‘Apt. 23’ Recap: What Dawson Leery Fears


ALTIt’s Halloween for the B and Co. and I hoped it would mean we’d see the Joey to our Dawson, but no. There was no Joey. There was no Jen. There was no Grams or Jack or Andy or Pacey. Nothing. In fact, we learn JVDB (James Van Der Beek) hates Halloween. He’s afraid. Like, actually scared. This one time, his dad made him watch a scary movie on Christmas and it ruined him for life. What a baby. And so instead of focusing on our flannel friend, we get a closer look into Chloe’s soul. Her good-natured, soft even, heart. We think.

June (Dreama Walker) and Chloe (Krysten Ritter) discover that they both LOVE Halloween! It’s something they can finally agree on. They giggle and squeal and jump around at this shared love, and I’m a bit concerned as to where creepy peeping neighbor man is. This is his Pay-Per-View moment of the week and he’s all playing with a yo-yo in his bathroom or something. JVDB enters in the perfect fall plaid shirt and skips over to the counter. He chatters on about his Halloween Evite which, when we finally get to see it, is basically a Powerpuff Girls meets Teletubby cartoon-like figure bopping around the screen squeaking about a party. It’s time to go.

And so June and pal Mark (Eric André) head to the movie theater for a much-needed pre-Halloween chick flick. Something simple and pointless starring Katherine Heigl, of course. Right as they get cozy, June spots Chloe finding a nook in some dark-haired stranger’s neck. She can’t have a boyfriend, can she? It sure looks like it as she dips her hand into his… popcorn and gazes into his eyes. June knows Chloe wouldn’t be caught dead at a chick flick normally, so something is not right. Not right at all.

SO, June invites Chloe’s new boy over for dinner to get to the bottom of it — and she is speechless, for once. And not because he’s wearing a pajama-like Tee that shows his muscles in all the right places. C and hot boy are laughing and smiling and cuddling and even finishing each other’s sentences. It’s madness, really! You’d think it was all a sham, all some sort of Halloween hoax. And guess what? It is. Yep. Chloe tells June that for the past three years, she has apparently been “targeting” people on Halloween. And by “targeting,” she means she’s lying through her Crest White Stripped teeth figuring out strangers’ deepest fears and then devising a way to make it a reality for them in one year. It’s super realistic and completely normal and it’s one of Chloe’s greatest accomplishments. Apparently, she’s been “dating” this one boy for a year, even though I’ve never seen him, ever, (and I’d remember), and now that Halloween’s rolling around, it’s time for the “Pump and Dump.” Don’t feel like explaining that one in detail.

Back to the costumes. So, at the Halloween party where Chloe plans to reveal her evil plan to gorgeous stranger, June is floating around all cutesy in her journey hobbit girl of self-discovery outfit. She is SUCH a supporting actress. She’ll never be in the spotlight because all she does is worry about other people’s problems and wallow over being single. Someone needs to get the girl a slutty outfit and a bout of confidence pronto. Anyway, she tries to stop Chloe, but no can do, they’re already en route to his “hometown bedroom” where she plans to finish him off.

But the tables have turned. Right as Chloe gets a grain of humanity and decides she doesn’t want to hurt him, the wavy-haired hunk tells her the trick has been on HER this WHOLE DAMN TIME. He’s been getting her to act out her biggest fear: a chick flick. Every “monumental moment” in their relationship has taken place in the most corniest of ways. And in a twist of fate, Chloe gets a taste of her own bitter medicine. He tells her he’s going to be leaving the country the next day, and perhaps she will just chase him right through the airport, sealing the fate of a chick flick gal’s ways. Of course, we know she won’t.

Or will she?

Chloe decides that by going to the airport and telling him that she actually likes him, he won’t know whether she’s still f****** around or if she actually means it! It’s a brilliant plan. And that is exactly what she does. It may have been true love, it may not have been, but at least in the end Chloe wins. Or so she thinks. We’ll never truly know

Happy Halloween!