‘AHS: Coven’ Recap: Witches in Heat

American Horror Story, recapFX

The challenge to American Horror Story  is where do you draw the line between giving sufficient exposition and drawing out a mystery? Oftentimes, the writers  leave a character’s origin and motivations for the eleventh episode hour. Like they did last season. The season is nearly over, so do we really need a gratuitous trip down memory lane with America’s least favorite racist Paula Deen Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates)? What is the origin of one of history’s most vile serial murderers? She killed a chicken and developed a case of bloodlust and decided to murder a bunch of slaves. Is that meant to be super racist? It seems so. 

Nan (Jamie Brewer) is dead. She was the most interesting potential supreme. It would have made a surprising yet entertaining choice. In the very least, we could have seen her do some more magic first. How a clairvoyant can be so easily killed is beyond me. The group gathers for her funeral in festive black. Who crashes the party? Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe)! She is back from the dead complete with Delphine on a leash. So apparently, Delphine is not just in the flashbacks. She’s back and Bates is giving some Emmy worthy voiceover and character work. It appears Delphine is mad as hell and she’s not going to take it anymore. So what does she do? Kill the gardener. Guess that’s productive? Meanwhile, Queenie gives Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson) a verbal lashing for being unable to protect anyone. She has a point … Cordelia is the worst headmistress in history. Miss Hannigan from Annie might have been a better choice. We could have had some Hard Knock Witches! 

Cordelia seems to be unholy ruler of wilted flowers. She’s constantly crying and has no real powers to speak of.  But somehow, without even having one lesson, all the other girls can perform wonders left and right. Since her failed pregnancy snake spell, Cordelia hasn’t really exhibited any special effects magic. She does a whole bunch of plant mumbo-jumbo then stabs her own eyes to get her second sight back. Meanwhile, Queenie survived a blessed bullet and reanimated Delphine. Maybe she’s a squib.

Meanwhile, the Shady Sisters of Witchtown are as thick as thieves. Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange) and Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) are acting as if nothing bad has ever happened between them. Teen murder must really bond you as sisters. They unite to take down the witch hunters. Apparently, Mr. Head Witchhunter (Michael Cristofer) is fully willing to schedule a meet because he wants them to break their financial spell. But what leverage does he even have without money? This whole subplot is a waste of valuable time that could be better spent focused on Diana Ross and the Supremes. The Axeman (Danny Houston) helps kill all the witchhunters.

The Axeman … why is he even in this story? He is a ghost that was dead for over 50 years but still has an apartment in New Orleans. No one has bothered to explain how he has become reanimated or where his resources have come from. Equally improbable is the sudden reappearance of Spaulding (Dennis O’Hare). He decides to ally himself with Delphine to kill Marie in exchange for a doll. They are able to subdue her and while Delphine is getting ready to go all creepy serial murdery on her Spaulding delights in taking her baby as his living doll.

Meanwhile, Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) tells Zoe and Kyle (Evan Peters) to leave to save their love. Apparently, the threesome is over and Maddison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) is a lot less lovable. Their relationship was feeling very Tate and Violet. There also was a lot of flashbacks to season one. Rather than feeling stylistic they felt a little cheap. The Spaulding baby caper felt like Lily Rabe’s story from Season 1 as well. Maybe we will all be surprised and the new Supreme will be Connie Britton or better yet Zachary Quinto.

Best Lines from the Episode

Madison, you are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché, a bobble-head with crotchless panties. – Myrtle to Madison

Welcome to the revolution, Carrot Top. As the next Supreme, I’m going to drag this coven out of the dark ages. Crotchless panties for everyone. – Madison

Chere, I took down your entire company with about as much effort as it takes for me to mix myself a Rob Roy. – Fiona to the Witchhunters