‘Jersey Shore’ Recap: Breaking Up

S2:E4 This season on Jersey Shore so far has been mostly about Sammi and Ronnie’s romance, which is really just Ronnie going to the club and motorboating other girls, and then crawling into bed with hooker-juice on his thighs and cuddling with Sammi in her own bed. The rest of the roommates know what he’s doing at the clubs when Sammi’s not there, and they’ve found themselves in quite the predicament: do they tell Sammi of Ronnie’s dirty tricks or do they let her suffer and contract the clap, which they’ll inevitably get from one drunken night in the hot tub with her? HOW HAVE THEY NOT TOLD HER YET?

When JWoww and Snooki got back from dinner one night, Sammi asked them if they thought Ronnie was seeing other people when he went to the club and JWoww gave her a look, which I assume is the same one she gives women when she sees they don’t have cutouts in their t-shirts where their breasts are. Sammi told them that if they knew anything to please tell her, and of course neither one said anything even though Sammi would be mad at Ronnie more than she would at them for bursting the bubble. But the longer they wait and keep the information to themselves, the worse it’s going to look on them when Sammi finds out they knew about Ronnie’s other girls the entire time. Snooki said it was a big ball of fuckness because not only was Sammi having trouble with Ronnie, she was having trouble with her own juicehead.

When the guys got back from the club, Sammi asked Ronnie why he went out when he told her he was going to stay home and cuddle with her on a bed that had no fitted sheet. He said he went because he wanted to and he asked why she cared so much, and Sammi said because it was a test (presumably of how much he wanted to be with her. Girls, everyone! Never the ones to say what they want and passively leading their boyfriends to make the wrong choices!). Ronnie, in the valedictorian line of the episode said “I don’t like tests. That’s why I didn’t go to college.” Sammi told him never to talk to her again. Not because he didn’t go to college, but because he likes his beds with sheets on them.

The next day, Sammi went to lunch with Angelina, JWoww and Snooki to try and get her mind off of Ronnie. Angelina explained how uncomfortable she is when she’s at the club with the guys and they’re all talking to women, and Sammi picked up on the fact that Ronnie must be creepin’ with the guys, too. Angelina denied  Ronnie was doing anything wrong because she didn’t want to be the one to tell Sammi, which would push her right back onto an outer electron orbital (c’mon guys, science!)! JWoww and Snooki really wanted Angelina to spill the beans on Ronnie, but Angelina wasn’t going to jeopardize her spot in the house and her place at the dinner table.

When they went out that night, Ronnie got so drunk and he was falling down so much that you would have thought he was trying to re-enact that scene when Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fighting that guy in the hallway of the hotel in Inception. He kept telling Sammi that he “hated her so much because he loved her.” Sammi took him home, put him in bed and got a COOKING POT FOR HIM TO THROW UP IN, which is so gross because they’ll probably want to use it to serve pasta at the next Sunday dinner. Ronnie tried to get out of bed to throw up in it, and he ended up falling into the corner of the wall. Twice.

Snooki and JWoww went to an internet café to write an anonymous letter to Sammi that told her how Ronnie was behaving at the clubs. The letter was as follows:


Need they say more?

Next week, we’ll see Sammi find the letter and confront Ronnie about his exploits that she wasn’t involved in. Will she end things once and for all and the next time he gets so drunk he feels the gravitational pull towards the corners of his bedroom, will she just let him be and not try to lure him out of his preferred nook? Can you imagine? That’ll be torture for him!