After The X Factor gained a little more limelight from its newest judge, Miss Britney Spears, it makes sense that the Fox synergy would keep spinning. Spears will also lend her legendary tunes to a second Britney tribute on Fox’s musical romp, Glee.
For the moment, Spears isn’t signed to sing any of those tunes herself (in a anesthesia dream or in the halls of a McKinley) after her performance on the first Britney episode, but considering her boss’ boss happens to run the network both X Factor and Glee air on, it shouldn’t be too hard to get BritBrit to come back. But Spears or no Spears, there will be lots and lots of Britney. Now the only question is: Which songs will our happy group perform? Keep in mind that Rachel, Kurt, and Finn will be in New York while the high school kids are jazz-handing their way around Lima.
In an effort to avoid the major problem with the Whitney Houston tribute episode (where are all my favorite Whitney ballads, Ryan Murphy?), we’ve done the work for Glee. And the writers the show knows what’s good for them, they will absolutely include these Britney classics. This is what second chances are for, people.
Pivotal line: “She’s so lucky, she’s a star / But she cry-cry-cries in her lonely heart, thinking/ If there’s nothing missing in my life / Why do these tears come at night?”
Character born to sing this: Rachel. When they get to New York, she’s bound to screw things up with Finn somehow. And because (fake) life isn’t fair, she will achieve a meteoric rise to fame on Broadway.
Staging: Rachel, in a robe with feather trim and tiny high-heeled slippers using her ugly cry face and waltzing with her team of make-up artists in her dressing room. The gold star on dressing room door is a given.
“Oops… I Did It Again”*
Pivotal line: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Character born to sing this: Santana. Although, if she’s probably not coming back next season and if she’s singing this, that means she broke Brittany’s heart. Then again, Glee writers have fantastical imaginations so it could happen in some sort of sideways/flashback/bizarro world scenario.
Staging: Red leather body suit. Smoke machine. Also, Santana might punch that ditzy astronaut boy in the face after she breaks his heart.
*How, how, how was this not a part of the last BritBrit tribute?
Pivotal line: “Let’s turn this dance floor into our little nasty world.”
Character born to sing this: Brittany. She’s bisexual and she’s dating a lady, so we might need a lyric change, but the main point is that this girl needs to dance to this song. But as is the case with Santana, we’re not sure she’s coming back.
Staging: Brittany in a black body suit dancing with the phantom cheerios who show up every time she feels like dancing in a formation around the McKinley pool where Schue proposed to Emma.
Pivotal line: “Sometimes I run / Sometimes I hide / Sometimes I’m scared of you”
Character born to sing this: Rory. Let’s face it, with most of the interesting people graduating, kids like Rory and his lady Sugar Motta (because they dated once and never had a massive onscreen breakup, they must still be together) are about all we have left. Sugar is also terrifying. Run and hide, Rory. Run and hide.
Staging: Rory dons a sequined McKinley gym outfit and sings from the inside of a giant replica of his locker.
“You Drive Me Crazy”
Pivotal line: “You drive me crazy / I just can’t sleep / I’m so excited / I’m in too deep.”
Character born to sing this: The audience. Glee, we fell deeply in love with you and you burned us. You done burned us bad. And yet, devoted fans like myself keep coming back to cherish the memory of what you once were and simultaneously pull our hair out in frustration, all in the hopes of just one time not wanting to sing-scream in your general direction. That is the definition of insanity and last time I checked, insanity is a synonym of crazy.
Staging: Me in my favorite Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, with a hairbrush microphone and a glass of Pinot Noir. My dog, Albus, will be rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation in the corner.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.