Alicia Silverstone is, like, totally coming to a television near you. Well, she’s probably coming to a television near you: the actress just joined Lifetime’s latest pilot offering HR, according to Deadline. But the idea of Cher Horowitz leading a team of Human Resources professionals has us, like, totally confused. Could our former Clueless heroine really help keep a company on the right track? We’ve examined the evidence using some of our girl’s most famous Cher-isms:
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On Inter-Office Relationships:
“Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.” +50 for a clear understanding of body language cues
“Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.” -75 for being totally inappropriate (though whoever she’s counseling is like, definitely going to get a boyfriend)
“Unfortunately, there was a major babe drought at my school. The evil trolls from the math department were actually married and in the grand tradition of P.E. teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.” -60 for being way harsh on Ms. Stoger… and the math department
“Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.” +100 for what’s probably totally as accurate at her new company as it was at Bronson Alcott High
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On Work-Life Balance:
“Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I’ve worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.” +100 because, preach, girl
“As if.” +150 because we’re going to assume this translates to “Know when to say ‘No’”
“My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.” +100 because everyone needs to feel free to relax after work, but at least Cher knows where to draw the line, duh
On the Office Dress Code:
“Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.” -50 for giving advice that is the opposite of appropriate
“Dee, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring.” +25 because, duh, that’s just smart
“Do you prefer ‘fashion victim’ or ‘ensembly challenged’?” -15 because fashion is not exactly HR’s issue, but +5 for effort
“So, this flannel thing. Is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?” +30 because while it’s like way harsh, she’s right: you can’t be professional in flannel
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On General Behavior:
“Old people can be so sweet.” -10 because by “old” she means like late 30s
“So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, ‘What about the strain on our resources?’ Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.” +100 because I’m pretty sure she’s teaching us to roll with the punches
“I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies’.” +5 for attempting to keep it P.C.
“It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said ‘’tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people.’” +150 So, the quote’s wrong. At least she got the sentiment right!
“She’s a full-on Monet … It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.” -100 because duh
This:
-75 for the condescention, +25 for the sentiment
Score: 130 Not too shabby! While Cher can be a little shallow from time to time, her heart’s in the right place. Maybe seeing Silverstone as the head of an HR department wouldn’t be too far off base after all. Plus, she’s all grown up now: it’s not like we’re dealing with a virgin who can’t drive.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Paramount Pictures]
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