‘American Horror Story’ By the Numbers: The Son of Bloody Face

ALTOur favorite fright fest, American Horror Story, has more twists and turns than a game of cat’s cradle in a wind storm. But it’s still made of slightly predictable tropes, some cribbed from traditional genre fare and some all of it’s own. Here’s an accounting of what happened in last night’s episode based on the scariest thing of all: math. The spoiler-phobic should beware.

New Serial Killers: 1 (Dylan McDermott)

Pregnancies: 2

Amazing Sister Jude Impersonations: 1

Times We Had to Hear “Fuzzy Like a Peach”: 2

Times Inmates Wandered Around the Asylum Without Anyone Keeping Watch on Them: 6

Baptisms: 1

Catholic Baptisms Not Done in the Catholic Way: 1

Uses for a Coat Hanger: 3 (Hanging clothes, abortions, destroying pillows)

Times Someone Said “Deadly Nightshade” With Complete Lack of Irony: 1

Shots of Pepper: 1

Badass Frances Conroy as Angel of Death: 1

Great Guest Stars: 3 (Dylan McDermott, Francis Conroy, Ian McShane)

Dead Bodies: 3 (The skinned woman, Dr. Gardiner, Kit for a second)

Times a Person Was Spanked/Slapped/Hit: 4 (Jude by the nun, Bad Santa by Jude, Kit by Dr. Arden, the Monsignor by Bad Santa)

Times We Had to Listen to “Dominique” by the Singing Nun: 1

Times “Dominique” by the Singing Nun Was Destroyed: 1

Cigarettes Smoked: 3

Loaves of Bread Kneaded: 0

Sister Jude’s Freakouts: 3 (Waking up in the halo, fighting the nuns, destroying “Dominique”)

Shots of that Creepy Crawly Bug Microchip Thing: 0

Aliens: 2 (or at least there were flashing lights)

Consecutive Weeks with an Escape Attempt: 8

Successful Escape Attempts: 1 (Bad Santa, presumably)

Sex Acts: 1 (Kit and Alma)

Flashbacks/Backstories: 4 (New Bloody Face skinning a lady, Sister Jude killing Santa, Jude killing Frank, Kit and Alma)

Butts: 0 (even though Dylan McDermott was on)

Adam Levine Sightings: 0

Consecutive Weeks Without the Modern Story: 3

New Monsters: 1 (Whatever Grace is pregnant with)

Unsanitary Medical Procedures: 2 (Skinning the lady, the coat hanger)

Bad Boston Accents: 3 (Sister Jude, Kit, Dr. Gardiner’s patient)

Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan

[Photo Credit: FX]


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