Our favorite fright fest, American Horror Story, has more twists and turns than a game of cat’s cradle in a wind storm. But it’s still made of slightly predictable tropes, some cribbed from traditional genre fare and some all of it’s own. Here’s an accounting of what happened in last night’s episode based on the scariest thing of all: math. The spoiler-phobic should beware.
Dead Bodies: 1 (Wendy)
Times a Person Was Spanked/Slapped/Hit: 0
Times We Had to Listen to “Dominique” by the Singing Nun: 2
Cigarettes Smoked by Dr. Thredson: 0
Loaves of Bread Kneaded: 0
Sister Jude’s Freakouts: 2 (on the phone, praying freak out)
Creepy Sex Things Dr. Arden Does: 0
Shots of that Creepy Crawly Bug Microchip Thing: 0
Aliens: 2
Consecutive Weeks with an Escape Attempt: 4
Successful Escape Attempts: 0
Non-Dr. Arden-related Sex Acts: 1 (Sister Jude with that rube at the bar)
Scary New Monsters We Only Get a Glimpse Of: 0
Flashbacks/Backstories: 5 (The story of the SS, how Anne Frank’s tattoo, how Anne Frank tryed to kill her baby, Sister Jude’s baby squirrel, the photo of Dr. Arden as a Nazi)
Butts: 0
Adam Levine Sightings: 0 (where the hell is he?)
Consecutive Weeks Without the Modern Story: 2
Nazi Hunters: 1
Ryan Murphy Shows in Recent Memory with Nazi Hunters: 2 (this and Glee)
Times Anne Frank Lost Her Accent: 4
Ridiculous Pet Names: 1 (“my cherub”)
Monsters: 1 (Shelly)
Unsanitary Medical Procedures: 2 (the alien hysterectomy, the lobotomy)
Regular Household Items Dr. Thredson Has Made out of Body Parts: 3
Times the Serial Killer is Revealed: 1
People Who Saw Dr. Thredson Being Bloody Face Coming: 0 (and that’s just the way we like it)
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Byron Cohen/FX]
More:
‘American Horror Story’ By the Numbers: Nazi Death Squad
‘American Horror Story’ By the Numbers: A Cut Above the Rest
TV Tidbits: Samberg Gets a Sitcom, ‘American Horror’ Scares ‘Nashville’
