And there we have it! Thanks to telekinesis or catharsis or something, there will be a third season of Jersey Shore! We came pretty close back there, you know. Go plant a flower and give back to your community. That’s what you’re supposed to do when you get your way.
Our ship started tipping starboard when the cast wanted more money to go tanning, work out and take girls’ panties off in the hot tub that was given to them, but MTV producers were not inclined to oblige because they knew they’d have an easy time replacing them with other guidos and guidettes who’d work for less. But now it’s being reported the bigwigs at MTV have agreed to pay up and shut up since they’ve got a good thing going and as long as the beach is there, they know it’s their duty to fill it with tatted and tanned guys like Ronnie and girls like Snooki, and tape them dancing around when they’re not wearing underwear.
The new contracts state each member will get $30,000 per episode, which is a substantial increase from their previous $10,000 per episode salaries. However, there’s one cast member who wasn’t rewarded with a bump. In fact, she was cut from the group entirely! Angelina “Jolie” Pivarnick will not be returning to film season 3, which is only unfortunate because we won’t get to see her pack up her things in trash bags for a third time. But this is, in large part, a good thing. Summer’s notoriously weak in the TV department, but it’s great to hear the Jersey Shore crew has stepped up again and is ready to serve as our life-raft. They’re probably not doing it for our sake, but still.