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Whether you loved the way it neatly wrapped things up or hated the cheesy fairy tale ending it gave the series, the epilogue to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has been, for the most part, the only real glimpse that fans got at the lives of Harry, Ron, and Hermione after their time at Hogwarts concluded. Though many have been able to get their fix of the Wizarding World through the snippets that J.K. Rowling has posted on Pottermore, she's been silent on the fate of the Golden Trio and the rest of Dumbledore's Army... until Tuesday morning, that is. In honor of the Quidditch World Cup — which conveniently coincides with the muggle world's World Cup — the author has released a series of short stories and mock articles about the game, its history, and now its famous spectators.
But while the always reliable Rita Skeeter has filled us in on what Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny have been up to in the years since school (working as an Auror, helping George run Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, working up the ranks in the Ministry, and becoming a Quidditch reporter, respectively), there are still so many more characters whose fates were not addressed. In fact, Rita's article brings up more questions than answers, since everything it reveals leaves us wanting to know more about the Wizarding World. On the off chance that Rowling is looking for inspiration for another Pottermore update, we'd recommend she start by tackling some of these burning questions:
Where’s Draco Malfoy? We don’t expect Draco to be hanging out with Dumbledore’s Army any more now than he did when they were all at Hogwarts, but does Rowling really expect us to believe that he would pass up any opportunity to swan around a VIP area and brag about his success, real or exaggerated? Surely, if everyone were gathering at the World Cup, he would be there, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle and ready to start a fight, just as he always was. Draco Malfoy never shies away from a potential spotlight.
Did Lee Jordan Ever Make It as a Quidditch Announcer? Perhaps the greatest sports announcers – real or fictional – of all time, Lee Jordan had a gift for adding color and sass to even the most boring of calls, and even if Professor McGonagall didn’t appreciate his admittedly biased reporting, readers certainly did. It’s hard to imagine a career that suits the Weasley twins’ former partner-in-crime better.
How Does Rita Have Trouble Telling the Weasley Boys Apart? They might all have red hair, freckles and hand-me-down clothes, but all of the Weasley boys are distinct entities, and if she’s already got Ron and Bill down, it shouldn’t be too difficult for her to figure out the other three. Here’s a cheat sheet: if he looks self-important, slightly nerdy, and wears glasses, it’s Percy; if he’s ruggedly handsome and desert-worn, it’s Charlie, and if he has one ear, is constantly joking around and seems like there should be another one of him standing right there, it’s George.
Has Luna Mellowed Out Since School? Rita seems intrigued by Luna’s World Cup outfit, but we’re a little disappointed by it. What happened to the elaborate roaring lion’s head she broke out for a Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match in the sixth book? Where are her radish earrings or her Spectrespecs or her colorful shoes? This is the tamest Luna costume we’ve seen, and it makes us a bit worried that she’s lost some of her unique, spacey edge.
What Did Hannah Abbott Do Before She Married Neville? The epilogue revealed a bit about what the other potential Boy Who Lived has been up to since school has ended, but we know next to nothing about the new Mrs. Longbottom. What were her school years like? What did she get her OWLs in? How did she and Neville meet and fall in love? How long have they been married? What did she do for work before deciding to become a Healer and move to Hogwarts with Neville? Forget the Marauders; we want to hear a lot more about Neville and Hannah.
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Where’s Angelina Johnson? There’s no way that the former Gryffindor Captain would let her husband George Weasley attend the Quidditch World Cup without her. After all, this is the one person who was as obsessed with the sport as Oliver Wood, who captained the team with a drive and determination that would have made even her predecessor request a day off. The only possibly explanation, therefore, is that she’s a Chaser on the English National Team and was getting ready for the match at the time Rita observed her friends.
Is Hagrid Still Working at Hogwarts? That mention of Neville and Hannah hoping to move to the school’s grounds reminded us of the only non-dormitory living quarters we’ve seen: Hagrid’s hut. So, naturally, we’re curious as to what the Wizarding World’s foremost foster parent to dangerous animals is up to now. Is he still working as the Keeper of the Keys and Grounds? Did he and Madame Maxime ever manage to work things out? Did he ever get his pet dragon? For the sake of everyone else on the Hogwarts grounds, we’re hoping the answer to that last one is still “no.”
Is Professor McGonagall Still Headmaster? She was, after all, the natural successor to Dumbledore. And more importantly, is she still the toughest, kindest, smartest, most sensible and admirable woman in the Wizarding World? Actually, we can just answer that one ourselves. She definitely is.
Who’s the Current Minister of Magic? We know that the Department of Magical Transportation falls under Percy’s jurisdiction, and that Hermione is, as expected, quickly working her way up the ranks at the Ministry, and is currently the Deputy Head of Magical Law Enforcement. But what we don’t know is who Hermione would potentially be outsing as Minister of Magic, should she ascend to the position. Last we heard, it was Kingsley Shacklebolt, but knowing the Wizarding World as well as we do, it’s entirely possible that power has changed hands since then.
Who Is Still Hiring Rita Skeeter as a Writer? Was the Daily Prophet so desperate for subscriptions that they kept her on? Or does the Wizarding World have its own version of TMZ, where Rita can write and publish all of the gossip her QuickQuotesQuill can possibly come up with? Is there a publication out there that could keep up with the sheer number of slander lawsuits she’s probably had filed against her?
Charlie Weasley Is Basically the Wizarding World’s Equivalent of George Clooney, Right? Handsome bachelor, more focused on his glamorous job than his love life, unlikely to settle down any time soon, but making people swoon everywhere he goes? All Charlie needs is a villa in Italy, and they’d be the exact same person.
Spike Jonze, the director of the critically acclaimed Her, turned to the pit of tech obsession that is Reddit on Friday. He was thorough and thoughtful in his answers, the best of which you can read here.
On the inspiration for Her: "The idea I guess I originally had almost 10 years ago, from when I had an IM chat with an artificial program online, and it was really limited obviously, it was Alicebot or one of those things (I can't remember what the name was exactly). And from that I had the initial idea of a man having a relationship with an artificial intelligence program. But then it was probably wasn't until 5 years later that I started thinking about it more as a way to write about relationships, and trying to understand them."
His favorite animated films: "The first one I thought of was WALL-E. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, probably most of Pixar's stuff, Pixar's an amazing company, where creative really comes first. It's really unique to see a company that big whose decisions are driven so creatively."
The inspiration for the "Praise You" music video: "The love of dance. And wanting to share it with as many people in front of the movie theater as possible."
On the character of Samantha in Her: "I think the way we approached in writing it and working on it with Joaquin and Scarlett was to not differentiate her feelings from our feelings. We tried to approach her as her own fully sentient and conscious being with her own sets of needs and insecurities and doubts as you were saying. The obvious difference is that she doesn't have a physical form. And we explore the complications of that. And also, I was exploring the idea of how you don't really know what exactly she is, and can Joaquin / Theodore give himself over to that. And how that's similar to how we don't fully ever know how anyone exactly sees the world from their own subjective view, and the people we're closest to have their own experience of the world that we'll never truly know. And thank you for your thoughtful question."
The person whose head he would like to inhabit: "I am curious what it would be like inside George W. Bush's head. I find him kind of sweet and sad. Have you seen his paintings? 15 minutes would probably be enough though."
On directing Nicolas Cage in Adaptation: "You know what was wild about working with Nic on that movie, was that he just gave himself over completely. I asked him when we I asked him when we were in rehearsal how he liked to work and how he liked to be directed and he said, completely genuinely, "I want to work however you work."'
On the fashion of Her: "The mustache and the name Theodore and the pants came from the idea that oftentimes fashion and naming children and style goes in cycles, and having elements from the 1920's come back in style seemed like an interesting way to create the future. And Theodore and his mustache came from Theodore Roosevelt. Sarah Vowell loves Theodore Roosevelt and talks about him a lot."
On the Seth Rogan parody of Her: "I just saw it! Someone just sent it to me, actually Judd just sent it to me. Did I just namedrop Judd? Yes. It's awesome. Seth Rogen is one funny man. Thank you Seth for honoring us with your absurdity!"
On the future of Her:"...But you know, the ideas behind the design were that we were trying to create a world where everything felt warm, and comfortable, easy, accessible, but even in a world where you seemingly have everything you'd want, there's still loneliness and longing and the need to connect. That seems like a particularly contemporary form of melancholy. So early on in design, KK Barrett (our production designer) and I decided that we weren't going to worry about being futurists in any way in terms of technology and design, and let ourselves create a future design aesthetic that excited us and pleased us."
On working with Arcade Fire on Her: "I gotta say as a fan of Arcade Fire, it was pretty special to be working with them in their studio in Montreal, the way they wrote the music was very communal and we would all sit around and watch scenes and whoever had an idea would pick up an instrument and start playing it."
On fonts: "Helvetica's the best! What other typeface can compete?"
On casting Joaquin Phoenix: "Joaquin was my first choice, and at first I wasn't sure if he was right for this character but I knew he'd be amazingly compelling to watch onscreen. I love him as an actor, he's so alive, and I knew that in a movie where you're watching one person onscreen essentially he would be really compelling. But I wasn't sure if he'd be right for this character. But I saw this interview of him on Letterman where he went on to apologize for being such a lunatic the year before when he "quit acting to be a rapper", and in the interview Letterman was giving him a real hard time, and he was embarrassed and laughing and apologizing and Letterman kept saying "So you used this footage from my show and you said it was a documentary, so you didn't have to pay for it, but it wasn't a documentary, turns out it was a scripted movie, so I guess you guys owe me a million dollars?" And Joaquin was laughing, and they kept pushing him, and eventually Joaquin said 'Can't we just talk about this after the show?'"
Read the rest of the AMA on Reddit.
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Once upon a time, in a very far-away land, there existed a place called the hangout, where friends gathered once a week to vent, good-naturedly bitch, and work out real-life problems (see love, death, paternity, and yes, even murder) over a beer, coffee or cup of soup at a table or booth that was always conveniently empty whenever they came in. Here are some of the best TV hangouts we wish were in our own neighborhood.
Saved by The Bell practically started the hip hangout. Kelly, Screech, Zach and Slater (and the other ones) met up after school at probably the most innocent of all hangouts, The Max. Come on, what high school student is allowed to spend that much time away from home?!
Beverly Hills 90210 (the original) began its days with the almost equally innocent Peach Pit, until Steve Sanders opened The Peach Pit After Dark (enter Tiffiani Amber Thesan). Many dramatic nights ensued in the nightclub: fighting, crying, spousal abuse, dancing, even od’ing. Then there was that time the Flaming Lips played there. That was weird.
Life doesn’t get much cooler than the basement of Ted’s apartment in How I Met Your Mother. He lives above MacLaren's, a bar where Lily, Marshall, Barney and Robin meet almost every day to...well, Barney goes there to get laid.
Living above a bar might be hip, but what about living in the bar? Revenge’s Stowaway Tavern does more than host a litany of dramatic scenes between the rich and poverty stricken; it also houses the sometimes object of Emily Throne's affection, the Revenge-hungry and grief stricken Jack Porter.
The Simpsons’ Moe’s Tavern, where television’s most loved and hated cartoons join to grab a beer. Though it's rumored to never have been cleaned, it’s curious that every beer glass is always crystal clear.
Before the days of cell phones, Seinfeld’s Jerry, Eileen, George or Kramer could always find solace in a friend at their booth at Monk’s Café, no matter how weird things got...and they got weird. Fun fact: the real New York City landmark that the show used as the outside establishing shot of Monk's was a diner called Tom's, the same place Suzanne Vega wrote her hit "Tom's Diner" in.
And probably the most famous of all...I’ll give you one guess. Cheers. It’s all too true, sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name.
Lindsay Lohan is "off the booze" and "doing great" following her recent stint in rehab, according to her friend Max George. The Mean Girls star finished a court-ordered stint in a treatment centre at the end of July (13), but sparked fears for her sobriety when she was spotted partying with British boyband The Wanted in California just days after her release.
Bandmember George, who was rumoured to have enjoyed a fling with Lohan, has now revealed he called her and invited her to one of their shows so he could find out how she was doing post-rehab.
He tells Britain's Daily Star, "We called her to make sure she was OK and she ended up coming to the show in Los Angeles. She's off the booze and doing great."
George's bandmate Jay McGuiness adds, "We were curious about what rehab was like. She said there was lots of therapy and lots of talking to screwed-on people and learning about other people's problems."
Break out the midi-chlorian test kits! And also the jokes about "the Force being strong with this one."
George Lucas and new wife Mellody Hobson have welcomed their first child together into the world, a baby girl named Everest, who was delivered August 9 via surrogate. It's the first biological child for both, Lucas having previously adopted several children in the 1980s, all of whom made cameos in the Star Wars prequel films.
That begs the question: can we expect to see Everest in Star Wars: Episode IX in around 2020? It could be a cameo like her siblings, or maybe she'll be the Jaden to George's Will. Either way, the name Everest is instantly mythic, conjuring up a vision of life just begging to follow the outline of "The Hero's Journey" as outlined by one of the key influences on Lucas' life: Joseph Campbell. I mean, like Luke Skywalker, Lucas' daughter has one major inheritance waiting for her. Here's how we see Everest's life unfolding, according to the Monomyth:
1. The Call to Adventure — Everest will grow up in Marin County comfort, taking solace in her father's collection of plaid shirts, Norman Rockwell paintings, and a few zillion dollars. George has achieved true independence, financially and cinematically at the Skywalker Ranch, where he can finally make "small, experimental films" away from the bright lights of Hollywood. However, Everest may be drawn to those bright lights...
2. The Refusal of the Call — But, tempted though she may be by Hollywood, Everest may at first prefer Northern California security to SoCal adventure.
3. The Seizing of the Sword — Her father gives her a prop lightsaber with his blessing to appear in at least a cameo in Star Wars Episode IX, maybe as a youngling in Luke Skywalker's Yavin IV Jedi Academy.
4. The Crossing of the First Threshold — She sets forth with Hollywood as her goal. But as her father predicted, she finds Hollywood, like Alderaan before it, destroyed by ballooning production budgets and unrealistically high ticket prices. Also, it turns out Star Wars Episode IX is shooting in England, not L.A., which George knew but insisted that Everest discover for herself.
5. Belly of the Whale — She finds herself stuck in Hollywood at the mercy of Bacchanales hosted by older, world-weary Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and nearly loses herself. She also discovers for the first time the decades-long backlash against her father, including the curious insistence that "he is more machine now than man."
6. The Road of Trials — J.J. Abrams, in disguise in a suit of stormtrooper armor, rescues her from Hollywood Babylon and takes her to England to work on Episode IX. But the road is frought with lens flares, unnecessarily shaky camerawork, and a Death Star inexplicably painted red. Because J.J. Abrams cannot tell a coherent story without a giant red ball as a MacGuffin. (Yes, the fact that there was no giant red ball in Star Trek Into Darkness means that I am saying that film lacked a coherent story.)
7. The Meeting With the Goddess — Um, Carrie Fisher, reprising her role as Princess Leia? She'll be a great mentor!
8. Woman as Temptress — Um, Carrie Fisher, reprising her role as Wishful Drinking Princess Leia? She'll be a bad influence.
9. Atonement with the Father — Everest realizes that her Star Wars journey was all about trying to understand her father better and appreciate his gifts. But really, she wants a bigger role in Episode IX.
10. Apotheosis — Everest achieves said goal with larger role, but the "daughter of a famous director who's turned to acting" backlash she suffers, a la Sofia Coppola, humbles her. So does the Razzie nomination. This is her uncertain Empire Strikes Back moment, except that Episode IX is considered to be a far cry from The Empire Strikes Back.
11. The Ultimate Boon — Her acting career now in a place of uncertainty, Everest does find success, but not in the way she had expected: by following in the footsteps of Clint Eastwood's daughters as the star of a hilarious new reality show starring she and her parents called The Ranch.
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The Daily Show and The Colbert Report were back on the air last night after taking a two-week break, just in time for the hosts to voice their opinions on the George Zimmerman verdict. Jon Stewart’s temporary stand-in John Oliver was unsurprisingly appalled at Zimmerman’s acquittal, and attacked Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law.
“That is what makes this so much worse,” Oliver said. “That we can get a verdict like this not because the system is broken down, but because the system worked exactly as it’s designed.”
After suggesting that Florida change its motto to “The Worst State,” Oliver asked, “If Florida’s laws are so flawed as to let a tragic event like this go unpunished, what, I wonder, are they going to do about it?” This was followed by a news clip explaining that the Stand Your Ground law is unlikely to change.
On The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert’s right-wing character was satisfied with the verdict, “calling it a victory for the rule of law, in that Florida apparently no longer has rules or laws.”
He also stated that racial inequality was a thing of the past, and that white people and black people are now tied, having accumulated the same amount of points over the years. (“Jazz clearly a point for African-Americans, but white people get a point for smooth jazz.”)
Even though both hosts did a great job breaking down the decision, we're still curious what Jon Stewart would have to say about this whole thing.
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Here is a story about a young man named Justin Bieber and his monkey.
Justin was curious about monkeys. One day, he bought a baby capuchin monkey and they became the best of friends.
But having a monkey isn't as easy as Justin thought. Monkeys don't like speeding around in Lamborghinis and they can't enter Germany without the proper vaccinations. Justin's smile turned upside down.
Then he had an idea! "What if I just leave this monkey in quarantine in Munich? Then I can go on my world tour and post photos of my ex-girlfriend on Instagram so people think we're back together!"
The monkey was taken to solitary confinement and Justin rode off into the sunset to sing simplistic pop songs to screaming tweenage girls.
But then, Germany came calling. "Come get your monkey before midnight on Friday!" they bellowed. "Or we'll send him to a zoo where the keepers will love him and care for him with their extensive knowledge of exotic animal care."
"Whatevs," said Bieber, in an email to the Germans as he tried to skip along in his constrictive harem pants.
"Fine then," Germany said in a menacing tone. "We'll give your monkey a good home and keep him happy, but you have to pay us thousands of dollars for taking care of him for those two months."
Justin just shrugged, put on his favorite yellow hat, and dashed away through a tunnel of yelping girls.
Obviously, the quotes in this story didn't happen. But Bieber really did abandon his monkey in Germany, and he did communicate that he's giving up the monkey. It's Bieber, not the monkey, who deserves a spanking for that.
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I can’t believe that the TV season is already coming to a close! It feels like just a few weeks ago we were eagerly anticipating all of our favorite shows to return to the magical boxes in our living rooms, and now we have to endure the long months of summer before we see our favorite primetime hits again. But while we prepare to bid adieu to some of our favorites — yes, I’m looking at you Suburgatory — we also get to say hello to some new deliciously dark dramas.
This week’s edition of Leanne’s Spoiler List has a lovely selection of five fantastic shows from all over the TV spectrum. Ready to know about this week’s killer prom on The Vampire Diaires? Read on for all the details on the gorgeous gowns and dangerous decisions. I chatted with the always wonderful Emilie de Ravin about Belle’s darker alter ego in this week’s all-new Once Upon a Time and caught up with the star of Awkward to bring you scoop on this season’s drastic character changes. Hannibal’s leading man Mads Mikkelsen reveals Dr. Lecter’s taste in women and I watched the world’s most perfect season finale on Suburgatory. Oh, and did I mention there's a lightning round?
1. The Vampire Diaries: Prom Problems
It's finally prom time for our favorite Mystic Falls seniors on The Vampire Diaries, but it's a bittersweet occasion considering at least half of everybody's friends and family are dead. Plus, there's that pesky business of Elena having turned her humanity off. The show returns Thursday at 8PM on The CW for "Pictures of You," the first of five brand-new episodes leading up to the Season 4 finale on May 16.
Since this is The Vampire Diaries we're talking about, there's a lot I can't tell you about what happens. But here's what I can reveal: Early in the episode, Caroline deems this year's prom a "friend dance." It's the perfect name, considering there are some lovely bonding moments between all of the seniors (except the friends Elena has shunned since her No Humanity thing). And shippers, take note: There's Klaroline, Steroline, (all of the -olines, basically), Delena, Stelena, and other coupled-up moments galore. Squee!
Let's see, what else can I tell you? Rebekah, the poor, dance-deprived Original, finally gets to a school dance. For real! And she looks great. Meanwhile, Bonnie learns some very important things about her magic (yes, they're Silas-related), and a prom king and queen are crowned — yes, we know them. Finally, just to get you ultra-excited for the episode, I'll leave you with this: You will see some familiar faces you might not expect. Yes, that was purposefully cryptic. No, I can't tell you any more!
2. Suburgatory: What a Perfect Finale Looks Like
There are many reasons why I completely adore ABC’s quirky comedy Suburgatory. In addition to the giggle-worthy characters and the amazing one-liners I also love their theme song — It’s so catchy! So you can imagine my delight when I was watching tonight’s season finale (Airing at 8PM!) and I heard a beautiful rendidtion of “Pleasant Nightmare,” song by the incredibly hunky Jeremy Sisto — like father like daughter, right?! I can’t reveal when or why George is gracing us with a song, but I can tell you that I definitely got a little misty-eyed. (Okay fine I was totally crying!)
I hate the fact that after tonight’s special two episode season finale, I will have to endure many Suburgatory-free months until next season. (Fingers crossed!) But luckily, the powers that be in Chatswin are sending fans off with one ass-kicking, truth-revealing, game-changing season finale. Be prepared for a change of scenery — and I hope you like leather!
Since so many amazing things are going to happen tonight, I’m going to give you a lightening round of spoilers: Noah is going to get his revenge on Dr. Bob and it is terrifyingly creative. Tessa and Dalia have the best girl on girl TV fight that I have seen in a long time. (Think Kill Bill but with the return of the “lesbian boots” from the pilot!) Ryan Shay will take your breath away with his silent sexiness, and let’s just say I’m curious about bathroom floors now. Lastly we’ll see a familiar face return to Chatswin just in time, and learn a shocking secret about one of our favorite couples.
3. Once Upon a Time: Racy Lacey
It’s finally almost here! After weeks and weeks of magic-free TV, Once Upon a Time finally returns to our lives this Sunday with a brand-new spellbinding episode. On Friday, I’ll be giving Once fans a more in depth article on what to expect from “Lacey,” but for now — to get you all as excited as I am — I just got off the phone with the incredibly sweet Emilie de Ravin to find out all the details on Belle’s new alterego, and just have to spill some secrets!
As all Rumbelle fans know, when we last saw Belle she was wearing a hospital gown, completely stripped of her memories. Luckily, in this Sunday’s episode her memories are restored — but unfortunately, they aren’t Belle’s memories. “Regina gave [Belle] this false memory to once again mess with Mr. Gold, and take away the one thing he loves," de Ravin explains. So, everyone, — let’s say hello to Lacey! De Ravin explains that Lacey is the complete opposite of the Disney princess we’ve all come to know and love.
“Compared to Belle she’s very free-spirited," she says. "She a smart girl, but she doesn’t want adventure and she doesn’t care about books. She’d rather hang out at the Rabbit Hole and drink and play pool." I also made sure to clarify an important distinction — we’ve seen in the past that Belle is very much about book smarts, so is it safe to assume that Lacey is more partial to street smarts?
“Ooh completely!" de Ravin says. "That’s a very good analogy. Belle will have a cup of tea, Lacey will have a double Jack on the rocks. Maybe three.” Oh, I can’t wait to meet her!
For more details on Rumple’s plan to restore Belle’s rightful memory and scoop on the fairytale flashbacks, check back to Hollywood.com Friday morning!
4. Awkward: More Mother/Daughter Bonding
How crazy was the Season 3 premiere of Awkward on Tuesday?! Not only is Ricky Schwartz no longer going to be ruining lives at PHHS, but we survived a almost-pregnancy-scare with Jenna, too! Thanks to Jake’s big mouth, things are now rocky between Matty — who now knows the truth —and Jenna. I caught up with the Awkward cast last week, and star Ashley Rickards told me that Jenna is not mad that the secret came out. “I don’t think that it was even a thought-out decision that she turned to Jake," she says. "I think that he was just there, and it just came out because she trusted him and their relationship."
Despite the fact that Jake might be regretting his “Jenna 4 Eva” tattoo right about now, there are bigger problems heading to our quirky heroine. Rickards told me that fans are going to see Jenna going to a much darker place this season. “I think she has spent two seasons trying to get where she is in life," she says. “There comes a point ... where she’s forced to wonder if this person is who she is — the person she wants to be. It’s sort of the first time she’s going to make some decisions that don’t turn out in her best interest.” Yikes!
At least we know that Jenna’s relationship with her mother is finally in a much better place, and Rickards teases that this relationship is really going to become important to Jenna’s dark days this season. “Between the letter and everything, what tore them apart also brings them closer," she explains. "They’re going to lean on each other — and subsequently Jenna is going to be leaning on Lacey’s fake boobs — a lot more this season.” Aww. Well, true to the show’s theme, that sounds awkwardly nice.
5. Hannibal: Deliciously Dark
If you're not watching NBC's smart, sick new drama Hannibal, you're totally missing out. Not only does it feature jaw-dropping performances from the likes of Hugh Dancy (swoon!) and Laurence Fishburne, but its lead Mads Mikkelsen offers a unique perspective on a well-tread serial killer that will have you both disgusted and mesmerized at the same time.
Although he's a horrible murderer, Hannibal's relationship with the other leads is quite fascinating — and when Jack Crawford (Fishburne)'s wife (Gina Torres) shows up as a patient in Dr. Lecter's practice who is dealing with cancer, we'll find out just how empathetic he can be. "[The cancer is] something that touches Hannibal," Mikkelsen tells Hollywood.com. "He likes to see emotions. He likes to see when people have emotions for certain things. He does have empathy — even though it is an act, a lot of it, he also… believes that this is sad. And his advice is sometimes very useful. It's not all a spin."
But despite his sympathy and compassion for Jack's wife, don't count on Hannibal getting a romantic lead of his own anytime soon — for very good reason! (Ahem, he eats people). Though the movie iteration of the character was drawn to Jodie Foster, it's more of a je ne sais quoi in women's personalities than a sexual attraction, Mikkelsen explains. "He finds them delicious," the actor says of women with a laugh. "I'm not sure [being in a relationship is] something he misses, but it's all very complicated. I think that we'll see more of [his relationship with women] — it's there in the first season, but we'll see more of it [down the line]." Eeek! Run away ladies!
Are you excited to see our favorite vampires at their senior prom? Intrigued to meet Lacey this week on Once Upon a Time? Sad to see Surburgatory go? Tell me everything in the comments below!
—Additional Reporting by Jean Bentley and Shaunna Murphy
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This post is for Game of Thrones fans who have read A Storm of Swords. If you haven't read the book stop reading this post immediately. I refuse to be held responsible for any spoilers that may result by failing to heed my warning.
Fans of George R. R. Martin's A Song of Fire and Ice series are well aware that A Storm of Swords (the third installment) is a doozy. Main characters are slain with wild abandon and the novel's events fundamentally alter the course of the series — in the span of roughly 1200 pages, we lose two kings, a queen mother, a Hand of the King, and an actual hand (just to name some highlights). How on earth is HBO going to pull that all off?
The easy answer is: they're not. It's widely known that A Storm of Swords will be covered over the course of two seasons — which is great news, considering not only how much ground they have to cover, but also that a main criticism of Season 2 was that there was too much stuff in each episode. With Season 3 we will hopefully have a little bit more room to breathe.
But let's get down to it. What exactly can we expect in Season 3, and where will the big finale leave us? Of course, I don't know exactly what executive producers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have in store, but there are some clues (this list of episode names being a big tip-off) and I do have some opinions.
To tackle the big question mark first (and then work a little bit backwards): Where will Season 3 end? We know that Episode 9 is called "The Rains of Castamere," so I would put money on seeing the Red Wedding — and the demise of Robb Stark, Catelyn Stark, and a hefty portion of the Northmen — in the penultimate episode. I'm thinking, therefore, that the finale will feature the other disastrous wedding, that of Joffrey Baratheon to Margaery Tyrell, and all the scratching, clawing, choking, and screaming that goes along with it.
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That means all of the glorious Tyrion/Tywin drama, as well as Sansa's time in the Vale, will be left for Season 4. I'm already anticipating the wonder that will be that final scene of Tywin on his chamber pot.
Now, if you've read A Storm of Swords — which, if you've gotten this far into my article, you must have — then you already know what happens in the book. Therefore, I'm not going to rehash plot points here (Wikipedia does that amazingly well), but rather raise some of the major questions I have in regards to how the show will handle things this season. While Season 1 used Martin's A Game of Thrones as its gospel, we began to see quite a bit of deviation from the source material in the show's second season. How will these changes effect things going forward? Here's a character-by-character breakdown of my predictions for Season 3.
The LannistersIf Tyrion's big showdown with Tywin is held for Season 4, as I predict, then this season will have to get Tyrion to a place where he is capable of killing his father. Season 2 left Tyrion maimed and forgotten after his heroic charge at the Battle of the Blackwater. As Tywin refuses to acknowledge not only Tyrion's competence as interim Hand of the King but his mere existence, Tyrion will grow increasingly frustrated, angry, and, ultimately, murderous. Of course, the final straw will be when Tyrion is arrested following Joffrey's murder at the end of the season.
The wildcard in the Tyrion/Tywin plotline, I believe, will be Shae. The Shae the show has given us is smart, perceptive, and — most importantly — compassionate. She also has a budding, protective friendship with Sansa. For Tyrion's murder of Tywin to play out as it does in the books, Shae is going to have to spiral into darkness. I just don't see the Shae we know thus far as capable of testifying against Tyrion and taking up with Tywin — she seems to be above that. Could Sansa's marriage to Tyrion be enough to sully Shae against her lover and ward? Perhaps.
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Season 3 finds Cersei Lannister losing increasing control of her son, King Joffrey. I believe Cersei's storyline will stay fairly close to the books this season, as there's really no reason to switch things up here. However, if Cersei comes to hate Joffrey enough, then maybe the audience will be left to think that she was the one who poisoned the monster king at his wedding. This could make a great, suspenseful, whodunit atmosphere for the finale, as nearly everyone would have a motive to kill off Good King Joff.
Jaime Lannister (one of the strongest characters in the books as well as the show, thanks in large part to Nikolaj Coster-Waldau's superior acting chops) will remain with Brienne of Tarth for the majority of the season. However, I wouldn't be surprised if things are sped up a bit for them and their capture by the Brave Companions comes sooner rather than later. At which point we will be treated to the tragedy of Jaime's severed hand. I firmly believe Coster-Waldau will make this one of the most memorable moments of the season, if not the entire series. Losing his hand shakes Jaime to his core, and this could very well shake up the audience's allegiances as well.
Finally, the name of the season's seventh episode is "The Bear and the Maiden Fair," and this is indeed the only episode in the third season that was written by Martin himself. Like the "Blackwater" in Season 2, I think we can expect some pretty spectacular things from this Brienne/Jaime-centric episode.
Joffrey... well, we all know what happens to Joffrey.
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The StarksThe show veered from the book quite a bit in Robb Stark's storyline in choosing to marry him to Talisa Maegyr, rather than Jeyne Westerling. Having Robb marry anyone who is not from House Frey will surely make the Red Wedding possible, but I wonder if the political nuances found in the book will remain. We learn down the line in A Song of Fire and Ice that the Westerlings had a secret alliance with the Lannisters and therefore a hand in the Red Wedding. My guess is all this behind-the-scenes political plotting will fall by the wayside in favor of more straightforward action. Speaking of, is anyone else morbidly curious about whether we will see Grey Wind's head sewn on Robb's body?
While there is no way Catelyn Stark will survive Season 3, I think we will be forced to wait until at least Season 4 to see her horrific return as Lady Stoneheart.
Arya Stark, escaped from Harrenhal, is on the road once again. Arya's role in A Storm of Swords is minimal, although it is through her that we meet Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood Without Banners. As Arya is a fan favorite, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a bit of deviation with her plotline; as proven with her Season 2 conversations with Lord Tywin, her story could benefit from some beefing up. Arya's unlikely alliance with The Hound will be one to watch, so it wouldn't surprise me if they join forces early in the season. However, the Season 3 finale is called "Mhysa," meaning it will most surely end with Arya boarding a ship to the Free City of Braavos. [Editor's Note: I originally mistook "mhysa" to be a Braavosi word, rather than High Valyrian. It's clear that this is a reference to Dany. I must have been on crack. Sorry about that...]
Season 3 means more moping for Sansa Stark in King's Landing, who is forced to wed Tyrion after her betrothal with Joffrey is cast aside in favor of Margaery. I'm excited to see more scenes between Peter Dinklage (Tyrion) and Sophie Turner (Sansa), a talented young actress who has thus far been given few opportunities to show off her skills (the scene of Sansa on the wall with Joffrey after Ned is slain remains one of my favorites). I don't believe we will see Sansa journey to The Vale until the season finale — she doesn't make her escape until Joffrey's wedding — but that will give us plenty to look forward to in Season 4. Lady Lysa is one of the series' most unhinged and upsetting characters, and I eagerly anticipate her dramatic exit via the Moon Door next season.
Bran Stark and his brother Rickon have escaped from Winterfell (with Asha and Hodor), but they have not yet met the Reeds. Actors have been cast as Jojen and Meera Reed, but it remains to be seen how this introduction happens. Will Bran be able to trust Jojen without having previously formed a friendship with him at Winterfell?
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Stannis BaratheonI anticipate (and hope) we will see much less of Stannis and Melisandre in Season 3. He has returned to Dragonstone to lick his wounds before advancing another attack on King's Landing, and I hope he will fade into the background. As much as I like Davos Seaworth as a character, I'd be happy for this clan to take a back seat in Season 3 before getting their big moment on the Wall in Season 4.
Jon SnowA Storm of Swords means sexytimes for Jon Snow. Woo hoo! With a serious dirge of prostitutes and incest in the third book, I think HBO will take full advantage of Jon's tryst with Ygritte. Raise your hand if you're excited for that cave scene!
That being said, Jon's story this season is one of the biggest question marks for me. I'm still bitter about how Jon's killing of Qhorin Halfhand was handled last season — come on, Benioff and Weiss, it's more powerful if you know that the Halfhand wanted him to do it! — so I wouldn't be surprised if Jon's journey beyond the Wall continues to be watered down this season. I'm also torn as to whether we will see Jon return to the Wall and reunite with Sam and his brothers this season. That, I'm afraid, will keep until Season 4.
Danaerys TargaryenDany, while a fan favorite, is in very little of A Storm of Swords; her chapters are few and far between. Benioff and Weiss will surely be tempted to take liberties with her thread in order to increase Emilia Clarke's screen time, but my fingers are crossed that the negative feedback regarding the invention of Dany's stolen dragons and the completely botched House of the Undying will make them think twice.
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That said, we do have the fierce Unsullied to look forward to, as well as rising sexual tension between Jorah Mormont and Danaerys — that kiss is long overdue.
The biggest reveal in Dany's story in A Storm of Swords is that the elder swordsman who has taken up with her and the Dothraki is one Ser Barristan Selmy, exiled Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. As we know Selmy's face (Ian McElhinney), will he be able to remain in disguise without the mystery wearing thin? Dramatic irony is a hard thing to perpetuate for any length of time on television, so I would put money on an early reveal of Selmy's identity.
Theon GreyjoyTheon is completely absent for all of books three and four. Will the show skip ahead to book five to continue his plot, or will he remain missing in Season 3 as well? As much as it pains me to say it, my money is on the former.
Follow Abbey on Twitter @AbbeyStone
[Photo Credit: Helen Sloan/HBO; Keith Bernstein/HBO]
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It's sort of ironic that the documentaries are the stars of the Sundance Film Festival but, because there are no real stars in them, they usually go ignored by the public at large. Here is a round up of some of the best that we saw during this year's festival. They probably won't be coming to a theater near you, but all of them are worth hunting down. Here are our picks for the ones you have to watch out for:
Twenty Feet from Stardom: Back Up Singers Finally Get the Spotlight
We all know the oohs and aahs that accompany our favorite songs, but most of us don't give a second thought to the background vocalists who provided them. Finally legends like Darlene Love, Merry Clayton, and Lisa Fischer get their due for adding all the flavor on every song from "Gimme Shelter" to "The Monster Mash," and naturally interviews with stars like Mick Jagger and Sting abound. But really this is a brooding take on talent, fame, and the desire to use one to get to the other. Each of their stories is one of struggle, but when they finally get to sing, everything else just falls away. This is a heart-rending crowd pleaser that every music fan should see. – Brian Moylan
After Tiller: Taking the Abortion Debate to a Whole New Level
In 2009, Dr. George Tiller was shot twice in the chest while attending church. Tiller was the leading advocate for third-trimester abortions, a highly protested practice that only a few people in the country — all of whom studied under the late doctor — dare to practice. After Tiller follows these men and women, who struggle with deciding which patients to bring on all while knowing they could be murdered just like their mentor. The documentary thoroughly examines the moral complexity of third-trimester abortions and paints subjects as possessing a unique type of bravery. At screenings, Sundance added extra security after receiving threats from protests groups. This is not an issue that lives only on the movie screen. - Matt Patches
The Summit: A Horrifying Climbing Documentary Comes Out on Top
It's not very often that a documentary makes you so unsettled that you feel like you're not going to be able to make it through to the end, but hat is just what happens in this Irish documentary about the most deadly expedition to climb K2, the world's second tallest mountain. Told with original footage and recreation, the scenes of people falling off the mountain and surviving avalanches is enough to give you vertigo, and the stories of human loss and survival will take an even bigger toll. – Moylan
Valentine Road: A School Slaying Guaranteed to Break Your Heart
Many people know the story of Larry King, the eighth grader who was shot by a classmate for being gay and wearing women's clothing to school. This documentary looks at Larry's life and the life of his killer, Brandon McInerney, as well as their teachers, classmates, lawyers, families, and friends to get a complete picture of what caused the murder and the toll it took on everyone involved. It's the sort of story that will make you cry from start to finish and question everything you thought you knew about justice. – Moylan
Dirty Wars: What Is Our Military Really Up To?
When President Obama announced that we had taken out Osama bin Laden, the Joint Special Operations Command became a well known military entity, praised for their contribution to the War on Terror. Before that, JSOC carried out covert assassinations and drone strikes against world citizens deemed "potentially dangerous." Dirty Wars puts investigative journalist Jeremy Scahill on a high pedestal as he traverses the world, uncovering JSOC's shrouded operations, but only because the facts he finds are so shocking. The documentary doesn't hesitate to point fingers at Obama and military figureheads in its damning examination our loose, post-9/11 rules of doing business in the Middle East. - Patches
The World According to Dick Cheney: Feeling a Little Bad for George H.W. Bush
After his eight-year run as Vice President of the United States alongside Bush Jr., even Dick Cheney's supporters were distancing themselves from the legendary politco. Through a biting one-on-one interview with the former VP, Director R.J. Cutler (The September Issue) constructs a comprehensive talking heads biography that reveals the ups and downs of Cheney's career. From alcoholism to beting booted from Yale to his amazing recruitment into the offices of Nixon and Gerald Ford, Cutler's The World According to Dick Cheney reveals the ambitious, cunning side of Cheney that helped him rise to the top and become the most influential ear-whisperer of the 21st century. Wherever you stand on the two-terms of Bush/Cheney, your opinions will be complicated by Cutler's informative doc. - Patches
Sound City: Dave Grohl's Rock Doc Makes Lots of Noise
Anyone who is anyone with a guitar and a drum kit recorded at Sound City, a famous recording studio on the outskirts of LA. Everyone from Tom Petty and Stevie Nicks to Nirvana and Rick Springfield. This is the story of the studio's rise and eventual closing which is a fascinating slice of rock history. The last act slows down considerably as direct Dave Grohl (of Nirvana and the Foo Fighters, you idiot) talks about saving the recording equipment from the studio and getting together Trent Reznor, Paul McCartney, Nicks, and others to record new songs on the old technology. – Moylan
Stories We Tell: A Heartbreaking Family Saga Like Nothing You've Ever Seen
There isn't really a category for director Sarah Polley's story of her family. Five years in the making, she interviewed her siblings and father about her mother's death from cancer when she was only 10 years old. It seems like it would be some awful narcissistic exploration, but thanks to the secrets her mother left behind, which are deftly revealed to the audience, it's a nail biter about the lies we tell to each other and the stories we tell that shape who we are.
Life According to Sam: A Real Life 'Jack' Won't Let Disease Keep Him Down
Out of the entire world population, approximately 250 people have Progeria. The disease accelerates aging, turning normal 14-year-old kids into 74-year-olds. There is no cure or even a treatment. When Leslie and Scott Berns discovered their son Sam had Progeria, they turned to doctors for help. The medical world came back empty handed. Instead of waiting for their child to die, the two sprung into action, starting the first research and testing initiative to find answers for Progeria. HBO's Life According to Sam manages to inspire in two distinct ways: Leslie's on-going quest to save both her son and the Progeria patients around the world through FDA approved drugs, and Sam's own existence, a battle to ignore his disease and live a normal middle schooler life. Both story lines will bring tears (of joy) to your eyes. - Patches
Who Is Dayani Crystal?: Humanizing America's Immigration Problem
The answer to the question of the title is revealed pretty quickly as co-director Gael García Bernal reenacts the journey that a Hondouran immigrant made through the Arizona desert to try to make it to the U.S. This is spliced together with the American authorities trying to determine the indentity of his body after it is found under a tree in the desert and his family remembering his life and his desire to get to America to make money from his family. Scattered and slow and not quite sure what it wants to be, the documentary sets out to put a face to the immigrants that come to this country and it achieves that goal spectacularly. – Moylan
99%: The Occupy Wall Street Collaborative Film: They're Not So Aimless After All
We went in depth to the riveting, crowdsourced documentary earlier this week, but the film's shocking imagery and call-to-arms message continues to haunt our memories. Interviewing everyone from OWS members to political analysts to struggling citizens of the United States completely removed from the protest movement, 99% digs to deep to find the true message of Occupy and put naysayers to rest. - Patches
Pussy Riot – A Punk Prayer: Russia's Most Famous Band Goes on Trial
Anyone who followed the story of Pussy Riot, the Russian feminist activist punk band that was imprisoned for performing in a Moscow church, will know just about everything already in this film. While it delves into the case and the fascinating politics that spurned it more deeply than the average news article, it doesn't offer any synthesis or observation beyond the factual. It's a good story but this documentary doesn't quite achieve greatness. – MoylanKink: A Walk on Porn's Wild Side
If you don't know what it is, don't go searching Kink.com right now. Wait until you're alone or at a computer where no one will mind that you're looking at porn. This look inside the world's leading purveyor of dominant/submissive and sadio/masochistic porn is sexually graphic, but is at its best when it's showing you that it is an average work place just like any other, but with a bunch of absurd problems that no one else would experience at their jobs. It's about 30 minutes too long (and only a 90 minute film) but if it were trimmed down for HBO (after midnight, of course) it would be a thrilling and titillating slice of life that many are curious about but few get to see. – Moylan
[Photo Credit: Cutler Productions]
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
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