‘Gossip Girl’ Recap: It-Girl Happened One Night

“Lily doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body. Family was just about money and power.” – Russell Thorpe

Yet another reason why this season of Gossip Girl sucks is because the least interesting characters have developed their own story lines and the most interesting ones have been relegated to the returns and refunds desks at Target. Perhaps the most annoying character on the show at the moment is Lily, who goes back and forth between doing a lot for a cause, but we have no idea what her motives are. Most recently she has become obsessed with saving Bass Industries, but her reasons why she needs to do it remain as unclear as if there’s ever a moment where the sharp edge of a necklace isn’t about to slice her yogurt-nutritioned carotid. In any case, this episode began with her throwing a brunch for Russell and Raina Thorpe in hopes of convincing them to decide against dismantling the company. (Does Bass Industries also make basses for Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band or something, and that’s why everyone’s so keen on keeping it together? Ugh, these people would like Bruce Springsteen.) After some jokes about the frittata that Lily took credit for but did not prepare, Chuck began his speech about the importance of keeping Bass Industries as a unit. He also proposed that he throw a party at some location the next night and if enough people showed up, then it would prove to Russell the Bass name still has weight and that he should consider looking at Chuck’s business plan. Russell agreed that if Chuck could throw an Eyes Wide Shut party without the use of a marketing team, then they would talk about keeping him involved after the merger.

“Actually, there might be some weirdness. Blair still has feelings for Chuck, so if she follows you around on Valentine’s day, she’s going to be hurt.” – Serena

Blair’s first duty as managing editor at W was to find a girl to be profiled on a night out for the magazine’s new feature. The night in question was Valentine’s Day and since Blair’s not with Chuck anymore, she suggested that the magazine follow around Raina Thorpe because she’s a high profile figure who normally shuns publicity, and having a reporter follow Raina around would also be the easiest way for Blair to keep tabs on how her ex-boyfriend was spending the night without having to compare herself to the episode of Will and Grace where Jack stalks Kevin Bacon. So Blair presented the idea to Raina, who thought it sounded cool and went shopping for dresses with Serena to make sure she would impress everyone, especially Blair. When Serena saw how excited Raina was to spend a glamorous evening with Chuck, she told her how Blair still had feelings for Chuck and that she didn’t think it would be a good idea if Raina allowed Blair to follow her and Chuck around that night. So Raina took off her beautiful, sparkly, Ralph Lauren dress with understanding once Serena assured her that Blair would be fine with the cancellation, especially when Serena lied and said Blair expressed a desire to spend Valentine’s Day watching a Blu-ray with her best girlfriend.

“I didn’t realize the profile was such a big deal.” – Serena

Disappointed that Raina declined to be profiled by W, Blair went over to Serena’s house to be upset in a plaid poncho. She found Serena gazing over a beautiful Ralph Lauren dress and when Blair asked who it was from, Serena lied and said it was from her mother. As Serena walked away with the box in her hands, the card slipped out and Blair saw that the dress was from Raina, who thanked Serena for advising her to pull out of the profile. While Blair plotted her revenge on Serena for ruining her chance to prove herself at work, Chuck went over to Russell Thorpe’s office and told him he realized that he had dated Lily in the past, and if she was the reason why he was so keen on breaking up Bass Industries, then Chuck would do whatever it took to get her out of the picture. Russell pointed out that he didn’t believe Chuck would cut her out of everything because after his father died, Lily took Chuck in and cared for him herself. But to prove to Russell that he was serious, Chuck called a meeting with the company’s board and said Lily failed to disclose a conflict of interest she had with keeping the company intact, and that they should vote her out.

“Fine, they can interview me. But please tell them to keep it brief.” – Serena

After Blair lied and said that W called her into work and that she wouldn’t be able to hang out with Serena that Valentine’s night, Blair told Serena that she should go to the W party anyway. Once there, Blair found Serena and said she really needed someone to get footage of at the party and that since Raina was out of the picture, Serena was the next best bet. Serena agreed to do her friend a favor, but only if the crew did it quickly because she had stone statues to arch her back against. Among the questions they asked her were where she was planning to go on vacation, her favorite shoe of the month, and who her valentine was. Serena said she wanted to keep her private life private, but was offended that Blair would ask that since she knew that Ben, the ex-con currently working a catering job, was Serena’s boyfriend and that it would look bad in the profile if it came out that a socialite was dating a person in the service industry. But Blair put an end to the sidestepping by saying that Serena’s valentine was in fact already at the party, and that he was behind the bar. Ben thought that Serena was the one who told the cameras about his ex-con status, and he got upset with her and told her that their dissimilar worlds were, essentially, becoming a problem.

“As much as I like you, I think I’ll enjoy dismantling Bass Industries a lot more.” – Russell Thorpe

Even though Chuck’s party was a success in the body count area, it was an overall loss. Once Lily was ousted from the board, she came to Chuck and told him how he was on his own in terms of the company, and that he really had no idea how bad it was going to get for him. After that, Russell told Chuck that even though he agreed to look at Chuck’s business plan if the party was a hit, it was now just too easy for him to break the company in half, now that Lily was out of the picture. Chuck then tried to tell Raina that her father tricked him into getting rid of Lily and going behind her back even though she was his only family, and while he tried telling Raina how much he cared for her, Blair overheard (and finally believed) that Chuck was officially over her. So she went home and in her depression and watched Rosemary’s Baby while on the phone with Dan, while Chuck did whatever the people do who light rooms with purple light bubs when they’re alone, and Serena made up with Ben by drinking a caterer’s economic and celebratory compromise of champagne and beer. Definitely an exhaustive Valentine’s Day was had by all.