Betty White Loves Vodka: Late Last Night

David Letterman knows how to get on Betty White’s good side: break out the photos from her youth over some perfectly chilled Grey Goose. I think it was all going pretty well until he said she reminded him of his mother. (Note to dudes: never tell a lady she reminds you of your mom.)

Ashton Kutcher swears he knew the Chicago Bears (DAH BEARS) were going to make the playoffs this year because Brian Urlacher told him so. He also tells Jay about partying on a James Bond villain boat and dancing with George Lucas. Ah, the trials of being famous for being so damn pretty.

Aubrey Plaza puts the moves on Jay Leno and explains how she became King of the Elves and turned her little sister evil. I’m pretty sure that on some level she IS her character from Parks and Recreation in real life, which means she’s awesome.

Jimmy Fallon takes MySpace down another few pegs (from rock bottom to the fossilized dinosaur bones underneath it) because clearly being the most desperate forgotten social networking site wasn’t bad enough. Oh yeah, and he tells us a little bit about the new American Idol.

Randy Jackson shows Jimmy Kimmel what a manly bedazzled jacket looks like.

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.