‘American Horror Story’ By the Numbers: The Origins of Bloody Face

ALTOur favorite fright fest, American Horror Story, has more twists and turns than a game of cat’s cradle in a wind storm. But it’s still made of slightly predictable tropes, some cribbed from traditional genre fare and some all of it’s own. Here’s an accounting of what happened in last night’s episode based on the scariest thing of all: math. The spoiler-phobic should beware.

Dead Bodies: 9.5 (Bloody Face Victims, Josie, Thredson’s “mother”, Shelly, Mr. Goodman the Nazi Hunter who wasn’t dead yet, Josie’s mother, dead Adam Levine)

Times a Person Was Spanked/Slapped/Hit: 0

Times We Had to Listen to “Dominique” by the Singing Nun: 0

Cigarettes Smoked by Dr. Thredson: 0

Loaves of Bread Kneaded: 0

Sister Jude’s Freakouts: 1 (“Dr Arden is totally the issue here”)

Creepy Sex Things Dr. Arden Does: 0

Shots of that Creepy Crawly Bug Microchip Thing: 0

Aliens: 0

Consecutive Weeks with an Escape Attempt: 5

Successful Escape Attempts: 0

Non-Dr. Arden-related Sex Acts: 2 (jerking off, nipple sucking)

Flashbacks/Backstories: 7 (Jenny killing Josie, Dr. Thredson’s orphanage, Dr. Thredson’s mother, Dr. Thredson killing the lady, Dr. Arden meets the monsignor, Mary Eunice swimming, the first time Thedson saw Lana)

Butts: 1 (Sister Mary Eunice)

Adam Levine Sightings: 1 (and he’s dead)

Consecutive Weeks Without the Modern Story: 0 (Welcome back. We’re supposed to care again?)

Ridiculous Pet Names: 2 (Mommy, Baby)

New Monsters We Get a Glimpse Of: 1 (Josie)

Unsanitary Medical Procedures: 1

Awesome Uses of “You Don’t Own Me”: 1

Awful Ripoffs of The Bad Seed: 1

Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan

[Photo Credit: FX]


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