The king of the DUN-DUN (the universal sound of fighting crime courtesy of Law and Order) and the emperor of reality TV (The Voice, The Apprentice, Survivor, etc.) are about to team up for a grueling adventure: sending celebs into Navy SEAL level boot camp and putting them to the test. Dick Wolf and Mark Burnett’s Stars Earn Stripes will pit nine stars against each other in a physical training battle in the hopes of earning a cash prize for the charity of their choice.
But, will all those physical excellence reality competitions out there – The Biggest Loser, Fear Factor, The Bachelor (see: skinny dipping to win) – Stars Earn Stripes will have to do something significant to arrest viewers’ attentions. Well, Wolf and Burnett are luckier than bird with a discarded McDonald’s french fry because we’ve got a few casting suggestions to help give the new series the edge it needs – and if it makes it any easier, we’re keeping it in the NBCUniversal family. Synergy!
I’m still confused as to why Ice is on Law and Order: SVU, but one thing is for sure: he’s a little nuts. We’ve learned this solid fact from his other series, Ice Loves Coco. Throwing him into this grueling physical competition could only elicit more exasperated commentary that screams “I’m too old for this s**t.” And the fact that he was inspired to become a rapper while serving in the army suggests that under his leather jacket and voluptuous blonde wife, there’s a PT beast.
Admit it, if you were to pit the Kardashian sisters against each other, Khloe would annihilate the competition. This woman is gale force wind of attitude, and unlike her sisters, she’s armed with the gift of common sense. She’d be able to take a competition like this seriously without crying every time someone wakes her up before noon, Kim.
This choice is largely based on the notion that Cumming’s quips have no limit. She’d likely pepper her PT instructors with sarcastic comments and dramatic eye rolls no matter how many set of punishment push-ups they throw her way. This would either be hilarious or torture, either way, it’d be good reality TV.
You may be tired of Betty White, but I’ve been wondering just how tough this firecracker of a 90-year old really is. Okay, this probably wouldn’t work, but maybe they can get her to play assistant to the physical trainers. There’d really be nothing better than watching Betty White scream “Faster, you lazy maggots!” in her her adorable grandma voice while the usual slate of reality show celebs crawl in the muck.
Is the fact that he’s Ron F**king Swanson on Parks and Recreation not enough for you? How about the fact that he owns an actual woodshop called Offerman Woodshop, whose website has entire section devoted to his beefcakeness (don’t worry, I’m petitioning Websters to get that word added to the dictionary). Offerman would probably win this thing and he wouldn’t even want an award or any recognition. NBC could probably pay him in bacon.
Who would you like to see duke it out in Navy SEAL training?
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