‘Californication’ Recap: Boys and Girls

Becca and Hank Californication Season 5S5E3: Either I’ve accepted that though Californication should have called it quits at the end of its fourth season, it’s still trucking, or these episodes are getting a little better. I’m going to play it safe and call it a bit of both. I basically don’t hate it as much as I have been. It helps that by the end of the episode, even Hank starts to realize how ridiculous his “true dats” and “mos defs” sound. It also helps that it was fun seeing Hank stick it to that little philanderer Becca’s dating and that he Becca still have a core relationship that I can’t help appreciate.

“I came, I saw, I turned some words into cash.” –Hank

Hank finishes his script for Santa Monica Cop in record time, and prints it without even using spell check. He’s prepared to deliver the steaming pile, say goodbye to Becca and fly back to New York. Of course it won’t be that easy. As he’s trying to leave, Charlie confesses that he’s lonely and that (imagine this) all the sexual promiscuity and internet porn isn’t cutting it, so we can tell this is going to be a messed up episode.

“Knowing that you were in great pain did make me smile.” –Hank

Even while he’s laid up, Tyler is being a little brat. He got into Richard’s 40 year-old bottle of Chivas – a standing symbol of his sobriety. Plus, he’s taken up residence in Karen’s house and is yelling at her to make him lunch. Hank has a little heart-to-heart with the idiot, telling him not to hurt his daughter and to come clean about his cheating ways. I honestly didn’t think it would be as effective as it was, but I did get a little kick out seeing Hank grab the little jerk’s broken middle finger when he had the audacity to flip him off.

“Not too much boob tube okay?” –Marcy

Charlie is just sitting down to take care of himself with some 70s porn when Marcy and Stu come by with baby Stuart. The kid immediately turns the television on to see the porn, causing his mother to flip a gasket (oh, but that moment in the first episode of Season 5 when Stuart walked into the bedroom is no big deal). After Marcy lectures Charlie, Stuart starts crying because Stu and Marcy forgot the kid’s baby blankie. They ditch Charlie to deal with the temper tantrums on his own.

The British nanny, Lizzie, stops by Charlie’s house with the baby blanket and finds him crying like, well, a baby. He hugs her and takes the baby blanket to Stuart before begging her to stick around. Charlie and Lizzie share a drink and he tells her what a failure he is – and of course adds in how unlucky he is in love. Somehow, this is common ground for the two of them because Lizzie says she’s only approached by creeps and she can’t figure out her direction in life. They start kissing and he just immediately goes for sex. Rather than freaking out, Lizzie seems to understand why he’s doing this and she tells him real girls aren’t like the ones in the porn he’s been watching. While most girls would have fled, it’s like she feels sorry for the poor, lost schmuck. I don’t understand what he did to get this lucky – especially after the soiled napkin he accidentally handed her.

“He almost chopped off one his body guard’s fingers for looking at me in an impure manner.” –Kali

“Like there’s any other way to look at you.” –Hank

Samurai offers for Hank to call him Calvin, says he’s going read the script that day and that he takes this very seriously. There’s going to be hell to pay when he finishes the script and sees how careless Hank was. Hank tries to peace, but Kali walks in disappointed that Calvin is ditching her to read a script. Calvin tells Hank to take her out citing that he “took care” of Tyler for Hank, but when Hank agrees Calvin threatens him with a Samurai sword and makes him promise he won’t sleep with Kali. Because she’s evil, Kali takes Hank to a lesbian club with burlesque dancers and she starts teasing him, but he resists saying Calvin threatened him. Kali says she wants him to put his hands on her and that Calvin doesn’t own her. She’s with him because he’s making her career possible and she says they’re not exclusive.

Later, Kali is getting hit on by some hipster kid, and she’s obviously using it to make Hank jealous. Through some conversation about pubic hair, they escape the short hipster and share a romantic dinner of In and Out Burgers on a hill overlooking Los Angeles. She convinces him to kiss her since he’s leaving and of course they end up doing way more than that. Luckily, Calvin loves Santa Monica Cop – despite the typos – and he keeps playing with Hank, holding a gun to his head and asking if he slept with Kali. Calvin’s just playing with him, but it seems pretty clear that he’s pretty dumb (he didn’t catch the typos or smell Hanks bull – and he believes that Kali didn’t sleep with him). 

“He fessed up to being a lying, cheating skull-duggerous little man-whore.” –Becca

Karen calls Hank because Becca is torn up after Tyler admits he was cheating on her. Hank stops by to see Becca and she says she finally gets why her mom was so taken with Hank – she thinks Tyler is a jerk and she hates him but she still loves him. And then she says “And man, he was a great lover.” And Hank reacts the same way the rest of would, with unintelligible sounds. You don’t say that to your dad. EVER. What is wrong with her? “Sorry, thought I was talking to a friend for a minute there.” Well, that was sweet. Hank misses his plane to comfort Becca and the series shows its heart. Let’s hope it keeps going in this direction, even if it’s nothing new. 

Are you enjoying this season of Californication? Do you think it’s past its prime? Let me know in the comments or find me on Twitter @KelseaStahler.