‘Entourage’ Recap: The Big Bang

S8E6: Entourage plodded along this episode, wrapping up a few major conflicts, proving that nothing Vince does is really of consequence, dispelling more drama with Sloane and making us actually feel sorry for Ari, which I didn’t think was possible. It’s an interesting hodgepodge of a plot and I’ll try my best to carve a path through it.

“I’m sure you’ve been with like a thousand girls.” -Waitress

“I’ve never been very good at math.” -Vince

Everyone’s teasing E about being a “motherfucker” because of his tryst with Melinda – wow guys, creative, but it’s not like we expect much more from this show by now. They meet Vince at his photoshoot for Vanity Fair, where he’s awaiting the article. What do these guys think Vanity Fair is? They’ve got Vince in some penguin tuxedo on a set that looks like it came straight out of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. As Vince awaits the results of the Vanity Fair article, Vince releases his boys so he can wait by himself (with Shauna). When he gets it, he’s upset that his performance with Sophie earned him a description that says he manipulates women. Why Vince? Because it’s so accurate?

He ditches the photoshoot to ambush Sophie at lunch. Nevermind the fact that he’s at an expensive photoshoot or that they want to give him the cover, Sophie described him accurately and he can’t have anyone knowing what he’s really like! (Of course, he maintains that the description is inaccurate – we know better.) She says she can’t change the article because it’s too late. He’ll settle for changing her opinion of him. She says it doesn’t matter because he’ll just treat some other girl the way he always does just as she introduces her next interview candidate – a college professor who’s trying to get money for destitute children. What a ridiculous, convenient contrast. This sends Vince into a tailspin of visiting ex hookups and girlfriends and trying to find one person he had a meaningful relationship with – and he can’t. Guess the journalist was right. (She was.)

E isn’t returning Melinda’s calls, but she’s actually just calling to say she’s on a new JJ Abrams show. So he meets her for lunch, where he confronts her about using him to make Terrence jealous, and she cougars out on him, talking about not wanting a relationship but regretting not “f**king him good enough to make him forget about Sloane.” She says the car she gave him is for the fact that she booked a show, not for the fact that he had sex with her.

Of course, Johnny Galecki shows up and says he had dinner with Sloane and that she was freaking out at the thought of E hooking up with Melinda, which means Galecki is probably going to tell him they did after sensing the sexual tension between the two. In the end, we end on the big cliffhanger: Galecki is sleeping with Sloane (probably) so she must have slept with Seth Green (probably) so Scott needs to fire him or E and he “are done.” (Probably.) Let’s be real, nothing is ever permanent on this show and nothing ever ends with Sloane, so I’m probably not the only one who’s not holding her breath.

“Who are you friends with out here Turtle? Do you know anyone on Glee?” –Don Pepe’s Couple

Turtle picks up the Don Pepe couple at the airport and they are obnoxious Queens caricatures. It’s really not fair to the people of Queens, New York that this couple is their representative. It’s embarrassing.

They’re upset that they aren’t meeting lots of celebs in L.A. – which is weird because there are plenty of celebs in New York. They accost David Spade at lunch and he basically tells them to shove it. Then they don’t want to see the space Turtle has picked out for Don Pepe’s because they want to go to the Lakers game early to try and meet celebs, plus they want a limo instead of having Turtle drive them to the game. He’s being pushed out of his own meetings. Poor Turtle has brought himself up from nothing since Season One and he still can’t manage to outdo the back of Leonardo DiCaprio’s head at a Laker game.

Johnny’s on strike and he’s getting calls from Billy Walsh who can’t afford his mortgage without Johnny’s Bananas and he’s starting to panic that the show might fold completely. Why anyone let Drama make a decision like this is beyond me – he’s always been a hot-headed idiot. You know it’s getting bad when Lloyd finds Johnny at the gym and tells him he’s going to lose everything if he doesn’t go back to the show.

Finally, Drama goes to see Dice to say the show is going to get cut, and Dice gives him some mumbo jumbo about standing strong. Johnny gets a call from Phil and he says he could kill Johnny’s movie if he doesn’t come back to work right now – he really could lose everything. Johnny still tells Phil no. Of course, immediately, Dice gets a call from Phil and hears the show is back on, the whole thing worked and everyone’s fine. But Drama, you were right, you are a self-sabotager, you just got lucky.

“World Class chauvinist Ari Gold’s balls are being held by two women. Who’da thunk it?” –Babs

Finally, we have Ari. Poor, poor Ari. Why I feel sorry for him is beyond me, but somehow I do. He’s meeting with a particularly bitter divorce lawyer and he’s grieving and wants to give his ex everything, but the lawyer tells him that she’s likely going to take his business. Well, this suddenly got interesting and here we’ve got the most interesting plot twist we’ve seen on this show in years.

Anyway, Ari asks Babs to float him the $11 million that his wife put into the company to prevent her from taking over once the divorce proceedings start. She says she’ll do it but she wants a majority share of the company, which he now holds. He doesn’t want to do that so he pays a visit to his wife to talk about the company and she’s cooking with Bobby Flay. She won’t let Ari in, but he smells the cooking and is outraged. First he gets violent and starts threatening Flay, but then he just gets sad at his wife’s betrayal and walks out hurt like a little puppy with his tail between his legs. Poor Ari.

I think the biggest mystery Entourage could have dropped is the question of how they managed to make us care so much that Ari Gold, the prolific douchebag, is sitting by his lonesome while his life comes crumbing down around him. Bravo, boys. Bravo.