‘Gossip Girl’ Recap: The Kids Are Not Alright

S4:E12 I will admit that during the first five minutes of last night’s Gossip Girl, I was totally lost. It has been more than a month since we caught up with our favorite Upper East Siders, and so it’s going to take a while for us to get back into the swing of things. From the last episode, I remember the following: Lily had become the worst mother ever and put Serena’s teacher (Mr. Donovan) from boarding school in jail by forging Serena’s signature on an affidavit that said he raped her. Lily was also looking to sell away Bass Industries because Chuck hadn’t been around and she assumed he was disinterested in his father’s legacy. And finally, it seemed like something was about to happen between Dan and Blair, as they were the only ones who were going to stay in NYC for the vacation and how could they not go see French movies together? And that’s where we left off.

“Tell me mom, how many times did you get your hair done while an innocent man sat in prison?” – Serena

Serena spent the winter vacation down in Virginia trying to get hold of the documents that explained the charges her mother filed against Mr. Donovan for raping Serena. She tried to get in contact with the judge who issued the ruling that put Mr. Donovan in prison, but he wasn’t on his personal ranch and nobody knew of his whereabouts. Serena had no choice but to return to the city and start going to classes again without making any headway in the matter. During “family brunch,” Serena was obviously very discouraged and frustrated that her mother didn’t seem to care about the consequences of what she had done, and this meant that for once the grapefruit juice on the table wasn’t the most sour thing in the room.

“If I could impose on you to pop back up to the office and tell Mr. Thorpe that Chuck Bass is here to see him. I’ll take a coffee if it’ll take a few minutes. “ – Chuck

Chuck spent his winter break in New Zealand. He came back still aware that Lily was trying to sell his dead father’s company, and the trip meant he was well rested enough to do anything to stop it from going outside the family. But he knew he couldn’t impede the process by himself, so he decided to go to one of his father’s oldest friends, Mr. Thorpe, to ask him for assistance in protecting the company. But before he did any business talk, Chuck ran into a very pretty girl who he assumed was Mr. Thorpe’s assistant because she was black. When she pushed back a bit and didn’t immediately honor his requests for tea and scrumpets, Chuck fluffed out his feathers and asserted his dominance obnoxiously. The girl explained that a meeting with her boss was not possible because his plane from Chicago hadn’t yet landed, and then she schooled him by insinuating that she wasn’t that low-level of an employee because she knew that the sale of his father’s company was imminent.

“I know you spent your entire life not wanting to become your mother…but, desperate times…” – Chuck

Realizing that he and Serena were both interested in obtaining information about Lily, Chuck approached Serena and suggested they work together and concocted a plan where Serena would pose as her mother and go check out the contents of a secret safety deposit box. Once Serena passed inspection, she rifled through a bunch of documents and found a copy of the affidavit with Serena’s forged signature that was used to put Mr. Donovan in prison. Instead of confronting her mother over the phone, Serena decided to do it in person…where it obviously would do the most damage. Chuck didn’t find any information as to who was lined up to buy his father’s company, but a conversation with Lily suggested it was going to be sold to Mr. Thorpe.

“Patti Blagojevich!” – Blair’s mother

During the spring semester at Columbia, it seems all the students have to have internships. Dan was busy trying to solidify a spot at some literary magazine, Serena was too busy to participate in the search, as was Chuck and Nate. But Blair…as per usual, Blair was making her embroidered stationary extra hard in helping her plan how to become the apprentice to Indra Nooyi. However, the deadline for applications was fast approaching and she still hadn’t established contact with Forbes’ sixth most powerful woman. So once she realized that her fashion designing mother had an appointment for a fitting with Indra, Blair told her mother she wanted to intern at Waldorf Designs in hopes that she would get to attend the fitting too and sell her skills to the PepsiCo CEO. Blair’s mother said that was a job not suited for a newly-hired intern, and instead, told her to deliver a dress to the much less prestigious Patti Blagojevich. Obviously this assignment disappointed Blair, and so instead of just taking the dress to Patti like she was supposed to, she took Indra’s instead and ushered it over to the hotel where she was staying. Once Blair’s mother realized what her daughter had done and that she had lied about wanting to intern with her family’s design business, her mother called Indra and had her leave the hotel so Blair would never get the chance to meet her idol.

“Reina never lies. It’s her best quality.” – Mr. Thorpe

“I highly doubt that.” – Chuck

Later that day, Mr. Thorpe threw a party for a reason. When Chuck went up to him to thank him for saving his father’s business from being dismantled, he was re-introduced to the “assistant” he racially profiled and disrespected. He was stunned to learn that she was Mr. Thorpe’s daughter, and he suddenly began planning ways to show her his own… business plan. But Mr. Thorpe admitted he wasn’t the one who was buying his father’s company, especially because Chuck’s father cut him out of every deal he ever made and he wasn’t about to do anything to respect that man’s memory.

Serena figured out that the perfect time to confront her mother for lying and sending Mr. Donovan to prison was at Mr. Thorpe’s party. She put the affidavit in a manila envelope, and as she was on her way upstairs to hand it to the reporter, Dan confronted her (with his resume in a manila envelope in toe) and told her whatever she was about to was wrong and that it could wait until they weren’t at a public event. Serena disagreed and walked right up to the reporter and handed what she thought was the envelope containing the affidavit, but in reality, it was a copy of Dan’s resume! Somehow two minutes after this whole thing transpired, the person who had signed on to buy Bass Industries (who, incidentally, agreed to respect it and not sell it for parts to make a profit) had backed out of the deal because Lily and Chuck and the whole family spent every day of their lives scheming. Once Mr. Thorpe got wind that the real buyer had pulled out, he announced that he would buy the company and voiced his plans to completely dismantle it and drain it of everything it ever was.

At the end of the episode, Blair apologized to her mother for insulting her trade. Her mother accepted and made the suggestion that she consider interning for an editor at a fashion magazine since she was such a mess and insisted on enforcing her taste upon everyone. Dan and Serena had some quiet time to themselves where they decided they would give their relationship a second chance, but not at the moment. Mr. Donovan was released from prison, and Serena managed to run into him at the bus stop and convince him to have coffee with her. Perhaps something criminal really will take place this time around…