan gets even more intertwined in Lyndsey and Larry's relationship when he starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen.
Successful composer and inveterate bachelor Charlie Harper's casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother, Alan and Alan's son, Jake, come to stay with him. Complicating matters further are Charlie and Alan's narcissistic, emotionally toxic mother, Evelyn; Alan's deeply neurotic ex-wife, Judith; and Charlie's domineering, plain-speaking housekeeper, Berta. Despite the complexities of their lives and their own strained relationship, Charlie and Alan both love Jake and want what's best for him. So they struggle to create a little family unit that's as healthy as possible for all of them. With the absence of Charlie, internet billionaire Walden Schmidt comes into Alan and Jake's lives where changes are afoot for father and son.