Well this one’s a real ball buster. Okay, I had to make one inappropriate joke and I made it; I’ll stop now, I promise. Remember when MTV announced that they were going to drop Snooki inside of their own New Year’s Eve ball in New York? Apparently that didn’t sit well with the City of New York, because they’ve announced that the pickle-loving (no that’s not a euphemism), half-pint Jersey Shore star will not drop in an alternate NYE ball in Times Square. Apparently the reality show spin on the NYE ball is tainting the legacy of the official one, officiated by Dick Clark and Mayor Bloomberg. I can hear fist pumping hearts breaking everywhere.
Will they just relocate the ball? Will they still try to set the record for having the greatest number of people fist pumping at one time? I don’t think they’ll have trouble with that first one, but MTV’s headquarters and NYE celebration have been in Times Square for years, so I’m guessing they’re just going to drop the ball from the celebration this time. Whoops, another lame joke slipped in there. I guess I lied.
Source: Huffington Post
A Beginner's Jersey Shore Glossary
After many months of waiting, MTV's trashy pop culture sensation Jersey Shore has mercifully returned to us. Though the location has changed, from Seaside Heights to Miami, the formula remains the same: four girls and four guys - for whom the word 'guido' is not only complimentary but has become an entire way of life - live together in a house and party and fight. Oh, and they're supposed to be working or something too, but that's unimportant. It's a pretty uncomplicated setup. However, if you're coming to the show for the first time, there is a fair amount of Jersey Shore vernacular that you'll need to learn if you don't want to miss a moment of nuance or subtlety in the cast's repartee. To that end we offer here a primer to get you started:
A dance style that arises organically in response to House/techno music, it is characterized by rhythmic, frenetic movements, fist pumping, and hitting the ground with fists as the tempo increases. Explains 'DJ' Pauly D: "We’re beatin’-up-the-beat, that’s what we say when we’re doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we’re banging it as the beat builds ‘cause that beat’s hittin’ us so we’re fightin’ back, it’s like we beat up that beat."
A men's hairstyle popular with many self-described "guidos," the blowout involves hair faded from the bottom up and spiked in chunks using large amounts of gel, often dried using a blowdryer to achieve the 'blown out' appearance. The popularity of the hairstyle peaked in the early 2000s, but has recently re-entered the popular lexicon thanks to Pauly D, who not only proudly sports the look but has produced a viral video with tips on how to create and maintain a blowout.
Used to describe an unappealing female, especially one with an unattractive face. Not to be confused with 'Hippo' (see below).
To stalk or otherwise lecherously hit on a member of the opposite sex, often when one or both parties are under the influence of alcohol, in order to initiate sexual intercourse (see 'Smush' and 'Pound it Out' below).
Fist pump (n)
A simple yet popular dance move characterized by the pumping action of the fist into the air at regular intervals. May constitute an element of 'Battling' (see above).
The less attractive friend in a pair of females, given to a 'bro' or 'wingman' so that his friend may attempt to hook up with the 'grenade's' more attractive counterpart. Most commonly the 'grenade' is either 'busted' or a 'hippo,' though her unattractiveness may only be relative to her friend. Conceptually, the term is related to the heroic wartime act wherein a soldier throws himself on a live grenade in order to save his fellows.
An acronym popularized by Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino for 'Gym, Tanning, and Laundry.' Used to express the notion that extreme physical fitness (which may include steroid use), prolonged tanning (often using a tanning bed), and recently laundered clothing are crucial for effectively 'creeping' on girls, especially if the objective is intercourse.
Guido, Guidette (n)
A derogatory term for lower class Italian Americans, 'guido' has been reclaimed by some as a point of pride, even a way of life. In the current vernacular, 'guido' refers to young Italian American men with a penchant for macho posturing, working out, protein and/or steroids, muscle shirts, gelled hair, fake tans, and nightclubs. They often have a gaudy personal style and tend to hail from the Tri-State area. Guidette's are similarly self-identified, and are largely characterized by their extreme attachment to their male counterparts. Beyond their attraction to guidos, guidettes tend to use large amounts of makeup and spray tan, wear tight or revealing clothing, and also enjoy Tri-State nightclubbing. They may become aggressive or confrontational if provoked.
An overweight female, who may or may not also be 'busted' (see above).
Juice head (n)
A 'guido' who works out constantly, usually with the assistance of protein shakes and steroids, and displays a body builder-like physique. Often irresistible to 'guidettes' (see above).
A women's hairstyle first popularized in 18th century France, the Pouf has been modernized and generally involves the hair being pulled back and layered on top of the head in a kind of bump. On 'Jersey Shore,' this style is frequently worn by Nicole "Snookie" Polizzi, who is largely responsible for bringing her signature pouf into the mainstream.
Pound it out (v)
To engage in sexual intercourse (see 'Smush')
The act of stealing a girl that a friend is 'creeping' on or has been hooking up with, most frequently while said friend is in the bathroom or going up to the bar to get another drink. This has been known to provoke confrontations, for example: "How do I taste, bro? How does my dick taste, bro? Congratulations on my sloppy seconds" (Vinny, responding to "The Situation's" act of robbery).
Ron Ron Juice (n)
A potent alcoholic cocktail consisting of watermelon, cherries, cranberry juice and copious amounts of vodka blended with ice. Named after its inventor, Ronnie, who says of his namesake: "Oh, the Ron-Ron Juice is the shit that gets the night going. I mean whenever that shit comes out it's always a filthy night."
Situation, The (n)
Cast member Michael Sorrentino's self-designated nickname. The term originated as a euphemism for his abdominal muscles, but quickly came to be an appropriate replacement for his given name. Sorrentino often refers to himself in the third person as "The Situation," despite the term's ultimately ineffable nature: "Yo, I mean, this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into with The Situation."
To engage in sexual intercourse (see 'Pound it out'). As in, "we smushed" (Ronnie, on his relationship with Sammie). Alternative spelling: 'smoosh.'
Stage Five Clinger (n)
A former hookup (or simply someone towards whom one has previously displayed a modicum of interest) who subsequently becomes overly emotionally attached, calling constantly, becoming possessive, and even stalking.
To feel a mutual attraction with a potential hookup. This may lead to 'smushing' or possibly 'pounding it out.'
It feels like quite a long time since our eyes have been assaulted with a fist pump, a GTL session, or a conversation on the infamous duck phone. And in truth, it has! The last time we saw the Jersey Shore members in their native habitat was in December – almost 8 months ago! Nobody’s meant to go that long without a pouf or a night slamming shots from a neon glowing test tube on the beach. It goes against the genetic components of our species.
But luckily for us, the last 8 months of our lives haven’t been completely devoid of the shore and its mysteriously colored dwellers. In fact, we’ve seen them in quite a few places! Let’s take a look at how each member of the shore has grown, and sometimes, even taken steps off in their own directions.
We'll start with arguably the show’s biggest star, The Situation. Since the first season of the show ended, the Situation began the process of releasing his own ab workout DVD, so he could make the abdominals even more popular than when Videodrome was released. Filming the DVD has wrapped and now the Sitch is pursuing a career as a rapper (the song below, we can hopefully assume, was just practice) and is looking to perform in a duet with Enrique Iglesias -- who, totally randomly and surprisingly, is a fan of the show. In his spare time, the Sitch supervises a group of major nerds called “lawyers” who assist him in trademarking his nickname, relives his glory days on an MTV show called “When I Was 17,” and tries and figure out how he can spin his life into a fantastic story like Princess Diana, but without having to die first. (It’s not me saying that…it’s him!)
Our dear Snooki is pretty busy, too. She’s become a spokeswoman for TWO products: Dr. Siegel’s heavenly Cookie Diet – which has helped her lose 10 pounds – and for Sunlove Tanning's and goos and lathers. Additionally, when she’s not holding photo shoots with her significant juicehead in Rockefeller Center, she’s trademarking her name so she can release a series of books that may or may not be more entertaining than any of R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps. She’s also about to come out with some hair products, which even though is her most boring endeavor, will probably give her the most bank.
JWoww is joyfully skipping down the road of skankified couture. Her line, called Filthy Courture, can be bought online and can be shipped so its delivery coincides with your the arrival of your Penis Gummies and that “massager” that you’ll swear to your mother is just for your neck. She’s also penned (or posed for Maxim while someone else wrote it) called Never Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore, because it wasn’t already clear when Ronnie K.O.ed that guy on the boardwalk.
Pauly D. and his Italian flag bedazzled Macbook Pro have hosted numerous events in NYC (in January he spun at Sutton Place and he’s had several dance parties since then) and he’s even come out with his own uplifting tune, “Beat Dat Beat," as heard below. At the moment that I’m writing this, it does not have a spot on iTunes’ Top 200 Singles chart. But some intern probably screwed it up and I bet they’re fixing it as we speak, because how can a nominee for the award “America’s Best DJ” not have a coveted spot?
Ronnie hasn’t done much. He has, however, capitalized on the book that he and JWoww released.
Sammi hasn’t exactly been collecting sweat on her brow in back-to-back business meetings, either.
Angelina, who I can’t decide if is important to the show or not but I’m leaning towards not, told Radar Online she’s following in Pauly D. and the Situation’s footsteps by recording a song called “All About Me.” She’s also developing an iPhone app, called “Score a Shore Girl.” You know, because they have standards that not everyone knows about.
And last but not least, Vinny still plans on heading off to Yale or Harvard to learn about law. How boring.