Charlie Sheen is Officially Fired from ‘Two and a Half Men’

Charlie SheenUpdate: The Hollywood Reporter is now saying that Charlie Sheen will sue the CBS show for breach of contract because there is “no basis” for his termination. Right. We’re all buying that. You’ve been stirring the pot of ammunition to get you fired for a week now. That’s why Charlie was so happy about his firing. He’s hoping to rake in the cash.

Earlier: Bad news for the small faction of Two and a Half Men fans who were holding out hoping that Charlie Sheen somehow becomes a balanced human again and so he can return to CBS begging on his hands and knees to play out a PG version of his own insane, sordid lifestyle in which I’m fairly certain bowling shirts are not the norm. The dream is over. Charlie Sheen is officially no longer a member of the show’s cast. This comes after he told 20/20 he hoped they could reach a resolution and bring the show back on the air. Well, if you didn’t believe him then, you certainly won’t believe him now.

This is the statement he released upon receiving the news about his lack of a legitimate job: “This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.”

Well, what can we take away from all this? How about the invention of a crass, insulting version of whathisname? That’s really all I’ve got.

Source: THR

Celebrity Editor Kelsea Stahler was born in a pile of dirt. Okay, she was actually born in an old Naval hospital in San Diego, which then became a pile of dirt and remained as such for a number of years before becoming a parking lot perfectly sized for circus tents, and finally a museum. She eventually left San Diego to attend New York University, where she studied Journalism and English literature — two less-than profitable liberal arts degrees about which guidance counselors warned her. Against all odds, she now resides in Brooklyn, where she fights the constant fear that the locals will soon discover she isn’t quite cool enough to live there, and makes a living writing absurd, pop culture features about Batman, zombies, vampires, funny people, and Ron Swanson.