Like any good trip, last night's episode of Real Coochie Cutters of Crab Shack Beach had both a departure and an arrival, but everything was a bit jumbled all around. The departure was Kim Zolciak, who said, "Screw you guys, I'm taking my toys and I'm going home," and she picked up a big pile of wigs from the brunch table, licked a little bit of cream cheese out of one of them, drained her Virgin Mimosa (which is what Real Housewives call orange juice), and then stormed out, slapping the cameraman as she went. Bye Kim. A whole cavalcade of byes.
But no, that is not what we're here to talk about. We talked about Kim last week. We're already done with her. Bon Voya-gee, Kim! No, we are here to talk about Anguilla, which is where all the ladies and their men are going for a vacation. Kernya Moo-ah managed to invite herself at the Planning Brunch and, even though she is a relative stranger, Portia managed to wrangle herself an invitation from Cynthia and Peter at dinner – mostly because Peter wants to hang out with Portia's husband Carvell, a Cookie Puss who used to play quarterback for the Ice Cream State Sprinkles. Carvell does not want to go because why would you go spend a week trapped on an island with a bunch of strangers? That doesn't sound like vacation, that sounds like the start of a horror movie.
Everyone shows up at the airport and then, well, Kernya Moo-ah happens. Basically this whole episode was about her. We could talk about other things, like Phaedra's honey pot not getting into a hot tub or NeNe and Gregg's reconciliation or Cynthia Bailey's hair, but none of that really matters. (Wait, I do want to talk about Cynthia Bailey's hair. Last night it finally dawned on me: Cynthia Bailey has amazing hair. We always talk about Kim's wigs and everyone's weaves, but I think it's Cynthia who really takes the topknot trophy. Her hair is a wonderful and Protean thing, it's as if it changes with her mood. One day it is long and straight, the next it is a short bob. Sometimes an afro or curly Diana Ross or dreads or side dreads or complicated pony tails or short and natural Marla Gibbs style. It is everything. Cynthia's hair is everything and it is surprising and, every damn time you see it, it looks absolutely flawless. Why isn't Cynthia's hairdresser on this damn show? Who is her Lawrence? Who is her Derek J? Who is the person that is responsible for the managerie of hair [hair-agerie?] that belongs to Cynthia Bailey. We know it's not bald Peter, but even he manages to have the sexiest white beard I've seen this side of a grizzled pirate. Who are these blessed people? Who are these hair stars?)
Sorry, back to Kernya, because she dominated like a thunderclap dominates the night sky. It has been well documented that Kernya is possessed by the devil. Well, not the devil, necessarily, but a Speed Demon. It lives inside of her and makes her do evil things. Yes, whenever Kernya is in any kind of conveyance, she absolutely loses her mind. We saw it last week when the Speed Demon got in a Go-Kart and said, "Rev! Rev! Rev!" and made Kernya make insane faces. This week it was on a boat. Kernya just can't sit there and be driven somewhere, she has to take the controls. The Speed Demon makes her do it. Kernya runs up to the little control panel and pushes the skipper away. "Rev! Rev! Rev!" she screams as she gets her hands on the steering wheel. The throttle is right next to the wheel and she slides it a bit forward with a maniacal laugh. All the ladies in the back titter nervously as the boat lurches forward and the wind starts. They hold on to their hats. But it is not fast enough. No, it is never fast enough for the Speed Demon. It is never ever fast enough. "Rev! Rev! Rev!" the Speed Demon yells and pushes the clutch and the boat lurches forward again, its hull skipping off the water as it skids through the wake of other boats. All the women in back have toppled onto each other and are shrieking. Cynthia is trying, in vain, to keep her hat on her head and her boobs in her dress and she's just flailing about like a turd being flushed in an airplane bathroom. But it doesn't stop the Speed Demon. No, the spray sticks to its arms and it bulges Kernya's eyes out and pants, "Ha Ha Ha Ha," as it shakes its head back and forth with its tongue hanging out and then throws its hands in the air. "Look! No hands! Rev! Rev!"
Finally the skipper exorcises control from the Speed Demon and brings the boat into dock. Now it is time for Kernya's next meltdown. This time, it is over room selection. Kernya, who invited herself on this trip, told everyone on the van ride over to the Chateau Moremounts that she wants to be in one of the suites. Excuse me? Just because you are Miss USA and older than everyone else and wear too much foundation does not mean that you get first choice of the rooms. You have the least amount of seniority on this trip, so you take what you get and you shut up. But no, Kernya was told she would have a "suite" but she has a sweet, which is like a suite, but not as good. It is a room with a bed and a bathroom with a shower and a toilet and a balcony where she and Walter can stand in the moist night air and look out onto a ocean that is so blue that even blue Gatorade doesn't look shiny or blue next to it. But no, it does not have a tub. It does not have a closet for the toilet. It does not have another room. It does not have a walk-in closet. It does not have 24/7 concierge service and its own private butler. It does not have a secret entrance so she can skitter out into the night and have dalliances with the household staff. It does not have a China cabinet. Kernya Moo-ah collapses on the bed and cries into a pillow. Walt asks her if she has taken her medicine.
The craziest thing about Kernya Moo-ah is that, before even taking off, she is talking about how she is going to get engaged on this trip. Kernya wants to get married real bad and it's an awful thing. It's like when you go into your favorite store and you know you're going to buy a pair of shoes that you've had your eye on for a long time, but then the salesperson keeps talking to you and telling you about the shoes and offering you advice you don't want and you end up leaving because it's just too much damn pressure. You don't want to give this clown the approval of a commission. His wanting it to happen so badly is keeping it from happening. Kernya, like the shoe seller, is dizzy with effort.
But then, right in front of Walt, she is rubbing herself all over other men. Phaedra's husband Apollo comes out when everyone is sitting down to dinner and he is wearing his swim trunks. Now, if you're Apollo, this makes total sense. He's an ex-con and stay-at-home dad whose wife is a famous reality star and attorney. He doesn't have anything that's his own. He doesn't have any reason for people to pay attention to him. Well, except his body. Apollo has the body of, well, a Greek god. He is all muscle and crevice and bulge and sinew. He looks amazing in a pair of trunks. He will be showing off his body until the plane trip home. He's not even going to put on a tank top until they're through security at the Anguila airport. That is just how Apollo is going to roll. So, it's not like he's trying to get women to hit on him, he just wants eyes on him for a change.
He gets more than eyes from Kernya. She is all ooohing and aaaaahing and hooting and hollering like she is a construction worker and Lady Godiva just drove by throwing tits and chocolates at everyone. The she pushes him in the pool. In retaliation, he gets out, throws her over his shoulder like a sexy caveman, does a pose like they are on a photo shoot for the cover of a romance novel, and then jumps in the pool with her on his back. The water level in the pool rose up three inches as soon as Kernya got in, she was so turned on. Walt is just bobbing up and down passively on a raft just watching the whole thing and thinking, "I'm just lucky to have her. I can't stop her from doing what she's doing. She'll move on eventually."
Maybe that is why Walt isn't proposing. The next day on the beach she is bothering Walt again about her engagement ring. She wants him to marry her right there on the spot. This is the full courtship press. Maybe if Walter didn't feel so bad about himself and Kernya seemed a little more interested, he would propose. As it stands now, she seems like she has her shoes on, her purse in hand, and waiting for the next hard body to come waltzing by for her to run out the door. Who wants to marry that? No one, Kernya. No one wants to marry that.
Later that afternoon, Kandi and her man Todd go to a bar called On Da Rocks and the waitress ambles over and says, "I'd like to tell you about our drink specials. We have a Fucked Sideways, a Fucked From Behind, a Royally Fucked, a Let's Get Fucked, a Sex on the Beach, a Slippery Nipple, a Blow Job, a Ball Buster, a Fuck, a Cleveland Steamer, a Shocker, a Vagina Dentata, a Foreskin Slammer, a Labia Liquor, a I'm Coming I'm Coming Don't Stop I'm Coming, and a margarita." Then Kenya popped up and said, "This is my new favorite bar. I just bought the place. Walt is gonna marry me here!"
Later, there's a party at the Chateau Moremonts (the minister of tourism brought a bunch of girls from a pole dancing school whose headquarters is in downtown Anguilla) and Kernya starts macking on some other guy. She's just up in his face, "Damn, you are a tall glass of water. I would like to rub myself all up on you. Are you married?" He says yes, and she says, "Oh, that doesn't really matter. I just want to look at you. Damn, you foine! Are you Asian?" "I'm Filipino." "Yeah, I would like to fill your pino. Hahahahaha. Right? No, I'm not trying to have sex with you. But black people and Filipino's have beautiful babies. Give me your sperm. Hahahahahaha. Not like that. But like that. Hahahahahaha." That is what Kernya Moore says and you can tell he is very uncomfortable, but she just doesn't stop. She just keeps on going. The Speed Demon is making her one very fast girl.
And then she starts in on Apollo again. She asks Pheadra, "If you had to give Apollo a birthday present with two of your friends, who would it be?" No one knows what she is talking about, but clearly Kernya wants Phaedra to say, "Oh, you can totally sleep with my man on his birthday." But Miss Pheadra Parks, JD, does not play like that. She won't even answer. "Oh, it's fun!" Kernya says. "No, talking about other skanks on my man is not fun, now if you will please get your hands off of him and move along." Oh, it is on with Phaedra. You do not want to mess with her, especially when she is trying to ward you off by putting on a thong, letting her whole ass hang out, and covering it up with fishnets. This remindS Apollo of the one thing Kernya Moo-ah will never have: a brain in her head. What did you think I was going to say?
But then, across the lanai, a shape moves alone into the darkness. It goes behind the house on one of the flag stone paths and he feels the night air, sticky and oppressive, curdling around him. It's Walt and he just wants to be away for a minute, away from Kernya and her bleating laugh, away from her heavy scent, odoring up the evening with her pheromones, away from her wandering eye and wandering hands. He just can't stand it, being the one and being the one who isn't. He doesn't know if he's coming or going with her and he's rarely coming. She's always going for someone else, as soon as an attractive eligible guy with a glitzy job is around he just fades into the background. He's just a nice, moderately handsome, sweet guy with a lucrative career in a very boring industry. He could have so many women, why does he want this one? Why is he swinging over his head? Should he marry her and let it end badly? Should he give her what she wants or should he do what he knows is right? Should he wait and wait and wait for the inevitable when she leaves him for someone else and his heart won't be broken that bad and his money will still be all tucked away where it belongs. He doesn't know. He still can't decide. But he pulls a velvet box out of his pocket and spins it between his fingers. Should I? Should I? He wonders? Maybe? Then he hears Kernya laugh and say, "Oh stop," from across the pool as he looks over and the waves of light from the water bounce off the house. No, not now. He's afraid he'll be saying it forever. Not now.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
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The musical remake Sparkle has been making headlines as the late Whitney Houston's final film. But there's another big reason to pay attention: the movie's pitch-perfect interpretation of '60s girl-group style.
The film — co-starring Jordin Sparks — tells the story of a fictional group of female Motown singers that rose to popularity during the '60s. Inspired by trailblazing singers like The Supremes, The Marvelettes, Shirley Bassey, and Mary Wells, the wardrobe department recreated pre-Destiny's Child chic with a sexier edge (take that, Beyoncé!).
And it's pretty clear from these photos exactly who they drew their inspiration from. Take a peek:
Twiggy Take: Short and Sweet Shirley Bassey, left, and the Sparkle ladies rock short Twiggy 'dos. Back then this style rolled from the runway when waifish supermodel Twiggy was named "The Face of 1966" by the Daily Express. Dolls in Baby-Doll Dresses In 1968, The Marvelettes did baby-doll dresses long before Courtney Love grunged them up. It's safe to say that the ladies of Sparkle opted for the sweeter, more put-together look than Love's rock-star themed threads. Red Hot in Sequins "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?" Because the can't help but be mesmerized when they see beauties like Diana Ross and the Sparkle women in bright sequin dresses, like the ones below. There are no "Tears of Sorrow" for these girls when they go looking in the "Mirror, Mirror." Funky Black and White Flair Are these trendy garbs straight from the set of Austin Powers? No, but The Supremes and Jordin Sparks Sparkle in their black and white retro boas and gowns. Formal Evening Attire No bikini showoffs here. While the bikini may have first become fashionable in 1963, The Supremes decided to flaunt their style in classic black gowns. Now it's just a matter of who can strike a more interesting pose: The Supremes or Sparkle Williams and her sisters. And are both groups trying out for American Idol? Lord knows that they would both make it to the final round, even if Simon Cowell was still judging. Classic White Jackets Mary Wells, like millions of women, channeled Jackie O back in the '60s. Whitney's version? A more grown-up white skirt suit with bell sleeves. Classy and classic. Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat. [Photo Credit: Sony Pictures (6); Rex USA (4); Getty Images (2)] More: Which Stars Make the September Issue Cut? Kim K. vs. a Poodle: Who Wore it Better?
Because American Idol insists on being different this year, they're changing it up yet again, delivering us a pre-taped show for tonight's round of the competition. Maybe they're afraid Stephen Tyler will be a little too loose, so they're limiting his ability to bypass the sensors on live television. Whatever the reason, we won't be getting purely unedited antics this evening. The good thing about all this is that since the performances have already happened, folks who attended the taping are kind enough to share their knowledge about who'll be singing what for this round, dubbed "Your Personal Idol" week. From the looks of this list, this round will be the perfect chance to see exactly what these folks are aiming to deliver, but to be honest it just seems like a slightly more specific version of the "Pick Your Favorite Song" idea from last week. The picks are pretty predictable, playing off their strengths or adhering to the judges' advice; all except for Naima who sings "Umbrella" by Rihanna. She seems to by trying to capture the more mainstream demographic, but that could be dangerous for her.
Here's what you can look forward to hearing (or dread hearing, depending on your stance) on this evening's NOT live episode of Idol.
Lauren Alaina: "Any Man of Mine" by Shania Twain
Casey Abrams: "With a Little Help from My Friends" by Joe Cocker
Ashton Jones: "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" by Diana Ross
Paul McDonald: "Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams
Pia Toscano: "All By Myself" by Celine Dion
James Durbin: "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney
Haley Reinhart: "Blue" by LeAnn Rimes
Jacob Lusk: "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly
Thia Megia: "Smile" by Michael Jackson
Stefano Langone: "Lately" by Stevie Wonder
Karen Rodriguez: "I Could Fall In Love" by Selena
Scotty McCreery: "The River" by Garth Brooks
Naima Adedapo: "Umbrella" by Rihanna
Source: TV Squad
The pair will take to the stage in Oslo, Norway to host the concert which awards those who promote peace internationally.
The Smiths will be joined by Wyclef Jean, Toby Keith and Donna Summer, who will all perform at the event on 11 December (09).
In a statement, they say, "The opportunity to recognise the laureates contributions to the world peace movement will be an awe-inspiring experience.
"We are both humbled and honoured to take part in the Nobel Peace Prize Concert this year, and look forward to sharing the historic evening with artists and humanitarians from across the globe."
And Nobel Peace Prize committee secretary Geir Lundestad thinks the couple are the ideal duo to host the 2009 ceremony: "Together they've had a global impact on the arts and philanthropy and will be excellent ambassadors for peace."
Last year's (08) concert was presented by Scarlett Johansson and Sir Michael Caine, with performances from Diana Ross and Fiest.
A Los Angeles apartment building falls prey to something very nasty--won’t you come along for the ride? A TV news crew accompanies a fire company to a Los Angeles apartment building where something has gone wrong. VERY wrong. For the next 90 minutes the characters--and the audience--embark on a grimy gritty shock-filled rollercoaster ride through the hallways of an apartment building that is soon under siege by both a threat inside and the obligatory threat (i.e. the authorities who are always interested in keeping the lid on things) outside. It’s never really explained what the pesky pestilence is that kick-starts this horror thriller nor does it really matter. As seen through the lens of the TV cameraman (Steve Harris) the audience gets a good jolt of high-concept horror in the tradition of The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield--but certainly more effective and better-rendered than the latter. It’s a pure edge-of-the-seat horror-fied (and horror-fried) adrenaline rush which should find great favor with fans of the genre. This is not a movie about acting unless acting is determined by how well people play under pressure. This is a concept movie a gimmick movie. The actors are merely there to fulfill their functions--show up scream and die--which they do with solid dispatch. Dexter’s Jennifer Carpenter as the TV reporter-cum-heroine-by-default looks dynamite and screams even better. Jay Hernandez as a friendly fireman portrays manly panic quite well. He’s a hero and he’s a hunk but oh boy are the odds stacked against him! The majority of the ensemble cast ends up as fodder but they manage to make a positive impression that hurries this film along. This is not an actor’s movie but the actors most certainly do their part to keep the proceedings moving along. The real star of the show is Minnesota-born filmmaker John Erick Dowdle who maintains a relentless pace that serves this story--and the intended audience--very well indeed. If the intent was to make a gory paranoid rollercoaster ride that never lets up then the director has succeeded. You want to read more into it? Go ahead. I’m going for a drink to settle my nerves!
Soul diva Diana Ross, director Martin Scorsese and comedian Steve Martin were among the stars to receive Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday for their contributions to American culture.
Beach Boys singer Brian Wilson and pianist Leon Fleisher were also among the celebrities to be presented with the honor--the highest accolade for an American performer or artist--by President George W. Bush at the White House this weekend.
Ross, 63, was praised for spreading "romance and joy throughout the world" with her voice; Wilson was hailed for his "era-defining transformation of the sound of music"; and Fleisher was celebrated for a career that is a "moving testament to the life-affirming power of art."
The Departed filmmaker Scorsese was honored for being a "fearless artist" and a "visionary," while funnyman Martin was branded a "renaissance comic whose talents wipe out the boundaries between artistic disciplines."
The presentations will be followed by a gala at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington, D.C., on Sunday evening.
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Top Story: James Brown's Wife Explains Disheveled Mug Shot
James Brown's wife, Tomi Rae Brown, who is currently accompanying the Godfather of Soul on tour in Australia, says that the wild-looking booking photograph taken after the singer's arrest on domestic abuse charges could've been avoided. He was arrested in January after the couple got into a fight at their Beech Island, S.C., home in January. "I tried to give the police a comb for him," she told The Augusta Chronicle Monday. "I asked them to let me put him in some clean clothes. I asked them not to take the Godfather out looking like that." Brown, who says she loves her husband and wants to stay with him despite his pending criminal domestic violence charge, went on to explain that they had been through a tough weekend without electricity following an ice storm that left thousands of South Carolinians without power. "We had gone for three days with no power and no heat and we were freezing to death," she said. "Mr. Brown woke up that morning disheveled and I wanted to leave. I wasn't allowed to. That's when I made the 911 call, that's when the chair was raised over my head and that's when the police came." She said she hopes the couple can start over.
J.Lo's Mom Wins $2.4 Million Jackpot
Just like her daughter Jennifer, Guadalupe Lopez use to have a little, now she has a lot. The Associated Press reports that J.Lo's mother won a $2.4 million jackpot while playing $1 slots at Atlantic City, N.J. According to the casino, 58-year-old Guadalupe Lopez of New York was playing Wheel of Fortune at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa when she hit for $2,421,291.76 Saturday evening. A casino spokesman denied knowing of any relationship between the jackpot winner and actress/singer Jennifer Lopez. Us Weekly magazine, however, reports in its upcoming issue that Guadalupe Lopez is indeed J.Lo's mom, and that she plans to use a portion of her winnings to start a $100,000 college fund for her grandchildren.
Driver for Spears Tour Bus in Police Chase
A bus driver transporting crew and equipment for Britney Spears' concert tour led police on a brief pursuit Monday, the AP reports. Tennessee native David Raines, 51, was driving south on Interstate 93 in Northfield, N.H., at around 7 a.m., when state police tried to stop him for going 78 mph in a 65 mph zone. But Raines continued driving about 10 miles to Canterbury, where he was stopped after pulling off the highway. Raines was arrested but allowed to continue on to deliver the crew and equipment to Manchester, where Spears is to perform tonight. Spears was not on the bus and the crew, who was asleep at the time of the stop, was not aware of what happened. Rains later failed to appear in court on charges of speeding and disobeying police.
Diana Ross Not Ordered Back to Jail
Singer Diana Ross, 60, will not have to return to jail for driving drunk after all. Magistrate T. Jay Cranshaw ruled Monday that Ross had fulfilled the terms of her two-day sentence, despite having been released one hour too early. In February, Ross pleaded no contest to a drunken driving charge in Tucson, Ariz., and arranged to serve her 48-hour sentence in Greenwich, Conn., where she lives. But based on an account from Greenwich police, Cranshaw found that the singer had failed to serve 24 consecutive hours as required by Arizona law, and fell short of her 48-hour sentence by one hour. Cranshaw had ordered Ross to return to Tucson to serve 48 consecutive hours in the Pima County Jail but the singer's attorneys had asked the judge to reconsider.
David Beckham Denies Marital Infidelity
England soccer captain David Beckham, who is married to former "Posh Spice" Victoria Beckham, is denying allegations that he had an affair with his personal assistant last year, Reuters reports. The U.K. tabloid The News of the World reported alleged details of a relationship between him and 26-year-old Rebecca Loos, and printed explicit phone text messages that it claimed were sent by Beckham. Loos worked for Beckham, 28, when he moved to Spain last September to join Real Madrid. Beckham issued a statement Sunday describing the charges as "ludicrous." Victoria Beckham, 29, told the Sun tabloid the couple's relationship would survive the accusations. "We have been through a lot worse than this," she said. "And we're definitely going to get through this."
Sugar Ray in Spike TV Reality Series
Sugar Ray frontman Mark McGrath told the AP Monday the group will participate in Spike TV's reality show On the Road, bringing eight contestants on tour with them. Winners will land a job with a music label and a new Kia. McGrath, who described the show as a cross between The Apprentice and The Real World, said contestants will learn the ropes of the music industry, including tuning guitars and promoting Sugar Ray's concerts. The band fires one person at the end of each episode, and McGrath said each losing contestant will have to "walk the Walk of Shame"--a term Sugar Ray uses for a band or crew member who brings a "paramour onto the bus for the night." The show is slated to air this summer.
Foxes Cuts Off Wonderfalls
Fox has canceled its fantasy-drama Wonderfalls after than a month because of low ratings, the AP reports. Set in the Niagara Falls area, the series starred Caroline Dhavernas as a young woman who hears voices coming from animal figurines and other objects, directing her to intervene in the lives of other people. The series, which had its final showing last week, debuted March 12 and ranked 103rd for the week of March 22-28 with an audience of 3.3 million.
Role Call: Witherspoon Becomes a Sports Widow
Reese Witherspoon will star in and produce Universal Pictures' romantic comedy Sports Widow for director David Mirkin (Romy and Michele's High School Reunion). According to Reuters, the film revolves around a woman (Witherspoone) who one-ups her football-obsessed husband by becoming an expert on the sport.
August 21, 2003 10:51am EST
Beyoncé and Metallica are the latest additions to the star-studded roster of the 20th annual MTV Video Music Awards, to be held Aug. 28 at New York City's Radio City Music Hall. The two acts will join previously announced performers 50 Cent, Christina Aguilera, Coldplay, Good Charlotte and Mary J. Blige.
And that's not all. Britney Spears, Jay-Z, Missy Elliott, Sean Paul, Method Man, Iggy Pop, Serena Williams, the Fab Five from Bravo's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Comedy Central's Crank Yankers have also been tapped to appear on the kudocast.
According to MTV.com, the event is proving to be quite a star-studded affair. Also sharing the stage will be Nelly, Avril Lavigne, DMX, Pharrell Williams, Redman, P. Diddy, Ashanti, Kelly Clarkson, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, Duran Duran, Hilary Duff, Jackass's Bam Margera, David Spade, Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen , skater Tony Hawk and NBA rookie sensation LeBron James.
Beyoncé, who is starring alongside Cuba Gooding, Jr. in the upcoming comedy The Fighting Temptations, has a busy night ahead of her. The singer has been nominated in five categories including best female video, best R&B video, best choreography in a video and viewer's choice for her "Crazy in Love" video, and best hip-hop video for her work in Jay-Z's clip "'03 Bonnie & Clyde."
After a four-year hiatus, Chris Rock will return to host the VMAs. The comedian told The Associated Press in June that most of the show's comedy comes naturally as the evening progresses.
"You watch people host these shows who change outfits eight times in the show. No--watch the show. That's the most important thing," Rock said. "Half the time the presenters don't read what's on the cue cards and you never know when Diana Ross is going to grab Lil' Kim's [breast], and you'd hate to miss that because you're putting on something from Banana Republic."
Rock, however, is keeping mum on his material, including who will be on his hit list at this year's awards show.
The 2003 VMAs will be telecast live on MTV at 8 p.m. Click here for a complete list of this year's MTV VMA nominees.
Top Story: Chris Rock To Host MTV Awards
After a four-year hiatus, Chris Rock will return to host the 20th annual MTV Video Music Awards on Aug. 28 at New York's Radio City Music Hall. Rock told The Associated Press that he is going on a cross-country club tour whet his stand-up skills but added that most of the show's comedy comes naturally as the evening progresses. "You watch people host these shows who change outfits eight times in the show. No--watch the show. That's the most important thing," Rock said. "Half the time the presenters don't read what's on the cue cards and you never know when Diana Ross is going to grab Lil' Kim's [breast], and you'd hate to miss that because you're putting on something from Banana Republic." Rock, however, won't announce his comedy show dates ahead of time and tickets will go on sale in each city just 24 hours in advance, the AP reports.
Eastwood's Mystic River Opens NYFF
Actor/director Clint Eastwood's psychological drama Mystic River, which was shown in competition at this year's Cannes Film Festival, will open the 41st New York Film Festival on Oct. 3, Reuters reports. Eastwood also served as a producer on the project, which is based on Dennis Lehane's best-selling novel and adapted by L.A. Confidential's Brian Helgeland, and composed the film's score. Mystic River, scheduled for release Oct. 10, stars Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden and Laura Linney. The NYFF runs Oct. 2 through Oct. 19.
Man Pleads Guilty to Bootlegging Hulk
A New Jersey man pleaded guilty Wednesday to bootlegging a copy of The Hulk and then making it available in a chat room used to post and trade unauthorized movie copies, the AP reports. Kerry Gonzalez, 24, pleaded guilty to a single count of copyright infringement and could faces six months to a year in prison when he is sentenced Sept. 26. According to court documents, Gonzalez obtained the tape from a friend of an employee at a Manhattan advertising agency that had been given an advance copy of the film.
Commission Investigates Russell Simmons
Hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons, who is part of a coalition that has been working to convince New York's state legislature to relax the so-called Rockefeller drug laws, is now under investigation for his aggressive lobbying efforts. According to Reuters, the state's lobbying commission is looking into whether Simmons spent more than $2,000 to influence state officials and to see if he gave an illegal gift of a free helicopter ride to Secretary of State Randy Daniels last week. Anyone spending over $2,000 to lobby the state government must register with the commission and make periodic financial disclosures and state officials are not allowed to accept gifts worth more than $75.
Timberlake Joins Rolling Stones' Toronto Concert
Justin Timberlake will join the Rolling Stones in a benefit concert for the city of Toronto on July 30, Launch.com reports. Hosts by actors Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi, the eight-hour Molson Canadian Rocks For Toronto concert is being staged to put a positive spotlight on Toronto, which was hard-hit earlier this year by the SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) epidemic. Others acts on the bill include the Isley Brothers, AC/DC, the Flaming Lips, and the Mexican group La Chicane. Three hundred thousand tickets will go on sale Friday across North America.
UPN Orders Another Round of Top Model
UPN has ordered a second installment of the Tyra Banks-hosted modeling competition series America's Next Top Model, Reuters reports. The hour-long series, which revolves around the elimination-style competition among 12 women to survive a modeling "boot camp," has been a godsend to the network since it premiered May 20. UPN has ordered 10 episodes of the next installment of Top Model and will be a midseason entry during the upcoming 2003-04 season. There is no word yet from the network on a premiere date.
Buddy Ebson Hospitalized
Buddy Ebsen, who portrayed Jed Clampett on the 1960s TV series The Beverly Hillbillies, was admitted into Torrance Memorial Medical Center in Calif. for an undisclosed illness, the AP reports. A hospital spokeswoman said Thursday that the 95-year-old actor's "condition is good." Ebsen, who lives in nearby Palos Verdes Estates, began his TV nine-year career as Clampett in 1962 and later took the title role in the CBS detective drama Barnaby Jones, which ran from 1973 until 1980. He has also written two books, including an autobiography, The Other Side of Oz and Kelly's Quest.
Role Call: Miramax Acquires Pippen, Linney Joins Punisher Cast
On the heels of the acquisition of the film rights to Damn Yankees, Miramax Films announced today that it has acquired the rights to the hit Broadway musical Pippin for development into a feature film. Originally directed and choreographed by Bob Fosse, the tuner debuted on Broadway in 1972 and ran for five years ... Laura Harring has joined the cast of the comic-book actioner The Punisher, starring Thomas Jane and John Travolta. The Artisan Entertainment/Marvel Studios project revolves around a vigilante hero who dispenses harsh justice to criminals after his wife and children are slain by the mob. Writer/director Jonathan Hensleigh will start shooting the film next month in Florida and is scheduled for release next summer.