Get A Clue, Doug Guggenheim

Josh Lawson, House of LiesShowtime

Doug Guggenheim (Josh Lawson), quit being a weenie.

Played by Josh Lawson, Doug is the running joke on Showtime’s House of Lies and it needs to stop. Well, for comedic purposes it doesn’t, but for the character’s self respect it should.

Look, Doug will never ever ever ever be the alpha male that Marty Kaan (Don Cheadle) is. Marty’s suits are sleek as hell by the way. But there are ways for Doug to fit in better.

The first way is to just shut the hell up. We get it, you’re an Ivy League graduate. Harvard, rah-rah. That is certainly something to be proud of, however, just list it on your resume. And keep your opinions to a minimum because most of the time, they are idiotic.

Second way to fit in is to stop competing with Clyde (Ben Schwartz). Clyde talks a better game than you. Although he also seems socially awkward at times, it is nothing compared to your frantic actions. Be glad he hasn’t stolen your girlfriend — yet.

Finally, keep your expectations low for future success. The consulting job that you do is a scam to begin with. You are an awesome analytics guy, but in a leadership or management role, you will get laughed out of any meeting.

Sorry, Doug. We feel sorry for you. Your hijinks make for great comedy. Use your handsome salary to buy outstanding clothes like Marty. Cherish your girlfriend who is way out of your league. And most importantly, keep your damn mouth shut.