Batman vs. Superman. The Hulk vs. Professor Xavier. Spider-Man vs. Iron Man. Any superhero super fan has wondered what would happen if their favorite comic protagonists faced off against one another. But debating those battles is almost too easy. Instead, what if each superhero in battle was to suffer a significant mental disadvantage? How would Superman fare against Thor if he were distracted by Daily Planet layoffs? How would Spider-Man fare against Batman after eating bad Chinese food? Today, to continue Hollywood.com's Superhero Week, we wonder what would happen if Catwoman was being audited by the IRS and had to face off against X-Men's Rogue post-chemical peel.
Battle: Rogue vs. Catwoman
In the Right Corner: Rogue, after a foiled "me" day.
In the Left Corner: Catwoman, whose life of crime has been called into question by the IRS.
Inside Rogue's Day: After catching a rerun of the "Treat Yo Self" episode of Parks and Rec, Rogue was inspired to schedule a day of relaxation and rejuvenation. However, that isn't so easy when you live in a secluded mansion with a group of hot-headed mutants. First, Rogue is forced to eat her bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats dry because Wolverine accidentally sliced through the milk jug while making breakfast. Then Cyclops gets shampoo in his eyes while showering, and winds up destroying the entire bathroom while trying to wash it out. So much for that long, hot bath. Next, Rogue heads to the garage and discovers that no one bothered to tell her that Magneto ripped the engine from her car in his latest attack. She calls a cab, but is still 15 minutes late to her spa appointment.
Rogue wants to look fresh when Gambit returns from fighting Sabretooth in Genosha, so she asks for a chemical peel. Though Rogue explains numerous times that no one can touch her skin directly, her esthetician attempts to apply lotion to her face with her bare hand and passes out immediately. After determining that she'll survive, the staff slaps some rubber kitchen gloves on their most recent hire and puts her to work on Rogue's face.
Inside Catwoman's Day: Catwoman had found that a life of crime actually pays surprisingly well — until the IRS starts asking questions. After being notified that she's being audited, Selna Kyle starts scrambling to get her financial documents in order. The problem isn't just that as the proverbial "crazy cat lady" her filing cabinet isn't all that organized. You can't exactly write "burglar" on your tax forms, and try coming up with an explanation for how you obtained that famous diamond the size of a golf ball. Though Catwoman's still annoyed that she was forced to cancel an appointment with Batman last night to chase each other on rooftops and exchange clever insults (their version of a date), she's finally managed to assemble the necessary documents with some help from a friend who's done time in Gotham State Penitentiary for forgery. Selina is running to her accountant's office with a stack of files and a shoebox full of reciepts under her arm, when she smacks into a puffy-faced woman with a streak of white hair who was looking at herself in a hand mirror rather than watching where she was going.
The Battle: As she watches her files fall into a sewer grate, Catwoman hisses, and knocks Rogue to the ground with a kick to her knee. Selina pounces on top of Rogue as she removes a glove and frantically tries to grab a part of her body that isn't covered by a rubbery cat costume. Catwoman is prepared to claw the X-Woman to death when she gets a better look at Rogue's face — and the crowd of construction workers that had gathered around them. "Looks like the cat's already got your entire face," she says. "Botched chemical peel?" Rogue bursts into tears and Selina extends her hand (with claws retracted).
The Winner: Catwoman and Rogue. After deciding that they'd rather get drunk than rip each other apart while dudes shout "Catfight!" the two women head to a local bar. They spend the rest of the night drinking martinis and making fun of Bruce Wayne's ridiculous Batman voice.
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The actor played Victor Creed, who doubles as mutant Sabretooth, in the 2009 blockbuster opposite his onscreen brother Hugh Jackman in the title role.
Movie bosses are planning to expand the story into a second film, but after a recent dinner with Jackman, Schreiber is worried he may not be asked to reprise his role.
He says, "I just had dinner with (Jackman) last night and Hugh read the first draft of the script and I was really excited about it. It's still not clear whether or not Victor will be present in the Japan storyline. In the Japan storyline as I remember it from the Wolverine comics, Victor wasn't there. So I don't know, of course I've got my fingers crossed because I love the character so much, to have the chance to do it again would be a lot of fun, but I'm not sure."
The second Wolverine movie is slated for a 2011 release.
WHAT IT’S ABOUT?
Rather than going to the well for another X-Men sequel Hugh Jackman’s mutant Wolverine has been spun off into an uneven prequel that tries to explain the character’s origins but somehow misses what we liked about him in the first place. X-Men Origins: Wolverine opens with a flashback to 150 years ago which unveils the relationship between Logan and Victor mutant half-brothers who are forced to run away from home after Logan murders their biological father. After several scenes depicting the brothers’ service in various wars the story settles in around the 1970s where both Victor and Logan are recruited by the devious William Stryker to serve in a mutant army. But Logan spurns Stryker after taking part in a massacre in East Africa and chooses instead to settle down with his girlfriend Kayla Silverfox in the Canadian Rockies. Six years later Victor now Sabretooth shows up and kills her. Logan now Wolverine seeks revenge reluctantly making a deal with Stryker in order to become indestructible. Unfortunately he is double-crossed and uncovers a Stryker/Sabretooth plot to kidnap mutants and use them for no good. He escapes and the chase is on as he tries to stop them — and anyone else in his way — before his memory is erased.
WHO’S IN IT?
It’s the buffed-up Jackman’s show all the way as Wolverine graduates to star status — and that’s exactly the problem. It turns out a little of this guy goes a long way especially when he’s presented in as humorless and unimaginative a manner as the deadly serious approach taken by Hugh (who also co-produced). Jackman acquits himself nicely in the numerous action scenes but fails to make a lasting human connection for Wolverine and the audience. Liev Schreiber is good as Sabretooth but plays it mostly on one note. His three fight scenes opposite Jackman are well-choreographed but become tiring. Danny Huston makes a fine heavy as the evil Stryker while Lynn Collins is lovely as Silverfox adding a nice touch of emotion to this mostly stoic CGI-fest. A promising new group of mutants are also introduced but unfortunately aren't given much to do. Standouts are Ryan Reynolds as the smart-talking Wade Wilson aka Deadpool; rapper will.i.am as John Wraith; and Kevin Durand as the humungous Fred J. Dukes aka The Blob. Durand is especially impressive in a boxing gym scene. Conversely Lost’s Dominic Monaghan receives too little screen time in the role of Bradley.
Wolverine’s CGI effects are predictably top-notch and a couple of big action set pieces are visually arresting including a motorcycle/helicopter chase that may lack credibility but is at least fun to watch.
Lighten up Wolvie. Jackman and everyone else seem to be taking this stuff way too seriously. The humanity that was a hallmark of the previous X-Men films also is largely AWOL and the picture takes a long time to get going. We’re at the 40-minute mark before the claws really start to come out and the psychological mumbo-jumbo stops.
In the lab Stryker promises to make a revenge-seeking Wolverine indestructible but his double-crossing antics only serve to unleash severe rage inspiring great balls of mutant fury as the furious mutant makes his great escape — sans clothing.
WHY YOU SHOULD SIT THROUGH SEVEN MINUTES OF END CREDITS?
For those who think the movie effectively ends when the credits roll here is a “heads up” to hang around.
NETFLIX OR MULTIPLEX?
Since reportedly about 100 000 people downloaded a rough cut when Wolverine was illegally pirated a few weeks ago why not help out poor 20th Century Fox and see it the legal way on the big screen? It’s a big improvement over your iMac.
December 11, 2008 8:37am EST
Liev Schreiber goes psycho this spring.
That is, in his new role as Sabretooth in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. He’s finally opening up about his violent character ...
He calls Sabretooth’s alter-ego Victor Creed “incredibly brutal and feral, has blood-lust unlike any other character I've ever played. This guy is a real killer.”
Luckily he has the help of his longtime friend Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) to play off of in those vicious brawls.
“To do fight scenes with Hugh was really terrific, because as a dancer, he has that kind of discipline and choreography,” he told SuperheroHype.com. “And I always studied to be a fight choreographer, and always wanted to be a dancer too, but didn't quite have the feet for it. But we had some remarkable fight scenes together, and I'm looking forward to people seeing those.”
Schreiber is a longtime fan of the comic books and says he wanted to make the film because he doesn’t “think men really mature intellectually and emotionally beyond 22.”
“I just loved the character of Wolverine,” he explained. “I always have. That sort of deeply ironic and very urban sensibility in a superhero was something that I thought was really groundbreaking. And the style of writing was… particularly the very sort of editorial style. I just always loved it. And I think that we were able to capture some of that darkness in this movie, so I’m very proud of it.”
Jackman helped him along, advising him to “lift weights.” Schreiber confessed, “I did. I lifted weights, and I ate an army of chickens.”
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A scientifically engineered sabretooth tiger, cloned from a prehistoric variety, is inadvertantly released into the wild when its transport truck crashes during transit and begins to menace a wilderness training camp. The scientist and businessman who spearheaded the cloning project quickly hire a big-game hunter to capture their potentially prizewinning and financially lucrative animal alive. During his search, assisted by the wilderness camp guides, the hunter realizes his intended prey is much more than he bargained for.