What’s in the box?!? Sorry Brad, no answer to what lies within the mystery cube just yet. Still, plenty of other head-rolling madness took place in the Big Brother asylum/house last night. This was, by far, the most paranoid, manipulative, sneaky, and unpredictable episode in an otherwise quiet season. Well, as quiet as a season that includes Joe can be. Which is to say, not very quiet at all.
When we left off on Sunday, Shane made a big power play and decided to put Boogie and — who else? — Frank on the block. It was a move that didn’t sit well with Boogie. So much so that Boogie, the actual embodiment of a manchild, cried on national television, “Shane done lost his mind!” Woof. Boogie.
Of course, it became evident rather quickly that Shane may have had no mind to lose at all. It’s hard to take anything about Boogie seriously considering he somehow managed to have worse hair than Wil, but when he noted that Shane was an “idiot savant without the savant part,” it was hard to disagree. When Frank and Boogie (which my wonderful colleague Brian Moylan mercifully shortened to Froogie, so for the sake of all our sanity, let’s go with that from here on out) questioned Shane as to why he went against them, he didn’t just buckle under the pressure of an uncomfortable situation, he downright collapsed. It was as though Froogie came in and threatened to take away all his pink shirts if he didn’t snitch on who encouraged him to put them on the block.
Rather than rat out his mole Ian or place the blame on Dan, Shane backpedaled and stammered (“It was a joke!”) through Froogie’s interrogation and wound up throwing his wonderful ally Britney right under the bus. He tried to shift the blame to the intrigue of the mystery box, but that one just didn’t stick. Froogie was out for blood. You’d have thought with Britney’s giant eyes she may have seen this one coming from a million miles away, but Shane’s utter lack of social skills in this game still threw her for a loop. Even worse, she had to endure a verbal lashing from Froogie — who pointed the finger at her for their spot on the block — during which Boogie irritatingly referred to her as “sweetheart,” “baby,” and “honey.” What a terrible week this has been for women.
Britney called Shane out for the way he put the target right on her back, to which he promptly backpedaled and stammered and probably thought about how great pink shirts are. With no real apology (or strategy to fix things, for that matter) from Shane, Britney had to do damage control during Froogie’s witch hunt. And while Britney managed to get Froogie to reverse her position as Public Enemy No. 1, the blame shifted towards Dan because, well who else could it be? Who else could have possibly told Shane that Froogie had it out for Britney and Dan other than Britney and Dan? Oh, right, Ian. Ian, who has gone from being a sheep in wolf’s clothing (okay, fine, a dog
) to a wolf in sheep’s clothing in a matter of weeks.
I’m assuming that the same forgetful part of Mike Boogie’s brain that doesn’t remind him he’s not supposed to dress like youth at the mall made him space out on the fact that he told Ian that Britney and Dan were targets. Ian’s strategy of being the unassuming nice guy could pay off in a big way… or could come back to bite him. Like a wolf. Especially if Dan, whose silence made him a target and allowed Ian to stay blame-free, does decide to “throw him to the wolves” after all. Now with all these wolf analogies going on last night, you’d have thought that Julie Chen and the Big Brother overlords would have made a wolf-themed Power of Veto competition, but no, it was candy, which is way, way better.
As if Froogie had planned the whole thing themselves, Ian (who, unbeknownst to them, would throw his game so he would not have to make a decision during PoV), Ashley, and Jenn joined them and Shane for the competition. Dan officially had reason to panic. Not only is Frank, who has been on the block four times now, a most excellent PoV player, but his fate was lying in Ashley’s hands. A woman who uses the “picture method to count.” The picture method, in case you didn’t know, is when you “picture everything in pictures” when you count. Got that? No? Well, neither did Ashley. Nor did Jenn or Shane or Boogie, for that matter, during the headache- (and sweet tooth-)inducing PoV competition in which the housemates guess-timated pieces of candy. Instead, that honor went to the seemingly unstoppable Frank, thanks to a particularly boneheaded (well, more so) move by his makeout buddy Ashley.
The warpath was set directly at Dan. Not only was Frank convinced that Dan had gone against him (when, really, it had been Ian all along), but Boogie also desperately needed a way to stay in the game. He tried to scare floaters like Jenn and Joe into thinking Dan was a “scary” player. Hell, he even tried to fake cry in front of Britney to conjure up support. But, much like Janelle’s tears to Wil, they were wasted. Britney is far too smart to be duped by the absurd Boogie.
While it’s impossible to get inside the mind of Shane (it’s likely just filled with moths wearing pink shirts, anyway), my only explanation as to why he chose to put ultimate floater Jenn (who tried to convince him to put Dan on the block) up on the block against the villainous Boogie is he was done rattling cages. He sure didn’t like when Froogie yelled at him or when Britney yelled at him, so he certainly wouldn’t want to be yelled at by Dan, too. I mean, Dan can get pretty loud. Not Joe loud, but then again nothing is. ZZZZZZZZZING.
With a double eviction coming up on Thursday night’s show, this one will prove to be interesting, if only because Boogie could, against all odds and logic, get Jenn booted. After all, who wants to see a floater possibly float on through to winning this thing? Jenn, Ashley, and Joe were going to be picked off eventually — why not now? Boogie will likely take that argument and run with it, but who knows how far that could get him. Of course, if word gets out about Ian, the tide will turn once again and that cunning, hairless wolf will no doubt be excommunicated from the pack, both Quack and otherwise. Sorry, dog.
What do you think will happen later tonight on Big Brother after everything that took place during Wednesday’s jam-packed episode? Will Boogie live to see another day by kicking Jenn (let’s be honest, rightfully so) out of the house? Or will the housemates jump on the opportunity to get Boogie out once and for all? Did Shane shoot himself in the foot or just seem like someone who, if given a gun, would actually shoot himself in the foot? Is Dan still a huge target or will the truth about Ian come out? (Also, was Ian snuggling with Ashley during the closing credits?!) So many questions, so many hours of puttering through work and having to endure dinner with your loved ones to get answers.
[Photo credits: CBS]