We may have been drawn in by these Desperate Housewives’‘ desperation, but we stayed because of their debauchery. Lies, sex, crabs, you name it. These ladies have gotten wrapped up in the muck and the mire. Now that the series finale is upon us, it’s only right that we take a trip down (dirty, dirty) memory lane to see all the naughty antics of ABC’s domestic bunch.
12. Susan gets locked out of her house naked (Season 1)
What’s more scandalous than a divorce running naked through the streets of the suburbs? Not much… until you see the rest of this list.
11. Lynette accidentally gets high on pot brownies (Season 4)
When Lynette was diagnosed with cancer, none of expected for anything hilarious to come out of it. But when her mother came for a visit and made a special treat to help her daughter ease her pain, stoner Lynette made quite a splash at the housewife-laden dinner party at Susan’s. Laughter really is the best medicine.
10. Gabby has an affair with her gardener… who’s still in high school. (Season 1)
This was the scandal that brought us into the housewives’ world, and the one that made us feel a little dirty for getting so much enjoyment out of the story line.
9. Maisy Gibbons: Neighborhood Dominatrix (Season 1)
It’s just one cog in the wheel of problems between Bree and her husband Rex, but it was oh-so scandalous when we found out that not only was Rex cheating, but he was spending time with the neighborhood’s secret leather-clad torturess.
8. Bree watches her pharmacist die when she learns he helped kill her husband. (Season 2)
This was just the first of many indications that Bree was a sick, sick lady. Still, George did slowly kill her husband. He deserved watching the woman he loved doing nothing to save him.
7. Gabby turns crabs medication into a sexy game so John Slattery doesn’t find out she’s sleeping with her ex. (Season 4)
Oh, the perils of cheating on your husband with your ex-husband. Gabby is the elicit affair master.
Next: Edie’s rage reaches its fiery height.
6. Edie burns down Susan’s house. (Season 1)
And this was only the first real spark of jealousy between these ladies. This rivalry was one to start with a bang… or a flame.
5. Caroline Bigsby holds up an entire grocery store. (Season 3)
Being a housewife isn’t all pot brownies and sleeping with the gardener. Sometimes, it’s downright maddening. Just ask this crazy lady with a gun.
4. Betty Applewhite keeps her son locked in the basement. (Season 2)
Sure, this turned out to have an explanation in the end, but the real shock was the initial one that had most of us scratching our heads and asking, “Is this medieval times?”
3. Susan makes extra money by doing household chores in lingerie on a webcam. (Season 7)
Need we say more?
2. Felicia Tillman cuts off her own fingers to frame Paul Young. (Season 2)
Best, most desperate frame job. Ever. That, my friends, is dedication.
1. Edie fakes suicide when Carlos leaves her for Gabby. (Season 3/4)
This goes beyond hopping on a drugged up Mike Delfino in the hospital, burning down Susan’s house, and wearing high heels with hot pants in the middle of the day. This is the absolute most desperate move in the history of housewiving.
What’s your favorite desperate moment? Are you tuning into the finale?