‘Hawaii Five-O’ Recap: He Kane Hewa’ole

‘How’d you get to be so smart?’

S01E14 When I saw the previews for this episode, I had a brief glimmer of hope that maybe Hawaii Five-O was doing something different this week. “What’s in the box?” the ads kept asking me. And leading up to the episode, I actually wanted to know. However, if you ask me what’s in the box now my answer would be “Who cares?”

Spoiler: the thing in the box was a head. Not the most original way to go, but I don’t think the writers were worried about an unprecedented reveal. It was just a marketing grab to get the viewers into it and, wow, what a cop out. If you’re going to tease us with mystery, why on earth would you answer it in the first ten minutes of the episode? They could’ve played a little hard to get. Hell, ask Daniel Dae Kim. Lost teased us for six years, that little bitch.

But let’s go through the grading, shall we?

‘If this were Chips, I’d be Estrada and you’d be Wilcox’

The riffing between Danno and McGarrett gets special mention this week. The writers got meta! Oh snap (Actually it’s kind of cool when you write meta with an exclamation mark; it looks like it says metal which is totally metal. Meta!). So we got McGarrett and Danno tossing around little quips about police procedural shows and remakes! Oh how clever. No, seriously. It’s nowhere near Community‘s level of awareness, but damn it feels refreshing. Still this begs the question, if they’re aware of Chips wouldn’t they also be aware of the original Hawaii Five-O? Then wouldn’t they realize what they’re doing when they say “Book’em Danno?” Am I thinking too hard about this? Probably. Also, CBS really knows their older audience considering the first scene was basically a warning against purchasing stuff online.

Do we get any Grace Park in a bikini? Not even close. Now, I am a huge fan of Grace Park the actress. Sure, I talk a lot about how beautiful she is (which she is) but in the end, she is a competent actress deserving of every role she is given. But holy shit she should not be the one interrogating people. I know she was trying to be intimidating but she just failed epically. I was actually laughing when she tried to get the guy to confess. There should be an award for not breaking up in a scene because I don’t know how that guy didn’t. I would’ve been laughing my ass of if Grace Park was trying to get me to confess.

‘Blow flies. Usually find them around dead bodies.’

As for the stunt of the week and gratuitous product placement, we go two-for-one today! I’m not a car guy but I’m pretty sure that chase scene was nothing more than an excuse to push Chevy’s new model. Again, not a car person, but I’m fairly certain a consumer grade car bought off the lot could not outrun several police cars in a high speed pursuit. Especially a car like the Cruze; But that’s just my opinion.

UPDATE! Just checked with my former Motor-Trend subscribing gear head of a brother and it is a Chevy Cruze. Still wouldn’t outrun a police vehicle though. Also – Danno just tucking and rolling out of a moving car? Pretty sweet and simple effects used there. The first time I watched it I thought it was actually Scott Caan doing the stunt but there’s a quick revealing cut right after he lands and pops up.

‘A little boy is without a father because you wanted to take the easy way out.’

Overall, this was athriller of an episode that turned into a run-of-the-mill hostage situation. I mean, how cliche can you be, handing off money on a pier to someone? Then we catch the bitch at the airport and she’s a cold-hearted woman. Of course. And since we can’t end on that downer of a note, McGarrett decides to grant citizenship to his new found friends because he’s that sweet of a guy. Bring on the coda with a Chips marathon. Not the best episode of Hawaii Five-O, but it’s nice to see them aware of it.