Last night, Jon Stewart talked to Jennifer Aniston about her new movie, The Switch. They reminisced about the old days of show business, like when she first started Friends and when he asked her out to an Italian dinner and she brought her friends. Man, she just keeps getting even more unlikeable every day! The day before she called Regis Philbin a retard, and now she’s unclear about dating protocols? Actually, that makes sense.
Stephen Colbert informed us that the last remaining American troops that were in Iraq have officially left, which means the Iraq war is over. I don’t know, I just feel weird typing that. Stephen was greatly displeased with the way our troops exited the country, and he took to his segment, “The Word” to discuss it.
Also, there’s still oil in the Gulf. Luckily, we can still eat them, since they tested “below the level of concern for health risks from petroleum compounds.” So dig in, everyone! They’re just as safe as mica!