Who runs the world? Queen of all that is earth-shatteringly fabulous: Beyonce. And that’s precisely why Bey’s halftime show was approximately 47 times better than the nationally televised 49ers shaming party that acted as bookends on either side of the rousing performance.
And what exactly made Bey’s life-altering (future halftime-performer-intimidating) show better? (Besides the part where the Baltimore Ravens spent the whole game mercilessly pounding the team from San Francisco to the point that it wasn’t even fun anymore.) Well, we’ve got 47 reasons for you.
UPDATE: The Niners came back and the game got might interesting, but Beyonce still wins.
1. Goosebumps at the first advertisement for Beyonce’s halftime show later in the game.
2. Goosebumps at the Beyonce two-minute warning.
3. Goosebumps as Bey took the stage.
4. The giant flaming silhouette of Beyonce towering over the field.
5. Actual Beyonce silhouette making our hearts beat out of control, but also in unison.
6. Opening the show with A Capella “Crazy in Love”
6. Being so mesmerized by B that we don’t even care about the fact that Jay-Z isn’t on stage helping his woman out.
7. The glorious return of the Beyonce strut.
8. Is that a teeny tiny trash bag she’s wearing? Who cares, she looks fabulous.
9. She’s laying on the ground in a pretzel and she’s still got that high kick? Amazing.
10. The Beyonce booty-shaking conga line.
11. The Beyonce hair flip.
12. Our girl scatting during “Crazy in Love.”
13. Beyonce making eye contact with the camera is almost like she’s making eye contact with us and reading directly into our souls. Thank you, Super Bowl. Or Pepsi. Or Baby Jesus. Whoever you are, thank you.
14. Oh, just that part where Beyonce is perfect.
15. “Baby boy” a.k.a. the Beyonce song we forgot we love.
16. A million dancing Beyonces on the screen behind Queen B.
17. The moment where we realized this is the most amazing halftime show ever.
18. The part where Kelly Rowland popped out of the ground.
19. The part where Michelle popped out of the ground sort of awkwardly.
20. The return of “Bootylicious!”
21. That thing where Kelly and Michelle are great but nowhere near as amazing as Beyonce.
22. The part where I was like “BEYONCE, I’M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN TOO!”
23. The Destiny’s Child Charlie’s Angels pose.
24. Girls running the world from this halftime stage for approximately 12 minutes.
25. Beyonce made Kelly and Michelle learn “All the Single Ladies.”
26. The way that Kelly and Michelle’s mics were clearly quietier than Beyonce’s.
27. Another epic Beyonce hair flip.
28. The part where Michelle didn’t know the dance for “Single Ladies.”
29. The part where I felt superior to Michelle because I know more “Single Ladies” dance moves than she does.
30. Beyonce having to ask the audience to thank Michelle and Kelly for being there.
31. The moment it went back to being the Beyonce show.
32. Beyonce’s golden wildcat nails, which clearly exist just to enhance the “Single Ladies” dance.
33. Beyonce standing all alone in a blue square is still better than any halftime show in the past 20 years.
35. Beyonce might be lip-syncing “Halo.” Stop it.
36. I’m sorry, I can’t hear your words of dissent over all this life-changing amazingness.
37. Now back to “HALO.”
38. Even if she was lip-syncing at the beginning, she singing the living s**t out of the rest of this song.
39. Beyonce kneeling on the ground and bathing her fans with her all-powerful (and somehow still perfect) hair.
40. The part where my heart is beating so fast, I’m starting to get worried.
41. The way Beyonce could be covered in so much sweat and still be the most fabulous human being alive.
42. Contrary to rumors, the halftime show did not end with new Destiny’s Child stinker “Nuclear.”
43. “Halo” is an incredible Beyonce song and totally acceptable as the finale. (Sorry, complainers.)
44. One more hair flip for the road.
45. The Ravens come back to the game with a touchdown and everyone’s still talking about Beyonce.
46. When the game finally comes back, the Super Dome’s lights go out because stick a fork in it, this game is done. Either that or the lights are staging a protest until we get more Beyonce,
47. The pre-halftime goosebumps have since been replaced by excited shivering.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]