We had grown weary of Smallville, stopped laughing at That ‘70s Show, and couldn’t stomach even the thought of a third go-‘round for The Simple Life. By the autumn of 2004, we had no place to turn but to the mysterious island series that ABC ads had been pimping like crazy. Following our national love of sci-fi, of Survivor, of that bespectacled fella who made Felicity (ah, times were different then), we flocked to Lost, ill-prepared for the slew of questions, deficit of answers, and legion of unforgettable characters we'd meet over the course of the next six seasons. In honor of the 10-year anniversary of the dawn of America's last true pop culture addiction, we've decided to rank those characters — to celebrate the Oceanic Six, bemoan the Flight 815 tail section, and kind of sigh in bored confusion over the folks at the Dharma Initiative.
A quick qualifier: we aren't, and couldn't with any qualitative legitimacy, ranking all of the characters on Lost. We're ignoring the nearly anonymous Others, the one-line flashback extras, and that guy who was sucked into the jet propeller in the first episode. Remember him? I think his name was Gary. He's not on the list.
76. MILES STRAUMEThe most convoluted and out-of-place construct that Lost ever managed, which is saying something. Why can he speak to the dead? Who cares if he’s Dr. Chang’s son? Why did anyone think this character was a good idea?
75. SHANNONLess of a problem with the mythology than simply an annoying, corrosive onscreen presence.
74. KEAMY, FROM THE BOATUgh, this guy. This guy and his crew cut.
73. JACK’S NONEXISTENT SONDavid Shephard’s one saving grace is that he doesn’t actually exist. Three cheers for flash-sideways nullification!
72. LENNONIs… is his name actually Lennon? Or do they just call him that because he looks exactly like Lennon? And why, pray tell, does he look exactly like Lennon?
71. RICHARDThe irritation of the wholly useless Richard is maximized by the knowledge that he’ll be around forever.
70. ANNA LUCIAAnna Lucia acts as the epitome of everything that was wrong with the tail section chapter in maintaining the concrete belief that she is in any way a viable substitute for the main cast’s screen time.
69. GOODWINUgh, this guy. This guy and his wisps.
68. NIKKI AND PAOLONo explanation necessary for why Nikki and Paolo falls towards the bad end of the list, but a few extra points for the sadistic treat that was their final bow.
67. THE MOTHER“Hey guys, tonight’s episode of Lost has Allison Janney! From The West Wing! I love her! I bet they give her something cool and funny and totally pertinent to the contemporary storyline to do!”
66. ELOISE HAWKINGOne Farraday was more than enough, guys.
65. ILANAI have to be honest, I barely remember who this is.
64. DOGENDogen’s scenes were just one of many late series constructs that made us sigh wistfully and recount on the good old days when this show was about people trapped on an island.
63. MINKOWSKILadies and gentlemen, Fisher Stevens.
62. EMMA AND ZACKYou can really lump all the unaccounted for Lost children in one cloying bullet point: these two, the Kwon baby, Desmond and Penny’s kid, the deity twins, Aaron. They all just caused a whole mess of trouble, didn’t they?
61. LIBBY “What if — get this — what if we gave her a romance with a fan-favorite, and then closed an episode with a shocking stinger that revealed she used to be in a mental institution?“Sounds great! Then what?”“No, that’s about it.”
NEXT: 60 - 41
60. CHARLIE’S BROTHER“You all, everybody!” Ha. Remember that?
59. ABADDONEh, it’s Lance Reddick doing Lance Reddick, just without any of the interesting we were used to seeing.
58. JACK’S EX-WIFEHas anyone made a mash-up interweaving Julie Bowen’s Lost scenes with clips from Modern Family? I can’t imagine that anyone would have felt impelled to do so. And I certainly don’t feel impelled to check.
57. HORACE GOODSPEEDGoodspeed might have scored higher were not for his portrayer’s particularly creepy real life romantic exploits. Ech.
56. ALEX, ROUSSEAU’S DAUGHTERAw, she was okay.
55. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALTPuberty ruins everything. Self-esteem, probing storylines…
54. RYAN PRICE AND HIS TEN BEST MENI’d like to see a separate series about these guys. Or at least a few minutes of the pilot of one.
53. THE MAN IN BLACKHe really couldn’t have just talked things out with brother Jay?
52. ALDO, FROM THE TEMPLELadies and gentlemen, Mac.
51. THE PICKETTSNever was a story of more woe than this of… Colleen… and… Danny.
50. RADZINSKYHeh, this guy. This guy and his combover.
49. KATE’S BOYFRIENDWell this one just makes me sad.
48. SUN’S DADDitto. What a jerk.
47. HURLEY’S IMAGINARY FRIENDI never entirely knew what to make of Hurley’s bout of delusional psychosis… but I’m a sucker for that thing where it looks like someone is taking a normal photograph, and then that very photograph amounts as evidence of something spooky going on.
46. CASSIDYHell hath no fury like a stunt cast actress scorn.
45. INMANScratch the Ryan Price and His Ten Best Men pitch. I want to see Inman slowly lose his noodle.
44. DANIEL FARRADAYSomewhere between endearingly nuanced and gratingly overacty, there lies Jeremy Davis’ performance.
43. JULIETFor a late addition central character, Juliet never really achieved genuine interesting-on-her-own-accord status.
42. THE PILOTSure, he died within moments of being introduced, but he single-handedly set the tone and stakes for the entire first season. Way to go, Sean Blumberg.
41. LEONARDFour. Eight. Fifteen. Sixteen. Twenty-three. Forty-two. Repeat.
NEXT: 40 - 21
40. TOM FRIENDLYThe reveal that he was gay helped warm us up to Tom just a bit, but I always wanted to know more about this prominent Other.
39. NAOMII feel as though I remember Naomi being far more interesting than she genuinely was. Could just be the chutzpah.
38. DR. PIERRE CHANGSmart men make bad dads, so says Lost.
37. JACOBFor an omnipotent deity, Jacob’s kind of a dingus.
36. FROGURTOr “Neil.”
35. CHARLES WIDMOREA bit too faceless to be an effective super villain, but could teach a master class in menacing accentry.
34. BRAM, THE OTHERAnd next to Stoker, probably the best Bram in pop culture.
33. PHIL, THE OTHERAw, this guy. This guy and his widow’s peak.
32. KATE’S DADGood dad alert! We’ve got an actual good dad on Lost people!
31. MR. EKOIf only you didn’t hate Hawaii so much, Adewale, maybe your character would have gotten an appropriate send-off.
30. CLAIRESane Claire? Fantastic. Crazy Claire? Abysmal. They average out to pretty good.
29. MIKHAILIs it just me, or are eye-patches unconditionally cool?
28. ROGER WORKMANThe pressures of fatherhood, the anchor of alcoholism, the monumental stresses of the DHARMA Initiative… Roger, we feel you.
27. HELEN, LOCKE’S GIRLFRIENDShe was nice.
26. SAYIDHe wasn't that nice, but he had more on his plate.
25. CHARLOTTEIt was hard to watch the nose bleeds, but we can’t begrudge an archeologist hero, now can we?
24. MICHAELSo many bad decisions, Michael. And so much harrowed shouting.
23. ETHAN ROMNobody does a dead-eyed stare like E-Rom.
22. PENNYOne half of the greatest love story in television history.
21. HURLEYAudience surrogate, comic relief, beacon of pathos, resident geek, everyman, proficient golfer. A winner.
NEXT: 20 - our #1 Lost chracter!
20. SUNSun’s lows are low, but her arc to redemption is a particularly challenging and interesting one.
19. ANTHONY COOPERIn earnest, the best villain Lost ever produced. Next to the piercing human condition, of course.
18. DETECTIVE MARSA hard-boiled lawman who has one job to do, but a heart he’s forced to lug around while doing it.
17. BERNARDAww. (See Rose)
16. JIN’S DADSorry, Kate’s dad. Jin’s dad is the padre supreme.
15. BOONEWhat a nice fella. And an incredible impetus for the “anyone can die” phenomenon that carried through the bulk of the series.
14. CHRISTIAN SHEPHARDWhether or not you like Christian Shephard is entirely dependent on how you feel about the finale. And I love the finale.
13. ROUSSEAUAn extended metaphor for the loss that courses throughout each character’s story, and the crash-and-burn phenomenon that will ensnare them if they do not seek and attack their issues… or maybe just a loony French lady. Either way, we dig it.
12. KATEWay more than just the “runs into the woods and gets in trouble” shtick that people fault her for, Kate is the gumption and emotional core of Lost. And we love her.
11. ARZTWhat a delightful jackass.
10. JOHN LOCKEThe beauty of Locke is how much you just want to punch him right in the nose… until you realize that he’s not presenting adversity, but challenging solutions.
9. ROSEEven aww-er.
8. SAWYERThe wincing pain of aloneness and self-loathing, evident in everything that the gallant Josh Holloway does with his consistently engaging (the LeFleur era a slight hiccup) character.
7. FRANK LAPIDUSFrank Lapidus monument currently in construction in the South Bronx.
6. DESMONDThe other half of the greatest love story ever committed to television… and, no offense to Penny, the half with the superior ‘do.
5. JACKOur hero, flawed though he may be, was the perfect man to guide us through this story about the fragmented tenets of the human experience. Desperate, lonely, contentious, prickly, and a bit of a tool at times, Jack is and remains the essence of what man is.
4. CHARLIE…But Charlie, in complement to Jack, is the essence of what man wants to be. Given the finest send-off on the series, Charlie becomes the hero that he always wished he could be, embracing his passion for music and his love for Claire to save his friends and surrogate family.
3. VINCENTLess a symbol than a silent character in his own right, Vincent represents that one glimmer of hope to which even the most cynical of us hang tight: the hope that we aren’t, and don’t have to be, alone. With Vincent around, nobody does.
2. BEN LINUSIf Jack is Charlie’s complement then Ben Linus is his stark contrast: the badness that enwraps each of us, causing us to so selfish, maniacal, underhanded things… but all to the same end: not being alone. Not the more admirable guy, but one of most complicated and interesting characters.
1. JINThe very best character arc on Lost comes attached to Jin, who began as an alienating question mark and wound up a fan favorite, an in-universe hero. Jin’s slow climb to island glory, paralleling his flashback descent down the gruesome drain of desperation, makes for Lost’s strongest, most entertaining, and perhaps most emotionally engrossing individual story. And man that ending!
Siegfried & Roy star Roy Horn insists he would be dead if his white tiger Montecore had not attempted to drag the entertainer to safety after he suffered a stroke onstage during a Las Vegas show in 2003.
At the time, many fans feared the big cat had attacked the showman, speculating that Montecore had become spooked by a man in the audience, but Horn has always maintained that his tiger actually saved his life.
Horn tells Entertainment Tonight, "I got a stroke and I fall down and I seen the blue eyes (of Montecore) still looking at me, like, 'What now? What happened?' "So he did what every cat would do when they're little - he picked me up by the neck and tried to carry me to the side for he know we were safe (sic). He took care of me. He severed my artery and it was an absolute blessing."
Horn claims that if Montecore hadn't released the pressure, his owner would have been left brain dead. He adds, "I could have been a vegetable."
Horn reveals the worst wasn't over - he had three operations following the ill-fated performance and he suffered more strokes on the operating table: "I died clinically three times." Montecore died earlier this year (14).
Closing out the Devil's Dance Tour 2014 on May 21, brothers Matt and Trevor Wentworth, Alex "Woody" Woodrow and Tim Molloy, otherwise known as the band Our Last Night, performed for fans at Irving Plaza in New York City. Alongside bands Chiodos, Emarosa, Hands Like Houses and '68, Our Last Night performed a set full of their biggest songs and popular cover of Katy Perry's Dark Horse (which we may or may not play on a daily basis in our office - check it out below!).
We had the chance to sit down with them before they hit the stage and ask a few questions to help get to know them better. Here's what they had to say...
CM: Before we watch you guys perform tonight, do you guys have any pre-show rituals that you guys do?
Matt: Um, not like, not really.
Trevor: A lot of people ask us this; I feel like a lot of bands do have this.
CM: Do you feel like maybe you should develop one?
Trevor: Yeah, I think maybe now's the time that we need to start doing something. Nah, I don't know. We kind of just all hang out, relax. Don't stress ourselves out too much or psyche ourselves out.
Matt: And then about 10 minutes before you go on, you rush everything on stage really quick and hopefully start playing.
Trevor: Because, yeah, you know it's going to be stressful setting everything up, so before you have to do that, you kind of just relax.
Matt: I think sometimes, if you have a set thing, at least for me, it's just like, I don't know, it just gets you kinda psyched out maybe a little bit. It gets you more nervous for the show, cause you're like...
CC: Thinking too much?
Matt: Thinking too much, yeah exactly. It's almost time to play, and then you're like doing your whatever -- thing. I don't know, I feel like it's cool to just like, hang out, realize you're playing in ten minutes--
Trevor: And then walk out and have it be amazing.
Matt: Yeah, just go for it.
CC: Do you guys prefer performing more or writing and recording?
Trevor: I mean, they both have their perks.
Matt: I mean, yeah, they're both so different, I guess. I love writing, and I feel like there's nothing cooler about being in a band than finishing up an album and listening to it when it's done. And shows are awesome, but those are all the songs that you're gonna be playing at your show, so it's a really cool feeling to finish a bunch of songs, a whole album. Then listen to it and be really excited about it.
Trevor: Yeah, exactly.
Matt: But obviously, playing live is nothing like that either. Just the energy and --
Trevor: It's kind of like the shows come from what you just made. It's kind of like you write something, feel great about it, and the next step is to play them live, so it's definitely cool.
Matt: You never really know how it's gonna go either, every show. A crowd could be awesome, or a crowd could be boring, and you just have to work a little bit harder to pump 'em up.
CM: Have you guys had any particularly bad crowds?
Trevor: Not on this tour at all. I mean --
Matt: We've been a band for a while so...
Trevor: It depends on what you mean by 'bad crowd.' If a bad crowd is like throwing tomatoes at you, and rotten fruit at you? Then no, luckily, we've never had that, but --
Matt: I don't know, sometimes I think it's just a vibe. Sometimes, a lot of people are, like, you can tell, they're paying attention and they're excited about what you're doing, but sometimes, crowds are just more mellow, and sometimes if you think about it, just the personality of each person in the room - you might get sometimes a lot of people with sort of timid personalities that just like to chill and watch you. It's not like a bad show, it's just a little more calm.
Trevor: Also, sometimes I feel like it has to do with the venue you're playing in, too. I feel like some people can feel super weird and awkward in a certain place, like --
Matt: If you're surrounded by a foot of space around you, it's weird, you're not gonna be like freaking out all by yourself.
Trevor: But if it's super packed, if it's like, I don't know, like it just depends.
Matt: I wouldn't say a crowd that doesn't move that much, that they're a 'bad crowd.' It's obviously a little less exciting on stage, but a lot of times those kids were just as excited to see us as the kids that went crazy. It's just the vibe of the room, the vibe of the people at the show.
CM: For sure. I have hard time reacting sometimes, so if you guys see me tonight and I'm not moving, it's not personal.
Trevor: No, I'm the same way. If I go to a show, I'm not like -- I stand in the back and watch. I love it, but I'm not like front and center, like "Here we go!"
CC: What song gets the best audience reaction?
Matt: I think we definitely agree on this tour which one does.
Trevor: Yeah, I mean, we play a cover every show.
Trevor: No we play "Dark Horse." We used to play "Skyfall."
CM: I knew it was "Dark Horse." We had a bet going.
Trevor: Those are the only two covers we've ever played live.
Matt: Sometimes, we're like, "Aw man ... yeah, a cover song." Everyone goes nuts and it's not even our song. But I think a lot of times, what has to do with that, is that even people that don't know our band at the show, they're still familiar with that song. They're like, "Oh cool! A new version of the song." They know the words cause they've heard "Dark Horse" a billion times in the last few months.
Trevor: That song live is definitely pretty crazy, and it's just got a lot of energy to it.
CM: I just want to add that now whenever "Dark Horse" comes on the radio, my first reaction is always "Oh! I like this song!" And then I realized it's not your version, which I prefer to Katy Perry's.
Trevor: Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
Matt: We get a lot of tweets saying "the only reason I know all the words to all these pop songs is because of your covers."
CC: Yeah, like the rapping part?
Matt: Exactly. That's funny.
CM: Speaking of your covers, have you guys heard from any of the artists that you covered?
Trevor: Zedd, with the "Clarity" cover. He tweeted us and tweeted the cover that we did.
Matt: That was like, two days after we posted it. So it was cool. I don't know if people were like tweeting at him. Sometimes, we do like a tweet at Rihanna and try to get her to watch it. They're so big that they probably don't even tweet their own shit anymore.
Trevor: Also, some of those people may have seen it, not necessarily tweeted about it. Like, so, we come across covers of our songs all the time. Everyone sits on YouTube, even Adele, even Rihanna. So, I don't know. Maybe they've seen it, maybe not. But there's definitely a good chance that maybe they did.
CM: The other question we had about your covers, sort of as fangirls over here - will there more covers in the future at some point?
Trevor: Yeah, definitely.
CC: Another "Summer of Covers"?
Trevor: Exactly. It's just something that we do when we have down time in between writing our own music slash not being on tour. It's just something to keep fans interested, and they're fun to do.
CC: Do you have any idea which songs you're going to be covering soon?
Trevor: Yeah... a little bit.
Matt: We've had a couple that we wanted to do for a while that are more timeless songs, not like in the moment. Mostly the ones we've done now are songs that are big right now, or we try to guess which song's going to be big because usually those get the biggest reactions, I guess. But we're doing one coming up. We never say what they are, but there's one --
Matt: What? I'm not gonna say. I'm saying, "We never say what they are, so I'm not gonna say..." but it is a more timeless song that people from, even younger people now and people our age should know.
Trevor: We can tell you guys off the record.
CC: From what decade?
Matt: It was popular, like really huge, when I was in like 6th grade.
Trevor: So, 90s.
Matt: All over TRL, definitely. It'll be a fun one to do though, for sure.
CM: You guys have made it pretty big, but if you weren't doing this, you guys are still so young, was there ever any back-up plan?
Trevor: I mean... Not really, honestly. I've been in the band longer in my life than I've not been in the band, which is pretty crazy. So, I don't really know what I would do, other than this.
Tim: Any one of you guys got back-up plans?
Trevor: I honestly don't.
Tim: All I did was play drums when I was younger, and then getting to do this was never anything I had planned. It just kind of happened. The next thing I knew I was here.
Matt: I think definitely, being in a band, you kind of take it -- whatever happens, you roll with it.
Tim: It's also hard to know what you would be doing other than this, because there are things I like, but I don't know if I like them enough to be doing that everyday of my life, you know what I mean? I'd probably be a bum. I'd probably be a hobo.
CM: I thought you just said you'd "be a mom" and I thought that was quite the 180.
Trevor: That's impressive!
Tim: Who knows what I'd be doing?! To each his own. Or her own.
CC: What's the most personal song for each of you?
Matt: It's different for each record, but I would probably say "Sunrise" for this one. It's the most personal one for us, and probably for our fans too. We kind of wrote it for our fans, as a positive outlet. A lot of our fans contact us, Trevor and the band, on Facebook, just saying thank you for your music, "It means a lot to us," so we kinda wanted this to take things to a next level. Writing more positive songs, because we have a lot of fans going through - I don't know - certain shit, and it seems pretty hard to deal with.
CM: When you guys aren't recording or touring, what's your go-to stuff to watch, on TV, on Netflix?
Matt: Ohhh, that's a great one. Last was definitely True Detective. We were really into True Detective. It's hard to top Matthew McConaughey.
Trevor: Matthew McConaughey's a boss.
Matt: Yeah, so that was awesome, I think we've been a little obsessed with it. Parks & Rec, The Office...
Tim: Breaking Bad...
Trevor: Breaking Bad. Best TV show ever. I'm a pretty big Sons of Anarchy fan.
CM: Nice. You guys sound like maybe you should work for us.
Trevor: Yeah, perfect.
CM: That's your back-up plan!
Trevor: There it is!
CC: Lastly, what's your dream collaboration?
Trevor: That's a great question. Dream collaboration...
Tim: I mean, well, I just came up with this in my head, but I think it's the best answer. For me, anyway. Beyoncé... featuring Kendrick Lamar, with me playing drums.
CM: Like a Travis Barker situation?
Matt: I think for me personally, I don't know if it'd be with Our Last Night, but I would love to write a song with Ryan Tedder, from OneRepublic. He's just one of my favorite songwriters, OneRepublic's probably one of my favorite bands.
Trevor: Definitely, I mean, anything. Doing a song with Lana Del Rey would be amazing.
CM: You guys are surprising me here.
Trevor: Pretty much all I listen to is like, Lana Del Rey, The Neighborhood, and The 1975. That's pretty much all I listen to.
Matt: Yeah, something like that could be cool. 2 Chainz. That would be great.
Tim: 2 Chainz would be awesome!
Matt: 2 Chainz on some heavy part. It would be sick. We should just save up a shit ton of money and just get 2 Chainz. It would be worth it. Even if no one likes it, it would be worth it. For me, personally, it would be worth it.
Our Last Night will be playing a hometown show in Boston, Massachusetts on August 22 to celebrate their 10 year anniversary, and no, that wasn't a typo. Though they're only in their twenties, they're already veterans to the music scene. With plans to hit the road again this summer, and releasing their acoustic EP in mid-June, we highly suggest every one check them out because they're pretty amazing musicians.
Comedienne Tina Fey has dismissed rumours of a Mean Girls sequel, but hints that the cast could reunite to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the film's release. The high school comedy written by and starring Fey was a breakout hit in 2004, and fans have been eager for more ever since.
Fey, along with the movie's star Lindsay Lohan, discussed a possible cast reunion when they both made a surprise appearance on U.S. talk show host Jimmy Fallon's first Tonight Show episode last month (Feb14), but the former 30 Rock star insists that while she is keen to bring the team back together, penning a sequel is out of the question.
Fey explains, "I said to her (Lohan), 'Oh, I think someone may call us about doing some kind of reunion because next month is the 10th anniversary of the movie.' And so really... if everyone's around we might try to do some kind of like panel discussion, but it's not like another movie. At most, it would be like a panel discussion with a plate of hot wings. It's definitely not a movie."
She adds, "It's been 10 years. You can tell when you look at me."
While a big screen follow-up is not happening any time soon, fans can get their fix with a stage version of the movie - Fey previously revealed she and her husband/composer Jeff Richmond are in the early stages of developing a spin-off musical.
Tonight the VMAs celebrate their 30th anniversary with sure-to-be buzzworthy performances from Lady Gaga, Daft Punk, Justin Timberlake, Kanye West, and more. What will Gaga do to top her hanging-from-a-meathook performance of "Paparazzi" in 2009, her meat dress in 2010? Will Stephen Colbert appear with Daft Punk after they bailed on him earlier this month? We'll soon find out. There are always some VMAs shockers every year, and tonight will undoubtedly be no exception. To celebrate 30 years of the awards show, we've rounded up the 10 Most Controversial VMAs Moments ever, from Madonna kissing Britney Spears to Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift and more. Click on the photo below to access the gallery.
Christopher Polk/Getty Images
The 10 Most Controversial VMAs Moments Ever
More: Who Would Win Today in These Retired VMAs Categories? Will There Be a Surprise *NSYNC Reunion at the VMAs? All the People Lady Gaga Imitated in Her ‘Applause’ Video: Madonna, Cher, and Botticelli?
From Our PartnersStars Pose Naked for 'Allure' (Celebuzz)20 Grisliest TV Deaths of 2012-2013 (Vulture)
A lawyer for Michael Jackson's mother Katherine has requested privacy for the family as the King of Pop's daughter Paris recovers from an apparent suicide attempt. The teenager was reportedly stretchered out of her Calabasas, California home in the early hours of Wednesday (05Jun13) after paramedics responded to an emergency call regarding "a possible overdose".
Paris Jackson's biological mum, Debbie Rowe, has since revealed to U.S. news show Entertainment Tonight that her girl was "rushed to the hospital with cuts on her wrist", adding that she has had "a lot going on".
The youngster's condition is now stable and Katherine's attorney Sandra Ribera has asked the media to allow the child to recover in peace.
A statement issued by Ribera reads, "Paris is physically fine and getting appropriate medical attention. Being a sensitive 15 year old is difficult no matter who you are. It is especially difficult when you lose the person closest to you. Please respect her privacy and the family's privacy."
Paris' uncles Jackie, Marlon and Tito Jackson have also released a statement, which reads: "Thank you for the outpouring of concern and support for Paris. She is safe and doing fine. We truly appreciate you respecting our family privacy at this time."
The 15 year old hinted at personal troubles on her Twitter.com page prior to her hospitalisation, asking why "tears are salty" and quoting lyrics from The Beatles classic Yesterday, writing: "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away now it looks as though they're here to stay".
The aspiring actress, her brothers Prince Michael and Blanket, and their grandmother Katherine Jackson are currently in the midst of a wrongful death lawsuit against the bosses of AEG Live, accusing them of ignoring the tragic superstar's health issues prior to his doomed This Is It comeback concerts.
The fourth anniversary of the Thriller hitmaker's death will be marked on 25 June (13).
When celebrities have something to say they talk to Oprah. And it sounds like Lance Armstrong has something to say. The disgraced cycling hero, who last year was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and banned from cycling after a report documented in detail his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs (a charge he's repeatedly denied), is going to appear on Oprah's Next Chapter on January 17 on OWN. This comes after a report in The New York Times last week cited an anonymous source who said that Armstrong was considering revealing a history of doping. And the description of Armstrong's appearance on the Next Chapter website says, "Armstrong will address the alleged doping scandal, years of accusations of cheating, and charges of lying about the use of performance-enhancing drugs throughout his storied cycling career."
We have no idea what Armstrong will say, but we are certain that he will face some pretty tough questions. Still, it'll take a lot for his sitdown to rank among our picks for Oprah's 10 Most Awkward Interviews Ever. This is a list full of ugly crying, couch jumping, mic painting, and not one but two appearances from Elizabeth Taylor.
10. Mary Tyler Moore (1997)
It's putting it very mildly to say that Oprah Winfrey is a fan of Mary Tyler Moore. Actually, in a surprise 1997 interview with the comedy pioneer, she revealed that she'd pretty much patterned her life on that of Mary Richards, MTM's alter ego on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. It's impressive that Oprah was able to recover from the following tear-soaked hysterics upon first seeing Moore to even speak coherently.
9. Barbra Streisand (2003)
Mind you, Streisand's interview didn't have to be awkward. But it very quickly became just that after Oprah realized that Babs had spray-painted one of Harpo's microphones white so that it could match her ensemble. The stuff Kathy Griffin parodies are made of.
8. Mackenzie Phillips (2009)
In which the American Graffiti star reveals she had a years-long incestuous relationship with her father, Mamas and the Papas' singer John Phillips.
NEXT: Oprah stages a public reconciliation with an author who refused her Book Club and the interview she called "the hardest of my career" 7. Jonathan Franzen (2010)
In 2001, Oprah extended an offer to author Jonathan Franzen to appear on her Book Club to promote his National Book Award-winning novel, The Corrections. What happened next is still unclear: Franzen appeared to refuse the honor. So Oprah withdrew her invitation. Nine years later, Franzen and Winfrey publicly made up on-air during the final season of her show.
6. Whitney Houston (2009)
Everyone talks about Houston's infamous "Crack is Whack" interview with Diane Sawyer in 2002. But even more disturbing was her 2009 chat with Oprah, in which she put on a none-too-convincing facade of normalcy. Though Houston spoke candidly about her struggle with addiction, she blamed her history of drug abuse on her marriage to Bobby Brown and acted like she was completely sober. Seen in hindsight through the prism of her tragic death, her last major interview is a portrait of the point when addiction becomes its most dangerous: when its hidden.
5. Elizabeth Taylor (1988)
In a segment on her 25th anniversary DVD box set, Oprah says Liz told her right before the start of the interview that she would not answer any questions about her personal life and, instead, only wished to discuss her perfume line, White Diamonds. No wonder Oprah herself called it "the hardest interview of my career." However, it wouldn't be the last time she would cross paths with Taylor...
4. Michael Jackson (1993)
Oprah didn't hold back when she sat down with the King of Pop at the Neverland Ranch. After questions about his changing appearance and lightening skin tone, she asked, "Are you a virgin?" MJ replied, "How can you ask me that? I'm a gentleman!" To make things even more uncomfortable, Oprah's "hardest interview ever," Elizabeth Taylor, popped up unexpectedly, ambushed the interview, and deflected some of the more difficult questions on Jackson's behalf.
NEXT: The hardest-hitting interview Oprah ever conducted is also her most awkward. 3. Jay Leno (2010)
If it weren't for the No. 1 pick on this list, we'd say Oprah's one-on-one with Jay Leno, following his return to The Tonight Show in 2010 after Conan O'Brien's ouster, is the hardest-hitting interview she's ever conducted. (The interview subject in the No. 2 slot brought about the awkwardness entirely on his own.) She point-blank asked Leno if he thought he'd been selfish ("I've asked myself that," he said) and if he thought he'd "robbed Conan of his dream." It was all the more awkward because in every previous encounter on her show, Oprah and Jay came across like best buds — he even wheeled out her birthday cake during her 50th birthday celebration! The most squirm-inducing moment, however, came when Oprah revealed the results of an oprah.com poll in which 98% said Leno was at fault for the failure of Conan's Tonight Show.
2.Tom Cruise (2005)
It was the couch-jump seen across the world. Tom Cruise so could not contain his newfound love for Katie Holmes that he played a grown-up version of Jack B. Nimble on nationwide television.
1. James Frey (2006)
This wasn't an interview. This was a massacre. After it was revealed that Frey's memoir A Million Little Pieces wasn't a memoir at all, and that Frey had fictionalized key episodes in the supposedly confessional account of his struggle with substance abuse, Oprah brought the Book Club author back on her show for a brutal Round 2. She said she felt "betrayed," then proceeded to rip him a new one for the next hour. When it was all said and done, it was our frayed nerves that were in a million little pieces.
You got an opinion! You got an opinion! Everybody's got an opinion! Sound off about our picks in the comments below.
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
[Photo Credit: Harpo]
Oprah’s Favorite Things Special: Everyday I’m Trufflin’
David Letterman to Oprah: ‘Jay Leno is Funniest Yet Most Insecure Person I’ve Ever Known’
From Our Partners:
Megan Fox’s 12 Hottest Moments (Moviefone)
Ryan Gosling’s ‘Airbrushed’ Abs: Plus 19 More Reasons We Love the Actor (Moviefone)
Shhh. Can you hear it? Can you hear that little whistle on the wind? Yes, that is the sound of souls being sucked out of bodies. That is the sound of weaves being tightened and Botox needles cascading from a red plastic container of biomedical waste into a dumpster. That is the sound of sleeves being slit up the center so that women can show off their perfectly toned shoulders. Yes, that can only mean one thing: the Real Pirouettes of Folderol Gulch have returned for their annual mating season. Well, not mating so much as socializing at bull***t parties, getting mad at each other, and airing their grievances for the world to see. With the churn and snap of gristle ratcheting into place, the female beasts of Beverly Hills get ready to graze once again.
As with all things, let us begin with their high priestess, who holds a virgin heart in her hands and raises it up to her pagan god, the blood rolling down her outstretched arms, not scarlet or crimson or maroon, but pink. Yes, that is Lisa Vanderpump and she has a new burnished granite cave to call her own. Did you see Lisa's freaking house? It's like the Fortress of Solitude but made out of white marble. She said she wanted something "smaller" but this thing is, wow. Alright, now we need to talk about her closet. People always go into a walk-in closet and jealously say, "Wow, this is as big as my whole apartment." Brandi goes into it and says, "Wow, this is as big as my whole apartment," and she is actually telling the truth. Her closet is immense and immaculately organized and then, it opens up into a secret beauty lair, where she does all her bloodletting, face tightening, and stem cell harvesting to keep herself looking spry and sprightly. If ever I was jealous of a person living in a pink and white hive of luxury, then this was the time.
Anyway, Brandi was over Lisa's house because they are now besties since no one else really likes them. They say they're really tight, but their relationship seems to consist of Brandi flirting with Lisa's husband Ken, the forgotten member of Cheap Trick, and Lisa laughing about it because she knows that a Playboy pinup like Brandi doesn't really have any interest in her husband's ripe gherkin getting anywhere close to her vagina hole.
After a turn at Lisa's house, it's Lisa's time to go visit Brandi at her Sad Ranch in the Valley, which she seems to have inherited from Kim Richards. Brandi's house sort of looks like what would happen if a trailer decided that it didn't want to move anymore, planted itself in the dirt and pushed up some lawn and shrubs all around it. It is not at all spectacular (unlike Brandi's bosom) but she is happy and content, so good for my girl Brandi. While the two are hanging out there, Kyle's adorable daughter Portia calls Lisa on the phone and says, "Lisa, dahhhling. Come to my birfday pawtee. It's at 1."
Yes, Portia is learning how to use a phone. Not how to dial and hold a headset like most people learn, she is learning to call her friends and talk only on speakerphone. That is how Real Housewives do it, after all. Because it's on speaker, Brandi overhears and says, "Hi, Kyle, it's Brandi!" Now, she wasn't quite looking for an invitation to the party, but she got one and she tells Kyle she would love to come. Brandi says, "Oh, yeah, me and Kyle are friends." and Kyle says, "I don't have any problem with Brandi," but you can see the truth right behind their eyes. It's like how the IRA feels about the Northern Irish. There's supposedly a cease fire, but the first person to take the name of the Virgin Mary in vain is going to get their face bloodied with a rotting potato.
Speaking of missing invitation and speaker phone, Taylor's lips, which are a separate symbiotic organism that lives on her face, disconnected themselves from her head and walked over to meet Adrienne, Queen of the Maloofs (a race of mole people that live under a mountain), and her husband Pozo the Chimp for dinner. "Hey girl," Taylor's lips say. "I'm not really eating tonight, because I left the mouth at home, but Taylor has gained 10 whole pounds and now she can't squeeze into any of her cocktail dresses. Will you take that bitch shopping, because if she shows up in one more pair of black harem pants that her skinny ass can't fill in so it looks like she's carting a dump around a party, then I am going to find some other head to latch onto, because I can't take it anymore? Oh, that and she needs something to wear to the Villa Blanca Anniversary Party on Wednesday."
"Oh, what Villa Blanca Anniversary Party on Wednesday? I haven't heard anything about that!" Queen Maloof says. Well, that is because Lisa did not invite her. Yes, Lisa and Adrienne are in a fight. That's not necessarily true. Adrienne decided that she is mad at Lisa. Why? Who the hell knows. A black and white reunion flashback told us it has something to do with selling a story to the tabloids. It really has nothing to do with anything. It's not like even one of those stupid Housewives fights like, "I was having a charity luncheon and you tried to 'clear the air' with X and then it just wasn't the time. You owe me an apology." No, it's not even that. It's just some stupid thing that Adrienne made up in her mind that she is angry with Lisa and isn't talking to her. That is why no one is on Adrienne's side, because she has nothing to be angry about. Adrienne is a Housewife. She can't even make up a fake reason that seems vaguely rational?
Once Adrienne knows about the party she says, "If Lisa's objective was to embarrass me, then she did it." Oh please, Adrienne. That wasn't her intent at all. She didn't even think that hard about it. She thought, "Should I invite Adrienne to my party? That bitch is mad at me. Nope!" and then licked her crystal-encrusted pencil and crossed her name off the list. It makes total sense. And if we're talking about embarrassment, how do you think Lisa feels when you falsely accused her of selling stories to a tabloid on national television? You think she feels all warm and fuzzy inside like she just masturbated and then ate a big bowl of soup and a brownie? No, she feels like shit. Lisa says she's ready to move on if Adrienne calls her with an apology. I think that seems fair, but this looks like it's headed for a big old confrontation.
Like a kid sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to rush down on Christmas Day and tear through all his presents at once, I just can't wait any more. It is now time to talk about Kim Richards. Oh, Kim, I've missed you so so much, and you did not at all disappoint last night. You are still my favorite. Kim is just 30 days out of rehab and she's already back on the Housewives treadmill, which means she's headed for a big old crash sometime in the near future. We see her going to her sister Kathy Hilton's house which is very exciting because this is the first time that any of the Hiltons have dared to bow down and be on this little reality enterprise with their less fortunate sisters. Kathy, who looks like she dressed as Candace Bergen for Halloween and never took off her outfit, is helping Kim's daughter Kimberly (which is the craziest normal name since Prince Michael Jackson II) find a prom dress. Kathy has all these dresses lined up and I can't tell if they are like her dress line or she just has a rack of dresses in her living room and everyone gets to try them on? Probably the later. Then Kathy asks Kimberly if she's gotten a boutineer and both Kimberlys in the room say, "What?" Then Original Recipe Kim says, "I got a boot and I can hear!" Oh, good one Kim. I would have gone with, "I've a booty and you are near," but maybe she doesn't want to talk about her younger daughter and booty right to everyone's face.
They're all sitting around and Kim tells us one of her stories that lets us inside her soul. "Kath, do you remember that prom I went to the prom with Dan? Remember him? He was one of the other Disney actors and neither of us went to a real high school so we didn't have a prom, but he got invited by a friend of his to go to his prom somewhere in Altadena and he asked me to go because he didn't really know any other girls. Well, I went to the wardrobe department and I was 17 and I told them that I wanted a dress that was beautiful and flowing and kind of sexy but not like too sexy, you know. We went through racks and racks and racks of clothing and it was so fun and I felt like a princess. It made me feel so special, all those dresses just for me and a cute boy who really seemed to like me. I got all dressed up and it was a long purple dress with some flowers by the bodice and we did my hair up all big and poofy, remember Kath? We had the whole makeup team at the house making me gorgeous and you and Kyle were so jealous that I was going to the prom with Dan.
"And then he pulls up, not in a limo or anything, but in a pickup truck, and it had a camper attached to the back! It wasn't like a Winnebago or anything, it was one of those pop up campers so it just looked like a flat bed and it was beige and had orange stripes around it and I was so scared of that camper. That camper had a bed in it and Mommy told me never to be around boys and beds because that means he's going to try to reach for my special treasure box, and I couldn't let just anyone open that box. Mommy said it could only be opened once by a really good boy who I really loved and that Danny wasn't the boy. So, I was scared of that camper and getting my dress dirty in the pickup truck, but we drove all the way out to Altadena and we had our prom at this place called the Aquaturf, which was crazy because there was no aqua and no turf. Hahahahaa.
"Anyway, we didn't really know anyone else there so we just talked to each other and laughed and tried to make new friends and they told us they'd seen us in the movies and on TV and people didn't know what to do with us. They wanted to be our friends, but they were scared, you know. After the prom most everyone went to this bonfire somewhere out in the woods, but Mommy said I had to be home so Danny and I left. But on the way, he pulled over at the movie theater down the street from our house and he pulled in the back of the parking lot, where the cars never go. 'I have something I have to show you. Wait here,' he said.
"He got out of the car and started to crank open that camper and I got really scared. I didn't want to go back there with him because he was gonna try to touch my treasure box and I didn't want him to, but he cranked that camper up and it was fully open and then he went in and was doing something in there and banging and making all these noises, and I was so nervous I thought about getting out of the car and calling Mommy to come get me, but just as I reached for the door, he was there on my side and opened the door and held my hand as I stepped down. He lead me into that camper and I was so nervous, I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
"But we got to the door and he opened it and there was a bed, but that's not what he wanted. Right there in the doorway was this little table that had like Formica on it but it looked like wood and on that cheap table was a big vase full of roses and two candles that were lit and two small champagne flutes. He poured us both some champagne and it made my throat feel warm as I drank it down and then I felt loose and I felt so special that he had done all that for me. We drank some more and we finished the bottle and I felt so great inside and we were laughing and talking and dreaming about the house we would buy together some day and start a family and my head felt all swimmy.
"That's when he leaned over and kissed me, and it felt so good. It was the first time. At 17 it was the first time that a boy had ever kissed me. I felt so loved and like we really connected and a little bit like I was going to fall over, but it felt so good. He stood me up and lead me over to the bed in the camper and I went with him. We kissed and kissed and I moved his hand under my dress and up my thigh and I thought, 'Why not? Why not let him into my, you know, treasure box,' but he said, 'No, Kim. That's not what I want. I just want to be with you and kiss you.' And we kissed for a long time and then we just lied there, with me tangled up in his arms, my hair getting messy on the bed. We fell asleep like that and woke up in the morning and I was so scared Mommy was going to kill me because we had been out all night. The candles were burned down and we packed the camper up and he drove me home and Mom was pissed. Even though I told her nothing happened, she didn't really believe me, but it was the greatest night of my life, that prom. Yeah, the best night of my life. I wonder where Dan is now?"
What a lovely story, Kim. Thanks for that. The only person who is in more love is the new Housewife Yolanda Foster, the only Yolanda I've ever seen on TV who didn't have a talk show in the '90s. We don't know much about Yolanda right now. She's a friend of Lisa and was married to Lisa's friend Mohammed, the one who dates living blow up dolls and throws elaborate parties for Lisa every year where there are elephants in the driveway and creepy screaming mermaids by the pool. She used to be a model and now she is married to composer David Foster. Oh, and she is Dutch, which means her kitchen has a Dutch Oven (that was as close to a fart joke as I could get today).
The one thing we know about Yolanda and David's marriage is that he writes her love notes every day. They go something like this:
"My Dearest Yolanda:
It has been five years since I first saw you sunbathing topless on St. Bart's and not a day goes by when I don't dedicate the boner I have when I wake up in the morning to the sight of your toned behind on the beach that day. You are my everything. You are my eggs in the morning and my After Eight Mints at night. You are the moon and the stars, but you're not famous like a real star, just like a reality star. You bring me tea with flowers and you put up with the rude way I treat all your friends even as I am undressing them with my eyes. I have an Oscar. Let's fuck, but then you have to leave me alone because I have to work.
Love, Your David
So, yes, Yolanda is at Lisa's party and meets everyone and Kim is a big fan of hers because Kim, like any addict, always cozies up to the new girl. Why? Because that is the girl she hasn't wronged yet! Yolanda loves Kim! The one fun thing we find out about her is that she and Kyle have the same birthday and I look at them and they are like Yin and Yang (and by Yin and Yang, I mean the cats my Chinese neighbor has). They are like two halves of one person, the light and the darkness. But which one will be witch (misspelling intentional).
Nothing much happens at the party except people are being weird about Brandi because, well, she pissed just about everyone off with her awesomeness. Kim and Kyle are also having a strained relationship, because duh. That's the funny thing about rehab. You think that if you fix one problem it will fix them all, but you have all those foundational instabilities from the years of drinking and mistreating each other and you can't just fix those by sobering up. It's going to take hard work. Kim, like always, says she wished things can go back to the way they were, but the one lesson in life Kim needs to learn is that you can't go back. You can't just find that warm spot in the bed once you get up. No, you need to lie back down and warm up another spot. That is how life works. You can't go back, you can only plow through the now to get to the soon. The soon will be better.
Everyone is having a boring time at the Villa Blanca Party and then suddenly, four people come walking in with something that looks like a sea monster washed up on the shore, died, spilled its organs out onto the beach, and the whole thing cooked in the sun for three days. "What the fuck is this thing?" Lisa says? Oh, there's a card. "Congrats on your party. Best of luck, HRH Adrienne of the Maloofs."
Yes, it was a flower arrangement, but these were a very rare and exotic breed of flowers called the Passivio Aggressivus. Apparently they grow orange and yellow and only prosper in giant piles of shit which, sadly, have to be delivered along with the flowers. They say, "I want to pretend like I'm giving you something nice, but really, eat shit."
This was the absolute worst thing ever to happen at a Real Housewives party, and I mean that seriously. Sure, Joanna Krupa got her face bashed in just last week on Housewives Miami, but this is even worse. These are spite flowers. And not just any spite flowers, they are ugly spite flowers. (Why would you send anything of color to a place called Villa Blanca? Huh?) So, Adrienne didn't make it to the party, but she made her presence known with a turd and a howl, as a dozen people had to carry in her turd blossoms. Ugh, this was just the worst. And everyone there made a grimace and shook their head in unison, like it was a new line dance like the Macarena or the Gangnam Style. What a sad, sad display for Queen Adrienne.
But at home, she sat on her throne and smiled into the hand mirror that she made her husband, Pollo the Chimp, hold in front of her face. "Oh, they're all going to love me now," she thought. "They're going to see those flowers and think, look at how Lisa has done Adrienne wrong. She should be there. She should be invited. Yes, those flowers will prove how great I am. Don't you see? Don't you see that my plan is finally coming together?" She threw her head back and laughed her hearty laugh and put her snub nose up in the air as the caverns under the mountain catapulted the sound back and forth, the echo rising up into a rumble that made the ground quake, that made the trees on top of the mountain tremble, but when the laugh was done, they settled back down, and the boughs seemed to droop lower than ever before.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Star Kim Richards Admits She's an Alcoholic
Watch 'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Discuss Russell Armstrong's Suicide
2012 Emmy Longshots: Great American Tragedy 'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'
From Our Partners:
Channing Tatum to Be Named Sexiest Man Alive by ‘People’ (REPORT)
Real Beach Bodies: 20 Celebrities of All Ages and Sizes (GALLERY) (Celebuzz)
Michael Phelps may have gotten off to a shaky start at the 2012 Summer Olympic games, but the swimming superstar will be leaving London the most decorated Olympian in history. Phelps won his 20th Olympic medal (16 of which are gold) on Thursday when he bested fellow American swimmer Ryan Lochte in the 200-meter individual medley. The victory also made him the first man to win the same individual event at three consecutive Olympics. He broke yet another record on Friday when he earned his third straight gold medal in the 100m Fly, which marked his last individual race in the Olympics and brings his total to 21 medals. (Now, that's a way to go out.)
So what does one do when he retires at the ripe old age of 27? Since moving to Boca Raton and taking up backgammon seems like an unlikely next move for Phelps, what can the guy with Most Decorated Olympian on the special skills section of his résumé possibly do next? Phelps could easily go by way of many other famous Olympians and take the reality television route. Michael Johnson, Apolo Anton Ono, Rulon Gardner, Evan Lysacek, Kristi Yamaguchi, Shawn Johnson, Johnny Weir, Summer Sanders, Jonny Moseley, and, lest you forget, Bruce Jenner are among some of the former Olympians who've done just that.
But before Phelps goes signing up for Skating With the Stars (hey, it could come back) we figured we'd show him what other options he has by following in the footsteps (or backstrokes) of some other famous, beloved Olympians.
Go Back To School: Unlike Phelps, U.S. gymnast and gold medal winner, Nastia Liukin's career ended before she intended it to. The 22-year-old failed to land a spot on the 2012 gymnastics team after a devastating mistake on the uneven bars. Still, Liukin took her disappointment in stride ("Thank you to the 18,000 people that gave me a standing ovation tonight. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life", she tweeted to her supporters) and plans to attend NYU. Though Phelps is already a college grad (he attended the University of Michigan) he could always become Dr. Phelps.
Become a Philanthropist: Many Olympians use their newfound fame and accolades for good after the games. Take, for instance, speed skater Dan Jansen who started the Dan Jansen Foundation in memory of his sister, which was founded to "to solicit financial support and distribute funds to charities, with an empasis on the fight against leukemia." There's also fellow speed skater Joey Cheek, the co-founder of Team Darfur, an athlete-lead organization devoted to raising awareness about the war in Darfur. (Sadly, Cheek's activism on behalf of Darfur caused him to have his visa revoked by China before the 2008 Beijing Games.)
Become an Entrepreneur: Everyone's favorite pink-haired freestyle skier may have never won the gold during the Olympics (she did, however, nab silver and bronze) but Shannon Bahrke struck business gold when she founded the successful Salt Like City-based coffee company Silver Bean Coffee in 2002. Bahkre may not compete in the games anymore, but she's keeping the Olympic spirit alive at Silver Bean with her Athlete Blend coffees, "for every bag of coffee sold $1 goes back to the athlete and also a charity they have chosen." (For the record, Michael, doing those Subway commercials don't count.)
Launch a Successful Internet Company: In the athletic world, Jeremy Bloom was a force to be reckoned with. In addition to playing professional football, Bloom is a three-time World Champion, two-time Olympian and eleven-time World Cup gold medalist in freestyle moguls skiing. So it's no surprise that an overachiever like Bloom would be able to tackle another industry entirely: the Internet. Bloom co-founded the multi-million dollar online marketing company Integrate.com, a feat that earned him a spot on Forbes list of 30 Under 30. We get the distinct feeling fellow overachiever Phelps could pull something similar off.
Start a Family: Many Olympic athletes have gone from the podium to parenthood after their successful run(s) in the games. And much like their attitude in the Olympics, for some it's go big or go home. Olympic alpine skier Picabo Street has had three children in her time since the 1998 Nagano Games, but no one has the market cornered on Olympian families quite like gold medal boxer George Foreman. The champ has 11 kids, five of which are named, well, George. Hey, we're sure there are plenty of women out there happy to bring a gaggle of Michaels and Michelles into the world.
[Photo credit: AP Images]
Olympics Round-Up: Michael Phelps is a Golden God
Celebrate the One-Week Anniversary of the Olympics with More LOLympics
15 Americans to Follow on Twitter During the Olympics
Trying to best Louis C.K. at this juncture in his career is like....well, trying to best Louis C.K. at this juncture in his career. It simply can't be done. It can't be done if you're trying to have the best comedy on television (he already does and it's called Louie, which thankfully returns to FX this Thursday, June 28 AT 10:30 PM ET); it can't be done if you're trying to unfunny the funniest guy on the planet on Twitter (he can, and will, verbally obliterate you); it can't be done if you're Jay Leno and you try to recover from the comic's comic telling you "You're the weirdest looking person on the planet Earth" (but more on that in a bit); and it definitely can't be done if you're a scalper or a ticketing service trying to make a quick buck off him or his fans. He will, as he does so often, best you.
On Monday the 44-year-old star delivered a one-two knockout punch, first by announcing his fall/winter tour. But here's the kicker: the tickets for the shows, which begin in October in Cleveland, are being sold exclusively through his website (at $45 a pop, whether you're in the first row or the last) meaning fans won't get slammed with surcharges and he's also enforcing a strict no re-selling policy, rendering scalpers ineffective. What a stand up guy.
"Some of these rules may be a pain in your ass, but please be patient. My goal here is that people coming to see my shows are able to pay a fair price and that they be paying just for a ticket. Not also paying an exorbitant fee for the privilege of buying a ticket," C.K. wrote in the announcement on his website, later adding, "Doing things this way means I"m making less than I would have made if I did a standard tour, using the usual very excellent but expensive ticketing service. In some cities I've had to play smaller venues and do more shows. But I like doing more shows and about a year ago I reached a place where I realized I am making enough money doing comedy so the next thing that interested me is bringing your price down. Either way, I still make a whole lot more than my grandfather who taught math and raised chickens in Michigan."
How do you follow up such a killer announcement? By making a scathingly funny appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The comic not only stunned Leno (and likely most of his viewers) with a well-timed jab at Jerry Sandusky but leveled the talk show host by telling him, "You're the weirdest looking person on the planet Earth." While Leno tried to retort with bald jokes, the point was moot. The man can't be bested. He continued, "Jay, if you weren't famous and you robbed a bank and the dude was describing you to the police sketch artist, he'd be like 'no seriously, what does he look like?' Nobody looks like you. I can't believe I'm looking at you."
Watch both parts of C.K.'s visit to The Tonight Show to hear more material — like why his daughter is an expert at telling jokes and why men will always be worse than women ("Kim Kardashian's annoying, but Hitler killed everybody") — below. Then try, probably in vain, to get tickets to his tour.
[Photo credit: WENN.com]
Jerry Seinfeld to Guest Star on Louie This Season
Louie Season Finale Recap: New Jersey/Airport
Louis C.K. and Seinfeld Writing Team to Create CBS Sitcom